Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x

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Errkal
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Errkal » Sun May 20, 2018 4:24 pm

That's not a growth wrote:Wouldn't it be that either you sell the house and you both get half, or she pays you for your half? Sure, you might not be able to buy but you could rent for a while?

Depends on what court says they could grant her the house.

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That's not a growth
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by That's not a growth » Sun May 20, 2018 4:33 pm

I know nothing about this.

Why would they give away half of someone's home. Sure, decided she's the one that can keep living in it so the kids have continuity, but that should mean all the money he's put into it is essentials hers?! If they've both paid in equally then he should be reimbursed, surely?

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Tsunade
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Tsunade » Sun May 20, 2018 5:00 pm

Is there any way you could stay with a friend till you're able to sort something else out for yourself?

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Gemini73
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Gemini73 » Sun May 20, 2018 5:16 pm

Bern digging deeper, although much of what I've come across is a little vague given so many legal scenarios get thrown up. One option seems to be If I am happy to handover the house for her and the children and walk away with nothing, which I am happy to do, then she would only have to buy out my equity.

Another option is to keep me on the books until the kids are 18. She can more than afford to cover costs herself, and once the kids are of adult age I can just walk away from the mortgage by signing it all over to her.

We've yet to discuss it in detail, (I'm at work at the moment), but I very much doubt she'll want to sell up. We're not tearing each other apart, everything is calm and there's no desire to get one up on each other so I'm confident the split will be amicable. We've just drifted apart.

As for staying with a friend on a temporary basis, not an option open to me.

“But I don't want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked. “Oh, you can't help that,” said the Cat: “we're all mad here".
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Lotus » Sun May 20, 2018 5:55 pm

Gemini73 wrote:We're not tearing each other apart, everything is calm and there's no desire to get one up on each other so I'm confident the split will be amicable.

Without wanting to be too negative, don't be too complacent on this. I've seen more than a couple of people have this point of view, but when money's involved and people's expectations about their quality of life come into it (income, living arrangements, etc) things can deteriorate. All I'm saying is don't assume anything.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by That's not a growth » Sun May 20, 2018 6:05 pm

As always: hope for the best, plan for the worst.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Gemini73 » Sun May 20, 2018 6:32 pm

Lotus wrote:
Gemini73 wrote:We're not tearing each other apart, everything is calm and there's no desire to get one up on each other so I'm confident the split will be amicable.

Without wanting to be too negative, don't be too complacent on this. I've seen more than a couple of people have this point of view, but when money's involved and people's expectations about their quality of life come into it (income, living arrangements, etc) things can deteriorate. All I'm saying is don't assume anything.


I can appreciate that, of course, and won't just assume it will go peachy. That said, between her rather large inheritance, (which I've never wanted anything to with and made that clear to her even though she has always said it's "our inheritance ), and healthy income she has the money, not I and I've no desire to want any of it. If this is the path we're to head down then I want to make it as clean a break as possible. She has nothing I want and the house I am happy to walk away from for the kids.

I've spoken to my father briefly and his train of thought shares mine; as clean a break as possible and my children's well being. With that Dad said he can help me out financially if need be, so some silver lining there at least.

“But I don't want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked. “Oh, you can't help that,” said the Cat: “we're all mad here".
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Hime
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Hime » Sun May 20, 2018 6:47 pm

I don't have any advice to offer Gemini but I hope it all turns out for the best man. Must be a really tough situation.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Gemini73 » Sun May 20, 2018 7:01 pm

Hime wrote:I don't have any advice to offer Gemini but I hope it all turns out for the best man. Must be a really tough situation.


It's a bummer, that's for sure. :dread:

Cheers though, mate.

Discussion between the both of us is still a thing, but I'm cautiously thinking ahead.

Who knows, maybe I'll opt for a miserable marriage, one where I just keep my mouth shut and be obedient, but have the stability of a roof over my head in a home I part own. At least then I can hide in my games room most nights. :lol:

*edit*

Just walked through the door after strolling home from work. What a pleasant atmosphere. :dread:

Kids were happy to see me though.

“But I don't want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked. “Oh, you can't help that,” said the Cat: “we're all mad here".
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Buffalo
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Buffalo » Sun May 20, 2018 7:41 pm

If she’s got a decent swedge going in, and an inheritance to come, can’t she move out? Hope it all works out for you.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Gemini73 » Sun May 20, 2018 7:57 pm

Buffalo wrote:If she’s got a decent swedge going in, and an inheritance to come, can’t she move out? Hope it all works out for you.


She could, but I can't afford the house on my own so would have to sell regardless. Anyway, it's close to her mother's, kids schools etc and it's in a very favourable area so is better she stays. With only about 10 years left to pay on the mortgage it'll be a nice investment for the children.

She's already had the inheritance and aside from putting enough aside for kids uni fees (should they attend) and savings, she bought get a static caravan in Weymouth. Somewhat ironically she couldn't understand at the time why I insisted the caravan be in her name and hers alone. A move I'm now happy I convinced her of.

She is financially secure and in turn so are my children and they are what's important here.

As for me? Well, gooseberry fool happens. I've got my father's backing, so I'll just have to see what transpires down the road.

“But I don't want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked. “Oh, you can't help that,” said the Cat: “we're all mad here".
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Gemini73 » Sun May 20, 2018 8:05 pm

Man, what a strawberry floating day. I need a beer. :lol:

“But I don't want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked. “Oh, you can't help that,” said the Cat: “we're all mad here".
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ITSMILNER
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by ITSMILNER » Sun May 20, 2018 8:14 pm

satriales wrote::lol:

I'm average at best, so it wasn't a boast. It's just nice to actually be talking to lots of people and getting out and meeting some of them, rather than the boring work/eat/sleep routine I had been stuck in. Definitely worth giving it a go if anyone else here is in same situation. Most of the women seem really interested in the fact that I go running and completed an ultramarathon, so if I didn't have that on my profile maybe I'd not be getting as many responses.


