Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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Harry Ellis
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Harry Ellis » Tue Nov 20, 2018 8:47 am

Dowbocop wrote:...

Sadly this is the society of today. You are absolutely spot on that you shouldn't have to accept being spoken to like that.

I think in the first example, I personally would never have let the manager guy off without letting him know what was up. I recently had to go and tell off a guy in a coffee shop who was rude to my wife.

The second one, due to it being a packed post office I'm probably letting it go.

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Snowy
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Snowy » Tue Nov 20, 2018 2:46 pm

Tsunade wrote:I'd rather talk about why I have it and any underlying issues I have that causes me to have it, rather than just have CBT again.


Can you think of a specific reason for why you have it? If not it could just be your brains inability to generate and hold the required amount of seretonin. Are you taking medication at the moment?

Dowbocop wrote:I'm really struggling to let things go at the moment. Two anecdotes follow to prove what I'm talking about.


Not unreasonable reactions to find the scenarios frustrating but the feeling should subside faster than you're saying and you definitely don't want to be mulling over what ifs in your head.

It sounds like you basically get stuck in fight or flight mode. There are breathing exercises you can do to help reduce certain feelings and most areas have self-referal for help with these kinds of things. Alternatively you can go to your GP and they should be able to refer you.

There's no quick and instant fix though. Everything takes time.

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Snowballday
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Snowballday » Tue Nov 20, 2018 3:12 pm

Sandy wrote:
Tsunade wrote:I'd rather talk about why I have it and any underlying issues I have that causes me to have it, rather than just have CBT again.


Can you think of a specific reason for why you have it? If not it could just be your brains inability to generate and hold the required amount of seretonin. Are you taking medication at the moment?




I'm not on medication at the moment. I think having my medical condition and the stress of having it has been a key part to why I have my anxiety. The anxiety has definitely ramped up since I caught cellulitis and had to be sent to ICU with septaecemia in 2013.

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Snowy
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Snowy » Tue Nov 20, 2018 3:39 pm

Tsunade wrote:I'm not on medication at the moment. I think having my medical condition and the stress of having it has been a key part to why I have my anxiety. The anxiety has definitely ramped up since I caught cellulitis and had to be sent to ICU with septaecemia in 2013.


Sepsis isn't nice...sorry to hear you had it. I've read that mental health complaints are pretty common after sepsis, so it could definitely be that the two are linked. If you are able to take medication it might be something worth considering - there are a lot of scare stories but there are a lot more success stories.

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Dowbocop
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Dowbocop » Tue Nov 20, 2018 8:15 pm

Drumstick wrote:
Dowbocop wrote:...

Sadly this is the society of today. You are absolutely spot on that you shouldn't have to accept being spoken to like that.

I think in the first example, I personally would never have let the manager guy off without letting him know what was up. I recently had to go and tell off a guy in a coffee shop who was rude to my wife.

The second one, due to it being a packed post office I'm probably letting it go.


Thanks to you both for your answers, I needed to not be bantered off so I thought here was better than the annoyed thread :lol:

Oddly I'm the other way round. I felt that girl was way out of order for absolutely no reason and that's why I didn't let it lie. If you've listened to Adam Buxton's podcast when he talks about squeaky voice confrontation that's totally how I was feeling inside, although my voice wasn't breaking. I know enough about myself to know I'm much more likely to break down than lash out (although it can sometimes be closer than I'd like!), and I'd had a bad night's sleep and a difficult morning due to my son being under the weather so things kind of came together and it was the straw that broke the camel's back, especially when you bear in mind my shop experience previously and the fact that I was working through a mental worst case scenario with the post office worker.

I know the manager was at least trying to help and perhaps just didn't have the training (I did NHS Conflict Resolution and I found it really informative, and I feel it's made me better at dealing with difficult people). A part of me was keeping my eyes on the prize as well, because my objective was to get that blouse returned and I achieved it. If he'd shut down that was game over, so I bit my tongue.

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Dowbocop
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Dowbocop » Tue Nov 20, 2018 8:22 pm

Sandy wrote:
Not unreasonable reactions to find the scenarios frustrating but the feeling should subside faster than you're saying and you definitely don't want to be mulling over what ifs in your head.

It sounds like you basically get stuck in fight or flight mode. There are breathing exercises you can do to help reduce certain feelings and most areas have self-referal for help with these kinds of things. Alternatively you can go to your GP and they should be able to refer you.

There's no quick and instant fix though. Everything takes time.

I looked on the internet at positive thinking articles, but the phrase "maybe it's the Virgo in me" just made me angrier :lol:

There were some useful points that worked for a time, but the thoughts just crept back in later. I have to take my son to the GP tomorrow so I might have a chat with them about it. I got referred to a telephone appointment just over a year ago but they didn't really give me any formal help as I didn't score highly enough on the test.

