Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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Tragic Magic
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Tragic Magic » Fri Oct 20, 2017 8:33 am

Not sure if this is at all related to the fact I've started taking anti depressants but I've woken up this morning with the idea for a story that I feel desperate to attempt writing it as a book. Like so desperate I'd ring in sick to work so I could shut myself in a room with my computer, if I hadn't already used loads of sick this month. Since waking up I've made so many notes about the plot and I can't switch my mind off to think of anything else.

I just hope that this feverish inspiration stays with me long enough that I actually go through with it and make a start. I used to love painting and drawing years ago but my creative juices all but dried up. I'm sure if I actually managed to write a book it would probably be a bit gooseberry fool but I feel like I have to do it regardless. I just hope I still feel like this tonight so I can plan a structure or even just write some of the sections I've already conceived so I feel like I have something tangible that I can slot in if I start making real progress.

Sorry for rambling, my mind's just racing and I thought maybe someone could relate to this feeling.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by still » Fri Oct 20, 2017 9:02 am

Tragic Magic wrote:Not sure if this is at all related to the fact I've started taking anti depressants but I've woken up this morning with the idea for a story that I feel desperate to attempt writing it as a book. Like so desperate I'd ring in sick to work so I could shut myself in a room with my computer, if I hadn't already used loads of sick this month. Since waking up I've made so many notes about the plot and I can't switch my mind off to think of anything else.

I just hope that this feverish inspiration stays with me long enough that I actually go through with it and make a start. I used to love painting and drawing years ago but my creative juices all but dried up. I'm sure if I actually managed to write a book it would probably be a bit gooseberry fool but I feel like I have to do it regardless. I just hope I still feel like this tonight so I can plan a structure or even just write some of the sections I've already conceived so I feel like I have something tangible that I can slot in if I start making real progress.

Sorry for rambling, my mind's just racing and I thought maybe someone could relate to this feeling.


My mind tends to race a lot. That's why I really should take meditation up again! When I was a child I loved creative writing - the thoughts would come so quickly I couldn't write them down fast enough - (literally...) I remember my 'O' level English being like this - I was frantic. As a result my 'hand writing' was truly terrible! I still have a problem with my mind being all over the place..

I think you might be having an early side effect of your new meds - they do take a while to settle down. Still, write down your ideas and why not try and write that book - if only as an exercise to prove you can. Hopefully once the meds settle in your mind will settle too.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by jawafour » Fri Oct 20, 2017 1:18 pm

Tragic Magic wrote:...I've woken up this morning with the idea for a story that I feel desperate to attempt writing it as a book.

...I just hope that this feverish inspiration stays with me long enough that I actually go through with it and make a start. I used to love painting and drawing years ago but my creative juices all but dried up....

Do it, Tragic! Strike whilst the inspiration and belief are there! I don’t know about you, but I find that if you leave it a while then thoughts often turn to “why it wouldn’t work” and / or “it won’t be good enough”. Don’t let your ideas be extinguished in this way. I suspect you’ll feel good just making a start on it.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Fri Oct 20, 2017 1:21 pm

I think when you are treating depression you will have fleeting moments of wellness and excitement and I think it's important to make the best of those times. Just be careful to drink plenty of water, don't stay up late, and remember to take care of yourself so you don't put yourself into a slump by not attending to your needs.

I mean, I was so trying to get something done the other day I almost pissed myself :lol: You may find it difficult at first but easier in the long run to manage the depressive swings and do what you enjoy or need to get done when you are feeling better. I like to think this is when your mind and body are able to work together to get stuff done rather than fighting against aches or low mood or both, and yes there have been many occasions where I have sprung into a hive of activity and then a week later I wonder what happened to that feeling. It's usually when I "forget" or put off to eat or sleep in the same way I do when I'm feeling awful. It's a mixed blessing, so just try to stay aware of your feelings while not getting whisked away from them.

In similar situations I've written songs and produced music, it's a certain energy that isn't particularly practical for doing boring, mindless things. I also sometimes do woodwork or more recently machining as that's part of my business. Actually it was probably in a similar moment that I dropped a load of money on equipment and started the whole thing and, so far, have not put myself in a worse position by doing so but set up the means for a practical way of life.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by jawafour » Fri Oct 20, 2017 1:31 pm

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Last edited by jawafour on Sat Jan 27, 2018 10:34 am, edited 1 time in total.
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Fri Oct 20, 2017 1:33 pm

It's pretty much 100% why I have a 15 day lead time honestly. I might do a job on day 1, day 5, day 14, it doesn't matter. It gives me the flexibility to work when I am able to best, rather than taking a 2 week holiday every 6 months from total burnout, like I have in the past.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by jawafour » Fri Oct 20, 2017 4:22 pm

GR can be an amazing place sometimes. A fellow GRcadian reached out to me about one or two things*... just off the cuff and going out of his way to offer a bit of help. Although all of us get het up in threads every now and again, it's wonderful to know that there are genuinely decent folk here.

* No, it wasn't for sexy times :lol: .

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Tragic Magic » Fri Oct 20, 2017 8:50 pm

Yeah you guys are pretty amazing, it's true. As expected my excitement from this morning has passed now and I feel "normal" again. I couldn't take my mind off my story idea all day though and I barely got any work done. I've got gooseberry fool loads of notes and plot details and plans jotted on my phone though which I've been making throughout the day so hopefully I get another creative boost at a time I can start putting pen to paper. It's something I do really want to do but I feel like I need to make a start when a creative blast hits me.

