Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Sun Sep 30, 2018 11:56 pm

Yeah man. I've been dealing with some form of depression or another since I was around 12, at least. Didn't see an actual psychologist/psychiatrist about it until I was about 21 though. Actually I haven't posted on this thread for a couple of weeks as it was truly awful. I could barely do anything, was thinking a lot about stuff but had no energy to do anything about it, my partner had to make me eat or bring/cook food and get me out of bed most days. For about 3 solid weeks. I got headaches and was extremely irritable after about 3 minutes of thinking about any topic and almost had a panic attack just going into my workshop.

I'm finally feeling a bit better, things like doing little songs, talking about stuff rather than barely at all, wanting to make things, wanting to go for a walk, not just thinking about wanting to or wishing I would/could do some work etc. (My productively is basically inextricably linked to my depression as a designer/fabrication engineer, it's not only a bit dangerous and low quality forcing myself to work my mind has to be in the right place to actually do the designing and problem solving part, as well as dealing with people on the emails almost daily).

Gonna make a little GameCube decal to stick to the GBA I have connected for gameboy player tomorrow, start to implement some marketing/email automation, close down some outstanding projects and small steps back into work. Hopefully not another false start, maybe I'll only work 2 days this week but can't hang around forever for my brain to figure itself out. It's going to take ages to see someone anyway.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by jawafour » Mon Oct 01, 2018 9:26 am

That sounds tough, Gecko - I hope your small "recovery" steps soon build towards a better state.

A slightly off-the-wall thought, but do you feel that your battle with depression could actually be a positive factor in driving your creativity? I don't know about others but, personally, I feel that the up-and-down periods play a part in building my ideas. When things are rough I can barely think beyond a blank page but, on the "way back", I can be exuberantly creative.

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Seven Posers Posing
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Seven Posers Posing » Mon Oct 01, 2018 1:12 pm

It's been two months and I've not heard anything from the talking therapy people. I'm not annoyed about it - I know they're stretched. It's crap that there isn't better provision out there, especially as I believe there will be a lot of people in a worse situation than me. (Although maybe the form I filled in didn't demonstrate enough urgency).

I have spoken to my boss about it, and he recommended (and has offered to pay for) a clinical hypnotherapist, who specialises in this kind of thing. I'm off to see her in two weeks' time. I'm certainly intrigued. Have no idea what to expect but will let you all know how it goes.

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Mon Oct 01, 2018 3:25 pm

jawafour wrote:That sounds tough, Gecko - I hope your small "recovery" steps soon build towards a better state.

A slightly off-the-wall thought, but do you feel that your battle with depression could actually be a positive factor in driving your creativity? I don't know about others but, personally, I feel that the up-and-down periods play a part in building my ideas. When things are rough I can barely think beyond a blank page but, on the "way back", I can be exuberantly creative.

Yes jawa I believe it does have a role and I have lots of ideas. My mother believes the same thing and sort of raised me that way. You have so much time to stew over ideas when depressed that when you have your energy back you can set about making them, the only struggle then is focus and doing the right ones that need more doing or are realistic and won't set you back months. If I never struggled with depression I probably wouldn't have taken those big steps to alter my future and see to it that I would be less likely to be depressed more in the future by for example doing office jobs that at times made me physically ill (and I do suffer the physical elements pretty badly like extreme fatigue, aches, nausea and headaches, and no appetite).

Poser wrote:It's been two months and I've not heard anything from the talking therapy people. I'm not annoyed about it - I know they're stretched. It's crap that there isn't better provision out there, especially as I believe there will be a lot of people in a worse situation than me. (Although maybe the form I filled in didn't demonstrate enough urgency).

I have spoken to my boss about it, and he recommended (and has offered to pay for) a clinical hypnotherapist, who specialises in this kind of thing. I'm off to see her in two weeks' time. I'm certainly intrigued. Have no idea what to expect but will let you all know how it goes.

It does take ages man, eventually they should pop a letter through or call you. And yeah I hazard to think what happens to people who are worse off, the suicide rate is hardly good. I think they just rely on hospitals and people being sectioned too far gone and treatment isn't anywhere near preventative enough.

A lot of people tend to temper their descriptions of their condition so are not noticed.. I've been dismissed because I presented OK but I certainly wasn't. Sometimes you have to pick the worst moments and describe those or slightly over dramatise to highlight those.. It's shitty feeling you have to do that, but support workers in the past have essentially done that for me to make sure I got the help they knew I need because they knew I would temper what I say in the forms. It's hard because you are used to presenting yourself as hey everything's ok I'm normal etc. But that isn't the truth.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Harry Ellis » Mon Oct 01, 2018 3:42 pm

The suicide rate for men under 45 has skyrocketed in recent years. All we can do is try to remain as strong as possible and remember what we have around us that is worth living for.

One man should not have this much power in this game. Luckily I'm not an ordinary man.
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by jawafour » Mon Oct 01, 2018 4:43 pm

Poser wrote:...Have no idea what to expect but will let you all know how it goes.