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Rocsteady
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Rocsteady » Tue Nov 20, 2018 8:54 pm

Taking up boxing really helped me when I was in an angry phase of my life. It really helps mentally as you can stay calm much easier knowing you have a better handle on the situation in the extremely unlikely event of her fella kicking off or whatever. Plus it’s great venting and gives you better physical control of your body.

Would recommend, only needs to take up an hour a week.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Dowbocop » Tue Nov 20, 2018 10:08 pm

Rocsteady wrote:Taking up boxing really helped me when I was in an angry phase of my life. It really helps mentally as you can stay calm much easier knowing you have a better handle on the situation in the extremely unlikely event of her fella kicking off or whatever. Plus it’s great venting and gives you better physical control of your body.

Would recommend, only needs to take up an hour a week.

I've been doing Ju-Jitsu for the past fifteen years so like I said, I'm not particularly afraid of a violent confrontation, but it is always the worst outcome. I did actually feel much better after my session last night, although in general we don't do as much sparring/competitive grappling as we used to which is a bit frustrating as I always loved it.

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Snowy
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Snowy » Tue Nov 20, 2018 10:21 pm

Dowbocop wrote:
Sandy wrote:I looked on the internet at positive thinking articles, but the phrase "maybe it's the Virgo in me" just made me angrier :lol:

There were some useful points that worked for a time, but the thoughts just crept back in later. I have to take my son to the GP tomorrow so I might have a chat with them about it. I got referred to a telephone appointment just over a year ago but they didn't really give me any formal help as I didn't score highly enough on the test.


Yeah, there's some proper hippy shite out there but good stuff as well. There's an app called headspace that does what is effectively meditation without all the bollocks. Many people are sceptical but are often surprised by the results.

You just have to lie on those forms if you want to get seen; especially if you're all round pretty down to earth and sane. Your rational brain might say there's got to be people out there that are worse off than you so you might think you're probably only really a 6 out of 10 compared to them. Often your perception of how bad you are might be showing yourself a positive bias anyway so up what you'd normally go with by a point or two and you should get over the threshold.

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Wed Nov 21, 2018 1:05 am

Bad experiences with shops completely strawberry float me up and ruin my day when I'm anxious.

I'll just copy and paste a review. If I get bad customer service they should know and I don't think that's unfair. I'm very rarely rude but will be outspoken when I'm well if I feel someone is being gooseberry fool at their job, because they need the feedback to survive. Why not? For what it's worth, my business has 5 star reviews even when I've strawberry floated stuff up or severely delayed it (often due to my health) because I'm honest about my failures and listen to complaints properly. The idea that considering that something maybe wasn't handled well is non-reproachable is total nonsense and in my opinion these people are weak, a blight on society, and they inherently cannot succeed in the long run because they are simply bad people.

Nothing wrong with the products or shop itself; sadly I felt service was bristly, hurried and patronising this time, even with the shop literally empty. Friendly conversation I regularly enjoy with arts & crafts shopkeepers, such as over the simple decisions like colour accuracy and knit that are paramount for me, instead felt argumentative despite myself not disagreeing with a single thing the clerk had to say. While this knowledge would normally be very valuable, reference material for a brand match albeit averagely printed on a business class Epson from the brand's website (as I knew was the case) was assumed to be completely wrong and it felt like instruction was being given instead of listening to customer's viewpoint, disregarding the experience they are quite likely to have. When I was instead agreeing, the chatter was seemingly interpreted as impinging on the clerk or (I hope not) the owner's authority on the matter, when this is just normal customer whataboutery, who want's to make the right decision for their end customer, as in this case. Therefore implying that the customer's "eye"s do not know what they are seeing, and neither do their colour names mean anything. Unnecessarily combative and kurt. That indecision could be calmly assuaged not brushed off. I don't believe even a thank you was given in the very fast, 2 minute transaction, after which I very much wanted to just leave. Just not friendly at all and really put me off going back for my local custom apparel business. Must have caught them in a bad mood as I normally enjoy taking my time and picking up a few extra things instead of being lectured about basic colour theory. I'll update my review if I go back and don't feel the same way. Even the most established craft suppliers need to understand that in this day and age shopping experience is 100% of the sale and politeness goes a long way. The newly situated Tashtori - next door - who I've been a patron of since it was "Jevoncraft 2" on Station Street some 20 years ago is much better.

