Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

PostRe: Depression by **Photek** » Thu Aug 27, 2015 11:28 pm

There is no pressure on anyone to become someone they aren't, if your anti social just try to go with that and stick to the hobbies and things you enjoy.

Try to learn to accept they you're not a bastard and move on from that, I know a guy in work who never goes out really and hated talking to people but he's really happy with his lot, he has a wife and Internet mates and tea with us in canteen.

My point is, don't let society dictate what defines you, define yourself first. You might actually like who you are.

PostRe: Depression by **Fade** » Thu Aug 27, 2015 11:35 pm

Photek wrote:There is no pressure on anyone to become someone they aren't, if your anti social just try to go with that and stick to the hobbies and things you enjoy.

Try to learn to accept they you're not a bastard and move on from that, I know a guy in work who never goes out really and hated talking to people but he's really happy with his lot, he has a wife and Internet mates and tea with us in canteen.

That's the thing, I'd probably be quite happy with a girlfriend/wife. But I don't think it's healthy to rely on someone like that for happiness. I did with my last girlfriend and it didn't end well.

And I don't dislike talking to people, I actually really like having good conversations with people, I just hate myself so much that most of the time I can't even bring myself to talk to people. I mean if any of you have every played online with me and I'm not saying anything, that's why. I'm even worse with women I like.

PostRe: Depression by **Photek** » Thu Aug 27, 2015 11:51 pm

The guy in work isn't happy cos of his wife, he's just insular as a person. Also, you'd be surprised what women want in a guy.

I have no idea why you hate yourself, you seem perfectly likeable on here. Let's be honest, out of the 2 of us I'm hated, you not at all, but I don't care...maybe that's the issue.

Ps - we're all nervous talking to women we like, it's a natural reaction.

I hate that you guys get down, I love each and every one of you and would love to head off to the pub to talk about nothing and everything. You're all great people.

PostRe: Depression by **That** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 12:06 am

@Ad7: No-one will be remembered for all time; as someone else pointed out, eventually there will come a day when even the likes of Hitler are no longer remembered.

One of my favourite poems, by Shelley - before Winckle swoops in and embarrasses me (

), yes, I was first exposed to it via Sid Meier's Civilization... - has something to say on the subject:

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: "Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away."

Smith wrote a short response which makes the point more clear:

We wonder,—and some Hunter may express
Wonder like ours, when thro' the wilderness
Where London stood, holding the Wolf in chace,
He meets some fragment huge, and stops to guess
What powerful but unrecorded race
Once dwelt in that annihilated place.

If you accept it's impossible to leave a legacy, you free yourself up to focus on what's important - IMO that's focusing on enjoying yourself and making sure the people you love are as comfortable and happy as possible.

PostRe: Depression by **Fade** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 12:07 am

Photek wrote:The guy in work isn't happy cos of his wife, he's just insular as a person. Also, you'd be surprised what women want in a guy.

I have no idea why you hate yourself, you seem perfectly likeable on here. Let's be honest, out of the 2 of us I'm hated, you not at all, but I don't care...maybe that's the issue.

Women want a charismatic guy with a well paying job. Honestly, when I was younger, I used to think "Oh I'll be fine, women love 'sensitive' guys" Haha.

Well I already said why I hate myself.

And I get that everyone is nervous around women they like, but not to the point of actually not being able to speak to them.

PostRe: Depression by **That** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 12:10 am

Fade wrote:Women want a charismatic guy with a well paying job.

This isn't, in my experience, true. A given woman might be looking for almost anything in a man, so don't try and compare yourself too much to the stereotype of what an attractive chap 'should' look like.

One thing almost all women do want is a guy who's comfortable with himself, though. Take some time to focus on accepting and liking yourself before you worry too much about what lasses think of you.

A girl might be sensitive, kind, cute, funny, and sweet - but if she despises herself I guarantee you'll pick up on that vibe and end up not fancying her. It's the same vice-versa.

PostRe: Depression by **False** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 12:12 am

Confidence is king, you can blag the rest

PostRe: Depression by **Fade** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 12:17 am

Karl wrote:
Fade wrote:Women want a charismatic guy with a well paying job.

This isn't, in my experience, true. A given woman might be looking for almost anything in a man, so don't try and compare yourself too much to the stereotype of what an attractive chap 'should' look like.

One thing almost all women do want is a guy who's comfortable with himself, though. Take some time to focus on accepting and liking yourself before you worry too much about what lasses think of you.

A girl might be sensitive, kind, cute, funny, and sweet - but if she despises herself I guarantee you'll pick up on that vibe and end up not fancying her. It's the same vice-versa.

