Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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Dual
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Dual » Fri Mar 02, 2018 7:04 pm

Your boss sounds like a complete weapon.

Something is wrong with staydead, I won't ask if there's anyway I can help or support him instead I'll tell him to be like the old staydead. Yes that will work. I am the boss.

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Fri Mar 02, 2018 7:31 pm

Your manager is an unempathetic, clueless moron for dealing with people who have feelings.

This is probably not your fault. I would try to turn the conversation towards something constructive and less abstract.

Ask in which measurable ways you could perform better or fit in better, with regards to for example

Going to lunch at regular hours
Making cups of tea and asking people how their day was
Making awful office jokes
Blahblah
Still doing a really good job

Sometimes we have to put a face on these things, but whatever happens, I want you to know that this is unlikely to be your fault. It is a flaw of management to fail to understand others, and the only way to combat this is communication.

I previously received letter of concern and it is soul destroying to suddenly feel like your job is at stake, even when it isn't. I'll be honest, I went back into work and I just broke down crying. I ended up reducing my hours voluntarily. A year later or so I quit the job. It may be a "necessary", mechanical move by management to try and stir you up a bit, but I really don't think they understand how this can backfire if someone suffers from performance anxiety.

Perhaps you have had to maintain the image of effective work person for quite a long time now and, as sad as it is to say this, no matter how good you are at your job, sometimes this does have an underlying impact on your general demeanour without realising it. It may be worth asking somebody these questions:

Have you been speaking fast or more slowly than usual
Have you been more or less energetic, such as moving around a lot or seeming sleepy
Have you found it more difficult to enjoy doing the things you normally enjoy doing, or have stopped doing them altogether
Have seemed more irritable or short-fused than before

These are some of the diagnostic criteria for mild depression and/or anxiety and it might help you understand that these are probably not your fault and the result of stress. These are measurable things on say a 1-2 week basis and if you can maybe demonstrate to somebody that you are working to assess your own wellbeing/state of mind that will work in your favour.

And I do think it is better to discuss these things with your employer than not discuss them, but I appreciate that is difficult due to the stigma. And your employer also has a legal responsibility to support you with a work-related disability if you are suffering from stress such as by offering counselling or look at / forward to your employer:

https://www.mind.org.uk/workplace/menta ... -download/
https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/get-i ... -employees
https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/get-i ... -my-rights
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publica ... ealth-work
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publica ... indfulness

You may benefit from the Re-employ service funded by the department for work and pensions which is free for anyone who is experiencing mental health struggles: https://www.remploy.co.uk/about-us/curr ... rt-service
vocationalrehabilitation@remploy.co.uk
0300 456 8114

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Qikz
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Qikz » Fri Mar 02, 2018 9:41 pm

I think I'm going to look into CBT. Someone linked me to this and genuinly it resonates with me far more than I like to realise.

https://www.anxietybc.com/help-resource ... al-therapy

Especially this:


Code: Select all

Unhelpful and unrealistic thought                                                   Realistic thoughts
I always screw things up, I'm such a loser. What's wrong with me?   Everyone makes mistakes, including me - I'm only human. All I can do now is try my best to fix the situation and learn from this experience.
I can't do it. I feel way too anxious. Why can't I control my anxiety?   It's OK and normal to feel anxious. It's not dangerous, and it doesn't have
                                                                                                        to stop me. I can feel anxious and STILL go to the party.



The bit on the left is 100% me. I even notice it reading back my posts before in this thread. My brain is telling me that I need to feel bad when I don't. I can't go around living a life where I have no expectations or feeling like everything is useless, because unless I think properly about something I can never make it any better. I'm not an idiot, I'm someone who is going through a very rough patch and I feel bad. It's ok to feel bad, it hurts but I need to stop worrying about it. I'm going to talk to my team leader and ask exactly what it is I'm doing wrong and if even then I'm confused then I can be scared about me losing my job, but until I know exactly what is going on me thinking everything is going wrong and I can't do anything about it isn't helping.

I'd just like to thank everyone for being so supportive. I've never really been this open before about my problems and I guess maybe that's always been one of my issues. I've never accepted that my anxiety is any worse than most peoples, but it clearly is and right now I'm allowing it to rule my life. I don't want to seek medical help, but if it doesn't get better in the next two weeks or so (aka if I can't start working on it) then I'll sign up to a doctor (never re-registered after I moved (although I should do this anyway)) and go talk to a professional.

