Plans for the weekend and the most deviant sexual act youve committed in the last 10 years

lol

No plans.

I once put my peepee stick inside a female human.

It's my dad's 60th so I have a half day today to drive to Rugby and sit in a gooseberry fool estate pub, not drinking more than a couple of pints because of my depression, then driving home again tomorrow. Fun.

This isn't sexually deviant, it's just me being a banana split:

Before I was with my wife, but was still with my ex (sorry, Brandon, etc), I got talking to a girl in a taxi queue in Newcastle. We decided to go and get a drink, but never got that far. I was fingering her in an alley when she asked if she could come back to mine. I was like, 'erm, probably not'. She said 'have you got a girlfriend?' I said 'erm, yeah... can we go back to yours?' She said her husband would have been furious. She said we could shag right there but I didn't have a condom, and by that point the momentum had been lost so we went our separate ways.

> Friday: Do home chores and then play Final Fantasy XIV and maybe a bit of No Man's Sky.
> Saturday: Visit a pal to have a bbq (coal powered ) and watch Chelsea v Arsenal.
> Sunday: Visit parents to help clear their garage and then have tea.
> Deviancy: I was adventurous and tried using my left hand a few months ago. I think a beer had made me reckless.

Brer

Poser wrote:Before I was with my wife, but was still with my ex (sorry, Brandon, etc), I got talking to a girl in a taxi queue in Newcastle. We decided to go and get a drink, but never got that far. I was fingering her in an alley when she asked if she could come back to mine. I was like, 'erm, probably not'. She said 'have you got a girlfriend?' I said 'erm, yeah... can we go back to yours?' She said her husband would have been furious. She said we could shag right there but I didn't have a condom, and by that point the momentum had been lost so we went our separate ways.

This was more than 10 years ago, but I was on a lads holiday in Crete. I was quite drunk and for some reason started chatting to a girl and a bloke she was with. Things escalated and we ended up in a lane where she was sucking me off and the bloke was fingering her. He suddenly suggested going back to his room, told us the room number (the security at the hotels wouldn’t allow groups in) and told us to meet him up there in 5 minutes.

While he was gone she said “I’d rather go off with you” so we went to her hotel room and did what needed to be done. Not long after finishing (which didn’t take long ) her friend walked into the room, sat on the bed chatting and I could see everything as she only had a long t-shirt on and had her legs apart, clearly showing herself off. I bottled it and made an excuse and left.

So yeah, my deviant night could have started with a MMF, turned into a MFF but really only a MF happened.

I feel sorry for that poor bloke who ended up sat in his room alone.

Northern girls

Brerlappin wrote:I'm dating this really cool girl for maybe two months. She is much kinkier in bed. She floats the idea of dirty talk, and apparently likes to be objectified, even demeaned a bit, from time to time. I'm hesitant, but want to please her and dont dismiss the idea outright. Change the subject and figure that we'll revisit the idea another time.

Anyway...we have sex a few days later for the first time since the conversation. Really going at it doggystyle, and she tells me to talk dirty to her. I say that I can't think of anything to say, so I say nothing, and she then repeats the request, but the second time she is not strawberry floating requesting, but demanding it.

I come up with: "Yeah...you like that, you strawberry floating retard?"


Probably just gonna watch Infinity War this weekend.

That's strawberry floatin awesome.

strawberry floating hell Brer

Weekend plans: not much, been away so need to catch up on housework and washing etc, will watch Chelsea Arsenal. Maybe do some DIY.

Depravity: the wife was abroad for work so I thought I'd sample the delights of the internet. It was quite late and I'd had a few beers so I dozed off, but I ended up falling asleep with my dick stuck in the elastic of my pants. I woke up a few hours later to an engorged, purple, completely numb monstrosity. I was so panicked I'd permanently strangulated my knob that I ended up calling NHS 111 and had to explain the situation to them. I don't think they quite got it, and now I have a permanently blighted medical record.

My brother is home from the US for a couple of weeks so its a wholesome weekend of catching up with family, totally at odds with the second question being asked here.

Tomorrow I'm driving my car from Erfurt (Germany) to Preston (England).

So that's Saturday sorted out. On Sunday I will sleep a lot.

On Monday I'm driving a Luton Transit Van from Preston (England) to Erfurt (Germany)...

In the last ten years I've been married, had three children and then separated so I can't really remember what sex is like. Oh well.

Moggy wrote:This was more than 10 years ago, but I was on a lads holiday in Crete. I was quite drunk and for some reason started chatting to a girl and a bloke she was with. Things escalated

I pulled a hefty lass in my town's only night club, took her down the alleyway next to the family planning clinic and the quickest, least erotic, unprotected sex in my life. Thought I was being hilarious telling her that at least she was in the right place if she just waited there till the morning. Actually, I was just an 18 year old banana split.

