Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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Qikzmas
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Qikzmas » Sun Feb 25, 2018 7:48 pm

I should probably go see and talk to a professional or something, because I'm spiraling into a pit again and it's not even of anxiety it's just sadness. I know what the positives of everything that happened are, but I can't focus on them. I'm still playing over the negatives over and over again in my head and I've got no idea why. I don't want to feel like this, but the second I'm just thinking about things I keep replaying all the bad things that happened and end up feeling the same negative way I felt before.

I want to focus on the positives but my brain won't let me. Maybe I'm punishing myself in some weird strawberry floated up way by never letting myself be happy? My friends pointed out that whenever I make a comment about myself I always make it way more negative than I need to and laugh it off as a joke, but maybe I'm harsh on myself because that's all I know how to do. Maybe this is why I got effected by everything over the past 3 weeks so badly.

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Mon Feb 26, 2018 11:03 pm

It sounds like you're suffering from low self esteem more than anything else which is a mild form of depression but can get a lot worse. I realise this is a bit corporate and referaly but I do use Headspace and it has helped me, it was originally recommend to me by my primary mental health practitioner (a fancy word for a long-ass referral before you get seen by a psychologist) because in-person help is so slow and otherwise expensive. I ended up not receiving care because I was "not depressed enough" despite that fact I was diagnosed with moderate to severe depression/anxiety. I did the self-esteem pack and if you need a code for another 30 days after doing the ten day introductory thing (which is just 10 minutes a day to start to teach your mind relaxation techniques, if you miss a day or 3 or 4 no problem just try to do it within a month) to do that whole 30 day thing just PM me. I get them for free and don't get paid or anything fucky like that https://www.headspace.com/blog/2017/08/ ... lf-esteem/

That's 60 days of small things you can do to hopefully feel at least a bit better. You won't need sub as you are meant to learn how to deal with those thoughts a little better, so you can carry those techniques forward yourself. If you can learn some programming or how to do some stuff in powershell in 30 days you can certainly improve your mind a little with simple exercises.

Whereas before I would feel very down about myself for days at a time I now generally get by just observing those "thoughts and feelings" and forgetting about them moments later, it's generally a case of creating not necessarily distance but some space between those unconstructive thoughts and all the other gooseberry fool going on in your head and the difference between some brain signals and constructing a narrative and that narrative preying on other aspects of your health, which only reinforces the negative ideology that is of course at odds with the day to day actions around you and the likelihood you are probably much better at things than you feel you are.

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Qikzmas
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Qikzmas » Fri Mar 02, 2018 7:00 pm

Well despite trying to be positive all week I strawberry floated up yesterday, got called into my bosses office today and given a letter of concern and now I'm even more confused than ever. I was terrified I was going to lose my job and now I feel awful. I don't think it's self esteem Gecko because I know I'm good at my job. I out perform everyone on a weekly basis, but whatever this negativity that I'm meant to be emenating is turning my boss against me (but nobody else).

I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. He keeps telling me over and over again to be how I used to, but I don't feel I've changed. I'm not even feeling anxious now it's just complete and utter bewilderment that no matter what I do things are getting worse for me and I'm scared at what's going to happen.

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Dual
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Dual » Fri Mar 02, 2018 7:04 pm

Your boss sounds like a complete weapon.

Something is wrong with staydead, I won't ask if there's anyway I can help or support him instead I'll tell him to be like the old staydead. Yes that will work. I am the boss.

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Fri Mar 02, 2018 7:31 pm

Your manager is an unempathetic, clueless moron for dealing with people who have feelings.

This is probably not your fault. I would try to turn the conversation towards something constructive and less abstract.

Ask in which measurable ways you could perform better or fit in better, with regards to for example

Going to lunch at regular hours
Making cups of tea and asking people how their day was
Making awful office jokes
Blahblah
Still doing a really good job

Sometimes we have to put a face on these things, but whatever happens, I want you to know that this is unlikely to be your fault. It is a flaw of management to fail to understand others, and the only way to combat this is communication.

I previously received letter of concern and it is soul destroying to suddenly feel like your job is at stake, even when it isn't. I'll be honest, I went back into work and I just broke down crying. I ended up reducing my hours voluntarily. A year later or so I quit the job. It may be a "necessary", mechanical move by management to try and stir you up a bit, but I really don't think they understand how this can backfire if someone suffers from performance anxiety.