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still
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by still » Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:04 am

Qikz wrote:I think I'm going to look into CBT. Someone linked me to this and genuinly it resonates with me far more than I like to realise.

https://www.anxietybc.com/help-resource ... al-therapy

Especially this:


Code: Select all

Unhelpful and unrealistic thought                                                   Realistic thoughts
I always screw things up, I'm such a loser. What's wrong with me?   Everyone makes mistakes, including me - I'm only human. All I can do now is try my best to fix the situation and learn from this experience.
I can't do it. I feel way too anxious. Why can't I control my anxiety?   It's OK and normal to feel anxious. It's not dangerous, and it doesn't have
                                                                                                        to stop me. I can feel anxious and STILL go to the party.



The bit on the left is 100% me. I even notice it reading back my posts before in this thread. My brain is telling me that I need to feel bad when I don't. I can't go around living a life where I have no expectations or feeling like everything is useless, because unless I think properly about something I can never make it any better. I'm not an idiot, I'm someone who is going through a very rough patch and I feel bad. It's ok to feel bad, it hurts but I need to stop worrying about it. I'm going to talk to my team leader and ask exactly what it is I'm doing wrong and if even then I'm confused then I can be scared about me losing my job, but until I know exactly what is going on me thinking everything is going wrong and I can't do anything about it isn't helping.

I'd just like to thank everyone for being so supportive. I've never really been this open before about my problems and I guess maybe that's always been one of my issues. I've never accepted that my anxiety is any worse than most peoples, but it clearly is and right now I'm allowing it to rule my life. I don't want to seek medical help, but if it doesn't get better in the next two weeks or so (aka if I can't start working on it) then I'll sign up to a doctor (never re-registered after I moved (although I should do this anyway)) and go talk to a professional.


Sounds like a really good idea. I'd support GG's suggestion of Headspace too. To be honest you need to get out asap though - but not without having a new job to go to first. Good luck with the CBT!

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Squinty
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Squinty » Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:40 am

There's a lot of good stuff from Gecko there.

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NickSCFC
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by NickSCFC » Tue Mar 06, 2018 4:07 pm

Just thought I'd put this out here as I'm not sure who to talk to or how to wrap my head around things.

Alot of it is regret, I had a late start in life, fairly miserable teenager which affected high school and college resulting in me being held back during my early 20s.

Mid 20s I decided to go to university and finally got my degree. Unfortunately I graduated during the height of the recession and, as with my early 20s, found myself stuck in menial jobs.

I've managed to solve career issues and I have a, comparitively, great job and great partner. However the depression hasn't gone away. I'm approaching my mid 30s and I feel that I've not lived. For all my achievements I can't get over the way I screwed up and wasted the best years of my life.

I'm very happy in my relationship but, as neither of us want children, I really struggle to get my head around what I should be doing with the second half of my life, like some anxious need to do/be something special, but I don't have he vision or confidence to even conceive it. I feel that when I lose my parents I'll have nothing left to live for and have had suicidal thoughts over the past 2 years.

I'm not an immediate risk, but I see myself committing seppuku or something before I reach 50.

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still
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by still » Tue Mar 06, 2018 4:25 pm

NickSCFC wrote:Just thought I'd put this out here as I'm not sure who to talk to or how to wrap my head around things.

Alot of it is regret, I had a late start in life, fairly miserable teenager which affected high school and college resulting in me being held back during my early 20s.

Mid 20s I decided to go to university and finally got my degree. Unfortunately I graduated during the height of the recession and, as with my early 20s, found myself stuck in menial jobs.

I've managed to solve career issues and I have a, comparitively, great job and great partner. However the depression hasn't gone away. I'm approaching my mid 30s and I feel that I've not lived. For all my achievements I can't get over the way I screwed up and wasted the best years of my life.

I'm very happy in my relationship but, as neither of us want children, I really struggle to get my head around what I should be doing with the second half of my life, like some anxious need to do/be something special, but I don't have he vision or confidence to even conceive it. I feel that when I lose my parents I'll have nothing left to live for and have had suicidal thoughts over the past 2 years.

I'm not an immediate risk, but I see myself committing seppuku or something before I reach 50.


Some wise words I have pinned on my wall. They come from a Buddhist 'priest':-

'Your live doesn't have to look like anything.'

Asides for that I think you need to see you Doctor and ask for some help. You need to deal with those suicidal thoughts and it sounds like some kind of 'talking cure' might help. Good luck!

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Preezy
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Preezy » Wed Mar 07, 2018 10:26 am

NickSCFC wrote:
Just thought I'd put this out here as I'm not sure who to talk to or how to wrap my head around things.

