Bad Joke Thread | Jokes on you, these are great!

Remember the bloke who sang Mambo Number 5? Well his full name was David Lubega Balemezi… a little bit of moniker if you will

I was at the cinema last night, and the man sat in front of me had his dog with him. The dog seemed really engrossed in the film, so when the film ended I said to the owner:

"this might sound weird, but your dog really seemed to enjoy the film"

"I was surprised too" The man replied. "he hated the book"

What do you call a three humped camel?

Pregnant

I was stood at the finish line watching the Great North Run the other year, and there was a person in a chicken suit who crossed the line right where I was stood, obviously out of breath. Several minutes later, a person dressed as a giant egg went past me. I thought to myself ‘well, that answers THAT question’

A man is sat at a bar on the tenth floor enjoying a pint when another bloke sits down next to him. The first man turns to the second man:

"This bar is so great, every time I have a drink here I end up being able to fly!"
"Able to fly? What nonsense!"
"Don't believe me? Then watch!"

The first bloke walked up to the window, opened it, climbed out and walked into the air, hovered for a few seconds, then came back on the ledge. He then shut the window.

The second bloke watched in amazement. "That must have been a trick. Do it again."

The first bloke did exactly the same, this time hovering outside for a bit longer so the second guy could see it definitely wasn't a trick. He then came back and sat back at his place at the bar.

Looking in absolute astonishment the second guy downs his pint and said "well if you can do it so can I!" He ran to the window, opened it up, climbed out and fell to his death. The first guy shuts the window and sits back down at the bar. The barman turns to him and says

"You're a real jerk when you're drunk Superman."

Kezzer wrote:I was at the cinema last night, and the man sat in front of me had his dog with him. The dog seemed really engrossed in the film, so when the film ended I said to the owner:

"this might sound weird, but your dog really seemed to enjoy the film"

"I was surprised too" The man replied. "he hated the book"

This is brilliant.

Running was invented in 1612 by Thomas Running when he tried to walk twice at the same time.

What does Cristiano Ronaldo have for lunch?

Soooooooooooup

Lawyer: "So it says here you are filing for divorce because your wife is extremely silly?
Mickey Mouse: "No, I said she's strawberry floating Goofy."

There's now an app which helps women find a local gynecologist

it's called Google Flaps

My boss said he was going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it's going to be me..

Moggy wrote:My boss said he was going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it's going to be me..

I can't believe you've done this

Preezy wrote:
Moggy wrote:My boss said he was going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it's going to be me..

I can't believe you've done this

I used to think revenge was a dish best served cold, but now I realise it means getting back at someone.

I was dating someone I met at the local zoo, but I had to end it as it turns out he was a cheetah.

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

because he could not see that well

Qikz wrote:Why did the blind man fall down the well?

because he could not see that well

Winner of the 2024 Edinburgh Fringe right there

Moggy wrote:I was dating someone I met at the local zoo, but I had to end it as it turns out he was a cheetah.

How that won best joke at the Fringe, I'll never know.

Choclet-Milk wrote:
Moggy wrote:I was dating someone I met at the local zoo, but I had to end it as it turns out he was a cheetah.

How that won best joke at the Fringe, I'll never know.

It didn't, an even worse version of that joke won.

MY version is better: Why don't you play cards in the savannah? Because of all the cheetahs.

Bad Joke Thread | Jokes on you, these are great!

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