Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

Seven, I'm glad you've popped in to let us know how you're doing and hope to support you a bit. I did the same commute (6hrs total 3hrs each way), you can do it for a short time but it will eventually hit you, even part time. Please consider a reflection after say 3-6 months on how it is affecting not only your mental health but your physical health too, which are interrelated.

It sounds like if you have felt isolated and spent a lot of time in MMOs etc and feeling misunderstood or quick to act with online text and speech etc, there is lack of subtlety there and I think that, even if on the autistic spectrum (I am), it take a lot of practice and day to day human interactions to do that. Speaking really fast or too slowly and being quick to react is a symptom of anxiety though, so it may be normal for you. I feel that over time, if you make small steps to be out and about or visit people in or out of your home you may get more comfortable in yourself, but don't I want to make assumptions.

Trelliz, you sound like a normal introvert to me and I have the same struggles. I'm on the spectrum and you could seek a diagnosis but it can take a very long time (years), you might be able to get more help from specialist charities etc, and it would help you understand yourself better and feel less blame and shame/guilt etc in not being "normal" (because nobody is, there are all sorts of neurotypes and different personalities, societal norms can frankly strawberry float off especially if they make individuals' lives difficult). This also goes for Seven. But I also don't feel that a diagnosis is essential, and it isn't something you should feel is the ultimate answer to things, as that can become pathological. I.e., I have this problem, let's get a diagnosis for that, but it being a neurological difference, it is, I'm afraid, probably always going to be there.

If anyone wants to discuss that kind of thing, getting stuck in situations or feeling like they struggle coping, you can post in here too, because mental health isn't just about our mind feeling "sick", it's about our social wellbeing and higher functioning as well. It's not a club only for people with massive issues, it can help a lot just with very small issues (and help prevent them becoming bigger ones) just to talk about it and gain perspective. Well done for sharing those thinks buds

Nice to see you pop back here, Seven.

For me its more about having something i can take to current and future employers and say "look, i'm a bit weird but i'm not an asshole on purpose" - i've already mentioned it to my boss who has asked people to get in touch with me via email with everything in short bulletpoints rather than coming over and verbally dumping stuff on me in one go, but i've had issues working/communicating with others to the point that my role is "under review".

Cheers guys, reading the posts did bring some on my face ♥️

Green Gecko wrote:Seven, I'm glad you've popped in to let us know how you're doing and hope to support you a bit. I did the same commute (6hrs total 3hrs each way), you can do it for a short time but it will eventually hit you, even part time. Please consider a reflection after say 3-6 months on how it is affecting not only your mental health but your physical health too, which are interrelated.

It sounds like if you have felt isolated and spent a lot of time in MMOs etc and feeling misunderstood or quick to act with online text and speech etc, there is lack of subtlety there and I think that, even if on the autistic spectrum (I am), it take a lot of practice and day to day human interactions to do that. Speaking really fast or too slowly and being quick to react is a symptom of anxiety though, so it may be normal for you. I feel that over time, if you make small steps to be out and about or visit people in or out of your home you may get more comfortable in yourself, but don't I want to make assumptions.

Yeah the main issue with the work is also that I've had days where there seems to be lack of or very little work to do which didn't help my anxiety like "what if I get new job then get fired because I can't keep up with workload or didn't know how to do X Y Z after all" -- so combining that with long travelling means it's more annoying than just simply going to work and do my work, as at least these days go faster.

It's year thing (at least I thought it was but it's for long as I like) so will think about how it made me feel at end of the year, honestly been looking up on flats in Ayr/nearly areas online and daydreaming about it...

As of online thing, I won't lie, the main reason I tend to want to make friends online because I don't need to worry about unable to be part of it because I won't be able to hear them.. but I've had some misfortune times where people just go into VC without even saying anything in text chat, though thankfully it was just one group which I've moved on from but still got uneaseness.

Dunno, I'll be willing to go out and socialize but don't know where to start and most of my hobbies areas seem to be in Glasgow... So kinda of stuck here, feel like I can work on my problems when I move out (no if, I actually want to move out and it will happen. Can't really stand Dalmellington - lovely town, but strawberry float all to do on top of poor travelling spot) - ideally would like to work on it before that though, as god knows when I'll move out.

jawa - Id like to! I tend to get annoyed with games quick so I might need mix it with banter and at least take temp breaks if it gets too much :p other than that I'm always on discord to talk, it's my main alongside telegram which helps a little.