Alot of it is regret, I had a late start in life, fairly miserable teenager which affected high school and college resulting in me being held back during my early 20s.

Mid 20s I decided to go to university and finally got my degree. Unfortunately I graduated during the height of the recession and, as with my early 20s, found myself stuck in menial jobs.

I've managed to solve career issues and I have a, comparitively, great job and great partner. However the depression hasn't gone away. I'm approaching my mid 30s and I feel that I've not lived. For all my achievements I can't get over the way I screwed up and wasted the best years of my life.

I'm very happy in my relationship but, as neither of us want children, I really struggle to get my head around what I should be doing with the second half of my life, like some anxious need to do/be something special, but I don't have he vision or confidence to even conceive it. I feel that when I lose my parents I'll have nothing left to live for and have had suicidal thoughts over the past 2 years.

I'm not an immediate risk, but I see myself committing seppuku or something before I reach 50.
The best years of your life are the ones you're living right now!

Travel the world. If you don't have kids to tie you down, you're in the perfect position to do so. You'll also have someone there with you to enjoy it all, and memories to last the rest of your life.

Also don't worry about not having a plan for the rest of your life, no one does except those weirdos that think careers are everything.

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NickSCFC
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by NickSCFC » Wed Mar 07, 2018 10:52 am

Preezy wrote:
NickSCFC wrote:
Just thought I'd put this out here as I'm not sure who to talk to or how to wrap my head around things.

Alot of it is regret, I had a late start in life, fairly miserable teenager which affected high school and college resulting in me being held back during my early 20s.

Mid 20s I decided to go to university and finally got my degree. Unfortunately I graduated during the height of the recession and, as with my early 20s, found myself stuck in menial jobs.

I've managed to solve career issues and I have a, comparitively, great job and great partner. However the depression hasn't gone away. I'm approaching my mid 30s and I feel that I've not lived. For all my achievements I can't get over the way I screwed up and wasted the best years of my life.

I'm very happy in my relationship but, as neither of us want children, I really struggle to get my head around what I should be doing with the second half of my life, like some anxious need to do/be something special, but I don't have he vision or confidence to even conceive it. I feel that when I lose my parents I'll have nothing left to live for and have had suicidal thoughts over the past 2 years.

I'm not an immediate risk, but I see myself committing seppuku or something before I reach 50.
The best years of your life are the ones you're living right now!

Travel the world. If you don't have kids to tie you down, you're in the perfect position to do so. You'll also have someone there with you to enjoy it all, and memories to last the rest of your life.

Also don't worry about not having a plan for the rest of your life, no one does except those weirdos that think careers are everything.


Thanks for the sound advice.

Now I'm financially better off I'm certainly making the most of the opportunities.

Off to Tenerife next week (first holiday abroad in over a decade) with NY planned next year and LA and Japan in the pipeline.

My frustrations, I think, are caused by modern societies' concept of milestones, MUST have a degree by 21, MUST be married by 30, MUST have children by 35...

...I've really started to say to hell with that lately and look at achieving something greater with life. There's still that mind-fog of depression there though, and I'm struggling the see something else to aim for at times.

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Photek
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Photek » Sun Mar 11, 2018 4:55 am

I don’t want to be a banana split but don’t book holidays to Tenerife, a weekend in Copenhagen and Prague would be far more beneficial. That’d said, strawberry float milestones or society’s expectation of them. Everyone is different, I love being a dad but you can be an awesome boyfriend/husband and do what you want. I’m in the vast VAST minority in which my child has been an absolute doddle to be a dad to but that’s me, and my wife, we’re odd like that, you and yours are odd like yourselves.

I need you to be a stubborn Sony fan dude, don’t let me down bro. :wub:

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Johnny Ryall
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Johnny Ryall » Sun Mar 11, 2018 6:47 am

I totally get the milestones thing. I'm turning 30 this year and I can count at least 10 people I know popping out babies this spring. Have to keep reminding myself that it would be cool shacking up with someone and having kids at some point but my penis will work for a while yet!

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Outrunner
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Outrunner » Sun Mar 11, 2018 7:46 pm

NickSCFC wrote:Just thought I'd put this out here as I'm not sure who to talk to or how to wrap my head around things.

Alot of it is regret, I had a late start in life, fairly miserable teenager which affected high school and college resulting in me being held back during my early 20s.

Mid 20s I decided to go to university and finally got my degree. Unfortunately I graduated during the height of the recession and, as with my early 20s, found myself stuck in menial jobs.