Perhaps you have had to maintain the image of effective work person for quite a long time now and, as sad as it is to say this, no matter how good you are at your job, sometimes this does have an underlying impact on your general demeanour without realising it. It may be worth asking somebody these questions:

Have you been speaking fast or more slowly than usual
Have you been more or less energetic, such as moving around a lot or seeming sleepy
Have you found it more difficult to enjoy doing the things you normally enjoy doing, or have stopped doing them altogether
Have seemed more irritable or short-fused than before

These are some of the diagnostic criteria for mild depression and/or anxiety and it might help you understand that these are probably not your fault and the result of stress. These are measurable things on say a 1-2 week basis and if you can maybe demonstrate to somebody that you are working to assess your own wellbeing/state of mind that will work in your favour.

And I do think it is better to discuss these things with your employer than not discuss them, but I appreciate that is difficult due to the stigma. And your employer also has a legal responsibility to support you with a work-related disability if you are suffering from stress such as by offering counselling or look at / forward to your employer:

https://www.mind.org.uk/workplace/menta ... -download/
https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/get-i ... -employees
https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/get-i ... -my-rights
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publica ... ealth-work
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publica ... indfulness

You may benefit from the Re-employ service funded by the department for work and pensions which is free for anyone who is experiencing mental health struggles: https://www.remploy.co.uk/about-us/curr ... rt-service
vocationalrehabilitation@remploy.co.uk
0300 456 8114

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Qikzmas
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Qikzmas » Fri Mar 02, 2018 9:41 pm

I think I'm going to look into CBT. Someone linked me to this and genuinly it resonates with me far more than I like to realise.

https://www.anxietybc.com/help-resource ... al-therapy

Especially this:


Code: Select all

Unhelpful and unrealistic thought                                                   Realistic thoughts
I always screw things up, I'm such a loser. What's wrong with me?   Everyone makes mistakes, including me - I'm only human. All I can do now is try my best to fix the situation and learn from this experience.
I can't do it. I feel way too anxious. Why can't I control my anxiety?   It's OK and normal to feel anxious. It's not dangerous, and it doesn't have
                                                                                                        to stop me. I can feel anxious and STILL go to the party.



The bit on the left is 100% me. I even notice it reading back my posts before in this thread. My brain is telling me that I need to feel bad when I don't. I can't go around living a life where I have no expectations or feeling like everything is useless, because unless I think properly about something I can never make it any better. I'm not an idiot, I'm someone who is going through a very rough patch and I feel bad. It's ok to feel bad, it hurts but I need to stop worrying about it. I'm going to talk to my team leader and ask exactly what it is I'm doing wrong and if even then I'm confused then I can be scared about me losing my job, but until I know exactly what is going on me thinking everything is going wrong and I can't do anything about it isn't helping.

I'd just like to thank everyone for being so supportive. I've never really been this open before about my problems and I guess maybe that's always been one of my issues. I've never accepted that my anxiety is any worse than most peoples, but it clearly is and right now I'm allowing it to rule my life. I don't want to seek medical help, but if it doesn't get better in the next two weeks or so (aka if I can't start working on it) then I'll sign up to a doctor (never re-registered after I moved (although I should do this anyway)) and go talk to a professional.

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still
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by still » Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:04 am

Qikz wrote:I think I'm going to look into CBT. Someone linked me to this and genuinly it resonates with me far more than I like to realise.

https://www.anxietybc.com/help-resource ... al-therapy

Especially this:


Code: Select all

Unhelpful and unrealistic thought                                                   Realistic thoughts
I always screw things up, I'm such a loser. What's wrong with me?   Everyone makes mistakes, including me - I'm only human. All I can do now is try my best to fix the situation and learn from this experience.
I can't do it. I feel way too anxious. Why can't I control my anxiety?   It's OK and normal to feel anxious. It's not dangerous, and it doesn't have
                                                                                                        to stop me. I can feel anxious and STILL go to the party.



The bit on the left is 100% me. I even notice it reading back my posts before in this thread. My brain is telling me that I need to feel bad when I don't. I can't go around living a life where I have no expectations or feeling like everything is useless, because unless I think properly about something I can never make it any better. I'm not an idiot, I'm someone who is going through a very rough patch and I feel bad. It's ok to feel bad, it hurts but I need to stop worrying about it. I'm going to talk to my team leader and ask exactly what it is I'm doing wrong and if even then I'm confused then I can be scared about me losing my job, but until I know exactly what is going on me thinking everything is going wrong and I can't do anything about it isn't helping.

