Saturday night takeaway NOT cancelled this weekend. Whichever one it is that's not in jail is presenting it I think

HOLMES UNDER THE HAMMER

A late night show where Katie Holmes spends the night with MC Hammer on top of her. The twist being she isn’t allowed to touch him.

EX CAPE TO THE COUNTRY

Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney and Christian Bale head out into the English countryside to live together in a barn conversion.

GAME OF THROW-INS
The cast of the hit fantasy show compete to win a contract with a premiership football team.

DEAL OR NO DEAL

A show hosted by Noel Edmunds for some reason, where a load of people stand by unopened boxes and try to convince someone they know that they are somehow able to break the laws of the universe and change the predefined contents of the boxes by claiming luck based on the fact they went out on a night together in Benidorm and one of them found £20 on the floor of linekers and they've 'always been lucky'.

THE ONE SHOW

Neo tells everyone what it is like to be The One. Also featuring Gyles Brandreth talking about fox cub survival in the post machine world.

Mrs Brown's Boys - A show where a billion pound corporation inexplicably throws huge amounts of money at a talentless Irish man.

QUESTION TIME

What is time? Hosted by Professor Brian Cox, Dara O’Briain and Joey Essex.

THE BREX FILES

Mulder and Skully attempt to get to the bottom of why the strawberry float people voted for Brexit. Turns out it was aliens or something.

CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER

Famous people take their younger siblings on a road trip to Skegness.

CASH IN THE ATTIC

Pat Cash reviews people's lofts.

THE ONE SHOW

Matt Baker and Alex Jones argue about how you pronounce the word "one" for 60 minutes. It's more entertaining than anything they've previously done together.

NickSCFC

I'm proud to be from Stoke, I really am :fp:

https://www.stokesentinel.co.uk/news/st ... ec-1363960

Ant & Dec super-fan Kelvin Jackson-Bowers had his favourite celebrity duo inked onto his leg to win a TV competition – just hours before host Ant McPartlin was arrested for drink-driving.

Kelvin got the tattoo on his calf in a bid to win the contest on ITV's Saturday Night Takeaway, with a trip to Florida up for grabs.

But following Ant's crash and arrest, this Saturday's edition of the show has been cancelled – meaning Kelvin's efforts could all have been for nought.

The 36-year-old, of Brown Edge, was inspired to take part in the competition by his six-year-old son Harry, who had his heart set on winning the prize.

The competition involved contestants tweeting in attempts at recreating a hashtag on Twitter, but while other viewers baked or sewed the hashtag, Kelvin now permanently sports it on his leg.

Didn’t know Spitting Image was making a comeback.

THE HITMAN AND HER

Pete Waterman and Michaela Strachan travel to nightclubs around the country assassinating high profile targets.

BLUE PLANET

Jacob Rees-Mog outlines his vision of a world run by the conservative party. Wins best comedy at the Baftas.

A PLAICE IN THE SUN

A fish is left outside in hot weather. Voiceover by Christopher Biggins.

HUMBLE CAPES

Kate Humble and Geoff Capes team up to discover the history behind capes. From the 17th century through to the superhero generation.

NickSCFC

Moggy wrote:A PLAICE IN THE SUN

A fish is left outside in hot weather. Voiceover by Christopher Biggins.

BARGAIN HUNT

A group of chavs are tasked with hunting wildlife on council estates, training provided by Ray Mears and Danniella Westbrook.

We seem to be stuck on the darkest timeline.

Saturday night takeaway NOT cancelled this weekend. Whichever one it is that's not in jail is presenting it I think

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