I have huge admiration for how you're going about seeking options for improving your situation, Poser. Good luck, man.

Green Gecko wrote:...You have so much time to stew over ideas when depressed that when you have your energy back you can set about making them, the only struggle then is focus and doing the right ones that need more doing or are realistic and won't set you back months...

True, Gecko. I find that, after a "down" period, my creativity (or, at least, the desire to be creative) often gets a boost. Things that seemed difficult often then become easier.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Tue Oct 02, 2018 3:57 am

Well I actually did the small work things, dispatched two orders including making 3 items, one to down the road and the other to Arizona USA. Didn't make myself a GameCube decal but can do that tomorrow and no panic attacks, just super slow and taking breaks whenever I need.

It's good to be able to manage - eventually - but the past few weeks have been truly quite horrible. I am so glad I have at least some support and also able to post here (I do occasionally wonder if anyone follows me here but I've been strongly considering going public with my struggles in business and creative careering in general anyway, maybe it will help someone and my customers are so understanding... I don't really want to attract clients that won't accept this "excuse" anyway). It probably would not be so easy if I was still required to be out of the house 7 or even 6am to 8pm+...

One target maybe there are several free co-working open days in the city early this month so I can try going to get some free coffee and probably bump into some people I know (even when mental health struggles lead to negative experiences some of which were quite public) so I will maybe confirm some of those. Also my girlfriend is going to take me to the facility I need to cut a large sign a customer already paid up a month ago now.. but they are informed of the circumstances.

I hope everyone else is doing OK :)

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Snowy » Tue Oct 02, 2018 7:57 am

Did you post at 3:57am because you're in a different country to the time the forum is set to or because you were awake?

Only reason is that your circadian rhythm is strawberry floated if you're not asleep at that time and sleep is an absolute major factor in ensuring good mental health. I know people harp on a out it as well but exercise makes a massive difference, I didn't used to believe it but I've recently started doing a lot more exercise and it's made a difference. I honestly don't think I get the same endorphin release some people seem to get but it makes it easier to sleep at night.

Here's an interesting read on negative thinking and strawberry floated sleeping: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/29111422

Obviously everyone is different and getting to sleep is sometimes much harder than putting your head on a pillow. I found not looking at electronic screens for a while before going to bed really helped as well.

I hope you find a way to feel better. It's good that you have a girlfriend for support as well.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by kerr9000 » Tue Oct 02, 2018 10:24 am

I think one of the main issues is people hide a lot of issues and even if past them don't talk about them. I have tried to go about this a very different way I have blogged about my mental health issues, sat with others who are suffering and told them mine in the hope it makes them feel better about talking about there's and even worked as a mentor..... If your feeling low or gooseberry fool I think it helps to know others have felt or are feeling that way. I think this forum is a pretty great supportive place, if only more places were like this.

http://kerr9000.blogspot.co.uk/ For my Blog... https://www.youtube.com/user/kerr9000 for my YouTube channel. kerr9000_blog on Instagram. kerr9000 on Xbox, PS4 etc
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Snowballday » Tue Oct 02, 2018 10:36 am

I don't like talking about my anxiety and depression in real life. I end up breaking down in front of whoever it is, even if they're just on the other end of the phone, which makes me unable to want to talk anymore about it.
I've tried to talk to people, I've had CBT and they put me in group therapy, which didn't do much for me. I feel much more comfortable typing it out when I'm having a bad time and talking to people about new projects and stuff for when I'm feeling better.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Snowy » Tue Oct 02, 2018 5:44 pm

It would be interesting to know how people find CBT. Any worth to it?

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Snowballday » Tue Oct 02, 2018 6:08 pm

Sandy wrote:It would be interesting to know how people find CBT. Any worth to it?


I think it depends on the therapist and how they go through it with you. I found group CBT to be very daunting and uncomfortable. I'd have prefered to have one on one instead where it didn't feel condenced and rushed, but they don't offer you that in Birmingham. I still have the work books they gave me to work at home with.

Someone I know had CBT one on one and found it a lot better for them in a different part of the UK. It was a more controlled environment and it wasn't rushed. They went at their own pace. My course had been action packed into 6 sessions lasting an hour, whereas they'd had twelve sessions lasting 2 hours each.

I also think it depends on the person and how they react to therapy as well. One woman in my group had been to group CBT sessions 4 times before being put in the group I was in, whereas my friend hasn't gone back to having therapy since finishing their CBT course. Another woman in my group saw a vast improvement in herself, whereas I didn't find it useful at all.

I guess it also depends on your problems and how deep down the rabbit hole it goes. Mine are very intwinned with other problems I have. I'm actually waiting 3 weeks to see my doctor about taking a new approach, 3 weeks being the earliest appointment I could get.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Snowy » Tue Oct 02, 2018 8:50 pm

It's a shame that they don't offer something that might be better for you where you live. They offer the option down here, you can go group or one on one.

