HDYFRN - Official SONM Memorial Thread

Fed up talking videogames? Why?
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RichardUK
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by RichardUK » Tue Mar 06, 2018 11:20 pm

I wasn’t sure how my parents would react, they have never said anything bad about gay people apart from my mum would say lesbian in a strange way (like Peter Kay says his mum says it in stand up) when she spoke to me about her friends daughter, my main concern was that my parents are older than most people my age because they had me later in life and there’s a large gap between me and my siblings,

I “came out” to my friends and people I worked with but didn’t know how to really tell my parents because I didn’t want to act like it was a major thing, I used to read gay times and attitude and would hide them but I started just putting them in my room bin knowing my mum would empty it, no the best way but it worked, my mum looked emotional and told me my dad wanted to talk to me in the garage, I went in and he say “are you gay?” I said yes and started filling up with tears, my dad started crying and hugged me, I said “are you disappointed?” He said “yes” - “disappointing you didn’t think you could tell me sooner, I’m your dad and I love you” (I have got tears in my eyes writing that now!) anyway I went inside and my mum was crying and she hugged me and the first thing she said was “is Michael your boyfriend?” I laughed and said No! She said “oh that’s a shame I like him” and then rang both my sisters and brother to tell them,

Now they know everything and even have Karl go and stay with them when they are at one of there holiday homes, my dad was born in 1946 and my mum 1947 so from a different time yet they are open and understanding, I am very lucky to have them, again my siblings who are 14 - 18 years older are fine aswell but I did expect them to be, my friends were the best friends you could wish for

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Wrathy
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by Wrathy » Tue Mar 06, 2018 11:26 pm

Minoru wrote:Damn, I'm oversharing, aren't I? :fp:


If anything I overshared, I don’t really like talking about that stuff publically anymore because it’s something I regard as intensely private and somewhat akin to a fever dream.

I like Richards approach of doing stuff to plant seeds. I’m not sure if the specific example of magazines casually left around or whatever is a good or bad way, since I’ve never been someone to wrap myself in a rainbow flag and be identifiable. But it sort of breaks the news gently and puts the idea firmly in their mind as something they have to confront, without necessarily being something they have to talk to you about right now. Signalling that you’re ready to talk about it on their time. I think that’s a pretty good way to do it in general. Assuming of course they a) notice and b) bring it up. Which could be a bold assumption!

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RichardUK
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by RichardUK » Tue Mar 06, 2018 11:47 pm

Wrathy wrote:I like Richards approach of doing stuff


Oh how far we have come Wrathy ;)

I don’t buy those magazines anymore and have not done for many years, at the time I was still curious to see what I liked and read about other people’s experiences (I had no internet back then) and probably mainly it was because my friends would buy “lads mags” and it became sort of a thing that we would compare the two and make light of the situation it’s hard to explain but it broke down barriers for both me and them and a way of talking about things without it being weird

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Qikz
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by Qikz » Tue Mar 06, 2018 11:52 pm

RichardUK wrote:I wasn’t sure how my parents would react, they have never said anything bad about gay people apart from my mum would say lesbian in a strange way (like Peter Kay says his mum says it in stand up) when she spoke to me about her friends daughter, my main concern was that my parents are older than most people my age because they had me later in life and there’s a large gap between me and my siblings,

I “came out” to my friends and people I worked with but didn’t know how to really tell my parents because I didn’t want to act like it was a major thing, I used to read gay times and attitude and would hide them but I started just putting them in my room bin knowing my mum would empty it, no the best way but it worked, my mum looked emotional and told me my dad wanted to talk to me in the garage, I went in and he say “are you gay?” I said yes and started filling up with tears, my dad started crying and hugged me, I said “are you disappointed?” He said “yes” - “disappointing you didn’t think you could tell me sooner, I’m your dad and I love you” (I have got tears in my eyes writing that now!) anyway I went inside and my mum was crying and she hugged me and the first thing she said was “is Michael your boyfriend?” I laughed and said No! She said “oh that’s a shame I like him” and then rang both my sisters and brother to tell them,

Now they know everything and even have Karl go and stay with them when they are at one of there holiday homes, my dad was born in 1946 and my mum 1947 so from a different time yet they are open and understanding, I am very lucky to have them, again my siblings who are 14 - 18 years older are fine aswell but I did expect them to be, my friends were the best friends you could wish for


strawberry float, now I'm tearing up :cry: :fp:

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Tsunade
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by Tsunade » Wed Mar 07, 2018 12:24 am

I have a friend who came out a few years ago, he had no idea how anyone was going to take it (although it was kind of obvious), especially his parents who are quite old fashioned, but when he told them they just told him to stay safe. He's flourished since then, his confidence has skyrocketed. I've never seen someone who was so quiet become so confident so fast!

