Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x

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Rocsteady
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Rocsteady » Tue Oct 10, 2017 11:52 pm

Gently-Parted Ringpiece wrote:We are arguing right now about how every single stress in the universe is on her shoulders because Im essentially good for nothing.

She isnt talking to me at the moment because I reminded her of all the responsibilities I take care of which mainly involve damage control after her. She disagrees.

Shes away on a holiday to Prague with her friends tomorrow which definitely wont just be a week to stew about what a banana split I am.

She has zero stress management and continues to pile more and more on herself like work contracts she doesnt need or have time for, before becoming a broiling mess and blaming me.

Those first and last paragraphs. I am you and you I.

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bigcheez2k3
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by bigcheez2k3 » Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:32 am

Rocsteady wrote:How often do people here generally fight with their partners? Lately I feel like it’s every single day, she constantly says I don’t make enough effort and don’t show enough physical love despite the fact I feel like I’m hugging her fecking non-stop and make the effort to ask her if I can help with the essays she’s writing multiple times a day.

I’ve been reading 'The Truth' by Neil Strauss purely because I find him a very entertaining writer but one thing did resonate with me - that I sound like a love avoidant, whereas the girlfriend sounds the opposite, constantly in need of a level of attention that I feel i can’t provide.

Been in this relationship for a couple of years now and my memory's so bad that I honestly feel like I can’t remember life before it so don’t recall what's normal in a relationship. I do love her, though, and she makes me laugh. But breaking up has come up multiple times in the last few months and we keep shying away from it at the last second and I’m no longer sure that’s the correct thing to do.

Maybe I should show more attention and gooseberry fool though, although I do feel like I’m at the upper reaches of what I can provide as natural introvert the majority of the time - need time to recharge my batteries. Which I’ve told her, in words to that effect, but it doesn’t seem to resonate.


The bolded part resonates so much with me about my relationship with my ex.

There was something I read once, that could be utter bullshit, about people having different 'love languages'. She needed affirmations whereas I was fine with just knowing what we had, which would then cause arguments.

Preezy wrote:She's the hottest thing to come out of the Ukraine since the Chernobyl fallout cloud :shifty:


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Gently-Parted Ringpiece
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Gently-Parted Ringpiece » Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:38 am

I wouldnt latch on to definitions like love languages and love types or whatever. Some people just want different things. Women are often trained to expect constant and lavish displays of affection thanks to the last however many centuries of romantic media. The bird has reminded me more than once that she expects to be told and shown that shes wonderful to me regularly. The excuse that I must care because I put up with her constant gooseberry fool doesnt hold a lot of water.

In the end you just have to decide if its worth the trade off. Do you want her around enough that you are willing to indulge these romantic fantasies? If yes then keep it up, if no then do your own thing and sure enough she'll erupt and leave you alone.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Karl » Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:41 am

Gently-Parted Ringpiece wrote:I must care because I put up with her constant gooseberry fool

:lol:

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Rocsteady
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Rocsteady » Wed Oct 11, 2017 11:00 am

I think in the past part of the reason I’ve stuck with it as well is that I’ve felt sorry for her situation - which is quite evidently a terrible reason but it can be difficult when someone you love has financial and other worries which you can easily provide a safety net for, then choosing to leave her to herself.

But also, mainly, I’ve not really had major cause for complaint as I’ve generally been happy enough which considering my depressive past is good enough.

Things are coming to a head now anyway as I fly back to Edinburgh late tomorrow and she was meant to be joining on Sunday but it’s a bit up in the air now. Awkward as strawberry float couple of days in store.