I'd just like to thank everyone for being so supportive. I've never really been this open before about my problems and I guess maybe that's always been one of my issues. I've never accepted that my anxiety is any worse than most peoples, but it clearly is and right now I'm allowing it to rule my life. I don't want to seek medical help, but if it doesn't get better in the next two weeks or so (aka if I can't start working on it) then I'll sign up to a doctor (never re-registered after I moved (although I should do this anyway)) and go talk to a professional.


Sounds like a really good idea. I'd support GG's suggestion of Headspace too. To be honest you need to get out asap though - but not without having a new job to go to first. Good luck with the CBT!

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Squinty » Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:40 am

There's a lot of good stuff from Gecko there.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by NickSCFC » Tue Mar 06, 2018 4:07 pm

Just thought I'd put this out here as I'm not sure who to talk to or how to wrap my head around things.

Alot of it is regret, I had a late start in life, fairly miserable teenager which affected high school and college resulting in me being held back during my early 20s.

Mid 20s I decided to go to university and finally got my degree. Unfortunately I graduated during the height of the recession and, as with my early 20s, found myself stuck in menial jobs.

I've managed to solve career issues and I have a, comparitively, great job and great partner. However the depression hasn't gone away. I'm approaching my mid 30s and I feel that I've not lived. For all my achievements I can't get over the way I screwed up and wasted the best years of my life.

I'm very happy in my relationship but, as neither of us want children, I really struggle to get my head around what I should be doing with the second half of my life, like some anxious need to do/be something special, but I don't have he vision or confidence to even conceive it. I feel that when I lose my parents I'll have nothing left to live for and have had suicidal thoughts over the past 2 years.

I'm not an immediate risk, but I see myself committing seppuku or something before I reach 50.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by still » Tue Mar 06, 2018 4:25 pm

NickSCFC wrote:Just thought I'd put this out here as I'm not sure who to talk to or how to wrap my head around things.

Alot of it is regret, I had a late start in life, fairly miserable teenager which affected high school and college resulting in me being held back during my early 20s.

Mid 20s I decided to go to university and finally got my degree. Unfortunately I graduated during the height of the recession and, as with my early 20s, found myself stuck in menial jobs.

I've managed to solve career issues and I have a, comparitively, great job and great partner. However the depression hasn't gone away. I'm approaching my mid 30s and I feel that I've not lived. For all my achievements I can't get over the way I screwed up and wasted the best years of my life.

I'm very happy in my relationship but, as neither of us want children, I really struggle to get my head around what I should be doing with the second half of my life, like some anxious need to do/be something special, but I don't have he vision or confidence to even conceive it. I feel that when I lose my parents I'll have nothing left to live for and have had suicidal thoughts over the past 2 years.

I'm not an immediate risk, but I see myself committing seppuku or something before I reach 50.


Some wise words I have pinned on my wall. They come from a Buddhist 'priest':-

'Your live doesn't have to look like anything.'

Asides for that I think you need to see you Doctor and ask for some help. You need to deal with those suicidal thoughts and it sounds like some kind of 'talking cure' might help. Good luck!

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Preezy » Wed Mar 07, 2018 10:26 am

NickSCFC wrote:
Just thought I'd put this out here as I'm not sure who to talk to or how to wrap my head around things.

Alot of it is regret, I had a late start in life, fairly miserable teenager which affected high school and college resulting in me being held back during my early 20s.

Mid 20s I decided to go to university and finally got my degree. Unfortunately I graduated during the height of the recession and, as with my early 20s, found myself stuck in menial jobs.

I've managed to solve career issues and I have a, comparitively, great job and great partner. However the depression hasn't gone away. I'm approaching my mid 30s and I feel that I've not lived. For all my achievements I can't get over the way I screwed up and wasted the best years of my life.

I'm very happy in my relationship but, as neither of us want children, I really struggle to get my head around what I should be doing with the second half of my life, like some anxious need to do/be something special, but I don't have he vision or confidence to even conceive it. I feel that when I lose my parents I'll have nothing left to live for and have had suicidal thoughts over the past 2 years.

I'm not an immediate risk, but I see myself committing seppuku or something before I reach 50.
The best years of your life are the ones you're living right now!

Travel the world. If you don't have kids to tie you down, you're in the perfect position to do so. You'll also have someone there with you to enjoy it all, and memories to last the rest of your life.