Me an an ex also did the same behind a church near her house, so this weekend I'll probably just be repenting for my sins.

Blue Eyes wrote:

Brerlappin wrote:I'm dating this really cool girl for maybe two months. She is much kinkier in bed. She floats the idea of dirty talk, and apparently likes to be objectified, even demeaned a bit, from time to time. I'm hesitant, but want to please her and dont dismiss the idea outright. Change the subject and figure that we'll revisit the idea another time.

Anyway...we have sex a few days later for the first time since the conversation. Really going at it doggystyle, and she tells me to talk dirty to her. I say that I can't think of anything to say, so I say nothing, and she then repeats the request, but the second time she is not strawberry floating requesting, but demanding it.

I come up with: "Yeah...you like that, you strawberry floating retard?"


Probably just gonna watch Infinity War this weekend.

That's strawberry floatin awesome.

Isn't that a meme of some kind? I'm sure I've read it on Reddit before...

Weekend plans:

Friday-going to watch Birmingham v Swansea
Saturday-fitness class in morning, chill out rest of the day watching sport and playing video games
Sunday-sort some errands, play some video games and then squash club in evening.

Brerlappin wrote:

Tomous wrote:

Blue Eyes wrote:

Brerlappin wrote:I'm dating this really cool girl for maybe two months. She is much kinkier in bed. She floats the idea of dirty talk, and apparently likes to be objectified, even demeaned a bit, from time to time. I'm hesitant, but want to please her and dont dismiss the idea outright. Change the subject and figure that we'll revisit the idea another time.

Anyway...we have sex a few days later for the first time since the conversation. Really going at it doggystyle, and she tells me to talk dirty to her. I say that I can't think of anything to say, so I say nothing, and she then repeats the request, but the second time she is not strawberry floating requesting, but demanding it.

I come up with: "Yeah...you like that, you strawberry floating retard?"


Probably just gonna watch Infinity War this weekend.

That's strawberry floatin awesome.

Isn't that a meme of some kind? I'm sure I've read it on Reddit before...

Why would you try and spoil our fun like that?

It’s what I do, I’m a big hit at parties

I actually have a similarish story that happened to me. I once went on a date with a girl who was really into being made abused during sex which she had happily told me all about beforehand. So back at mine, she was getting me to slap her about, pull her hair, call her names etc, which I tried my best at but it didn’t exactly come naturally to me.

Then, after a bit of that and me running out of ways to call her a slut etc she asked me to spit in her mouth. Whatever, if that’s what she’s into I can do that. Except apparantly I can’t because when I tried, I missed most her mouth and got it all over her face.

To which she said “EWWW GROSS”.

And I thought that was still part of it, so I slapped her phlegm drenched face.

Apparantly it wasn’t part of it and she was grossed out (still don’t understand where her line in) so, she throws me off her, grabs her clothes, tells me to strawberry float off and leaves. Ahh Tinder

This weekend marks the start of my 2 week summer holiday from work so I will be enjoying the feeling of relief that comes with that and probably just chill with the family!

Depravity: The wife an I once did it in a farmers field back when we were first going out. I'm sure there is supposed to be a romantic notion about having sex in nature (as opposed to with nature ) but I can't say it was a top 10 experience!

One year when moving into a new student house I was the first one to arrive out of our house of 6, so me and the wife to be did it in everyone's bedrooms before they arrived

Heading to London this weekend, and i'm taking this rather unpleasant cold bug with me.

Depravity: So there I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at about 3 o'clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M&Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night...

Poser wrote:This isn't sexually deviant, it's just me being a banana split:

Before I was with my wife, but was still with my ex (sorry, Brandon, etc), I got talking to a girl in a taxi queue in Newcastle. We decided to go and get a drink, but never got that far. I was fingering her in an alley when she asked if she could come back to mine. I was like, 'erm, probably not'. She said 'have you got a girlfriend?' I said 'erm, yeah... can we go back to yours?' She said her husband would have been furious. She said we could shag right there but I didn't have a condom, and by that point the momentum had been lost so we went our separate ways.

Poser in the GRcade journey thread wrote:Then, I was cocky and confident. Now, I am mature and humble. Bit depressed, but I'm dealing with it. I think I was depressed then, too, but I had outlets.

strawberry floating hell

But yeah, pretty much.

Plans - pretty much a free and cheap weekend. Assuming lots of videogames (might have the WoW Xpac)

Depravity. Far too much I'm a little trollop. Fivesome maybe.

The digits on your hand do not count as a fivesome.