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That's not a growth
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by That's not a growth » Sat Oct 14, 2017 10:18 am

I was on facebook a moment ago and it reminded me that it was the birthday of my ex from a few years ago that I was with for 5 years, so went onto her profile thinking to send her a message since she sent me one for mine earlier in the year. Turns out she got married a few weeks ago. I got a weird rush of emotions, but mainly disappointment in myself; in the years since she left the UK and we broke up it feels I don't have much to show for the time elapsed, and certainly not something as monumental as that.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Errkal » Sat Oct 14, 2017 2:01 pm

That's not a growth wrote:I was on facebook a moment ago and it reminded me that it was the birthday of my ex from a few years ago that I was with for 5 years, so went onto her profile thinking to send her a message since she sent me one for mine earlier in the year. Turns out she got married a few weeks ago. I got a weird rush of emotions, but mainly disappointment in myself; in the years since she left the UK and we broke up it feels I don't have much to show for the time elapsed, and certainly not something as monumental as that.

You have nearly made it 5000 posts here so there is that.

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That's not a growth
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by That's not a growth » Sat Oct 14, 2017 3:39 pm

That makes it sound like I spend much more time here than it feels like I do.

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Lucien
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Lucien » Sun Oct 15, 2017 12:26 am

That's not a growth wrote:I was on facebook a moment ago and it reminded me that it was the birthday of my ex from a few years ago that I was with for 5 years, so went onto her profile thinking to send her a message since she sent me one for mine earlier in the year. Turns out she got married a few weeks ago. I got a weird rush of emotions, but mainly disappointment in myself; in the years since she left the UK and we broke up it feels I don't have much to show for the time elapsed, and certainly not something as monumental as that.


I wouldn't worry about it, marriage isn't anything really. Monumental? It's basically one day where everyone plays dress up, then everything goes back to normal. Or as Wayne said:

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Fade
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Fade » Sun Oct 15, 2017 1:57 pm

Yeah, with all due respect to her, (she's been with him 5 years now) someone I work with got married after being with someone for 6 months

It's not a big life achievement. Just something nice to do :-)

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KK
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by KK » Sun Oct 15, 2017 2:09 pm

I also know someone that got married within 6 months. I also know a few people that are on their 3rd, 4th and 5th marriages. Seems utterly crazy to me, but hey-ho.

My Mum and Dad were together for about 25 years and they never got married.

So to me personally, it means absolutely jackshit.

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That's not a growth
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by That's not a growth » Sun Oct 15, 2017 2:38 pm

Fade wrote:Yeah, with all due respect to her, (she's been with him 5 years now) someone I work with got married after being with someone for 6 months

It's not a big life achievement. Just something nice to do :-)


I think you misread my post, I never mentioned how long they've been together, but yes they have been together for at least a few years.

It's more about how to marry someone then it's normally safe to assume: they're in a happy relationship, they've decided they're happy enough to want to spend (probably) the rest of their lives together, and they're financially independent enough to afford a wedding. And like I said, it was more how it highlighted to me how little I've done with my life in the same period of time.

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KK
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by KK » Sun Oct 15, 2017 2:41 pm

Depends what type of wedding it was; could have been a cheap and cheerful registry job.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Oblomov Boblomov » Sun Oct 15, 2017 3:29 pm

It's always seemed like a pretty big deal to me. I'm getting married soon.

If you ever have to go through a divorce, you've failed a main quest objective of life. You can of course avoid it, hang around Death Mountain/Gerudo Desert the whole time instead, but if you choose to tackle it and it ends like that... well I hope you have enough rupees saved up.

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Lucien
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Lucien » Sun Oct 15, 2017 5:00 pm

That's not a growth wrote:
Fade wrote:Yeah, with all due respect to her, (she's been with him 5 years now) someone I work with got married after being with someone for 6 months

It's not a big life achievement. Just something nice to do :-)


I think you misread my post, I never mentioned how long they've been together, but yes they have been together for at least a few years.

It's more about how to marry someone then it's normally safe to assume: they're in a happy relationship, they've decided they're happy enough to want to spend (probably) the rest of their lives together, and they're financially independent enough to afford a wedding. And like I said, it was more how it highlighted to me how little I've done with my life in the same period of time.


