Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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Karl
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Karl » Mon Aug 06, 2018 6:35 am

Well, a GP will always lean towards prescribing medication as that's what they're trained to do. It's fine if you don't feel that's right for you, but you should still notify your doctor if you prematurely cease a prescription.

I agree the NHS has poor mental health care provision in general.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Mon Aug 06, 2018 3:00 pm

I've got an appointment sorted out, on the phone, assumed they meant next week, "no September", it's in 5 weeks. Man I forgot how slow this gooseberry fool is, chances are with the cyclothymic rhythms I'll be fine by then and "not depressed" enough by then despite being "severely depressed" on whatever form I fill out a week beforehand that they've "lost" or whatever. That's exactly what happened last time. Why is it so hard to actually speak to a trained psychologist?

It's weirdly crushing that I'm OK today, but I am having the mood swings, the irritability, the lack of focus, the lack of decision making, inability to enjoy things I normally enjoy etc.. just weirdly riding things out, and thinking that by feeling "OK", I am happy, which isn't quite the same thing.

I'll see what happens, but at least my referral notes struck a chord somewhere in the system. It was my GP who told me to do it, so I decided not to ignore it for once.

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Octoroc
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Octoroc » Mon Aug 06, 2018 3:27 pm

Green Gecko wrote:I just self-referred for therapy as I have been thinking some bad things, so I'm back in the club (not that I ever left).

Beside that a mole is annoying me on my head that's possibly skin cancer, hooray for aging.


I was referred to a dermatologist by my GP here in Germany because I asked her about a mole on my neck.

The dermatologist took one look at it, rolled her eyes and went 'Pfft!'. Which was actually very reassuring. I think there had been a communication breakdown because she'd made me strip-off first.

Get it checked out. I bet you 50 of your English pence it's not cancer.

In other mental news: A guy I worked with committed suicide last month; 39 years old, great guy, Doctor of Mathematics, 2 year old son and a pretty wife. It knocked us all for six.

I went to the funeral which was awful, but from a purely selfish perspective it really did underline what a very very very bad idea suicide is. Which sounds bloody obvious, but if you've ever knocked on that door you'll know what I mean.

Anyway, I've got a good job back in Preston which means I'll be seeing my kids every week. Current status: 'Cautiously happy'. :toot:

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Corazon de Leon » Mon Aug 06, 2018 7:17 pm

Ooft, sorry to hear you've got a job in Preston. Good that it suits your needs though! :toot:

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Seven » Thu Aug 09, 2018 9:40 am

So I guess it might be good idea to post something with my current position.

Some of you may have noticed I've not been on GRcade past two years (maybe more), and it can sum up to just being obessed with a mmo but in reality it's mixture of depression and anxiety -- mostly social aspect.

To tell truth, most of time I am not okay at all. I feel that I'm pretty boring/uninteresting person because I felt like nobody gives crap about myself, which I know isn't true with good amount of people -- and mixed with not understanding why people are like that this in social world. At first I thought I might be autstic because I've had some things that could link to it but I'd have to go to docs to make sure, nowdays I don't think I'm one though (but if I am, it won't make me sad, just would give some persctive).

In past I've usually kept my emotions to myself even if I don't like what people has done to me, but nowadays I could snap at stuff because I didn't understand person's intention with me. This is mostly online aspect, although irl it can be like that if I hang out with same peeps.

I've been trying to at least talk about it, with boyfriend, friends or even on Twitter -- just to get it out there.

At least on bright side I'm back in employment life finally, the downside is it's in Glasgow which means six hours of travelling a day (granted 3 days a week and only 5-6h in work a day) but it's still something, starting to learn saving money / budgeting and hopefully move out soon.

But yeah that's why I haven't been on GRcade much. Anxiety me would snap at people or taking them in wrong way so my mind just goes "well I'm keeping it to myself, not many care about me. I may as well not exist there". Stupid mind.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Corazon de Leon » Thu Aug 09, 2018 9:44 am

Seven, the thing that really stands out to me is that you’re doing a mental, mental commute into Glasgow that can’t be healthy for your mind and even with shorter shifts means a very long working day. Is it possible to potentially move closer to the city?

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Seven » Thu Aug 09, 2018 9:54 am

I would love that but unfortunately I don't think they have company in Ayr, or somewhere close to that. *Edit: misread that question sorry, it's covered later in this post though.