I've managed to solve career issues and I have a, comparitively, great job and great partner. However the depression hasn't gone away. I'm approaching my mid 30s and I feel that I've not lived. For all my achievements I can't get over the way I screwed up and wasted the best years of my life.

I'm very happy in my relationship but, as neither of us want children, I really struggle to get my head around what I should be doing with the second half of my life, like some anxious need to do/be something special, but I don't have he vision or confidence to even conceive it. I feel that when I lose my parents I'll have nothing left to live for and have had suicidal thoughts over the past 2 years.

I'm not an immediate risk, but I see myself committing seppuku or something before I reach 50.



My 30th was my big crunch time. I actually spent most of the day in bed crying because I hadn't achieved any of my goals. 10 years on and things are, for the most part better.

I've embraced the fact that I'm child-free. I never wanted kids, I know I'd be an awful dad. In confuses the hell out of most people but screw 'em. I can do what I want when I want it. The money that would have gone on kids? That's my holiday money.

I used to be focused on career development and why is was taking me so long to get anywhere, why wasn't I a manager etc. While I'm not particularly happy in work but I've given up on being a manager. Not because I don't think I could do it (I could easily be a manager in my current work place, and in some respects I am in all but name) but because I've decided I don't want the responsibility and political bullshit that management would bring. I'm not focusing on finding a job that I personally find rewarding. Either that are going back to university.

I feel like I've waffled on for quite a bit about myself but what I'm trying to get across (poorly) is please don't beat yourself up about not meeting goals or having not having some grand plan. I did that for years. I found my 30's were some of the best years of my life. You're in a great job, have a great partner and you're child-free. Now is the best time because you can afford to do stuff without kids holding you back. I hope I've not rambled too much and this came across as being (even slightly) helpful rather than patronising

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NickSCFC
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by NickSCFC » Mon Mar 12, 2018 10:26 am

Photek wrote:I don’t want to be a banana split but don’t book holidays to Tenerife, a weekend in Copenhagen and Prague would be far more beneficial.

I need you to be a stubborn Sony fan dude, don’t let me down bro. :wub:


Good stuff.

Though I don't know about northern/central Europe, I'm solar powered. Sun, palm trees and beaches seem to fix everything for me.

Also, I'll have you know I'm a Sega>Sony>Nintendo>Microsoft fan dude :datass:

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by kerr9000 » Tue Mar 13, 2018 4:04 pm

I'm 38, I remember the old get a degree, become a manager, get married thing people used to say you should do to be happy...

I got married finished my degree , got a job with manager in the title and had a child by the age of 20. Now my daughter is the greatest thing in the world but the marriage made me miserable and the job made me even more so.

I was held hostage and got beaten badly with crowbars, this eventually led to PTSD, my wife turned very abusive so I left and took my daughter with me fighting for and winning full custody. Since then I have made my own goals and ignored societies pre set goals and I'm much happier now... Think about who you are and what you want not because you've been told to want it but what you just naturally want and set your own goals to get this, for me it was to write my own novel and since then it's been various things, find your own things and go for it whatever they are that's my advice.

http://kerr9000.blogspot.co.uk/ For my Blog... https://www.youtube.com/user/kerr9000 for my YouTube channel. kerr9000_blog on Instagram. kerr9000 on Xbox, PS4 etc
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Dblock
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Dblock » Tue Mar 13, 2018 5:33 pm

kerr9000 wrote:I'm 38, I remember the old get a degree, become a manager, get married thing people used to say you should do to be happy...

I got married finished my degree , got a job with manager in the title and had a child by the age of 20. Now my daughter is the greatest thing in the world but the marriage made me miserable and the job made me even more so.

I was held hostage and got beaten badly with crowbars, this eventually led to PTSD, my wife turned very abusive so I left and took my daughter with me fighting for and winning full custody. Since then I have made my own goals and ignored societies pre set goals and I'm much happier now... Think about who you are and what you want not because you've been told to want it but what you just naturally want and set your own goals to get this, for me it was to write my own novel and since then it's been various things, find your own things and go for it whatever they are that's my advice.


Yeah that is definitely what people that are well off would say, majority of us who are rooted to reality know we can't just go like '' gonna write a comic and be happy'' . Life kicks ass as much as it can , you just have to be able to take some ass whoopings better than others.

I don't even know what being anxious or stressed is, maybe I am, I don't know. I feel down some days, some days in pain for no obvious reason but that is life.

