Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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Hime
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Hime » Mon Oct 23, 2017 12:18 pm

Do any of you find your creative sparks come with periods of addiction to whatever it is your working on, studying, etc? I go through these highly focuses periods and feel like I've beaten the anxiety/depression (I feel embarrassed just writting that) and it out of nowhere it hits me like a train.

I still refuse to believe I can't beat this stuff bit it's hard when your tortured by your own thoughts and try to keep this stuff from people around you. I know it's not a good thing to do but I will never share everything with friends and family.

Banjo, a breakup is something that has been one of the main catalysts for my issues and something that always plagues me. I hate failure and constantly think about things from the past, what I did wrong, and who could have been hurt. The relationship stuff affects me the most as rejection is to me the worst feeling, especially if it's in situations that you try to have control of your emotions. My only advice would be to do things that make you feel better about yourself, exercise, dress well, get a nice hair cut, eat better, see your friends, go for a walk, organise a holiday, etc.

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Banjo
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Banjo » Mon Oct 23, 2017 12:25 pm

Hime wrote:Banjo, a breakup is something that has been one of the main catalysts for my issues and something that always plagues me. I hate failure and constantly think about things from the past, what I did wrong, and who could have been hurt. The relationship stuff affects me the most as rejection is to me the worst feeling, especially if it's in situations that you try to have control of your emotions. My only advice would be to do things that make you feel better about yourself, exercise, dress well, get a nice hair cut, eat better, see your friends, go for a walk, organise a holiday, etc.


Similar to what yourself and others are saying with regards to creativity, I was talking to a friend last night and she was really pushing me to do more writing. I do so on occasion and have had a fair few people comment on it, how they really like my style and what I have to say (naturally these are instances of me trying to convey my emotional state in print) and my response has been that I'm pretty insecure about pursuing. But this time not for fear of rejection, but because my strongest writing has come out when I've been particularly emotionally overwhelmed. It's a difficult position, as I would like to channel more of my focus and energy into creative projects (dance as well) but the majority of my form of expression comes from rooting in negative, traumatic experiences. I'm not sure if I want to spend more time in that hole to get at the juicy material, feels risky. I am going to try (and have been) but I approach it with trepidation.

I also completely agree with it coming in waves/patches. I don't know how some people can be 'switched on' all the time, seems inhuman.

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Gently-Parted Ringpiece
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Gently-Parted Ringpiece » Mon Oct 23, 2017 12:46 pm

Banjo wrote:It's that sucky, feeling, knowing that it never really goes away, just trying to prep more for when it will give you a knock, and hope it doesn't completely tip over your life. I mean, strawberry float, last year was that for me, so much time spent in a hole being both unable and unwilling to climb out.


I treat depression recovery the same sort of way I treat addiction recovery. Always feels like Im on the verge of a 'relapse' into sadboy, especially as Im not medicated. Just try and be mindful of your situation and being proactive about driving yourself out of it. I dont want everybody to jump down my neck here, but its 'easy' to be sad when you have a depressive mind. It takes literally zero effort to think, 'you know what strawberry float this Im going to sit here in my own stink for a week and shut out the world'. At the end of that week you have achieved nothing but you have allowed yourself to be sad. Its hard to think, I feel like I want to be stinky-sad-bed-man but Im going to be fresh-happy-work-man, but you have to do it.

Being majorly depressed was honestly the worst time of my life but almost every day I want to go back to it, I want to take time off work, strawberry float off my friends and family, and let myself sink into the warm loving embrace of that cold black pit.

That is 'recovery' from depression. I totally dont expect anymore that Ill wake up and my mind will be wired for happiness. Its wired for sadness as its default, and my recovery is that I know that and Im (almost) ready to live the rest of my life managing the condition.

Banjo wrote:On the plus side though, I have way better hair than the new dude and far greater fashion sense.


Dont believe it.

* Translators note: Sad is a catchall term for all symptoms of depression, dont hate.

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Banjo
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Banjo » Mon Oct 23, 2017 12:56 pm

Ha. Knew I can count on you to knock down my pipe dreams.

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Karl
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Karl » Mon Oct 23, 2017 12:58 pm

Gently-Parted Ringpiece wrote:Being majorly depressed was honestly the worst time of my life but almost every day I want to go back to it, I want to take time off work, strawberry float off my friends and family, and let myself sink into the warm loving embrace of that cold black pit.

That is 'recovery' from depression. I totally dont expect anymore that Ill wake up and my mind will be wired for happiness. Its wired for sadness as its default, and my recovery is that I know that and Im (almost) ready to live the rest of my life managing the condition.


This is definitely true. Being 'recovered' is much better than the alternative, but you're still constantly walking up a down escalator. If you stop putting the effort in it'll take you all the way back down to the bottom before you know it.