Trelliz wrote:I am by and large a loner, i don't have that many friends and find social situations with more than two people exhausting - i've only been to a few work drinks and always end up standing on my own for a bit before just leaving.

This bit sounds a lot like me to be honest. I'll be the one looking for the nearest exit as early as possible lol.

Great bunch of guys at work for example and I can get along with them all, have a laugh etc. but I have zero interest in seeing them outside of work. It's like, once I'm finished there, I'm finished and I don't want any further contact. Sounds a bit cold I know but that's me. I feel at my best when I'm just on my own, out for a drive in the car with no particular destination, nobody else to bother me or to be concerned about. I feel like things have to be my way and I can't be doing with the interference and judgements of other people. Been like it all of my life since I was a little kid, refusing to go near playgrounds when other kids my own age were there etc. It's difficult to understand because - to my knowledge - there were no significant events that made me this way and I do firmly believe that all of us are born as a clean slate and that our minds/personalities are shaped by early experiences.

Then there's other stuff like the fact that I really don't care if people I've known/gotten along really well with leave my life, move away etc. Also seem to have no problem walking out on people either. Never cried at any close family funerals. Makes me sound flippin' wooden as anything I guess.

Self-diagnosis is a pretty bad idea, as has already been said (especially on the internet...). I tried it once and ended up doing all of these surveys, questionnaires etc. and I was getting results that said I had psychopathic traits amongst other things.

It's a tough one because on one hand, I find it freeing to simply accept who I am and not attempt to fight the tide and be somebody that I clearly don't want to be. On the other hand, it's extremely difficult to get anywhere near the most out of life with such a mental state because it forever casts you as the lone wolf. Relationships are tough and that DOES actually bother me because as much as I don't seem to care that much about having loads of mates, social life etc. I do want a proper, lasting relationship.

So anyway, that's my emo(?) tale of woe in contribution to this thread

Trelliz wrote:For me its more about having something i can take to current and future employers and say "look, i'm a bit weird but i'm not an asshole on purpose" - i've already mentioned it to my boss who has asked people to get in touch with me via email with everything in short bulletpoints rather than coming over and verbally dumping stuff on me in one go, but i've had issues working/communicating with others to the point that my role is "under review".

I had the same problem even when it was just me and my boss one to one. And in lectures, I can't really listen and write stuff down at the same time so I got put on extended 1 year probation for generally things not getting done because I had just literally forgotten them/not processed them. Of course there's an assumption that if someone gives you information or actions in some nebulous manner they prefer you can and will execute them even if they're half arsed or make no sense or in a noisy environment under a lot of stress or even duress etc. where anxiety strawberry floats things.

I ended up leaving (by advice of my psychologist at the time), I just can't do office work so big part of why I'm self employed now. I've gone back and tried contracting and after a matter of literally 1 or 2 days I start having problems that really aren't my fault, it's just not for me.

Sounds like you are doing the right thing thinking analytically about it though and trying to be objective to find better ways of doing things.

I received a self-advocacy booklet from the national autistic society that's basically, this is the gooseberry fool I find hard and why it's my brain not my personality, it's easer for me like this etc. I never really was convinced a workplace was going to adjust so I basically gave up, felt guilty about that and still do but strawberry float it life's too short. I've sent advice sheets to two managers in the past and just nothing happens, disability seems to be seen as this thing you can't or anyone else can't do anything about so just get on with it, and that isn't true.

It does sound like maybe you should go to your GP, say you are seeking a diagnosis because you have these characteristic problems you associate with ASD and they should refer you. Family history reference from my mother (childhood development, it helped that she generally knew what she was talking about and very observant as a previous mental health sector worker) and an existing educational psychologists report probably helped me because they already discerned I was 99% likely to be on the spectrum but, believe it or not, the local council wouldn't accept that for uni support (DSA at the time) because it didn't say 100%

It took about 3 years in all and I've never had a complete, neurological assessment (I'm assuming scans and things) because the waiting list was 2 years and they wrote to me while I was seeing my dying granddad in France (and I told them this) and so I missed it. Despite repeated attempts I never got another appointment. That was in 2011. So I've been waiting 8 years for that. It doesn't matter because I have the bit of paper that says what my condition is (even though I don't technically agree with the classification) and every institution or government department or whatever has accepted it, there are also charities that can help whether or not you have a diagnosis, so it can unlock some help here and there whether that's a bit of funding or some mentoring / social support one a month or so, anything more than that, you really have to look at proactive stuff you can do too, it really is very hard and nobody makes it easy at all (even when seeking help is proactive and commendable).