The bright side is however they're Scottish Association for Mental health and understood my condition. In fact I was their client (okay, still am) and someone figured I should work for them to get experience which I agreed after hesitating (since I don't earn more than what I was on job seekers allowance on top of having to go to Glasgow). It's been about 7 months give or take.

But yeah I'm hoping I can at least get another job that's close to Ayr, if nothing else move out. Which is.... Something I'm still completely clueless on how to do it. Like can't do council benefits because I'm in job and I have boyfriend I'd like to move in with me, but doesn't have residence or something in Scotland yet.

Still you're right, it isnt helping my mental problems but at same time I felt it's something I need to get out of rut for bit (considering before this I was unemployed for ten years after losing job at Wilko in Ayr), I'm just hoping once I get year experience or so I can look elsewhere.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Trelliz » Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:22 am

I have come to think over the past few months that i may have some sort of aspergers/autism, i know its a hot internet perjorative, but a combination of things has made me consider it.

I am by and large a loner, i don't have that many friends and find social situations with more than two people exhausting - i've only been to a few work drinks and always end up standing on my own for a bit before just leaving. I always interject random bullshit into conversations as i'm either into something 100% or it effectively doesn't exist. I discovered this during the world cup - i have almost nothing to say to people who don't share my interests and find idle small talk boring at an existential level. I have always found great relief in having a routine, i wear basically the same thing to work every day, eat the exact same thing for lunch and can be quite literal and have to double check what people mean almost all the time.

I'm going to book a gp appointment to get the ball rolling as i've noticed that i'm definitely not normal compared to a lot of people.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by jawafour » Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:26 am

Seven, it's great that you've got yourself back into week - even though it involves a long journey - and it's terrific that you have met Kaz, too. Well played!

Tbh, yeah, I had noticed that you were a far less frequent visitor to GR than in the past. It's a shame that you've been struggling a bit, especially as it has coincided with the boost of working again and meeting someone. Depression is an odd thing, though, as - in my experience - it's often not linked to specific events taking place... it just appears.

If it helps, please remember that you're always welcome to join in Mario Kart Monday (it was cool when you used to play!) and some folk here play Splat Wednesday pretty regularly, too. I'm conscious that, with hearing challenges, you won't hear the Discord chat, but I'm sure we could try and post more in the Discord text if you were playing. Swearing at you for winning, obvs ;) .

Anyhow, it's nice to see you posting here again and, to me, that is a positive step as it suggests you're keen to share your thoughts and communicate :) .

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Octoroc » Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:40 am

Trelliz wrote:I have come to think over the past few months that i may have some sort of aspergers/autism...

I'm going to book a gp appointment to get the ball rolling as i've noticed that i'm definitely not normal compared to a lot of people.




Self diagnosis is notoriously unreliable, but you're doing the right thing in checking it out. There must be a lot of people over a certain age (I'm not sure what that age is) who have never been diagnosed with Autism and have simply learnt to cope with society at large which can be quite exhausting.

My stepfather who is now in his late 60s was recently diagnosed as being severely autistic, which makes some elements of my childhood make more sense.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Thu Aug 09, 2018 12:00 pm

Seven, I'm glad you've popped in to let us know how you're doing and hope to support you a bit. I did the same commute (6hrs total 3hrs each way), you can do it for a short time but it will eventually hit you, even part time. Please consider a reflection after say 3-6 months on how it is affecting not only your mental health but your physical health too, which are interrelated.

It sounds like if you have felt isolated and spent a lot of time in MMOs etc and feeling misunderstood or quick to act with online text and speech etc, there is lack of subtlety there and I think that, even if on the autistic spectrum (I am), it take a lot of practice and day to day human interactions to do that. Speaking really fast or too slowly and being quick to react is a symptom of anxiety though, so it may be normal for you. I feel that over time, if you make small steps to be out and about or visit people in or out of your home you may get more comfortable in yourself, but don't I want to make assumptions.

Trelliz, you sound like a normal introvert to me and I have the same struggles. I'm on the spectrum and you could seek a diagnosis but it can take a very long time (years), you might be able to get more help from specialist charities etc, and it would help you understand yourself better and feel less blame and shame/guilt etc in not being "normal" (because nobody is, there are all sorts of neurotypes and different personalities, societal norms can frankly strawberry float off especially if they make individuals' lives difficult). This also goes for Seven. But I also don't feel that a diagnosis is essential, and it isn't something you should feel is the ultimate answer to things, as that can become pathological. I.e., I have this problem, let's get a diagnosis for that, but it being a neurological difference, it is, I'm afraid, probably always going to be there.