Also don't worry about not having a plan for the rest of your life, no one does except those weirdos that think careers are everything.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by NickSCFC » Wed Mar 07, 2018 10:52 am

Preezy wrote:
NickSCFC wrote:
Just thought I'd put this out here as I'm not sure who to talk to or how to wrap my head around things.

Alot of it is regret, I had a late start in life, fairly miserable teenager which affected high school and college resulting in me being held back during my early 20s.

Mid 20s I decided to go to university and finally got my degree. Unfortunately I graduated during the height of the recession and, as with my early 20s, found myself stuck in menial jobs.

I've managed to solve career issues and I have a, comparitively, great job and great partner. However the depression hasn't gone away. I'm approaching my mid 30s and I feel that I've not lived. For all my achievements I can't get over the way I screwed up and wasted the best years of my life.

I'm very happy in my relationship but, as neither of us want children, I really struggle to get my head around what I should be doing with the second half of my life, like some anxious need to do/be something special, but I don't have he vision or confidence to even conceive it. I feel that when I lose my parents I'll have nothing left to live for and have had suicidal thoughts over the past 2 years.

I'm not an immediate risk, but I see myself committing seppuku or something before I reach 50.
The best years of your life are the ones you're living right now!

Travel the world. If you don't have kids to tie you down, you're in the perfect position to do so. You'll also have someone there with you to enjoy it all, and memories to last the rest of your life.

Also don't worry about not having a plan for the rest of your life, no one does except those weirdos that think careers are everything.


Thanks for the sound advice.

Now I'm financially better off I'm certainly making the most of the opportunities.

Off to Tenerife next week (first holiday abroad in over a decade) with NY planned next year and LA and Japan in the pipeline.

My frustrations, I think, are caused by modern societies' concept of milestones, MUST have a degree by 21, MUST be married by 30, MUST have children by 35...

...I've really started to say to hell with that lately and look at achieving something greater with life. There's still that mind-fog of depression there though, and I'm struggling the see something else to aim for at times.

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Ho-Ho-Ho-tek
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Ho-Ho-Ho-tek » Sun Mar 11, 2018 4:55 am

I don’t want to be a banana split but don’t book holidays to Tenerife, a weekend in Copenhagen and Prague would be far more beneficial. That’d said, strawberry float milestones or society’s expectation of them. Everyone is different, I love being a dad but you can be an awesome boyfriend/husband and do what you want. I’m in the vast VAST minority in which my child has been an absolute doddle to be a dad to but that’s me, and my wife, we’re odd like that, you and yours are odd like yourselves.

I need you to be a stubborn Sony fan dude, don’t let me down bro. :wub:

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Johnny Ryall
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Johnny Ryall » Sun Mar 11, 2018 6:47 am

I totally get the milestones thing. I'm turning 30 this year and I can count at least 10 people I know popping out babies this spring. Have to keep reminding myself that it would be cool shacking up with someone and having kids at some point but my penis will work for a while yet!

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Outrunner » Sun Mar 11, 2018 7:46 pm

NickSCFC wrote:Just thought I'd put this out here as I'm not sure who to talk to or how to wrap my head around things.

Alot of it is regret, I had a late start in life, fairly miserable teenager which affected high school and college resulting in me being held back during my early 20s.

Mid 20s I decided to go to university and finally got my degree. Unfortunately I graduated during the height of the recession and, as with my early 20s, found myself stuck in menial jobs.

I've managed to solve career issues and I have a, comparitively, great job and great partner. However the depression hasn't gone away. I'm approaching my mid 30s and I feel that I've not lived. For all my achievements I can't get over the way I screwed up and wasted the best years of my life.

I'm very happy in my relationship but, as neither of us want children, I really struggle to get my head around what I should be doing with the second half of my life, like some anxious need to do/be something special, but I don't have he vision or confidence to even conceive it. I feel that when I lose my parents I'll have nothing left to live for and have had suicidal thoughts over the past 2 years.

I'm not an immediate risk, but I see myself committing seppuku or something before I reach 50.



My 30th was my big crunch time. I actually spent most of the day in bed crying because I hadn't achieved any of my goals. 10 years on and things are, for the most part better.

I've embraced the fact that I'm child-free. I never wanted kids, I know I'd be an awful dad. In confuses the hell out of most people but screw 'em. I can do what I want when I want it. The money that would have gone on kids? That's my holiday money.

I used to be focused on career development and why is was taking me so long to get anywhere, why wasn't I a manager etc. While I'm not particularly happy in work but I've given up on being a manager. Not because I don't think I could do it (I could easily be a manager in my current work place, and in some respects I am in all but name) but because I've decided I don't want the responsibility and political bullshit that management would bring. I'm not focusing on finding a job that I personally find rewarding. Either that are going back to university.

