Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

Zilnad wrote:Got a free introductory call with a private therapist on Friday. She then charges £50 a session which I'm assuming is fairly standard. Sounds right in my head anyway.

Don't really want to spend the cash but I'm lucky enough to be able to afford it and some things are more important than money I guess. Just hope she's good.

I did a little research and it looks like the average cost of seeing a Counsellor to be from £40 up to £70 per 50 minute session. Seeing a Psychotherapist or CBT Therapist would be around £50 to £140 per 50 minute session... So it sounds like a fair price... Even that Better Help organisation lots of people have talked about charges £50 to £70 a week (which id assume is one session a week).

If you can afford it id say its well worth giving it a shot.... I was very fortunate in that my therapy was provided on the NHS.... I had one session a week at first for a few months, then down to one a month and it was with a Trauma Therapist and was a combination of CBT and Talking Therapy.... If it helps anyone I am happy to go into detail about how it all worked and everything... When I started I couldnt discuss my issue without rocking, crying, feeling like the room was closing in and wanting to hit someone... by the time it was done I could fully talk about it all and became the person lots of other people opened up to about there problems, it really changed things for me.... it didnt eliminate my PTSD I still have symptoms but it made them things I can self manage.

I have now been diagnosed with Recurring Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, started taking 10mg of Escitalopram a few days ago so just powering through the first two weeks of side effects (headaches, slightly more apathy).

I've suspected for the last few years I have some MH issues that needed keeping on top of but I'd mostly been able to do it with meditation and exercise and a decent support network (and also having a bit of a breakdown due to work a few years ago which got me into therapy which then helped a lot).

Essentially life kind of forced me to grind to a halt last year. After my back surgery I was bed bound for about 4-5 months and unable to work. After that there were a series of life events which stressed me out and kept me kind of unable to regroup and gather myself. Also I'm in a new country with no IRL friends. My therapist (who I went back to after a couple of years of not seeing) asked me what it was like to be bed bound for so long and... I can't really remember? 4 months of the last year just one big blur. She pointed out that this sounds like a trauma response.

Anywho I've been in a bit of a slump for the past couple of months. I can't work up the motivation to do anything, I have the worst existential dread about looking for work here, worried that we're all just working ourselves to death and I'm going to be trapped doing something I hate or just something boring forever. I could totally have used all this time I had to further myself and train into something I am passionate about but... depression, I guess. Another thing to beat myself up over.

Anywho I'm at the stage now where I need to start accepting this about myself and making sure I am taking the steps to keep my mental health in check. My therapist said think of it like diabetes. You'd have to always watch your blood sugar and what you're eating forever, and this is kind of the same. Trying to figure out ways of keeping up the exercise, meditation and everything else while not burning through the very limited amount of willpower I have.

I did start volunteering at a local food bank, and that helped my self esteem a lot. I'll keep that up until my time gets eaten up more.

My record (even if it's rather old now and obviously I have ups and downs) is essentially the same thing. Mixed Anxiety & Depressive Disorder.

Which brilliantly stands for MADD.

MADD LAD innit.

Also my counsellor charges £50 for 50 minutes too. It's manageable twice per month, currently for couple (which was £70ph which for keeping track of two peoples' gooseberry fool is pretty good, including room booking), but will go back to individual because I can't lose my therapist as well haha.

Given how insane the cost of living is now (I'm looking at over 2k per month now including the business) I have to see at is, "I pay this much for MH support, therefore I can function well enough to pay the rest"). It does make sense to think of it as an investment. MH problems can hold you back for years and potentially your entire life. Whereas progress may be unrecognisable at first and unimaginable years down the line.

My doctor basically said the same thing (I mentioned this earlier I think). Our health system is strawberry floated but a good therapist is still a good therapist and they remain committed to their clients. The NHS is inherently a bit of a merry-go-round which is altogether NOT helpful. Always seeing different people which basically just doesn't work for continuity and exploring issues as complex as the human mind. This isn't biomechanical, you need someone who knows you. And they can only know you as well as you open up, they can't consult an anatomical diagram. Keep this in mind.

I found volunteering helpful too when I got off (or maybe around the same time as) an abusive internship that strawberry floating wrecked my self-esteem. I had flashbacks and all sorts when I just ate my strawberry floating lunch for almost 10 years!! They were a bunch of banana splits and what made it even worse was a family friend got me the "job" they didn't even really understand was not an opportunity at all, it was an opportunity for them (to take advantage). This is what I was laughing about earlier when an NHS person said there was "no trauma". I told them all of this. They just forget gooseberry fool or don't take notes.