I hope your mum is really supportive when you tell her or she finds out minoru. We're here if you need to talk or need support.

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Drumstick
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by Drumstick » Wed Mar 07, 2018 12:25 am

It really grinds my gears that there are parents out there that would in any conceivable way think less of their child for being gay, even more now that I am now a (relatively new) father myself. I can only offer the folks here my support in that regard.

I only have one longtime friend that is gay. He's my best friend, was my best man at my wedding and we're approaching 20 years of friendship. After his parents, I was the first person he came out to. We were meeting in town one Saturday when my phone started going ape gooseberry fool at about 7am. Wondering what in the name of hell was going on I glanced at my phone and saw he had tried to call me several times. Barely awake, I returned his call.

He was super-panicked about telling me and wanted me to meet his boyfriend that day. My response was "OK cool. See you guys later. Oh is it still midday at the clock tower? OK bye." I mean it did take me by surprise, I didn't really have any inkling at all but it's just such a non-issue for me.

I don't accept the generational or religious ignorance excuses. All that reflects is people refusing to move with the times or re-evaluating their values.

One man should not have this much power in this game. Luckily I'm not an ordinary man.
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Minoru
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by Minoru » Wed Mar 07, 2018 12:33 am

Wrathy wrote:If anything I overshared, I don’t really like talking about that stuff publically anymore because it’s something I regard as intensely private and somewhat akin to a fever dream.

I like Richards approach of doing stuff to plant seeds. I’m not sure if the specific example of magazines casually left around or whatever is a good or bad way, since I’ve never been someone to wrap myself in a rainbow flag and be identifiable. But it sort of breaks the news gently and puts the idea firmly in their mind as something they have to confront, without necessarily being something they have to talk to you about right now. Signalling that you’re ready to talk about it on their time. I think that’s a pretty good way to do it in general. Assuming of course they a) notice and b) bring it up. Which could be a bold assumption!

Yeah, sorry, I don’t want you to feel like you have to share anything you’re not comfortable with. I do really appreciate it, but I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.

I’m really not sure what it would take my mum to notice, she can be pretty dense about things she doesn’t want to see and this is definitely something she doesn't want to see. I mean, there’ve been some pretty strong hints over the years that even my grandmother picked up on. It really is shocking it took me so long to realise myself. I do think it could be a good idea though, I guess I'm no worse off if it doesn't work and it's less terrifying that just blurting it out one day. It's just, courage is not something I have a lot of.


Tsunade wrote:I have a friend who came out a few years ago, he had no idea how anyone was going to take it (although it was kind of obvious), especially his parents who are quite old fashioned, but when he told them they just told him to stay safe. He's flourished since then, his confidence has skyrocketed. I've never seen someone who was so quiet become so confident so fast!

I hope your mum is really supportive when you tell her or she finds out minoru. We're here if you need to talk or need support.

Thank you, that's actually really encouraging.

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Moggy
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by Moggy » Wed Mar 07, 2018 7:35 am

Qikz wrote:
RichardUK wrote:I wasn’t sure how my parents would react, they have never said anything bad about gay people apart from my mum would say lesbian in a strange way (like Peter Kay says his mum says it in stand up) when she spoke to me about her friends daughter, my main concern was that my parents are older than most people my age because they had me later in life and there’s a large gap between me and my siblings,

I “came out” to my friends and people I worked with but didn’t know how to really tell my parents because I didn’t want to act like it was a major thing, I used to read gay times and attitude and would hide them but I started just putting them in my room bin knowing my mum would empty it, no the best way but it worked, my mum looked emotional and told me my dad wanted to talk to me in the garage, I went in and he say “are you gay?” I said yes and started filling up with tears, my dad started crying and hugged me, I said “are you disappointed?” He said “yes” - “disappointing you didn’t think you could tell me sooner, I’m your dad and I love you” (I have got tears in my eyes writing that now!) anyway I went inside and my mum was crying and she hugged me and the first thing she said was “is Michael your boyfriend?” I laughed and said No! She said “oh that’s a shame I like him” and then rang both my sisters and brother to tell them,

Now they know everything and even have Karl go and stay with them when they are at one of there holiday homes, my dad was born in 1946 and my mum 1947 so from a different time yet they are open and understanding, I am very lucky to have them, again my siblings who are 14 - 18 years older are fine aswell but I did expect them to be, my friends were the best friends you could wish for


strawberry float, now I'm tearing up :cry: :fp:


Same, that's a great story Richard and I am glad that your parents were so awesome for you.