''Saying it's because I was controlling you and making you sad when actually I just asked you to wear some trousers'' :lol: :lol:
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kerr9000
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by kerr9000 » Tue Mar 13, 2018 6:41 pm

I'm not well off, I'm pretty skint, I work part time due to ill health with pip topping me up enough to get by. I have serious headaches every day, I have petit Mal seizures every day... I just don't think a career is everyone's path to happiness.

http://kerr9000.blogspot.co.uk/ For my Blog... https://www.youtube.com/user/kerr9000 for my YouTube channel. kerr9000_blog on Instagram. kerr9000 on Xbox, PS4 etc
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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Wed Mar 14, 2018 3:40 am

I honestly think for some people the idea of getting help is unthinkable and so there is only do this job and be strawberry floating miserable (and then get fired for no fault of your own eventually), the idea of making major life changes and hitting rock bottom is terrifying so being unhappy is a compromise.

Well strawberry float that honestly. If I did that I know I'd end up dead, completely insane and/or anorexic. I don't really get this idea that relentless unhappiness and toeing the line because "it's the way it is" is a valid outlook, it seems almost cowardly in my opinion. I'm almost thankful I know how it feels to be deeply unhappy so I can avoid those scenarios however possible. Normality and pride, fulfilling others expectations etc can do one.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Tsunade » Wed Mar 14, 2018 7:52 am

Some people just don't try to understand or want to help with mental illnesses. When I told someone I knew that I'd been diagnosed with anxiety (took me a while to work up the courage to talk to my doctor), their response was "well you seem fine around people" then just didn't let me bring it up again.

I have had my ups and downs with anxiety for a while, I have a physical condition that causes me concern (primary lymphedema of the left leg, constant swelling due to missing lymph nodes), I've been hospitalised 3 times with it, and I think it's what's at least started my anxiety off. My leg is much MUCH better at the moment to what it was due to some different treatment I had so at the moment this isn't causing me to be anxious.

Lately my anxiety been worse, me and my daughter moved into a council flat last June. Every time I think everything is fine, something goes wrong. After we first moved in, we find a form saying that they recommended to remove some tiles but hadn't. I mean that's nothing. Then a month in the hot water tank went. No hot water for 3 weeks, as the shower also broke. This winter I've had mould and damp. The council say I need new heaters (I have storage ones, they're terrible) and it's only condensation (the mould days otherwise and so do the wet walls) but I haven't heard back since. I decide to strip the wallpaper in my room to clean the walls down from the mould, and I find a square hole full of wires and loo roll, and the curtain rail comes down on me, which was attached to some wood that had been nailed above the window (not by me) the wood came down with it. I'm scared to go in there again, I don't know what else could go wrong. I'm sleeping in the living room.

My partner, as helpful as he is, doesn't seem to get why I get so anxious. Mind I don't get it myself sometimes, sometimes I'm absolutely fine, other times I'm as anxious as hell over little stuff that can be sorted out quickly.

I feel like everything is going to go wrong, I had a course of CBT and l'm waiting for some 1 on 1 councilling. CBT didn't help me much but I did think it does help others quite a bit. I was in a group session, I'd rather have had 1 on 1, I think it would have been easier for me to digest that way.

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Wed Mar 14, 2018 2:35 pm

Man that's awful.. mouldy and poorly upkept dwellings do little to help things. We recently moved out of somewhere that had mould and a freezing bathroom with a leaking ceiling but it wasn't that bad. Finally found somewhere decent again and can just barely cover the rent with benefits and about 10% help from both our families and what we earn together.

But sure if you're poor it's your fault and if you have a mental illness it's not really a problem because you seem fine. All that psychology hubbub is just made up problems for weak people. It's sad that anyone has to deal with this attitude at all, but there is help available although it's not exactly easy to access.

I've definitely made a difference focusing on quality of life improvements above everything else and I no longer care how or at what expense to myself or others I achieve that, except those close to me. I don't care what friends I never see anymore think, or abusive family members, or the council clerk or that jerk acquaintance I'll never see again or someone on Facebook or the rude postman etc etc. Being selfless and conscientious achieves nothing if you are clinically depressed or anxious. There really are a lot of values established in society that seem driven to make people ill by essentially judging and comparing to others forever instead of being happy with who we are.

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No:1 Final Fantasy Fan
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by No:1 Final Fantasy Fan » Fri Mar 16, 2018 12:50 pm

This thread really does put a new perspective to what I think of life.

I have read some posts above regarding people reaching 30 and reflecting on their achievements. I turned 30 last year and will be 31 next month. My current goal is to get on the property ladder but for some reason I've been putting it off even though I have had a stable full time job for the past 4/5 years...literally have hardly any savings lol


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