But how can you like yourself when you assume everyone dislikes you? It's a vicious circle no?

PostRe: Depression by **That** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 12:21 am

Sure, I get it. For me it was a long process that involved the support of friends - I don't know how social you are IRL, but we count! :wub:

- some counselling and the prescription of antidepressants. There was no 'eureka!' moment that I can impart, but gradually I stopped viewing myself as inherently dislikeable and worthless.

PostRe: Depression by **Fade** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 12:30 am

Well my family is really good, but I find it hard to listen to them because they're family, and they'll just say whatever they think I want to hear.

I have two 'close' friends, but one has moved quite far away from me, I keep pestering her to go and visit but she's always busy with something. The other is working abroad until Christmas. So I'm finding it pretty hard. Especially since it's been the summer, and I don't go back to work until next week. I kind of just feel like going outside and screaming really loudly.

I have booked in with iTalk but they couldn't fit me in until the end of next month.

PostRe: Depression by **That** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 12:40 am

I'm glad you've booked in with iTalk, it sounds like you might find the experience valuable. You might want to have a little chat with your GP as well if you wouldn't be opposed to medication (they may also be able to put you on a waiting list for NHS counselling).

PostRe: Depression by **Fade** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 12:44 am

Karl wrote:I'm glad you've booked in with iTalk, it sounds like you might find the experience valuable. You might want to have a little chat with your GP as well if you wouldn't be opposed to medication (they may also be able to put you on a waiting list for NHS counselling).

Been to GP 3 times, every time they told me to phone iTalk. I didn't phone it until my friend told me that's how they apparently diagnose people in my area.

PostRe: Depression by **That** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 12:51 am

Oh, wow. To just say 'Phone iTalk!' without explaining it's part of the diagnostic process is borderline negligent IMO, but ho hum. I'd vaguely heard of the service but I wasn't aware GPs were using it like that nowadays - good luck with your session, in any case.

PostRe: Depression by **Rocsteady** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 10:51 am

Fade wrote:
Corazon de Leon wrote:Why do you hate yourself?

I have nothing to be proud of, I don't fit in anywhere, I feel like I annoy everyone. I have no confidence.

I feel like the measure of your worth as a man is through your charisma or your job, and I'm lacking in both of those areas.
I don't really want to change, but I feel like I have to.

In the past I would have always argued you should make yourself charismatic and confident, and you could if you worked long and hard at it, but actually I agree with Photek. And Karl, but he forgot I made the Hitler comment so I'm going to ignore him

Once you learn to start liking yourself - which will take time too - you'll stumble across someone and make it work. I'm pretty full of myself and would've been open to finding a girlfriend at some point in the past year but haven't found anyone suitable so not all of it's down to being confident or outgoing or whatever.

You're about the same age as me right? Early to mid 20s? Most people have no, or gooseberry fool, jobs at our age nowadays. I piled through a fucktonne of pish and only now am I thankfully getting better offers.

I'd recommend getting a hair cut too, buying some nice clothes that fit you well, having a shave, etc. Won't make you mr confident but it's always nice to be feeling like you're looking your best, even if in your eyes your best isn't much.

PostRe: Depression by **still** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 10:56 am

Also, if you are a naturally quiet person then that is what you are. No good trying to be what you are not - you have to learn to accept yourself. On this subject a couple of books are worth reading:-

The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron and
Quiet by Susan Cain

PostRe: Depression by **Fade** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 5:19 pm

Thanks for the kind words guys, I just don't really feel like you're valued much as a guy if you don't act out masculine traits.

PostRe: Depression by **Photek** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 5:21 pm

Fade wrote:Thanks for the kind words guys, I just don't really feel like you're valued much as a guy if you don't act out masculine traits.

Simply not true. No idea where you got that idea.

PostRe: Depression by **Fade** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 5:42 pm

Photek wrote:
Fade wrote:Thanks for the kind words guys, I just don't really feel like you're valued much as a guy if you don't act out masculine traits.

Simply not true. No idea where you got that idea.

Just observations from the way people treat each other, and what people mock each other about.

PostRe: Depression by **still** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 5:49 pm

I agree with Photek - not every woman is into macho man. (Thank god :shifty:

) But seriously, I think your perception there is some way of the truth.

PostRe: Depression by **Fade** » Fri Aug 28, 2015 6:24 pm

Seriously though, how do you define yourself as a man without being overtly masculine?

Women are constantly told they can do anything and dress however they want, but as a guy you're expected to act in a very specific way. I don't think people even notice it because it's so normalised.

Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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