Autism as well can make everyday things most people cope with quite well enormously overwhelming which is why it's basically impossible for anyone "normal" to understand this and categorise it as such.

The world is strawberry floated up in so many ways but you can only do what you can do. This includes getting help despite the NHS. That can include talking to someone, but it's often really hard to find the right person to talk to as toxic positivity, mental health stigma, people who all but caused your problem etc. (remembering that emotions are an irrational response to an event formed in the mind, and are never *done to you*).

"True But Useless at best, True But Harmful at worst" is a concept that has helped me a great deal with worrying and not advancing or progressing in any way with regards to my personal goals, self development and all sorts.

Yeah I think the thing with Mental Health is to remember your not just well or mentally ill, we all have mental health and you need to keep an eye on it and do things to keep it good, its just like watching your weight or blood sugar level, its something you need to keep your eyes on and need to seek help for if it takes a downturn.

I wasn't quite sure where to post this, but this seemed like maybe the best spot, and maybe someone can offer some advice on dealing with it.

My wife just found out her dad has Stage 4 cancer, and is too unwell even for Chemo. Understandably she's devastated, and it's made worse by being so far away as she's here in the UK and he's over in the US. I just don't know what I can do to help and support her. Her dad is an amazing guy and doesn't deserve this at all.

Has anyone else been through something similar? How do you handle this? How do you be there for someone in a situation like this?

Really sorry to hear that Laga.

All you can do is be there for her. Listen to her and don’t judge any way she’s feeling. That would be my advice anyway.

I hope he’s at least on decent medication for the best pain relief possible. Horrible, horrible illness.

Lagamorph wrote:I wasn't quite sure where to post this, but this seemed like maybe the best spot, and maybe someone can offer some advice on dealing with it.

My wife just found out her dad has Stage 4 cancer, and is too unwell even for Chemo. Understandably she's devastated, and it's made worse by being so far away as she's here in the UK and he's over in the US. I just don't know what I can do to help and support her. Her dad is an amazing guy and doesn't deserve this at all.

Has anyone else been through something similar? How do you handle this? How do you be there for someone in a situation like this?

My advice is talk to your wife open and honestly about it. Don't beat around the bush with the subject. Your wife may have to lead the way on what she wants and needs but offer support. Don't skim it, if she wants to talk about her dads cancer, talk to her about her dads cancer.

There is some kind of social taboo of talking about disease and death which can be very tough for those who are grieving. A lot of the time they actually WANT to talk about it, not avoid it. At least those who understand the feels and need for help from others do. If someone themselves is insisting on not talking about it, then it's usually a sign they're hiding away from their feelings.

Make sure there's nothing at home that can stress her as well. Do the chores that you've been putting off, make dinner, put the kettle on. Sort out the every day stuff so she's free to not worry about anything unnecessary.

"Edit"

No.

Octoroc wrote:edit

Mate. I don't think it's appropriate to come out with that in this situation

Last edited by Zilnad on Sat Jan 13, 2024 4:41 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Snip - I've spoken directly to Octo and calling him a name was immature of myself. Editing this post and moving on to be better

Octoroc wrote:"Edit"

No.

Come on dude, not in this thread please.

Lagamorph wrote:I wasn't quite sure where to post this, but this seemed like maybe the best spot, and maybe someone can offer some advice on dealing with it.

My wife just found out her dad has Stage 4 cancer, and is too unwell even for Chemo. Understandably she's devastated, and it's made worse by being so far away as she's here in the UK and he's over in the US. I just don't know what I can do to help and support her. Her dad is an amazing guy and doesn't deserve this at all.

Has anyone else been through something similar? How do you handle this? How do you be there for someone in a situation like this?

Really sorry to hear this Lagamorph. Thankfully I've not been through this specific situation, but I have lost family to cancer when I was younger.

All I can really suggest, is is there any chance you can find a way to go over to America with your partner so she can be close to her Dad even for a little bit? I realise that it's not going to be easy as you can't stay there without a visa for long, but just wondering if that's an option it might be good for you both to be able to be there for him and also you to be there for her.

LewisD wrote:
Octoroc wrote:gooseberry fool on her tits?