Out of interest, what did you write on your profile/how did you lay it out?

I’m thinking of jumping onto one of these sites as i’ve been single for 8 months now and feel it’s time but, like you, I have never tried the online dating thing before.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by satriales » Sun May 20, 2018 10:42 pm

ITSMILNER wrote:Out of interest, what did you write on your profile/how did you lay it out?

I’m thinking of jumping onto one of these sites as i’ve been single for 8 months now and feel it’s time but, like you, I have never tried the online dating thing before.

My profile probably isn't a good example, but I just downloaded Bumble, added a couple of pictures, and then for the bio I literally just listed things I liked and another list of things I didn't like. I was going to come back later and write a proper paragraph but as it's on the woman to start the conversation I think simply giving them lots of topics to choose from could be a legit strategy.

So then you have to swipe right on people you like and to start with I was reading every bio carefully before deciding which way to swipe. I quickly learned that most of these profiles are old or not actively looking for a match, so the best option is to swipe quickly based only on the main picture. For every 100 swipes you might get 1 or 2 matches, and then 50% or less will bother to start a conversation. It's a numbers game. If you accidently match with someone that you don't like then you can just ignore them and after 24hrs they are unmatched. They are probably messaging lots of people so it's no big deal.

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Tragic Magic
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Tragic Magic » Sun May 20, 2018 11:14 pm

Edit

Last edited by Tragic Magic on Mon May 21, 2018 7:53 am, edited 1 time in total.
Gemini73
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Gemini73 » Mon May 21, 2018 1:54 am

I think the reality of the situation hit home for the wife tonight and so there were a few tears. Didn't make me feel great as you might imagine. No rowing or shouting, just all a bit depressing, but thankfully the kids were in bed asleep.

It basically boiled down to her asking me if this is what I really wanted. A pretty stupid strawberry floating question was my first thought, no one wants to throw 18 years of their life down the toilet, but I bit my tongue. Anyway long story short, after a lengthy chat it was agreed that we're both equally to blame for our marriage reaching this point, (which I already thought anyway), and so we're going to give it a few days to see how things pan out and talk some more before any rash decisions are made. I do love my wife, I'm sure of that even if it might feel different, more sedate, but The Beatles were wrong when they sang "All You Need is Love". If only were it that simple.

Just want to say thanks for the support folks after I spent a good part of the day spilling my guts out on here. Made difficult conversation far easier this evening and I was able to keep my anxiety in check, so yeah, cheers guys. I started the weekend thinking "Well that's the end of that then" and now, after being able to approach the situation in a clam and collected manner, I believe that there might just be a sliver of hope in saving my marriage. Amazing what a bit of honest chit-chat can achieve. That said I'll just have to see how it goes. We're certainly not out of the woods yet.

Being a grown up sucks, which is why once she'd gone to bed I lost myself in Conan Exiles for a few hours. Video games are great. strawberry floating glad I'm on the 11am-7pm shift tomorrow though!

“But I don't want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked. “Oh, you can't help that,” said the Cat: “we're all mad here".
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Corazon de Leon
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Corazon de Leon » Mon May 21, 2018 7:25 am

Good luck mate.

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Mini E
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Mini E » Mon May 21, 2018 7:42 am

That's not a growth wrote:I know nothing about this.

Why would they give away half of someone's home. Sure, decided she's the one that can keep living in it so the kids have continuity, but that should mean all the money he's put into it is essentials hers?! If they've both paid in equally then he should be reimbursed, surely?


Unfortunately this doesn't seem to be how it works. My sister is going through divorce proceedings at the moment and has paid £150,000 of their mortgage (compared to £0 on the other side) but it looks like she will only be walking away from the divorce with £75,000 of this. Seems pretty rotten.

All the best, Gemini.

teh bork wrote:The appointment of Moyes is me done with that club until he has strawberry floated off. I'm so angry about this, the final nail in the coffin of this great club.
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ITSMILNER
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by ITSMILNER » Mon May 21, 2018 9:56 pm

satriales wrote:
ITSMILNER wrote:Out of interest, what did you write on your profile/how did you lay it out?

I’m thinking of jumping onto one of these sites as i’ve been single for 8 months now and feel it’s time but, like you, I have never tried the online dating thing before.

My profile probably isn't a good example, but I just downloaded Bumble, added a couple of pictures, and then for the bio I literally just listed things I liked and another list of things I didn't like. I was going to come back later and write a proper paragraph but as it's on the woman to start the conversation I think simply giving them lots of topics to choose from could be a legit strategy.

So then you have to swipe right on people you like and to start with I was reading every bio carefully before deciding which way to swipe. I quickly learned that most of these profiles are old or not actively looking for a match, so the best option is to swipe quickly based only on the main picture. For every 100 swipes you might get 1 or 2 matches, and then 50% or less will bother to start a conversation. It's a numbers game. If you accidently match with someone that you don't like then you can just ignore them and after 24hrs they are unmatched. They are probably messaging lots of people so it's no big deal.


Col, i’ve not heard of Bumble before so i’ll start with that and Tinder I think and see how it goes

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Gemini73
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Gemini73 » Tue May 22, 2018 11:02 am

Just an update on the relationship status. Things are a bit delicate at home, but a little more stability has seeped back in. I've booked half term off and we're going to the caravan in Weymouth with the kids. Hopefully a little time away from day to day life, work etc might mend a few bridges.

Im still uncertain of our future together, but I'm not ready to throw in the towel just yet.

“But I don't want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked. “Oh, you can't help that,” said the Cat: “we're all mad here".

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