I'll avoid full disclosure on time and location in the interest of potential linkbacks and family privacy, but the rest I just want to write out.
On Saturday afternoon a handful of oeople witnessed someone commit suicide.
To suggest it was surreal is an understatement, I was just admiring the view leaning on a bridge wall when something caught my eye. I turned around to watch a guy, around 20, run past and leap up on to the bridge wall.
I had a split second, where I remember thinking, he's probably a free runner or something like that and how I'd never get up there, and before that thought had gone he jumped. I half expected to see a rope attached but this was no stunt or adrenaline rush. There was no hesitancy, no looking back, no sound, he was gone.
There were probably around a dozen people on this side of the bridge and half a dozen who saw it, a woman screamed but the rest of us were silent just in shock. I remember looking around as tourists ambled up around us who were none the wiser, laughing, joking and admiring the view it was such a bizarre moment to have been in that few seconds where something so tragic happened.
We called 999 and alerted the bridge attendants, a few minutes later on the other side of the bridge, down on the embankment I saw his body. Later on that evening the local news report for the area announced his death.
At the moment i'm still processing it, but the images are haunting. The moment was truly horrific and so, so sad.
I can't stop thinking about what he must have been going through to decide this was the only way out, that he did this during the daylight with 100% commitment and no apparent second thought. At the time I remembered thinking about his family and friends, that they would find out over the coming hour and days. Now I think about how they are dealing with it or the others who witnessed it and how they are coping.
I don't expect much of a discussion on this, I just needed to get this down. I can't verbally explain it to anyone yet and the past few days i've not wanted to see anyone. On the Saturday and Sunday I didn't feel positive and felt guilty when laughing or smiling, of course there's nothing I could have done, but still.
If others have been through anything like this then i'd be interested to hear the circumstances and how they processed and coped with it.
For all our flaws as a forum, GRcade can be excellent for times like these. We are here to listen and to help you process. I'm sure it will be tempting to follow news about this, but talking it out is a better choice.
I'm sorry you had to see that and hope you don't think there's anything you could do, by the time anyone could have realised it would have been too late
I'm so sorry you witnessed something like that. I think it's natural to struggle to process it. I agree with the above, try not to follow the news coverage, and talk the experience through.
If I didn't know the person and it happened so fast I don't think I'd actually be affected that badly unless there was lots of blood or a long drawn out death involved, I guess it depends how much you actually saw and heard.
I've witnessed the death of my cat (kidney failure) and the final frightened noise he made is the single worst sound I've ever heard, it will haunt me forever. I think that proves I'm not entirely heartless.
I have never seen another human being die and have only seen one dead person at a funeral as all the others ones I have been to have been closed caskets. It is almost odd that death is such a fundamental part of being human and yet I have had so little experience of bearing witness to it.
If you are having any trouble dealing with things I cannot advise you personally as I am one of the least qualified people around. However, definitely seek medical attention if it starts impacting on your life or work. Also, peak with your manager/supervisor and see if you can get some time off to clear your head.
I'm no doctor but I do read a lot and have worked and studied in the mental health field.
The evidence on early post trauma intervention,for example getting some kind of talking therapy or other help etc after having witnessed or experienced something traumatic is mixed.
Studies suggest that sometimes interventions etc might be harmful. The National Institute of Clinical Excellence recommends doing whats called “watchful waiting” for a month before considering any type of therapy or help. ... I am saying this as a survivor of PTSD sometimes being made to talk about trauma a lot after it or seeking immediate treatment can cause an event to lodge in your brain even more deeply.
I used to be a mentor for bullied kids and kids suffering with mental health issues so I have had my share of talked to them today there gone tommorows and its not good. You will ask yourself questions about could I have done something etc.
My strongest recommendation would be to do your best to try and forget it and get on with life but kind of keep an eye on yourself if that makes sense, if your brains going to process it and file it away like a brain normally does then it will happen best by kind of forgetting it and carrying on. If a month or so has gone by and its as fresh and trouble some then id be straight into a GP and talk the options through.
A few years back I went to visit my grandmother, she had a stroke about ten minutes after I had left. I was in a huge rush that day, didn't really have the time to be there but I made a last minute decision to pop in after work. I'd normally sit and have a cup of tea and watch the chase with her, but on this evening I decided to go at 1745 and miss the last bit to get out on the piss with my mates quicker (was a Friday).
Anyway I felt guilty for months after and kept running the story back in my head thinking about how if I had stayed then I would have been there when the stroke hit and would have been able to call an ambilence. Rather than having her sat there for hours before being found.
It didn't work out that way unfortunately, and luckily for me my mind has accepted that there is nothing I could have done. How was I meant to know that a stroke was going to happen. I now take the mindset that I'm just glad I visited in the first place, as I was the last person to have a conscious conversation with her, and the last person to give her a hug and say goodbye to her with her consciously knowing.
Obviosuyl your situation is so so different, but never blame yourself for something out of your control. Know that if you'd had the choice to do it again you'd have done your absolute best, but the way fate worked out that day it was out of your control. Smile, laugh, even if it's over some completely not ok morbid joke about the whole affair.
Amazingly, no it isn't. Thanks for the link, like here, there is some good guidance.
Thanks to everyone else for their comments, I do fully expect the thoughts to lessen over time and today and today has been an improvement over yesterday.
Good grief, how awful. I'm truly sorry you had to witness something so terrible.
Working at the hospital I see people pass away quite often. Sometimes peacefully, others not so much. I will freely admit that, and somewhat to my shame, I've become quite numb to it. Suicide though? Outside of people coming into A&E having overdosed (mostly young folk which is always quite depressing) it's not something I've witnessed as you have. The guys here are right, talk it out.
I can guarantee you there was nothing you could have done. He thought about the possibility of someone trying to stop him and he didn't want anyone to try. He set out with the specific intention of making sure there was nothing you could do.
Guilt is natural but unfounded. When you're feeling it, it might help to think about what you'd say to someone else in your position or to talk yourself through what you're feeling and why.
Remember you're allowed to laugh and smile and try to move past this. Your health and life are important and forcing yourself to dwell doesn't do anyone any good.
Doug, if you want to just talk anonymously to non-judgemental people then there's always your local Samaritans. I'm sure they would be very sympathetic and helpful.