In the future I expect to pay for a business and sales manager and work art stuff in my own company but remain a majority shareholder / creative director etc. so I will just get other people who are better at it do all the gooseberry fool I find hard or a pain in the arse, people and organisation generally. The amusing part is I'm back at square one only I'm then legally responsible for my own disability adjustments which means a proper quiet office space, extended and flexible hours, right to just strawberry float off if I'm feeling anxiety or a meltdown etc., headphones, music and whatever I need, rather than working around the company I am obligated to it the other way around or I'm hampering my own employee welfare and performance

(Most all of those things are already written in law and will be done by an Access to Work disability assessment by the way, the dumb thing is the company has to pay for that, and they probably won't, even though they're obligated to by the Disability Rights Act. It's not surprising the majority of autistic people aren't in employment. It's far from them being retarded or some gooseberry fool, it's just that the work environment designed around these hellish expectations for me/us are completely impenetrable for anyone with major sensory issues and/or communication difficulties in their brain.)

There's a programme on BBC2 tonight at 9pm that may be of interest to some of you:

BBC2 wrote:Horizon: Stopping Male Suicide

Suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50 in the UK - causing more deaths in this group than car accidents, and even more than cancer. This means that the most likely thing to kill Dr Xand Van Tulleken is himself. And he wants to know why.

In this sensitive film, Xand finds out what we know about why people develop suicidal thoughts, and whether there is anything that we can do about it.

Trailer/iPlayer: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0bgv82g

Cheers KK, looks interesting.

Will record thanks

Xand?

<]:^D wrote:Xand?

Xander. Him and his brother Chris seem to be the new faces of BBC medical programmes.

Just thought I'd ask in here if anyone has any experience like this with people they know, in their family, etc. Basically my sister has some pretty bad mental health issues (borderline personality disorder and depression among others) but for the past 15 years or so it has been her get out of jail free card for acting like a complete banana split and making my parents lives pretty bloody miserable. Now don't get me wrong, she has mental health issues but I'm fairly certain that her capacity for lying and manipulation has steadily seen her become a product of the system and she has been on various medication to the point that I wonder if she knows who she is anymore.

To give a bit of context she has always been an attention seeker, she would be the one at parties who would make a scene and get a knife and say they were going to kill themselves. One of her friends spoke to me in a bar about 10 years ago and told me that my sister had told them that my dad had abused her. It turned out she had spun a yarn about her horrific upbringing and how hard she had had her childhood had been. All complete bollocks. Unfortunately doctors have pandered to this need for attention as she learned pretty quickly that she could she could tell things and they would give her drugs that she could then post about on social media for the old "You ok hun XX". The culmination of this for me was at a family thing a few years ago she was talking about her bad back and how much pain she was in, it turned out she had convinced the doctors she needed morphine. A few hours later this conversation is forgotten about as she is up dancing. Morphine for strawberry float sake, an end of life drug.

Everything has gotten progressively worse over the years, she can't hold down a job and she is such an entitled gooseberry fool that she just thinks my parents can keep on giving her money. She speaks to them like a petulant teenager despite being almost 30 and never takes responsibility for anything. Life is basically one drink to the next and any questions that are asked are dismissed as "you don't understand" and the mental illness is usef as an excuse for everything. She might look like a manky drug user most of time but thousands upon thousands of pounds are going her way. The thing is she is so brazen about it, posting pictures on social media of nights out and having an Instagram page for her two french bull dogs yet she'll be on the phone everyday claiming that she can't afford to eat, needs petrol money or 'ladies things'. She is a compulsive liar and will say whatever is needed to get what she wants.

I guess what I want to know is, has anyone ever seen the end of the tunnel for anything like this? I'm worried about my folks as they're getting older and don't need this stress every day of their lives. NHS and private help have been used numerous times over the years yet nothing has changed. I'm sure that reads like incoherent nonsense but it's tough to know where to start with something that has gone on for so long and makes you incandescent with rage. It might not even sound that bad so you'll just need to trust me, it's strawberry floating awful.

That's a lot of info to process Hime, but it's far from a unique situation. In fact, myself included I know quite a few people with siblings like yours.

