I'm really sorry Minoru -- it's unbelievable how much grief people get from their families, who in other respects love them, for coming out. I think generally parents do come around given some time, but I know "eventually..." doesn't help in the here and now, so it must be an unbelievably frustrating and hurtful situation. The "what about my grandkids?!" stuff is upsettingly common, and while often the parent will come around to the idea that you and a girlfriend could adopt one day, I know it's still hurtful to hear those things. Even if you have to be careful about what you say at home for now, it doesn't change who you are or make you any less valid in being gay.
Just an anecdote, but a very close friend of mine just moved out to go live with his boyfriend, and his Mum still doesn't accept that he's gay -- he decided he just has to live his life the way he wants whether or not his Mum accepts that. Even though it hurts to not be supported at home, you're your own person and you don't need her permission to be true to yourself. And you can still love your Mum even if you don't share that part of your life with her right now.
Re: depression: It's tough to live with anxiety and depression, particularly when you have stress at home and the grind of job-hunting all at the same time. I found it to be the kind of thing you need to take little steps with. It's important to celebrate little victories, and don't beat yourself if you have a bad day. I was just wondering, do you have anything you do to help you cope at the moment?
It's a big step, and I was totally resistant to the idea at first, but when I eventually signed up to a doctor & went to them, I found getting them involved to be a big help with both of those issues. I recently sent a PM to someone about my experiences going to a doctor with anxiety & depression -- it's a bit personal to post in public but I'd be happy to paste it to you if it would demystify the process at all, just let me know. He said it helped him make up his mind to go, but no pressure of course!
Re: anxiety & meeting people: Just an idea, but going to a local LGBT society just to hang out and chat (you don't have to tell your Mum that's where you're going!) might be a nice way to solve both the problem of meeting people in general and meeting other gay women. Is there a University local to you? The student LGBT club usually won't turn away young people that aren't at the Uni, and they are in my experience very nice spaces that are super accepting of everyone.
You definitely will meet someone one day, by the way. You seem like a nice, friendly person and that's 90% of it -- the other 10% is just getting out there and meeting people, and I get that might not be happening so much right now but you'll work on it & get the hang of it.
Re: jobs: Dunno if this helps at all or is really viable advice, but for what it's worth -- working in a library has really helped my partner to overcome her anxiety. It's a quiet enough environment that she doesn't feel overwhelmed, but she has to talk to different people every day, so it's helped her become more comfortable with that. There are libraries all over the place and they're often seeking new workers (often via agencies -- you can ask them which agency they use). I guess that's actually probably a bit specific to help in general, but maybe there are jobs you can investigate that are 'quieter' & won't stress you out.
P.S.
Minoru wrote:I know I don't post here much so I probably shouldn't be dumping a load of personal stuff, but I just need a place to vent right now.
Not at all. It's what we're here for. Venting helps, vent away whenever you feel like it.