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Hime
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Hime » Mon Oct 23, 2017 12:59 pm

Gently-Parted Ringpiece wrote:
Banjo wrote:It's that sucky, feeling, knowing that it never really goes away, just trying to prep more for when it will give you a knock, and hope it doesn't completely tip over your life. I mean, strawberry float, last year was that for me, so much time spent in a hole being both unable and unwilling to climb out.


I treat depression recovery the same sort of way I treat addiction recovery. Always feels like Im on the verge of a 'relapse' into sadboy, especially as Im not medicated. Just try and be mindful of your situation and being proactive about driving yourself out of it. I dont want everybody to jump down my neck here, but its 'easy' to be sad when you have a depressive mind. It takes literally zero effort to think, 'you know what strawberry float this Im going to sit here in my own stink for a week and shut out the world'. At the end of that week you have achieved nothing but you have allowed yourself to be sad. Its hard to think, I feel like I want to be stinky-sad-bed-man but Im going to be fresh-happy-work-man, but you have to do it.

Being majorly depressed was honestly the worst time of my life but almost every day I want to go back to it, I want to take time off work, strawberry float off my friends and family, and let myself sink into the warm loving embrace of that cold black pit.

That is 'recovery' from depression. I totally dont expect anymore that Ill wake up and my mind will be wired for happiness. Its wired for sadness as its default, and my recovery is that I know that and Im (almost) ready to live the rest of my life managing the condition.

Banjo wrote:On the plus side though, I have way better hair than the new dude and far greater fashion sense.


Dont believe it.

* Translators note: Sad is a catchall term for all symptoms of depression, dont hate.

I agree with this is 100%. You have to help yourself and can't rely on tablets to make everything better.

I think the reason I am so guarded about this stuff is that my sister has pretty severe mental illness but she uses it as a get of jail free card for anything bad that she does. She lies and steals from my parents, constantly asks for money despite spending all her money on drink and drugs. She's 27 now and has lived like this for over 10 years. She feels absolutely no remorse and none of this stuff is ever her fault, it's all because of her borderline personality disorder.

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Fade
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Fade » Mon Oct 23, 2017 1:24 pm

Tablets are just a way to make your mind more open to change. They're never going to fix anything.

I always used to think I would be depressed my entire life but now I have a steady job I enjoy and a girlfriend who gets me I'm feeling a lot better. Ever time I get negative thoughts I just let them pass over me, and remind myself it's all in my head.

So now I'm not too sure.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Rocsteady » Mon Oct 23, 2017 2:06 pm

I like the comparison to addiction. I always used to self-medicate with hard drugs and although it’s been a long time since I did any and haven’t been feeling too depressed of late, problems still manifest as a massive desire to strawberry float everything off and go on a never ending bender.

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Gently-Parted Ringpiece
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Gently-Parted Ringpiece » Mon Oct 23, 2017 2:47 pm

Part of being proactive for me involves not drinking because it makes me sad and not doing the drugs because they make me feel amazing and then extra sad. I love MDMA, but jesus does that gooseberry fool strawberry float me up. Still, every time I go out I have to have the discussion with myself about whether I want to do this or not. I havent had any for at least 6 months I reckon, and before that maybe 12 months. I went to the warehouse project a few weeks back with no drugs and just a couple of drinks, I was almost sober. It was a great time - if I did MDMA it may well have been the greatest night of my life... followed by some of the worst days.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by still » Mon Oct 23, 2017 4:49 pm

Gently-Parted Ringpiece wrote:Part of being proactive for me involves not drinking because it makes me sad and not doing the drugs because they make me feel amazing and then extra sad. I love MDMA, but jesus does that gooseberry fool strawberry float me up. Still, every time I go out I have to have the discussion with myself about whether I want to do this or not. I havent had any for at least 6 months I reckon, and before that maybe 12 months. I went to the warehouse project a few weeks back with no drugs and just a couple of drinks, I was almost sober. It was a great time - if I did MDMA it may well have been the greatest night of my life... followed by some of the worst days.


That’s really impressive Falsey. Wish I could cut down on the alcohol because I know it has a down effect on my mood. Trouble is, it’s basically the only way I know to relax.

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Denster
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Denster » Mon Oct 23, 2017 5:18 pm

I think it’s about being honest with yourself and finding what works for you and doesn’t. There never has been and never will be a one size fits all approach or treatment to depression or mental health in general.

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Denster
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Denster » Mon Oct 23, 2017 5:20 pm

I feel a little shitty for not posting in here often - given my profession. I think I use this place as a sanctuary from Work tbh. For those of you who ever felt the need for an ear or advice - my inbox is always open.

I’ve spent 90 percent of my time as a forensic nurse on busy acute wards but in the last 18 months or so I’ve been on rehab ones and so have become reacquainted with helping people with mood and anxiety issues.

