Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by False » Wed Aug 22, 2018 12:39 pm

Will record thanks

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by *<]:^D » Wed Aug 22, 2018 3:38 pm

Xand?

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Lotus » Wed Aug 22, 2018 4:02 pm

<]:^D wrote:Xand?

Xander. Him and his brother Chris seem to be the new faces of BBC medical programmes.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Hime » Sat Aug 25, 2018 3:06 am

Just thought I'd ask in here if anyone has any experience like this with people they know, in their family, etc. Basically my sister has some pretty bad mental health issues (borderline personality disorder and depression among others) but for the past 15 years or so it has been her get out of jail free card for acting like a complete banana split and making my parents lives pretty bloody miserable. Now don't get me wrong, she has mental health issues but I'm fairly certain that her capacity for lying and manipulation has steadily seen her become a product of the system and she has been on various medication to the point that I wonder if she knows who she is anymore.

To give a bit of context she has always been an attention seeker, she would be the one at parties who would make a scene and get a knife and say they were going to kill themselves. One of her friends spoke to me in a bar about 10 years ago and told me that my sister had told them that my dad had abused her. It turned out she had spun a yarn about her horrific upbringing and how hard she had had her childhood had been. All complete bollocks. Unfortunately doctors have pandered to this need for attention as she learned pretty quickly that she could she could tell things and they would give her drugs that she could then post about on social media for the old "You ok hun XX". The culmination of this for me was at a family thing a few years ago she was talking about her bad back and how much pain she was in, it turned out she had convinced the doctors she needed morphine. A few hours later this conversation is forgotten about as she is up dancing. Morphine for strawberry float sake, an end of life drug.

Everything has gotten progressively worse over the years, she can't hold down a job and she is such an entitled gooseberry fool that she just thinks my parents can keep on giving her money. She speaks to them like a petulant teenager despite being almost 30 and never takes responsibility for anything. Life is basically one drink to the next and any questions that are asked are dismissed as "you don't understand" and the mental illness is usef as an excuse for everything. She might look like a manky drug user most of time but thousands upon thousands of pounds are going her way. The thing is she is so brazen about it, posting pictures on social media of nights out and having an Instagram page for her two french bull dogs yet she'll be on the phone everyday claiming that she can't afford to eat, needs petrol money or 'ladies things'. She is a compulsive liar and will say whatever is needed to get what she wants.

I guess what I want to know is, has anyone ever seen the end of the tunnel for anything like this? I'm worried about my folks as they're getting older and don't need this stress every day of their lives. NHS and private help have been used numerous times over the years yet nothing has changed. I'm sure that reads like incoherent nonsense but it's tough to know where to start with something that has gone on for so long and makes you incandescent with rage. It might not even sound that bad so you'll just need to trust me, it's strawberry floating awful.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Octoroc » Sat Aug 25, 2018 9:23 am

That's a lot of info to process Hime, but it's far from a unique situation. In fact, myself included I know quite a few people with siblings like yours.

So on one hand I understand your concern for your parents and the stress your sister causes them, but she is their daughter and it's not for you to dictate to them how they treat her.

Voice your opinion by all means, but really the best you can do is give them your support.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Sat Aug 25, 2018 1:44 pm

I think the short of it is she won't change. She has BPD, and that's her personality. There are ways to make her "suffer responsibly" but she could actually die so... My experience with bad siblings is, you will make yourself miserable as well.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by I Believe In Stool Bloke » Sat Aug 25, 2018 10:44 pm

I'm drunk as strawberry float. Again. On my own. Again.

Got the shivers.

Got a letter from the GP telling me to make an appointment for alcoholism and depression.

I've mentioned it to both my families but we all laugh it off.

I don't think there's anything wrong with me but I can't keep ignoring the signals.

Anyone else got a problem with alcohol?

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Rocsteady » Sat Aug 25, 2018 11:09 pm

That sucks man. I had in the past. I developed a liver disease a few years ago which means that anymore than a couple nowadays starts to hurt too much though, which curtailed that.

