Last film you watched and your rating: The Directors Cut

I would never hit a woman! I'd hit a woman if she was trying to hit me with a bottle!

Well you lot aren't going up there! You's a bunch of strawberry floating elephants!

Partridge Iciclebubbles wrote:Well you lot aren't going up there! You's a bunch of strawberry floating elephants!

I do want the guy dead - I want him strawberry floating crucified - but it doesn't change the fact that he stitched you up like a blind little gay boy, does it?

Plenty of alcoves in Bruges, you use this word, alcoves?

So last night we had a small window of time to watch a movie, and due to its short length we decided to watch The Great Wall. The only thing I really knew about it was that Matt Damon got some grief about being a white guy in a Chinese mythology style film, but I thought I'd give it a go anyway.

strawberry float. Ing. Hell. I've seen some stinkers in my time, but this piece of gooseberry fool, Jesus Christ. To try to avoid this turning into a rant I just thought I'd list some bullet points.

1. There is no plot. Mad Max Fury Road got some stick for being a bit lean, but that's Citizen Kane compared to this. Bad Lizard things attack wall. That's it.
2. Matt Damon attempts an accent and I have no idea what he's aiming for.
3. There's a comedy sidekick, but he doesn't have any jokes. Or any kind of chemistry with Damon, for that matter.
4. There's a sinister looking chap skulking in the shadows. He comes out and it's WILLEM strawberry floating DAFOE.
5. Willem Dafoe has nothing interesting to do in this film.
6. The CG is strawberry floating appalling. I moan about this all the time, but it's totally inept here, and ruins every single action scene. Think 'shark in Deep Blue Sea' bad.
7. The lizard things are terribly designed and not scary.
8. The women warriors bungee jump off the wall with spears because why not?
9. There's a betrayal, which is laughed off five minutes later.
10. Did I mention how bad the CG is? It's like a child made it in MS paint.

Totally devoid of character, plot, drama or action, this was a real rotten experience. Easily in my top (bottom?) three worst movies of all time, and I didn't even have to mention the whole whitewashing thing.

1/10

It really isn't that bad. It's laughably shonky but I'd say solid 5/10 movie to watch with no expectations or engagement of the brain.

I have to say, I was quite surprised when I checked the metacritic score afterwards and it wasn't a total trainwreck. There were even a couple of fairly decent write-ups on there. I can't think of a single thing I thought was even acceptable about the film.

It was mostly the bad CG I guess. I can't engage with anything that just looks fake, it just pulls you out of the moment. Thing is, this was like 99% of the movie. They may as well have called it Matt Damon and his Incredible Green Screen Adventure.

I saw it in the cinema and enjoyed it. The writing was terrible though and the main characters and his mate's relationship was so very odd. I enjoyed the action scenes and only the final action set piece let it down.

The monsters could and should have been a lot better, I'd personally have had different types that match the army they fight, like arrow proof tanks, flame spitters, flying ones and at least one big boss type.

Considering the director it does have moments of beauty and it certainly looks excellent in the HD Trailer.

It's just a standard attempt at a film trying to appeal to both Western and Eastern audiences and coming across as awkward and not pleasing either side.

planes trains and automobiles - 8/10

IT (2017) - 8/10

Wow, I’d heard good things but enjoyed that far more than I expected to. The kids were great, the updated setting worked well and Pennywise was decent (he’s no Tim Curry though

).

Roll on part 2.

Jumanji 2 - Welcome to the Jungle 7/10

Actually, very enjoyable. The main cast are all brilliant playing other people in their new bodies. The Rock is forever watchable and the pacing is really good. It's not the deepest film ever, nor does it have an emotional punch which would have helped. I'd have liked a big tribute to Robin Williams in there but what is in there is so throw away it's probably going to pass most people by.

The Disaster Artist - 9/10

Wow, what a lovely movie. A huge amount of love in this film which shows the making of the worst film of all time The Room. James Franco really needs an Oscar nomination for this as he is exceptional and doesn't do a spoof but instead shows Tommy as a vulnerable and unique man with a vision.

Music choices were good apart from one reference which I'm sure was about 10 years too soon. Also excellent scene of Tommy dancing in a club which shows his fearless confidence.

Not sure if it beats La La Land or Logan for film of the year, but it's one movie everyone should see.

I quite fancy seeing that. I'm a massive fan of Tim Burton's Ed Wood and was worried that it might pale in comparison, but it's reviewing really well.

The Last Jedi - 7/10

Need for Speed - 5/10

I enjoyed it. Genuinely. It's a clear knock off of the Fast and Furious genre and there's not a jot of originality about the film but everyone seems to be having fun, even Dominic Cooper and Michael Keaton chewing away at the scenery. It's another one of those films that is nice to switch the brain off to.

The Last Jedi - 9/10

Wonderfully entertaining and exciting.

The Disaster Artist 9/10

Sully: Miracle on the Hudson

This felt like a very thin film indeed; they showed the landing at least 4 times, perhaps as a way to pad out the running time. Tom Hanks was good, but this should have been about an hour tops as there is just not enough story to justify it.

Elf - 7/10

Never seen this before. It was funny in places. It had these weird looking scenes where it was like a mish mash of styles. Wasn't really fussed on those scenes.

Louis Theroux's My Scientology Movie - 5/10
10 Cloverfield Lane - 8/10
Nocturnal Animals - 6/10
Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind - 7/10
Contact - 8/10
The Descent 7/10
The Martian - 8/10

Last film you watched and your rating: The Directors Cut

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