I get that CBT works for some people but I'm not entirely convinced that what they see as improvement due to CBT isn't just improvement due to time passing.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Tue Oct 02, 2018 8:56 pm

Yeah my sleep is strawberry floated however it's been circling in and out of normal for 15+ years, I try to take tranquillisers at the moment at 10pm to almost fall asleep (I was nodding off while playing R-type which didn't result in a great performance :lol:) then go to bed, however for some reason I was settling into my workshop and ended up on the laptop until 5am or so this time, I suppose I was settling in again whereas previously I was avoiding the workshop for a good amount of time because I was not coping with, well, everything. I think environment and situating yourself differently has a large impact on mood in different circumstances.

I try to take regular walks as well which does help.

I think I did CBT one on one about 6 sessions over some months, in the end my psychologist recommended I resign from my job and go freelancing again and well I suppose that eventually lead to setting up my own business seriously and I am doing it now so it was probably a good thing, who knows. I sold my first art project for £150 when I was 14 and did various stuff so it was not a new thing for me, traditional employment just doesn't work for some people. I was actually doing 2 different jobs 100 miles apart with ridiculous commutes, whatever it was my approach to work was just wrong and my health was more important than working that way. You do what you can and take the opportunities made available to me, which I certainly earnt from the connections and impressions I made, nothing has been handed to me on a plate.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Seven Posers Posing » Wed Oct 03, 2018 9:09 am

The only group sessions I was offered were during the working week. While I can understand the reasons for that, it hardly caters for high-functioning depressives who also hold down jobs. There was no way I could commit to those.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Wed Oct 03, 2018 11:11 am

Your employment should be able to give you time away to access treatment. What's stopping you from saying you need to attend treatment for a medical condition?

(Sorry if that sounds blunt, I'm pretty sure I know what the answer is and it isn't your fault, but I'm posing the hypothetical question because when depressed we don't always rationally analyse the importance or viability of things that concern our own wellbeing, especially).

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Pacman » Fri Oct 12, 2018 1:33 am

Sandy wrote:It's a shame that they don't offer something that might be better for you where you live. They offer the option down here, you can go group or one on one.

I get that CBT works for some people but I'm not entirely convinced that what they see as improvement due to CBT isn't just improvement due to time passing.

I used to be really against CBT but I am warming to it. The effect of time passing is controlled for in the research and there have been a bunch of meta-analyses giving the consensus that supposedly CBT is "about as effective as medication", whatever that means. The issue for me (as a clinician) is with the really high relapse rates after people stop having sessions. BUT, when people come in for a second round of CBT sessions they are then significantly less likely to relapse. It's also the most "cost-effective" way of treating anxiety and depression in the population... which I know isn't a very sexy sell but hey.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:26 am

Well I have no idea whether I'm on course for CBT again (I don't even know if what I did a couple of years ago now was CBT) but will be getting some counselling at least (after the really really long waiting list is up) which is good.

I have finally started to execute some fabrication work after bloody weeks of being pretty much immobile and it looks good which helps, should be able to do the final piece by Monday and get that out to my customer who is fortunately a friend so don't need to worry too much about appearances. (On the other hand I have a sign to install in the middle of town which means nosy bastards peering at me installing it but it won't take too long..)

I'm totally done being reticent regarding any aspect of my health with my family though namely my father so not putting up with terms like "therapy you want" and more in line with "treatment I need because I am ill" and getting that message across, especially when obviously it's possible certain behaviours from some people in your life over a long period can impact on your mental wellbeing as well as all sorts of other circumstances like work, finances, social life genetics physical health etc etc. Depression sure does test your relationships (on top of everything else in your world, not many people fully understand that it doesn't just stop at happy/sad it strawberry floats everything) especially considering one of the most important (and hardest things) is that relationships and outside interaction are what get you out of this mess just as it is going to the hospital if you broke your leg, it probably won't heal so well on it's own.. why people think it should is very strange.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Seven Posers Posing » Wed Oct 17, 2018 11:10 am

Poser wrote:...a clinical hypnotherapist.... I'm off to see her in two weeks' time. I'm certainly intrigued. Have no idea what to expect but will let you all know how it goes.


That was yesterday.

strawberry floating hell, what a difference. :shock:

Results far in excess of what I was expecting. Long story short, I've always had issues, but I had a very stressful 2012/13, which basically broke my brain and caused me to develop anxiety.

She said I am (was?) visibly very tense and quite agitated when I talk.

She spent 90 minutes rewiring my brain via three different methods. I remained skeptical even while she was doing it, but came out the session feeling very strange and not quite like myself. I've already encountered a couple of instances of things that I would typically have dwelt on, such as a challenging phone call with a client. I dealt with them all much better than I normally would have done.

It's all a bit weird and I don't quite believe it still, but here we are. I genuinely feel much better. I have got the word 'placebo' in my head, but even if it is, I don't really care. (I guess, given that I've taken no actual medication, it technically is a placebo of sorts anyway).

She's recorded the hypnosis session so I can recreate it at home if I need to (it's only her talking). I'm going back again next week but she says that might be the only other session I need.

Again: :shock:

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Mini E » Wed Oct 17, 2018 11:16 am

Great to hear Poser!


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