How often are you drinking alone? Is it effecting your day to day life?

I drank every single day for over a year as an escape, going up to about a litre of rum in a single night (but normally ‘just’ 4-8 beers). I knew I was depressed but never thought about seeing anyone for the alcohol aspect. I don’t really have any great suggestions tbh, I’d kicked it for a while then was drinking extremely heavily the last couple of months before my liver disease as I was in a very depressed mind state.

Drop me a pm if you ever want to chat about gooseberry fool.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by False » Sun Aug 26, 2018 12:47 am

I thought you were married?

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Hime » Sun Aug 26, 2018 1:31 am

Octoroc wrote:That's a lot of info to process Hime, but it's far from a unique situation. In fact, myself included I know quite a few people with siblings like yours.

So on one hand I understand your concern for your parents and the stress your sister causes them, but she is their daughter and it's not for you to dictate to them how they treat her.

Voice your opinion by all means, but really the best you can do is give them your support.

I know man, it's wild. I'm not in any way trying to dictate how they treat her, they don't have a clue what to do and it's its tough seeing your parents get treated this way and not being able to do anything about it. I just ask them how she is and keep an eye on her social media to let them know if they're getting the wool pulled over their eyes.

Green Gecko wrote:I think the short of it is she won't change. She has BPD, and that's her personality. There are ways to make her "suffer responsibly" but she could actually die so... My experience with bad siblings is, you will make yourself miserable as well.

I actually think that being sectioned would be the best thing for her. Yeah she has BPD but she's also just a spoiled little brat.


Sorry to hear that Oblo, I wish I could offer some advice but I don't know what to say. Hope you're able to get some help.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Sun Aug 26, 2018 3:45 am

My brother was exploitative and always angry in a similarly disarming way to my mom, treating her poorly. It only seems to improve when he got a good girlfriend. I spent years resenting the situation, I also fell out with my dad over it as being divorced and remarried he would do strawberry float all. So I know it hurts, but I also had to help build my mums confidence so she would stop being a doormat. Which took seemingly forever. He didn't move out ultimately until he was about 26. I left when I was 19. It's very hard to be diplomatic but resenting anyone just explodes the situation over and over again, which hurts you most of all. There were many situations where I deeply cared about my family's problems but they simply didn't believe I did and had selfish reasons instead. I found that incredibly difficult. Protrectionist parent behaviour sucks.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by I Believe In Stool Bloke » Sun Aug 26, 2018 7:54 am

Rocsteady wrote:That sucks man. I had in the past. I developed a liver disease a few years ago which means that anymore than a couple nowadays starts to hurt too much though, which curtailed that.

How often are you drinking alone? Is it effecting your day to day life?

I drank every single day for over a year as an escape, going up to about a litre of rum in a single night (but normally ‘just’ 4-8 beers). I knew I was depressed but never thought about seeing anyone for the alcohol aspect. I don’t really have any great suggestions tbh, I’d kicked it for a while then was drinking extremely heavily the last couple of months before my liver disease as I was in a very depressed mind state.

Drop me a pm if you ever want to chat about gooseberry fool.

Thanks Ian.

I don't really think there's anything wrong. I'm not sure why the doctor thinks I'm depressed, it could just be because of how regularly I drink and they want to explore the possibility. I've binned the letter and don't plan on making an appointment.

I sort of expected my drinking habits to change when I moved out of the city, as I'm not in walking distance of so many bars and more importantly my friends, whereas I seem to just be drinking alone instead.

I'm not in work until Thursday, which usually encourages me to drink even more. I'm going to try and not touch the stuff until next weekend and see how I get on.

I am married, Falsey. My wife rarely drinks so I'll just be chugging away while she's having squash, she'll go to bed early and I'll stay up on my own and continue to drink.

Thanks for the support guys. I'll be alright, just as soon as this hangover clears up!

