Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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smurphy
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AKA: A Little Cocky Child
Location: Scotland

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by smurphy » Sat Jan 13, 2018 5:00 pm

jawafour wrote:There has been a pressure to "get things right" and "have fun!" for an extended time and that can be quite stressful for some people.


100% this. My year from school have this reunion every Christmas eve in my hometown, and it was only the other year I realised I didn't have to go. It was a revelation. Everyone I like I keep in touch with anyway, and being in that sort of situation with people I didn't really like just made me feel horrible. Same with New Year. I always felt like you have to do something amazing or you've failed, but I just totally gave up on it (to the point I didn't even realise it was the 31st this year) and the whole Christmas period has become the most peaceful and relaxing time of year for me.

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Qikz
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Qikz » Tue Feb 13, 2018 5:56 pm

I don't think this is depression but I really just need to vent. I guess it's more anxiety than anything else, but hopefully venting here might help me.

I got made a manager at work the other month and I've been trying really hard to do a good job, it was going fine but recently within the last 2 weeks I've seemingly let everything get on top of me after a big mistake which I'm not even in trouble for. I've been getting more and more stressed, because the more I feel like I want to do a good job the more I've found it harder to keep up. Stress sets my IBS off so my stomach has been causing me issues which hasn't helped it at all.

I really, really don't want to strawberry float this up and today my Boss called me up to his office as he realised something was going on and he asked if he could help. I tried to explain away the stress to pressure with tickets but I can't help but feel it's more than that. I'm getting really self defeatest that any time I notice myself make a single mistake or feel like I'm falling behind on one thing I just feel like I'm going to fail. It's like there's a voice in my head telling myself over and over again that "oh gooseberry fool you're strawberry floating everything up, you're an idiot why can't you get anything right" and it scares me that I might have bigger mental health problems than stress.

I've been through phases like this all my life. I often get back on top of it and it goes away for a while. It's not like it even happens just to me IRL. There's a game I play and just before Christmas I went through this entire thing just localised to my streaming of said game/tournaments I run and how I play it. I read some book about how to not tilt or at least how to improve the negative thoughts that were building up and it genuinely feels so much better. It's weird, because it feels like I'm tilting but at work. I'm letting all my negative emotions build up and overthrow me.

I think I know what I need to do to get on top of things again and I think my chat with my boss genuinely helped a lot, but I'm going to talk to him more tomorrow and just explain what I've just vented about here. I just need to take control of everything again, but where I get so damn anxious all the time that I'm going to screw everything up it's hard.

Thanks for listening, sorry if this doesn't belong here but I didn't know who else to talk to.

Last edited by Qikz on Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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still
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by still » Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:00 pm

On my i-pad Qikz so can’t write a lot. But my first thought is, have you tried mindfulness meditation or relaxation techniques? I think you can still trial Headspace for free. Might be worth giving them a go so that you can a) relax at a fundamental level, b) watch your thought processes and see when they are illogically doing you harm. Just a thought.

Edit: by the way, your story definitely belongs here.

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Karl
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Karl » Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:03 pm

Of course it's fine to vent here, Qikz. It sounds like some kind of performance anxiety, or like, mental block caused by stress. I think you're doing the right thing by being open with your boss and trying to tackle it head-on. Something it might help to focus on is that you simply wouldn't have been promoted if you weren't the best-suited candidate for the role. Everyone messes something up now and then, but overall your performance must be good, so you have every reason to believe you can handle the job.

Hope it starts to go better for you from here on in. :wub:


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