I feel like I've waffled on for quite a bit about myself but what I'm trying to get across (poorly) is please don't beat yourself up about not meeting goals or having not having some grand plan. I did that for years. I found my 30's were some of the best years of my life. You're in a great job, have a great partner and you're child-free. Now is the best time because you can afford to do stuff without kids holding you back. I hope I've not rambled too much and this came across as being (even slightly) helpful rather than patronising

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by NickSCFC » Mon Mar 12, 2018 10:26 am

Photek wrote:I don’t want to be a banana split but don’t book holidays to Tenerife, a weekend in Copenhagen and Prague would be far more beneficial.

I need you to be a stubborn Sony fan dude, don’t let me down bro. :wub:


Good stuff.

Though I don't know about northern/central Europe, I'm solar powered. Sun, palm trees and beaches seem to fix everything for me.

Also, I'll have you know I'm a Sega>Sony>Nintendo>Microsoft fan dude :datass:

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by kerr9000 » Tue Mar 13, 2018 4:04 pm

I'm 38, I remember the old get a degree, become a manager, get married thing people used to say you should do to be happy...

I got married finished my degree , got a job with manager in the title and had a child by the age of 20. Now my daughter is the greatest thing in the world but the marriage made me miserable and the job made me even more so.

I was held hostage and got beaten badly with crowbars, this eventually led to PTSD, my wife turned very abusive so I left and took my daughter with me fighting for and winning full custody. Since then I have made my own goals and ignored societies pre set goals and I'm much happier now... Think about who you are and what you want not because you've been told to want it but what you just naturally want and set your own goals to get this, for me it was to write my own novel and since then it's been various things, find your own things and go for it whatever they are that's my advice.

http://kerr9000.blogspot.co.uk/ For my Blog... https://www.youtube.com/user/kerr9000 for my YouTube channel. kerr9000_blog on Instagram. kerr9000 on Xbox, PS4 etc
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Dblock » Tue Mar 13, 2018 5:33 pm

kerr9000 wrote:I'm 38, I remember the old get a degree, become a manager, get married thing people used to say you should do to be happy...

I got married finished my degree , got a job with manager in the title and had a child by the age of 20. Now my daughter is the greatest thing in the world but the marriage made me miserable and the job made me even more so.

I was held hostage and got beaten badly with crowbars, this eventually led to PTSD, my wife turned very abusive so I left and took my daughter with me fighting for and winning full custody. Since then I have made my own goals and ignored societies pre set goals and I'm much happier now... Think about who you are and what you want not because you've been told to want it but what you just naturally want and set your own goals to get this, for me it was to write my own novel and since then it's been various things, find your own things and go for it whatever they are that's my advice.


Yeah that is definitely what people that are well off would say, majority of us who are rooted to reality know we can't just go like '' gonna write a comic and be happy'' . Life kicks ass as much as it can , you just have to be able to take some ass whoopings better than others.

I don't even know what being anxious or stressed is, maybe I am, I don't know. I feel down some days, some days in pain for no obvious reason but that is life.

''Saying it's because I was controlling you and making you sad when actually I just asked you to wear some trousers'' :lol: :lol:
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by kerr9000 » Tue Mar 13, 2018 6:41 pm

I'm not well off, I'm pretty skint, I work part time due to ill health with pip topping me up enough to get by. I have serious headaches every day, I have petit Mal seizures every day... I just don't think a career is everyone's path to happiness.

http://kerr9000.blogspot.co.uk/ For my Blog... https://www.youtube.com/user/kerr9000 for my YouTube channel. kerr9000_blog on Instagram. kerr9000 on Xbox, PS4 etc
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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Wed Mar 14, 2018 3:40 am

I honestly think for some people the idea of getting help is unthinkable and so there is only do this job and be strawberry floating miserable (and then get fired for no fault of your own eventually), the idea of making major life changes and hitting rock bottom is terrifying so being unhappy is a compromise.

Well strawberry float that honestly. If I did that I know I'd end up dead, completely insane and/or anorexic. I don't really get this idea that relentless unhappiness and toeing the line because "it's the way it is" is a valid outlook, it seems almost cowardly in my opinion. I'm almost thankful I know how it feels to be deeply unhappy so I can avoid those scenarios however possible. Normality and pride, fulfilling others expectations etc can do one.

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