So on one hand I understand your concern for your parents and the stress your sister causes them, but she is their daughter and it's not for you to dictate to them how they treat her.

Voice your opinion by all means, but really the best you can do is give them your support.

I think the short of it is she won't change. She has BPD, and that's her personality. There are ways to make her "suffer responsibly" but she could actually die so... My experience with bad siblings is, you will make yourself miserable as well.

I'm drunk as strawberry float. Again. On my own. Again.

Got the shivers.

Got a letter from the GP telling me to make an appointment for alcoholism and depression.

I've mentioned it to both my families but we all laugh it off.

I don't think there's anything wrong with me but I can't keep ignoring the signals.

Anyone else got a problem with alcohol?

That sucks man. I had in the past. I developed a liver disease a few years ago which means that anymore than a couple nowadays starts to hurt too much though, which curtailed that.

How often are you drinking alone? Is it effecting your day to day life?

I drank every single day for over a year as an escape, going up to about a litre of rum in a single night (but normally ‘just’ 4-8 beers). I knew I was depressed but never thought about seeing anyone for the alcohol aspect. I don’t really have any great suggestions tbh, I’d kicked it for a while then was drinking extremely heavily the last couple of months before my liver disease as I was in a very depressed mind state.

Drop me a pm if you ever want to chat about gooseberry fool.

I thought you were married?

Octoroc wrote:That's a lot of info to process Hime, but it's far from a unique situation. In fact, myself included I know quite a few people with siblings like yours.

So on one hand I understand your concern for your parents and the stress your sister causes them, but she is their daughter and it's not for you to dictate to them how they treat her.

Voice your opinion by all means, but really the best you can do is give them your support.

I know man, it's wild. I'm not in any way trying to dictate how they treat her, they don't have a clue what to do and it's its tough seeing your parents get treated this way and not being able to do anything about it. I just ask them how she is and keep an eye on her social media to let them know if they're getting the wool pulled over their eyes.

Green Gecko wrote:I think the short of it is she won't change. She has BPD, and that's her personality. There are ways to make her "suffer responsibly" but she could actually die so... My experience with bad siblings is, you will make yourself miserable as well.

I actually think that being sectioned would be the best thing for her. Yeah she has BPD but she's also just a spoiled little brat.


Sorry to hear that Oblo, I wish I could offer some advice but I don't know what to say. Hope you're able to get some help.

My brother was exploitative and always angry in a similarly disarming way to my mom, treating her poorly. It only seems to improve when he got a good girlfriend. I spent years resenting the situation, I also fell out with my dad over it as being divorced and remarried he would do strawberry float all. So I know it hurts, but I also had to help build my mums confidence so she would stop being a doormat. Which took seemingly forever. He didn't move out ultimately until he was about 26. I left when I was 19. It's very hard to be diplomatic but resenting anyone just explodes the situation over and over again, which hurts you most of all. There were many situations where I deeply cared about my family's problems but they simply didn't believe I did and had selfish reasons instead. I found that incredibly difficult. Protrectionist parent behaviour sucks.

Rocsteady wrote:That sucks man. I had in the past. I developed a liver disease a few years ago which means that anymore than a couple nowadays starts to hurt too much though, which curtailed that.

How often are you drinking alone? Is it effecting your day to day life?

I drank every single day for over a year as an escape, going up to about a litre of rum in a single night (but normally ‘just’ 4-8 beers). I knew I was depressed but never thought about seeing anyone for the alcohol aspect. I don’t really have any great suggestions tbh, I’d kicked it for a while then was drinking extremely heavily the last couple of months before my liver disease as I was in a very depressed mind state.

Drop me a pm if you ever want to chat about gooseberry fool.

Thanks Ian.

I don't really think there's anything wrong. I'm not sure why the doctor thinks I'm depressed, it could just be because of how regularly I drink and they want to explore the possibility. I've binned the letter and don't plan on making an appointment.

I sort of expected my drinking habits to change when I moved out of the city, as I'm not in walking distance of so many bars and more importantly my friends, whereas I seem to just be drinking alone instead.

I'm not in work until Thursday, which usually encourages me to drink even more. I'm going to try and not touch the stuff until next weekend and see how I get on.

I am married, Falsey. My wife rarely drinks so I'll just be chugging away while she's having squash, she'll go to bed early and I'll stay up on my own and continue to drink.

Thanks for the support guys. I'll be alright, just as soon as this hangover clears up!