Edit - Yeah, my mood's definitely dropped again. My wife is going to work now so I'm just going to go to bed as I haven't got the drive to do anything.

Last edited by Tragic Magic on Fri Oct 20, 2017 9:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Karl » Fri Oct 20, 2017 9:22 pm

jawafour wrote:* No, it wasn't for sexy times :lol: .

Please Jawa, just acknowledge my advances. :cry:

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by jawafour » Fri Oct 20, 2017 10:38 pm

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Last edited by jawafour on Sat Jan 27, 2018 12:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Hime » Fri Oct 20, 2017 10:47 pm

Tragic Magic wrote:Yeah you guys are pretty amazing, it's true. As expected my excitement from this morning has passed now and I feel "normal" again. I couldn't take my mind off my story idea all day though and I barely got any work done. I've got gooseberry fool loads of notes and plot details and plans jotted on my phone though which I've been making throughout the day so hopefully I get another creative boost at a time I can start putting pen to paper. It's something I do really want to do but I feel like I need to make a start when a creative blast hits me.

Edit - Yeah, my mood's definitely dropped again. My wife is going to work now so I'm just going to go to bed as I haven't got the drive to do anything.

It may be something completely different but I'd add a little bit of caution in that I seem to get prolonged periods of the feelings you're describing. I've always had an addictive personality but my mental health issues started 4 years ago following a particularly horrible breakup and the end of a fling soon after and I threw myself into work, taking on every bit of overtime and booking nights in hotels so that I could do longer hours, nip into Tesco to buy a new shirt and some food then sleep. Not long afterwards I had what my first panic attack while driving and things haven't been right since.

I'm in one of the worst periods since then and again it comes after a house move and passing a very difficult engineering authorisation at work, both very positive things but I was utterly absorbed by them for 6-8 months.

I hope this doesn't come across as negative but just a warning that sometimes these highs can bring crushing lows.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by gamerforever » Sat Oct 21, 2017 9:44 am

I’ve come off citalopram largely because i’ve put pn so much weight over the past year - anyone else had this side effect with anti depressants or seratonin enhancers?

It also made my head fuzzy, like I didn’t care about anything or anyone and just couldn’t focus on my work or anything!

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Sat Oct 21, 2017 12:09 pm

Yes citalopram causes weight gain, for me it was a positive side effect but I also worry about cholesterol so I try to cut down on cheese, I pretty much never eat sweets and I eat whole foods and a bit of meat. Only weigh 10 stone though, I've dropped to below 9 in the past.

I've been on citalopram for years now so I find it difficult to identify with any fuzziness, I may just have completely adapted to the medication.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by still » Sat Oct 21, 2017 12:11 pm

Green Gecko wrote:I've been on citalopram for years now so I find it difficult to identify with any fuzziness, I may just have completely adapted to the medication.


Ditto.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Tragic Magic » Sat Oct 21, 2017 12:13 pm

I saw weight loss as a side effect for citalopram and was keeping my fingers crossed :lol: I don't think I can afford to gain any weight :dread:

Woke up again this morning with my head full of ideas so I've spent a good few hours in front of the computer typing. Managed 1000 words so it's been slow going but I do feel good for having created something and I hope I can continue with it. It feels like I've done something productive.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Sat Oct 21, 2017 12:14 pm

Then again I may have just completely forgotten what it's like to have a sense of focus if I had one, I've always struggled with focus outside of intensely creative activities and takes me a long time to get started. I think there are other aspects of focus and resourcefulness that need to be applied to subvert any potential side effects. It does need a lot of mental will regardless of what medication you are on in my experience with a depressed existence.

Tragic it is very important to recognise small gains and achievements like that so well done, I hope you can repeat the "do the things and make the things" which is literally my mantra this past few years I.e. Trying not to have any reasons about stuff that are ultimately all in my head and get on with things to feel like you are leading a meaningful life, what is meaningful is totally up to you, and that is the hardest part about the "good enough / not good enough / what if / why not" loop, as no one can maintain this sense of direction and purpose for you, although they can help, no one can make you feel successful or satisfied or whatever defines happiness for you.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by jawafour » Sat Oct 21, 2017 12:24 pm

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Last edited by jawafour on Sat Jan 27, 2018 10:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Tragic Magic » Sat Oct 21, 2017 1:14 pm

Thank you guys, it really does feel good. It's only a small thing but it feels like a big victory and it's definitely a rewarding outlet. I just read through my morning's work and was surprised by how pleased it made me. When I used to draw and paint I would absolutely hate my finished pictures and find fault with everything about them. But this feels revitalising.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by jawafour » Sat Oct 21, 2017 1:20 pm

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Last edited by jawafour on Sat Jan 27, 2018 10:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Karl » Sun Oct 22, 2017 10:26 pm

Genuinely good on you Tragic. When you've finished you'll have to let us read it! :D

I really wish I had a creative outlet but I have a kind of odd system of working that makes it difficult. I tend to have long stretches of time where I struggle to focus, and then bursts of motivation that see me doing weeks' worth of work over a few days. Can anyone else relate to this?

I find I can't really be creative in those periods of low focus -- partly due to attention wandering, but mostly due to feeling guilty about 'working' without working. Then when the motivation comes, I burn myself out on the actual jobs I have to do and I don't have enough fuel left in the tank for personal projects.

So far my job/PhD is flexible enough that I can have this weird, possibly-unhealthy pattern and still be praised for being highly productive and motivated. :slol: Feeling pretty lucky about that. If my time were micromanaged more closely by higher-ups I think the cracks would show for sure.

Interested to hear if anyone else on here is reading this thinking "me too!". :)


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