I should probably speak to a professional about this but strawberry float it I like the amaninity (think thats spelt wrong) of this place.
Anyway I tried to kill myself approx. two years ago by overdosing and it was obviously unsuccessful but I've never gotten over the feeling that I'll be punished for trying to commit such a sin (I'm not religious but both my parents are and I've been brought up in a religious home)
So the issue was both depression and anxiety. Now I keep having this dream / thought that my all my immediate family has died in a motorway pile up car crash and its seriously bumming me out, I've no idea how to feel less stressed about it or how to stop letting the dreams get to me and how to stop thinking this is somehow my fault because I tried to overdose and it did no long term damage to me.
Right now I'm at strawberry float this gooseberry fool but nowhere near the thought of killing myself again because I don't think I'll ever sink that low again
shadow202 wrote:I should probably speak to a professional about this but strawberry float it I like the amaninity (think thats spelt wrong) of this place.
Anyway I tried to kill myself approx. two years ago by overdosing and it was obviously unsuccessful but I've never gotten over the feeling that I'll be punished for trying to commit such a sin (I'm not religious but both my parents are and I've been brought up in a religious home)
So the issue was both depression and anxiety. Now I keep having this dream / thought that my all my immediate family has died in a motorway pile up car crash and its seriously bumming me out, I've no idea how to feel less stressed about it or how to stop letting the dreams get to me and how to stop thinking this is somehow my fault because I tried to overdose and it did no long term damage to me.
Right now I'm at strawberry float this gooseberry fool but nowhere near the thought of killing myself again because I don't think I'll ever sink that low again
Hang in there fella <3 You're stronger than you know.
I reckon cognitive based therapy would help there, though obviously it'd be best to hear from a professional. I do think CBT would help challenge those intrusive thoughts , put them in an internal court room where their lack of evidence will weaken their influence.
Arrgghh been having depressed and anxiety like feelings for the past 3 weeks. When I get these feelings I lose all my appetite. So having to force eat. Been waking up throughout the night. To be fair it’s not been like this every day. I tend to feel better on weekends when I go home and just chill in my home town.
Problem is I think in general I can’t stop myself from comparing myself to others. Things like personal life and life experiences in general. I keep feeling inadequate compared to others and I know each to their own so I shouldn’t compare.
Also recently got friend zoned by someone who I didn’t even like to begin with. I don’t know why it’s even affecting me so much because it’s not like I was dating...that hadn’t even started.
It goes a lot deeper tbh other issues I have which I don’t normally think about. But don’t we all.
This probably isn't the right thread for a comment like this but it just occurred to me how much I hate people that are younger than me. I'm only 28 but I hate the 20 year old at work because I make up ideas about what he'll be doing 8 years from now and how he'll probably be doing lots better than I am.
I don't like feeling like it but I can't help it. I just feel really bitter. Another example I have is this 23 year old I worked with last year who I actually got on really well with. But now the sight of his smiling pictures on Facebook just piss me off.
I think it probably stems from the fact that I left school and stayed in the same job for 8 years. And just as I started to make leaps and bounds and progress to a position I was proud of, I was made redundant. Then my next job, although I loved the work and the money, I couldn't cope with the CEO's nasty behaviour to the point where I was having panic attacks and ended up quitting. And now, even though I just completed my three year long AAT studies, I'm just doing temp work in a shittily paid, accounts payable assistant role. Pretty much the same job I had when I left school, 12 strawberry floating years ago with no experience.
It's just really shitty. Like I feel gooseberry fool because I'm basically doing the job of a retard and can't see myself ever doing well. But then I think when I was doing well, I felt gooseberry fool because being in a better position just brings a whole new heap of stress. But I just feel like what I'm doing now is totally beneath me and I'm wasting my qualifications and time.
And then just now, looking for jobs, I see that the company I quit are advertising (yet again) for the role I left as well as a management accountant role. Like it's so infuriating. Maybe if the company owner and his pleb family weren't all strawberry floating banana splits, they wouldn't have to keep re-recruiting every other month. And I'd be a management accountant doing really well for myself.
EDIT - I was only going to post that I hate young people but I guess there's a deeper issue.
I am genuinely starting to think though that this is how I'll feel forever. Like it's my resting "happy" state, if you get what I mean.
Don’t worry I believe we all change in how we think and feel overtime. Stop comparing yourself to the younger people, there are always people much older than yourself who are in lower positions than you are. Everyone is different do not compare. Having said all that I am having issues comparing my personal life with younger people that I have met recently and it is so depressing.
I have some scans at the hospital tomorrow for a mystery abdominal illness which has had me off work for nearly a month now. Its been bothering me for probably over a year but its recently much worse. Cant really walk or be stood for more than around 30 seconds without escalating pain. Started feeling a lump inside which is probably nothing but best to have it checked.
Im just a bit tired of it all really. Im pretty convinced this scan will just show its all in my head, but then what do I do? I cant work as I cant even walk out to the car without pain. My gf is pretty chill but I feel like its putting a lot of pressure on us. I mean, I cant really strawberry float or party or go for walks or anything. I cant eat out because the docs have me on this mega restrictive diet. I cant even walk around the supermarket with her.
Anyway shes angry at me now because halfway through writing this we were checking the lump and its quite big and hard and she wants me to go to the hospital.
Falsey mate, those symptoms aren't in your head. I don't want to cause an argument between you and your partner but she's right -- if you have a large hard lump in your abdomen and you're in chronic pain then you need to go get it scanned ASAP.
Mate go and get it checked. Like you say it's probably nothing and we can riducle you later for waisting valuable NHS resources but for now make sure you're alright.
My gf took me to the hospital and was in a bit of a huff with me. They put a cannula in me and ran the tests etc and gave me a poke and all that but nothing conclusive. A suspicion Ive had is that the lump is actually all my guts in a spasm which I think would explain the pain as well as being able to feel it. The doc mentioned that the parts of my liver he could feel were ok but theres not a lot he can tell me until a scan and I have to go and have that tomorrow morning.
The cannula stung quite a bit tbh and the hole is kind of hot in my arm even now but thats really minor beans in the whole scheme. Still, not dead yet.
Also by in my head I mean it could just be one of those psychosomatic manifestations or something. I dont feel stressed or anxious that Im aware of but I mean Im on this crazy diet and it isnt helping, Ive had loads of different medicines the last couple of months and they did nothing, Ive been tested and checked and stuff and this scan is sort of my last ditch checkup.
On the one side something showing up would be a (terrible) relief because it shows that there is something actually physically wrong but I obviously dont want that. The other avenue if the scans show nothing is that its definitely in my mind somehow and how do I deal with that? Im trying to be a positive person and resolve this bullshit with a silly diet (FODMAP, if you care) and hippy ass mindfulness but if it turns out there is nothing there how can I be anything but hopeless? Ill just be resolved to this kind of never ending non-functionality and its not really the life I want to lead.
I havent complained to my gf about it too much because if I did it would be all I ever did. Its just constant wrenching gut pain and it impedes every aspect of my life at the moment. I feel like my work think Im just wagging it or being a wuss but its really to the point where I cant move sometimes.
I have been meaning to try the Fodmaps diet myself but just haven’t gotten around to doing it yet. I have IBS and my abdomen is constantly bloated but luckily causes me no pain or discomfort.