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by shadow202 » Sun Aug 26, 2018 8:25 am

I don't have any advice to give you because I've never experienced the situation that you're in but you definitely shouldn't just bin the letter. Go to the doctors app and see what happens from there.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Octoroc » Sun Aug 26, 2018 9:50 am

Oblomov Boblomov wrote:[

I'm not in work until Thursday, which usually encourages me to drink even more. I'm going to try and not touch the stuff until next weekend and see how I get on.



David Bowie wrote:Time and again I tell myself, 'I'll stay clean tonight', but the the little green wheels are firing me. Oh no not again.


That's good dude, but be realistic and if you do have a drink don't feel like a failure and give up. It sounds to me as though you need to find some activity that precludes drinking.

Tough times, but there's still a way out.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Minoru » Thu Aug 30, 2018 10:52 pm

I seriously need some help. I get panic attacks from the thought of basic social interaction (got to ring the dentist? Panic attack. Got to ask directions? Panic attack. Want to try a hobby like D&D or something productive like volunteering? Panic attack). In addition to that, the situation with my family is putting a constant strain on my emotions and I feel guilty, sad and lonely all the time. I really can't continue to live like this. My parents aren't particularly supportive of me seeing a doctor and that's hard enough to do if they were pushing me towards it. I just don't know what to do. I need space I can't get and help I can't face getting. I feel totally trapped and hopeless.

I don't even know why I'm posting, really, because the answer is clearly 'suck it up, go see a doctor and hope they can help', I'm just really, really tired of everything and I have nothing good in my life right now.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Snowballday » Thu Aug 30, 2018 11:30 pm

Min, you're doing your best. Going to the doctor may be the best thing to do, but remember, it's your decision what to do, not your parents. You're the one that feels this way, and having to cope with panic attacks, not them. You're in charge here, and that's important.

The doctors may try to push tablets on you, remember that therapy is an option too and that you dont have to take the tablets if you think and feel that therapy may be the better option.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Minoru » Fri Aug 31, 2018 12:50 am

I don't know what I want. I'm terrified of going to the doctor. I'm terrified of opening up to someone, I'm terrified that it won't help and I'll have no options left, I'm terrified that a diagnosis is going to ruin my future (my cousin had to adopt her granddaughter and social services gave them trouble over antidepressants she takes for migraines. I want kids someday and I don't want to lose that option).

I never wanted to need medication but I'm really desperate and if it can relieve some of these feelings, that's all I want, because I genuinely don't know how long I can continue to live like this. I just want to be able to live like a normal, functional person.

It's like the last 2 month have been a constant stress, never able to rest and catch my breath. I can't cope with my parents issues with my sexuality at the same time as my anxiety and depression and they've both come about at once. I feel like the only people I have in my life, hate something about me I can't even change and that makes it so much harder to let them help support me in everything else, because all I want right now is space I have no way of getting.

My head is so messed up and confused and scared right now and I just really want it to stop.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Karl » Fri Aug 31, 2018 2:20 am

I'm really sorry Minoru. It sounds like you're in a lot of emotional pain right now, and I wish we could help beyond just offering kind of vague Internet support.

It sounds to me like you could benefit from a doctor's visit in any combination of four ways:
1. Arranging talking therapy via the NHS;
2. The prescription of something like venlafaxine for generalised anxiety disorder [N.B. I am not a clinician and I am not diagnosing you];
3. Something like propranolol for panic attacks [again, not a clinician];
4. You would get some kind of formal diagnosis, which might underscore the need for your family to take you seriously and support you.

I don't know anything about adoption, but I can't imagine "was once on antianxiety medication" would be justification to deem you unfit. I'm not an expert, but I speculate that a bigger issue might be if you were going through the adoption process one day without having tackled these problems -- that might put up some roadblocks.