So much of my job involves normalising the experiences for my patients (combatting the stigma of mental health and having a label) but also for myself. I’ve always been a bubbly chipper sort of guy but have had periods of reactive low mood in the last couple of years and felt truly dreadful. It’s helped immensely in my working life to have experienced that and come throug the other side. To live a life like that (where it’s more frequent and far more serious and debilitating) must be incredibly challenging.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by gamerforever » Tue Oct 24, 2017 9:45 am

I’ve been off citalopram for a week now and my work focus is so much better, which is really important as i’m fully self employed now.

My appetite is still big, but i am less hungry than before. I just need to get down to the gym and enhance my seratonin naturally.

I feel some people are just meant to stay busy and do things and that makes you feel better. Citalopram had a habit of making me spaced out and wanting to stay in bed all the time.

Lets see how it goes as its early days without medication, but i must lose weight as it does impact on my mental health.

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Tragic Magic
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Tragic Magic » Sun Oct 29, 2017 11:32 am

I suppose downing half a bottle of gin at 11am probably means I've hit rock bottom, right?

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Tragic Magic
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Tragic Magic » Sun Oct 29, 2017 11:34 am

No but genuinley, please don't feel sorry for me. I'm looking for sympathy and thoughtless messages on some stupid ass forum but that isn't going to help me out of this.

Don't worrry, I'd never take an overdose or do anything stupid. I'm just trapped.

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Banjo
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Banjo » Sun Oct 29, 2017 12:37 pm

Ah I known the feeling man. I justified it to myself last year that drinking at 9am was fine as I was in work at 4pm. Plenty of time to sober up there.

Take care of yourself. Regardless of time of day, drinking like that is not going to do your mind or body any good. How would you describe the feeling? Do you think you can invest some energy into something less self-destructive?

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Tragic Magic
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Tragic Magic » Sun Oct 29, 2017 12:45 pm

No I don't. I''ve got my Steam Link powered up and all that gooseberry fool but I can't convince myself to actually sit down and play a game or just do anything to switch off. I told my wife that I need to go to the shop (it's a one minute walk away) so that I can get some more alcohol to make it through the day but she said that I don't need it and that made me feel really guilty. I don't want to disappoint her, she's the only thing that keeps me going, so I will have to try and finish the little bit of chambord without her noticing.

Sorry, life is just life and that's a strain I've endured for quite a while. What a pleb though, I'm not alone. We're all enduring life and it's poop troop for everyone.

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Fade
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Fade » Sun Oct 29, 2017 1:20 pm

Tragic Magic wrote:No I don't. I''ve got my Steam Link powered up and all that gooseberry fool but I can't convince myself to actually sit down and play a game or just do anything to switch off. I told my wife that I need to go to the shop (it's a one minute walk away) so that I can get some more alcohol to make it through the day but she said that I don't need it and that made me feel really guilty. I don't want to disappoint her, she's the only thing that keeps me going, so I will have to try and finish the little bit of chambord without her noticing.

Sorry, life is just life and that's a strain I've endured for quite a while. What a pleb though, I'm not alone. We're all enduring life and it's poop troop for everyone.

I hope you don't mind me asking but is there anything specific that brings you down?

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Tragic Magic
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Tragic Magic » Sun Oct 29, 2017 1:56 pm

Of course I don't mind. It sounds ridiculous but I consider you and most of GRCade's forumites to be true friends. I think that you don't actually know anything about me but I've been here for so long that I can't even.

My wife and I are having fertility treatmeant right now. My wife has a 6 month prescription of a drug called clomid before we have one round of IVF on the NHS. We were really hopeful with the first month as the hospital said my wife ovulated and everything was looking good but she just got her period so obviously nothing happened. I also handed my notice in at my job because I wasn't happy there but now I'm scared to death that I won't find anything else before the new year. Not only that but I've the overwhelming feeling that no matter what job I get, I'm going to hate it regardless. I work in accounting and it's just a shitty grind that anyone would hate. We've had a pretty awesome month and have been to Amsterdam, a Metallica gig, had a pretty decent wedding anniversary meal, etc but it's really emptied my savings account as well, so now I feel like I have very little. I'm also pretty fat and it makes me feel gooseberry fool. I'll regret this in the morning. Also my wife has (spondilo?) arthritis which is just a strawberry floating injustice and the hardest thing is not being able to help her with it. Mental support is all well and good but she's still in pain almost every day of her life and I feel like such a failure when I can't do anything to help her.

Dream job, for the sake of it, would probably be a film director. But that's an impossiblity so strawberry float dreams and strawberry float everything else.

Last edited by Tragic Magic on Mon Oct 30, 2017 6:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Rocsteady » Sun Oct 29, 2017 2:37 pm

Get into the fitness thread and we'll turn you into an adonis TM, no lie.

I think it's an employee's market just now too so hopefully you'll find something pretty soon - you did the right thing leaving your dull ass job, nothing worse than boring people who indefinitely stick in at one role when the world's waiting.

Can you afford to take a pay cut? If so you could start near the bottom in another profession, or get back into accountancy but do an OU course on top

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