Yeah, gotten to. I find it really hard to deal with boisterous, cunty individuals who don't really want to help, or "help" in such an authoritative and slightly aggressive manner that it just sounds like they're trying to make you strawberry float off - even when you agree with them, or aren't disagreeing with them. It's weird how some people assert "service" in a shop environment. Just the wrong kind of character maybe, or someone who would be better as a boss or manager than a customer-facing person. Specifically, managers, I've spoken to some on the phone etc. and sometimes they really do help resolve the situation and other times they can be incredibly rude and say the most outlandish things, even mocking you (my arguments were once described as "weak" by a really bad one after-which I literally felt like splitting my head open, also implying I was lying about my disability!!!) to again make you go away and feel shitty about yourself for daring to make an enquiry or complaint. How do these people have jobs?

Sandy wrote:It sounds like you basically get stuck in fight or flight mode. There are breathing exercises you can do to help reduce certain feelings and most areas have self-referal for help with these kinds of things. Alternatively you can go to your GP and they should be able to refer you.

Pretty much this, except at my worst I'd call this "flight or fright" because you can't really fight someone. Worrying about that gooseberry fool all day strawberry floating sucks. You end up reflecting negatively on yourself, why aren't I coping with this? Why is this bothering me so much? Why can't I just get on with this gooseberry fool like everyone else etc. When really you've just encountered a twat and you have no way of conceiving how this is not your fault because you are, well, probably better than them. Sometimes it's as simple as that person you've interacted with is a massive knob and the only positive step forward is to forget about that strawberry float and move on to something that actually matters and hope you don't see them again. Even if that isn't true it's better than getting super ill because some person was a dick to you. And they have no way of knowing that a simple day to day interaction for them is ruining someone else's day, they can't and won't understand because they strawberry floating suck.

Here's a visualisation exercise I sort of developed. If you're really fuming about someone being a banana split, or remembering an instance over and over again of some bad interpersonal experience, picture that person standing and staring blankly back at you, while you're mad about that gooseberry fool they said or did or whatever (because this is effectively what your mind is doing, wasting all your energy and emotions on this person that isn't even there and doesn't mean gooseberry fool to you). Then say to that person, "yeah you, you strawberry float, strawberry float right off. strawberry float off out of here. Through the door, there you go. Through that door right there out of my brain. strawberry float OFF." Picture them actually going out the door, and closing it behind them. They're gone, and they're not welcome back.

After repeating that a couple of times, finding some distractions, and breathing, my anxiety about someone or something like that goes away. And I have to repeat it, over and over again for recurring traumas, but eventually the bad memories lessen. And over time I get better at doing it for different people who hack me off. I get better at framing this as just some thoughts and feelings (this comes with mindfulness practice as well). These are just brain informations evoking a psychological response which is disproportionate. Robbing you of the energy you need to pursue your goals. I'm talking about people who don't or shouldn't matter in your life. Family, friends etc. it might be different.

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Dowbocop
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Dowbocop » Fri Nov 23, 2018 1:27 pm

Gecko - you're right about not being able to control encounters with twats. This week I've had two bad customer service experiences, a row with a stranger, and had to deal with a vomitty 1 year old, including trying and failing to get a urine sample three times :x Looking back I think most people would have had a bad time of it in fairness.

I did speak to the GP in the end. She agreed that how I was feeling wasn't normal. She pointed me towards a lot of services (including Headspace which I started yesterday) and said to come and see her in a few weeks (i.e. before Christmas). Might give either kick boxing or regular boxing a go as well - bit of a new challenge for me.

Many thanks to everyone for the advice and support :)

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Gemini73
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Gemini73 » Sun Dec 02, 2018 1:50 am

.

Last edited by Gemini73 on Sun Dec 02, 2018 8:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
“But I don't want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked. “Oh, you can't help that,” said the Cat: “we're all mad here".
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Bethlehemster
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Bethlehemster » Sun Dec 02, 2018 3:02 am

Anxiety is vile. It's an underlying factor for so many of my patients in terms of their day to day functioning.

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Meep In Heavenly Peace
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Meep In Heavenly Peace » Fri Dec 14, 2018 4:29 pm

Seems like anxiety is a pretty common problem. It's good to know I don't suffer alone as sometimes it feels like that.

I am having a really bad time with work at the minute after moving to a new office. Essentially, I am a creature of habit and get extremely anxious whenever I am in a new situation or meet new people. On top of that I am a not a people person. I'm gooseberry fool at reading other people's feelings and end up getting really anxious about what they are thinking. Personally I prefer to keep my head down and concentrate solely on my work and avoid people, but that's not really possible now because I don't know much of anything and constantly need to seek advice or chase additional work (because I work at such a rapid pace compared with well, that's just all them "non-wierdos"). I don't have any actual disorder or anything or have panic attacks like some folk I know, I just get stressed out very easily the moment I step outside my comfort zone.