So I don't think this would ruin your future, and I feel it might help a lot in the present. I really don't think you have anything to lose by making an appointment.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Fri Aug 31, 2018 2:54 am

My friend suffered from anxiety attacks and panic attacks about a lot of relatively ordinary social things, including going to unversity. After graduating with a first class anyway as he did almost all his work at home (even the electronics) he eventually sought private therapy that worked better for him because he had full control over the engagement, but the point is therapy worked. He finally moved out of home which was a massive step (somewhat forced by house sale) and now has a girlfriend and a job. Beforehand he turned down a lot of opportunities and wouldn't go out and struggled to talk to people like writing emails to professors. He was also prescribed propranolol (beta blockers) to help with the anxiety attacks when needed.

My psychiatrist several years ago now also prescribed a mild anti psychotic which is useful as a sleep aid and to help with anxiety attacks of the kind I experience when combined with SSRI anti depressants.

Although I initially declined medication some 10 years ago now because I was worried about that, they have helped me. At the time I had to accept strong tranquilisers (zopiclone) anyway just to sleep as I was losing my mind. The clinical basis for SSRIs is very good, including treatment for mild anxiety (I can't remember which you are supposed to treat first, the anxiety or the depression but I think untreated anxiety usually leads to depression).

It sounds like you're in a situation of kind of breaking point of the kind I had at various stages of seeking treatment, all of which helped at least a bit. Do you have anyone at all even not your family who can accompany you to the doctor? Or can you arrange a telephone appointment to discuss your symptoms in confidence with a GP without having to physically go?

In your local area there should be an NHS body to which you can also self refer for support, on the Internet. What county or borough are you in? Before receiving talking therapy, you will have to see someone face to face though.

I would also suggest looking at some mindfulness meditation and breathing exercises on YouTube. It really can help a lot. Very small things like focusing on your breath to connect you to the physical a bit more and take focus away from the rapid over thinking. I can share some paid ones on Dropbox if that helps that are really good.

I'm sorry you're this situation with your family when I was struggling to even understand my health problems never mind have my parents notice or do anything about them. Which was deeply ironic considering my mum worked in mental health, and my father - a neuroscientist - was useless, I couldn't even talk to him about it. Things are much better now but especially if you're young these things don't seem to be taken seriously because haven't you got it good best time your life blah blah well sometime it bloody isn't. I do sympathise, but the health system doesn't descriminate. I think it's important to take charge of your own health. It really doesn't matter what other people think. If I hadn't done, if I hadn't at least started looking into what might be the problem, I most probably wouldn't be here. So it's a start.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Minoru » Fri Aug 31, 2018 3:14 pm

Gecko, your friend's situation sounds very similar. I've been studying through OU because I couldn't face real uni and dropped out like twice - I'm 26 so not that young, I've just wasted half my life avoiding everything and my family have enabled that terribly (well meaning but it's made things worse over time). I'm glad things got better for him.

I am really scared that therapy won't help much or medication will just make things worse, but I'm definitely at a point where I just can't continue like this and I need to somehow find the strength to do something about it. I'm pretty throughly isolated, I don't have anyone I could go with except my parents, and frankly I'd rather go alone. I've been looking at talking to someone with Mind first as some sort of step before going to the doctor, but I can also look at the self referral you mentioned, I suppose. I guess I just need to try something as a first step and stop over thinking it and terrifying myself.

I've tried some exercises and stuff online before, to little success, but if you have some paid stuff I could check it out in case it helps any better?

You're right of course, that I need to start dealing with it myself, because my parents are useless with mental health and it really is up to me to help myself. It's just very difficult because I live with them and I'm used to them helping with everything and right now we've been arguing a lot as a result of me coming out, everything I do is basically 'well you weren't this unhappy before you were gay' when I'm feeling worse because I'm trying to stop ignoring things (and okay yeah, coming out has agrivated things because I feel like gooseberry fool about my sexuality and how they've reacted to it, when it was supposed to be a part of my not ignoring things anymore, but that's only one part of the problem).

Sorry, I'm rambling, I feel stupid posting such personal stuff to a forum, I just don't have a better outlet right now.

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