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Moggy
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by Moggy » Wed Mar 07, 2018 7:40 am

My step brother came out as gay a few years ago. My stepdad had zero issue at all with it. He would have been a massive hypocrite if he had had any problem with his son coming out, my mum and stepdad love going to Pride and gay bars. :lol:

His mum though was absolutely horrible about it all. He was (and still is!) living at home and was about 20 at the time. She cried about not having grandchildren (she has other kids who had already made her a grandmother), told him he wasn’t having any men in the house and generally made him feel like gooseberry fool for about a year. Eventually she came around and they have an ok relationship now, but it was shocking to hear what she was like.

That’s why I don’t think it can just be written off as a generational thing. My step brothers mum was born in the 60s. His grandad (his mums dad) was born in the 30s and told him that he accepted him being gay because he was his grandson and he loved him.

I just cannot comprehend how anybody can not accept their own children for what they are.

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Squinty
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by Squinty » Wed Mar 07, 2018 7:49 am

Mother's aren't automatically entitled to grandchildren. To behave like that is bizarre as hell. I mean, it's probably disappointing for them, but to act like that is just gooseberry fool behaviour.

My cousin was completely ostracized by his dad for coming out, it took his mum ages to come around to it as well. Their relationship seems to have recovered, but my aunt just wouldn't talk about it until years after he actually came out. I would imagine it probably helped to break their marriage down even further (they are now divorced).

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Moggy
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by Moggy » Wed Mar 07, 2018 8:25 am

Squinty wrote:Mother's aren't automatically entitled to grandchildren. To behave like that is bizarre as hell. I mean, it's probably disappointing for them, but to act like that is just gooseberry fool behaviour.


I agree, but in this case it was even worse as she already had grandchildren. :lol:

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DubuDeccer
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by DubuDeccer » Wed Mar 07, 2018 11:17 am

Just bought a ticket to Twiceland Zone 2
Time to book a week's holiday around it lmao

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Tsunade
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by Tsunade » Wed Mar 07, 2018 11:52 am

The neighbour above me is having some work done to his flat... they've been drilling nonstop since 8am, and Ella has norovirus or something so she's in bed resting. I have such a headache.

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Vermilion
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by Vermilion » Wed Mar 07, 2018 2:35 pm

Tsunade wrote:The neighbour above me is having some work done to his flat... they've been drilling nonstop since 8am


My idiot neighbour does that on a regular basis, well, that is when he's not allowing his kids (along with those from the rest of the cul de sac) to constantly scream and shout right underneath my window, or choosing to leave his dog to bark and howl for hours on end.

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DubuDeccer
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by DubuDeccer » Thu Mar 08, 2018 10:48 pm

Today I found out while browsing facebook that a week ago a guy I knew in high school who I was on decent terms with hung himself.
I got on well with him and he only lived a few streets away, but I hadn't talked to him in years.

I'm just really sorry tbh

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Kapp
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by Kapp » Sat Mar 10, 2018 1:05 am

feels bad man

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Rightey
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by Rightey » Sat Mar 10, 2018 1:08 am

DubuDeccer wrote:Just bought a ticket to Twiceland Zone 2
Time to book a week's holiday around it lmao


I have no idea what this is, but it sounds like a Sonic the Hedgehog level.

Pelloki on ghosts wrote:Just start masturbating furiously. That'll make them go away.

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Rightey
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by Rightey » Sat Mar 10, 2018 2:35 am

Moggy wrote:I just cannot comprehend how anybody can not accept their own children for what they are.


What if your kid told you one day that he watches anime, or even worse vapes. :dread:

Pelloki on ghosts wrote:Just start masturbating furiously. That'll make them go away.

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Moggy
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by Moggy » Sat Mar 10, 2018 7:53 am

Rightey wrote:
Moggy wrote:I just cannot comprehend how anybody can not accept their own children for what they are.


What if your kid told you one day that he watches anime, or even worse vapes. :dread:


You sick bastard, how dare you suggest my kid would grow up to do such vile and incomprehensible things.

Take it back Rightey, take it back. :x :x :x

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Rightey
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PostRe: HDYFRN - ONM's Best Export Since 2008
by Rightey » Sat Mar 10, 2018 2:47 pm

You're right, sorry I went too far.

Pelloki on ghosts wrote:Just start masturbating furiously. That'll make them go away.

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