If anyone wants to discuss that kind of thing, getting stuck in situations or feeling like they struggle coping, you can post in here too, because mental health isn't just about our mind feeling "sick", it's about our social wellbeing and higher functioning as well. It's not a club only for people with massive issues, it can help a lot just with very small issues (and help prevent them becoming bigger ones) just to talk about it and gain perspective. Well done for sharing those thinks buds :)

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Mini E » Thu Aug 09, 2018 12:03 pm

Nice to see you pop back here, Seven.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Trelliz » Thu Aug 09, 2018 12:38 pm

For me its more about having something i can take to current and future employers and say "look, i'm a bit weird but i'm not an asshole on purpose" - i've already mentioned it to my boss who has asked people to get in touch with me via email with everything in short bulletpoints rather than coming over and verbally dumping stuff on me in one go, but i've had issues working/communicating with others to the point that my role is "under review".

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Seven » Thu Aug 09, 2018 3:05 pm

Cheers guys, reading the posts did bring some on my face ♥️
Green Gecko wrote:Seven, I'm glad you've popped in to let us know how you're doing and hope to support you a bit. I did the same commute (6hrs total 3hrs each way), you can do it for a short time but it will eventually hit you, even part time. Please consider a reflection after say 3-6 months on how it is affecting not only your mental health but your physical health too, which are interrelated.

It sounds like if you have felt isolated and spent a lot of time in MMOs etc and feeling misunderstood or quick to act with online text and speech etc, there is lack of subtlety there and I think that, even if on the autistic spectrum (I am), it take a lot of practice and day to day human interactions to do that. Speaking really fast or too slowly and being quick to react is a symptom of anxiety though, so it may be normal for you. I feel that over time, if you make small steps to be out and about or visit people in or out of your home you may get more comfortable in yourself, but don't I want to make assumptions.


Yeah the main issue with the work is also that I've had days where there seems to be lack of or very little work to do which didn't help my anxiety like "what if I get new job then get fired because I can't keep up with workload or didn't know how to do X Y Z after all" -- so combining that with long travelling means it's more annoying than just simply going to work and do my work, as at least these days go faster.

It's year thing (at least I thought it was but it's for long as I like) so will think about how it made me feel at end of the year, honestly been looking up on flats in Ayr/nearly areas online and daydreaming about it...

As of online thing, I won't lie, the main reason I tend to want to make friends online because I don't need to worry about unable to be part of it because I won't be able to hear them.. but I've had some misfortune times where people just go into VC without even saying anything in text chat, though thankfully it was just one group which I've moved on from but still got uneaseness.

Dunno, I'll be willing to go out and socialize but don't know where to start and most of my hobbies areas seem to be in Glasgow... So kinda of stuck here, feel like I can work on my problems when I move out (no if, I actually want to move out and it will happen. Can't really stand Dalmellington - lovely town, but strawberry float all to do on top of poor travelling spot) - ideally would like to work on it before that though, as god knows when I'll move out.

jawa - Id like to! I tend to get annoyed with games quick so I might need mix it with banter and at least take temp breaks if it gets too much :p other than that I'm always on discord to talk, it's my main alongside telegram which helps a little.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Darkstalker90 » Thu Aug 09, 2018 11:03 pm

Trelliz wrote:I am by and large a loner, i don't have that many friends and find social situations with more than two people exhausting - i've only been to a few work drinks and always end up standing on my own for a bit before just leaving.


This bit sounds a lot like me to be honest. I'll be the one looking for the nearest exit as early as possible lol.

Great bunch of guys at work for example and I can get along with them all, have a laugh etc. but I have zero interest in seeing them outside of work. It's like, once I'm finished there, I'm finished and I don't want any further contact. Sounds a bit cold I know but that's me. I feel at my best when I'm just on my own, out for a drive in the car with no particular destination, nobody else to bother me or to be concerned about. I feel like things have to be my way and I can't be doing with the interference and judgements of other people. Been like it all of my life since I was a little kid, refusing to go near playgrounds when other kids my own age were there etc. It's difficult to understand because - to my knowledge - there were no significant events that made me this way and I do firmly believe that all of us are born as a clean slate and that our minds/personalities are shaped by early experiences.

Then there's other stuff like the fact that I really don't care if people I've known/gotten along really well with leave my life, move away etc. Also seem to have no problem walking out on people either. Never cried at any close family funerals. Makes me sound flippin' wooden as anything I guess.

