GRcade

Fade wrote:I'd consider myself average and didn't have that much success when I was on dating stuff. So you have a decent job? Most women stopped talking to me when I bought up that I was doing shopwork part time

I'm a software developer, but a not particularly well-paid one. Plus I moved back with my parents last year so that I can save towards a house deposit.

Now I'm in the tricky spot where I'm dating two people at the same time.
I only agreed to date the second person (she asked me) because I expected that one or both dates would be a disaster, but they both want to keep dating.

I feel like I don't know either woman well enough to choose between them yet, but it feels wrong to carry on with both for a few more weeks.

strawberry float em and then make a decision

satriales wrote:I feel like I don't know either woman well enough to choose between them yet, but it feels wrong to carry on with both for a few more weeks.

It doesn't sound like you're far enough into dating anyone that they would expect exclusivity, so just go with the flow until you know them better.

So I've been having a look at what my situation will be should the wife and I separate and between a joint mortgage, legal fees, maintenance (which is around 25% of my income), etc I'm really in the gooseberry fool. I can't move back in with my parents as it's simply not an option, but cannot afford to live outside of my current situation, certainly not as I'd have to provide a place where my children can visit and stay.

Basically I'm trapped! What is currently my home will become my prison. What a strawberry floating nightmare.

Wouldn't it be that either you sell the house and you both get half, or she pays you for your half? Sure, you might not be able to buy but you could rent for a while?

That's not a growth wrote:Wouldn't it be that either you sell the house and you both get half, or she pays you for your half? Sure, you might not be able to buy but you could rent for a while?

Depends on what court says they could grant her the house.

I know nothing about this.

Why would they give away half of someone's home. Sure, decided she's the one that can keep living in it so the kids have continuity, but that should mean all the money he's put into it is essentials hers?! If they've both paid in equally then he should be reimbursed, surely?

Is there any way you could stay with a friend till you're able to sort something else out for yourself?

Bern digging deeper, although much of what I've come across is a little vague given so many legal scenarios get thrown up. One option seems to be If I am happy to handover the house for her and the children and walk away with nothing, which I am happy to do, then she would only have to buy out my equity.

Another option is to keep me on the books until the kids are 18. She can more than afford to cover costs herself, and once the kids are of adult age I can just walk away from the mortgage by signing it all over to her.

We've yet to discuss it in detail, (I'm at work at the moment), but I very much doubt she'll want to sell up. We're not tearing each other apart, everything is calm and there's no desire to get one up on each other so I'm confident the split will be amicable. We've just drifted apart.

As for staying with a friend on a temporary basis, not an option open to me.

Gemini73 wrote:We're not tearing each other apart, everything is calm and there's no desire to get one up on each other so I'm confident the split will be amicable.

Without wanting to be too negative, don't be too complacent on this. I've seen more than a couple of people have this point of view, but when money's involved and people's expectations about their quality of life come into it (income, living arrangements, etc) things can deteriorate. All I'm saying is don't assume anything.

As always: hope for the best, plan for the worst.

Lotus wrote:

Gemini73 wrote:We're not tearing each other apart, everything is calm and there's no desire to get one up on each other so I'm confident the split will be amicable.

Without wanting to be too negative, don't be too complacent on this. I've seen more than a couple of people have this point of view, but when money's involved and people's expectations about their quality of life come into it (income, living arrangements, etc) things can deteriorate. All I'm saying is don't assume anything.

I can appreciate that, of course, and won't just assume it will go peachy. That said, between her rather large inheritance, (which I've never wanted anything to with and made that clear to her even though she has always said it's "our inheritance ), and healthy income she has the money, not I and I've no desire to want any of it. If this is the path we're to head down then I want to make it as clean a break as possible. She has nothing I want and the house I am happy to walk away from for the kids.

I've spoken to my father briefly and his train of thought shares mine; as clean a break as possible and my children's well being. With that Dad said he can help me out financially if need be, so some silver lining there at least.

I don't have any advice to offer Gemini but I hope it all turns out for the best man. Must be a really tough situation.

Hime wrote:I don't have any advice to offer Gemini but I hope it all turns out for the best man. Must be a really tough situation.

It's a bummer, that's for sure.

Cheers though, mate.

Discussion between the both of us is still a thing, but I'm cautiously thinking ahead.

Who knows, maybe I'll opt for a miserable marriage, one where I just keep my mouth shut and be obedient, but have the stability of a roof over my head in a home I part own. At least then I can hide in my games room most nights.

*edit*

Just walked through the door after strolling home from work. What a pleasant atmosphere.

Kids were happy to see me though.

If she’s got a decent swedge going in, and an inheritance to come, can’t she move out? Hope it all works out for you.

Buffalo wrote:If she’s got a decent swedge going in, and an inheritance to come, can’t she move out? Hope it all works out for you.

She could, but I can't afford the house on my own so would have to sell regardless. Anyway, it's close to her mother's, kids schools etc and it's in a very favourable area so is better she stays. With only about 10 years left to pay on the mortgage it'll be a nice investment for the children.

She's already had the inheritance and aside from putting enough aside for kids uni fees (should they attend) and savings, she bought get a static caravan in Weymouth. Somewhat ironically she couldn't understand at the time why I insisted the caravan be in her name and hers alone. A move I'm now happy I convinced her of.

She is financially secure and in turn so are my children and they are what's important here.

As for me? Well, gooseberry fool happens. I've got my father's backing, so I'll just have to see what transpires down the road.

Man, what a strawberry floating day. I need a beer.

satriales wrote::lol:

I'm average at best, so it wasn't a boast. It's just nice to actually be talking to lots of people and getting out and meeting some of them, rather than the boring work/eat/sleep routine I had been stuck in. Definitely worth giving it a go if anyone else here is in same situation. Most of the women seem really interested in the fact that I go running and completed an ultramarathon, so if I didn't have that on my profile maybe I'd not be getting as many responses.

Out of interest, what did you write on your profile/how did you lay it out?

I’m thinking of jumping onto one of these sites as i’ve been single for 8 months now and feel it’s time but, like you, I have never tried the online dating thing before.

ITSMILNER wrote:Out of interest, what did you write on your profile/how did you lay it out?

I’m thinking of jumping onto one of these sites as i’ve been single for 8 months now and feel it’s time but, like you, I have never tried the online dating thing before.

My profile probably isn't a good example, but I just downloaded Bumble, added a couple of pictures, and then for the bio I literally just listed things I liked and another list of things I didn't like. I was going to come back later and write a proper paragraph but as it's on the woman to start the conversation I think simply giving them lots of topics to choose from could be a legit strategy.

So then you have to swipe right on people you like and to start with I was reading every bio carefully before deciding which way to swipe. I quickly learned that most of these profiles are old or not actively looking for a match, so the best option is to swipe quickly based only on the main picture. For every 100 swipes you might get 1 or 2 matches, and then 50% or less will bother to start a conversation. It's a numbers game. If you accidently match with someone that you don't like then you can just ignore them and after 24hrs they are unmatched. They are probably messaging lots of people so it's no big deal.

Edit