At first I thought it was because I just didn't like the job but now I am recalling how stressed and anxious I was in my old office originally and it seems fairly obvious that even if I get a job somewhere else I will be just as unsettled and uncomfortable (that's ignoring the fact that it's almost impossible for me to pass an interveiw due to aforementioned nervousness). I am contemplating explaining this to my GP and trying to persuade them to perscribe me something in the short term until I get over the adjustment. I did have CB therapy when I was younger to try to cure myself of this rubbish but it seems to be a lifelong sort of thing that I need to just manage.

*I do appreciate the irony of my Christmas forum name, but please bear in mind the difficulty of concocting seasonal puns. ;)

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Satan's Claws » Fri Dec 14, 2018 10:09 pm

Stay strong brothers and sisters through this potentially challenging and overwhelming time of year. Let's all get through it.

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Tragic Magic
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Tragic Magic » Fri Dec 14, 2018 10:22 pm

Feeling pretty gooseberry fool tonight. I started a new job 7 weeks ago and it's been going great but I just didn't fit in anywhere at tonight's Christmas party and I sat in silence for pretty much the whole evening, stuck between two groups chatting amongst themselves, with both people beside me leaning in with their backs turned in my direction. Everyone started doing a quiz in teams and "fight or flight" came over me and I put my coat on and slipped out without anyone noticing.

I hope no one brings it up on Monday and asks why I just left because I feel like gooseberry fool. I'm socially retarded around new people, that's for sure.

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Meep In Heavenly Peace
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Meep In Heavenly Peace » Fri Dec 14, 2018 11:05 pm

Tragic Magic wrote:Feeling pretty gooseberry fool tonight. I started a new job 7 weeks ago and it's been going great but I just didn't fit in anywhere at tonight's Christmas party and I sat in silence for pretty much the whole evening, stuck between two groups chatting amongst themselves, with both people beside me leaning in with their backs turned in my direction. Everyone started doing a quiz in teams and "fight or flight" came over me and I put my coat on and slipped out without anyone noticing.

I hope no one brings it up on Monday and asks why I just left because I feel like gooseberry fool. I'm socially retarded around new people, that's for sure.

Yeah, I have had that issue. In my mind, crowds and loud music are a hellish situation so I do not find parties and partying a way of 'unwinding' as apparently they are supposed to be. They just make me pensive. So on the occasions I have gone to them I usually make an excuse and slip out at the first opportunity.

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Squinty
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Squinty » Sat Dec 15, 2018 7:34 am

Tragic Magic wrote:Feeling pretty gooseberry fool tonight. I started a new job 7 weeks ago and it's been going great but I just didn't fit in anywhere at tonight's Christmas party and I sat in silence for pretty much the whole evening, stuck between two groups chatting amongst themselves, with both people beside me leaning in with their backs turned in my direction. Everyone started doing a quiz in teams and "fight or flight" came over me and I put my coat on and slipped out without anyone noticing.

I hope no one brings it up on Monday and asks why I just left because I feel like gooseberry fool. I'm socially retarded around new people, that's for sure.


I did this at last years Christmas Dinner. Same situation.

I regret nothing. It was shite.

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Snowy
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Snowy » Sat Dec 15, 2018 9:28 am

Yeah, sometimes it's just a gooseberry fool party and leaving is the best option. This would be the same for people that don't suffer with any mental health issues as well. Additionally if someone is new and just sitting there people should make an effort to be inclusive...it's not secondary school.

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Advent7
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Advent7 » Sat Dec 15, 2018 9:48 am

Tragic Magic wrote:Feeling pretty gooseberry fool tonight. I started a new job 7 weeks ago and it's been going great but I just didn't fit in anywhere at tonight's Christmas party and I sat in silence for pretty much the whole evening, stuck between two groups chatting amongst themselves, with both people beside me leaning in with their backs turned in my direction. Everyone started doing a quiz in teams and "fight or flight" came over me and I put my coat on and slipped out without anyone noticing.

I hope no one brings it up on Monday and asks why I just left because I feel like gooseberry fool. I'm socially retarded around new people, that's for sure.


I can sympathise, I had much the same experience last night at our party. I've been there nearly a year now and while I wouldn't say I've made proper friends there, I'd like to think I get on with most people, but most of the time I was on my own or wandering around trying to get in on conversations. I don't suffer with any anxiety or anything like that, and I'm normally a motormouth in social situations, but last night I felt properly left out. Mostly because I wasn't drinking and most people were, so they were having drunk chats, but despite my efforts i just didn't feel part of the fun.

It really got to me when I came to leave though, as I got my coat and tried to say bye to a few people but they pretty much blanked me (I don't think it was on purpose though, as I say most were well oiled by then), but I walked out and when I got to the car I just felt like I didn't exist and most people wouldn't notice I'd even gone. Years ago I would have been right in the mix of the fun and staying out with all of them, but now I don't even feel included and I don't know what's happend. It doesn't help half of them are really young and it's a howdoyoudofellowkids situation.


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