Self-diagnosis is a pretty bad idea, as has already been said (especially on the internet...). I tried it once and ended up doing all of these surveys, questionnaires etc. and I was getting results that said I had psychopathic traits amongst other things.

It's a tough one because on one hand, I find it freeing to simply accept who I am and not attempt to fight the tide and be somebody that I clearly don't want to be. On the other hand, it's extremely difficult to get anywhere near the most out of life with such a mental state because it forever casts you as the lone wolf. Relationships are tough and that DOES actually bother me because as much as I don't seem to care that much about having loads of mates, social life etc. I do want a proper, lasting relationship.

So anyway, that's my emo(?) tale of woe in contribution to this thread :fp:

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Sat Aug 11, 2018 12:10 am

Trelliz wrote:For me its more about having something i can take to current and future employers and say "look, i'm a bit weird but i'm not an asshole on purpose" - i've already mentioned it to my boss who has asked people to get in touch with me via email with everything in short bulletpoints rather than coming over and verbally dumping stuff on me in one go, but i've had issues working/communicating with others to the point that my role is "under review".

I had the same problem even when it was just me and my boss one to one. And in lectures, I can't really listen and write stuff down at the same time so I got put on extended 1 year probation for generally things not getting done because I had just literally forgotten them/not processed them. Of course there's an assumption that if someone gives you information or actions in some nebulous manner they prefer you can and will execute them even if they're half arsed or make no sense or in a noisy environment under a lot of stress or even duress etc. where anxiety strawberry floats things.

I ended up leaving (by advice of my psychologist at the time), I just can't do office work so big part of why I'm self employed now. I've gone back and tried contracting and after a matter of literally 1 or 2 days I start having problems that really aren't my fault, it's just not for me.

Sounds like you are doing the right thing thinking analytically about it though and trying to be objective to find better ways of doing things.

I received a self-advocacy booklet from the national autistic society that's basically, this is the gooseberry fool I find hard and why it's my brain not my personality, it's easer for me like this etc. I never really was convinced a workplace was going to adjust so I basically gave up, felt guilty about that and still do but strawberry float it life's too short. I've sent advice sheets to two managers in the past and just nothing happens, disability seems to be seen as this thing you can't or anyone else can't do anything about so just get on with it, and that isn't true.

It does sound like maybe you should go to your GP, say you are seeking a diagnosis because you have these characteristic problems you associate with ASD and they should refer you. Family history reference from my mother (childhood development, it helped that she generally knew what she was talking about and very observant as a previous mental health sector worker) and an existing educational psychologists report probably helped me because they already discerned I was 99% likely to be on the spectrum but, believe it or not, the local council wouldn't accept that for uni support (DSA at the time) because it didn't say 100% :fp:

It took about 3 years in all and I've never had a complete, neurological assessment (I'm assuming scans and things) because the waiting list was 2 years and they wrote to me while I was seeing my dying granddad in France (and I told them this) and so I missed it. Despite repeated attempts I never got another appointment. That was in 2011. So I've been waiting 8 years for that. It doesn't matter because I have the bit of paper that says what my condition is (even though I don't technically agree with the classification) and every institution or government department or whatever has accepted it, there are also charities that can help whether or not you have a diagnosis, so it can unlock some help here and there whether that's a bit of funding or some mentoring / social support one a month or so, anything more than that, you really have to look at proactive stuff you can do too, it really is very hard and nobody makes it easy at all (even when seeking help is proactive and commendable).

In the future I expect to pay for a business and sales manager and work art stuff in my own company but remain a majority shareholder / creative director etc. so I will just get other people who are better at it do all the gooseberry fool I find hard or a pain in the arse, people and organisation generally. The amusing part is I'm back at square one only I'm then legally responsible for my own disability adjustments which means a proper quiet office space, extended and flexible hours, right to just strawberry float off if I'm feeling anxiety or a meltdown etc., headphones, music and whatever I need, rather than working around the company I am obligated to it the other way around or I'm hampering my own employee welfare and performance :cool:

(Most all of those things are already written in law and will be done by an Access to Work disability assessment by the way, the dumb thing is the company has to pay for that, and they probably won't, even though they're obligated to by the Disability Rights Act. It's not surprising the majority of autistic people aren't in employment. It's far from them being retarded or some gooseberry fool, it's just that the work environment designed around these hellish expectations for me/us are completely impenetrable for anyone with major sensory issues and/or communication difficulties in their brain.)

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