Mate. I don't think it's appropriate to come out with that in this situation

Fair enough. But let's be honest, there's strawberry float all you can do, but ride that shitty wave and pick yourself back up when it's over.

But life does have it's compensations and you shouldn't feel like you have to be sad ALL the time even in the worst of situations.

So my advice would be- Just get through it, but try and find time to do small things that distract you and cheer yourselves up. Don't feel like your not allowed to have fun.

So here's some context:

To be honest I'm in a bit a grim situation myself. Last year my mum was diagnosed with kidney cancer, we only found of when her left thigh snapped whilst climbing down from her chiropractor*'s bench. She led on the floor for over three hours before an ambulance came. That was secondary bone cancer of course, primary source was her kidney. It's very slow growing so she probably had it for years. She spent the next three months in traction before being transferred over 100 miles to the Royal Orthopedic Hospital in Birmingham where they stuck her leg back together.

They fixed her leg, but she lost her mind. She isn't on chemo, they've put her on some new immunotherapy treatment. We thought that would be better than chemo. It isn't. It's like living death.

So the question we're asking ourselves is "even if she survives what will be left?". My sister thinks it would have been better if she had died on the chiropractor's floor a year ago.

I really do apologise, but to be honest I still think it was quite funny in a darkly wry sort of a way. That's the kind of place I'm in at the moment, but feel free to chastise me.

* or 'that strawberry floating banana split' as I call him.

I have a very dark sense of humour and would have had a wry smile had that comment been directed at me in the same situation. I would probably not risk posting it myself though.

All the best Laga. Just be there non judgementally. You don't need to have all the answers.

Edit: can you elaborate on the banana split chiropractor, Octoroc? I know they are essentially pseudoscience and have known chiropractors in training being told "you don't want your patients to actually get better cos then they stop paying you!"

And just so you have something to go on if I die, I would probably run with OR and Hypes for execution tomorrow, and I'd go for a gamechanger.

Look! If I am a wolf I am in prison right now publicly saying I would go for 2 guys who have a double vote against me.

Edit I am lost, ignore me.

aayl1 wrote:And just so you have something to go on if I die,

This was a very alarming start to a sentence in the depression thread!

Haha fortunately I'm a long way from that. Maaaaybe on the "if there was a button that meant I never even existed I'd think about it" end of the spectrum very occasionally.

aayl1 wrote:I have a very dark sense of humour and would have had a wry smile had that comment been directed at me in the same situation. I would probably not risk posting it myself though.

All the best Laga. Just be there non judgementally. You don't need to have all the answers.

Edit: can you elaborate on the banana split chiropractor, Octoroc? I know they are essentially pseudoscience and have known chiropractors in training being told "you don't want your patients to actually get better cos then they stop paying you!"

I sprained my wrist once in Germany. Slipped on some ice and landed badly. Eight months later I met a physiotherapist at a party - she shook my hand (we're in Germany) and instantly said "you've hurt your arm!" and started looking at it.
I broke my collar bone (in Germany), the doctor in A&E called me through, as I entered, he looked at me and said "you've broken your collar bone!".

Both of these people were trained medical professionals.

Chiropractors are snake oil merchants. It was mum's left FEMUR that snapped. That's the largest bone in your body. A physiotherapist would have referred her to a doctor. Mum's terrified of doctors, nurses and hospitals so she's spent a fortune over the years on avoiding what she calls 'western medicine'.

The sad thing is she'd lost so much mobility that we (my sister and I) had determined to take her into A&E whether she wanted to go or not, but we let her go to the chiropractor one last time.

That's just the way it goes.

aayl1 wrote:Haha fortunately I'm a long way from that. Maaaaybe on the "if there was a button that meant I never even existed I'd think about it" end of the spectrum very occasionally.

I totally get this feeling. It's a long way from 'suicidal' but it is a bit of a warning sign -- I think it's really good that you're getting out in front of it and have spoken to the therapists and doctors about it. I think what your therapist said about thinking of it like a long-term underlying condition that you keep under control is really good advice. I mean, I'm sure it does vary from person to person, but depression has been exactly like that for me as well.

It's brilliant that you're starting to find structure and fulfilment through volunteering as well. It's great that it helps you, and also you should be really proud of going out and helping others and having that positive impact.

Warm wishes to everyone else who has posted about going through tough times recently too. Hard to find the right words to reply sometimes, but I'm thinking of you all and wishing you all the best.

Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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