The only thing that matters there is happiness? You don't need to be in a relationship to be happy (generally speaking) and marriage means strawberry float all. Finances shouldn't be a measure of your self-worth either.

You should go to that person's wedding and hit on a hot bridesmaid. :datass:

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by ITSMILNER » Sun Oct 15, 2017 7:43 pm

Looking for some GR advice

Been officially single for a few weeks now after breaking up with my fiancée, feels really weird at the moment :? Been out the last few weekends so it's kept my mind busy but I've had a quiet one this weekend and it's sort of made me reflect on things.

Ultimately the break up was the best thing for both of us but it's been years since I was single.......I don't really know what to do next.

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Rocsteady
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Rocsteady » Sun Oct 15, 2017 7:49 pm

That sucks man. I guess just keep yourself busy with mates and gooseberry fool whenever possible till you're ready to get back into the game.

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pjbetman
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by pjbetman » Sun Oct 15, 2017 8:04 pm

Gently-Parted Ringpiece wrote:I wouldnt latch on to definitions like love languages and love types or whatever. Some people just want different things. Women are often trained to expect constant and lavish displays of affection thanks to the last however many centuries of romantic media. The bird has reminded me more than once that she expects to be told and shown that shes wonderful to me regularly. The excuse that I must care because I put up with her constant gooseberry fool doesnt hold a lot of water.

In the end you just have to decide if its worth the trade off. Do you want her around enough that you are willing to indulge these romantic fantasies? If yes then keep it up, if no then do your own thing and sure enough she'll erupt and leave you alone.


Yes, the media have a lot to answer for in many relationship problems.

My bird is always going on to me that I don't give her enough affection, to be fair, I cant be arsed, so she has a point, but the reason I'm indifferent to her is that she can't stop strawberry floatin moaning about EVERYTHING - I drink too much (20-30 units per week? nah), I leave food in the plug hole, my room is a mess (I have my own bedroom because she cant shut the strawberry float up and has 3 cats running round the bedroom at 11pm), I play golf too much, I don't help her round the house (I give her £500 per month, partly as housekeeping) but Im working full time and she only works 25 hours (like strawberry float am I cleaning the house on top of that) etc etc. Oh yeah, I'm apparently autistic, and im addicted to porn. How does she know this? Because she watches morning TV and gets her ideas from this. Where are the 'men' programmes complaining about bitches complaining all the strawberry floatin time? There's no equality in this day and age, and everything 'bad' that a man does is highlighted to the extreme and now bitches think it's normal to be a spoilt, pampered needy bitch!

There, I said it!

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Rocsteady
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Rocsteady » Sun Oct 15, 2017 9:02 pm

To be fair you should still help round the house (if not quite as much as her if you're working more), and leaving food in the sink is rank.

I wish i had my own bedroom, have always slept terribly if someone else is next to me.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Moggy » Sun Oct 15, 2017 9:58 pm

pjbetman wrote:
Gently-Parted Ringpiece wrote:I wouldnt latch on to definitions like love languages and love types or whatever. Some people just want different things. Women are often trained to expect constant and lavish displays of affection thanks to the last however many centuries of romantic media. The bird has reminded me more than once that she expects to be told and shown that shes wonderful to me regularly. The excuse that I must care because I put up with her constant gooseberry fool doesnt hold a lot of water.

In the end you just have to decide if its worth the trade off. Do you want her around enough that you are willing to indulge these romantic fantasies? If yes then keep it up, if no then do your own thing and sure enough she'll erupt and leave you alone.


Yes, the media have a lot to answer for in many relationship problems.

My bird is always going on to me that I don't give her enough affection, to be fair, I cant be arsed, so she has a point, but the reason I'm indifferent to her is that she can't stop strawberry floatin moaning about EVERYTHING - I drink too much (20-30 units per week? nah), I leave food in the plug hole, my room is a mess (I have my own bedroom because she cant shut the strawberry float up and has 3 cats running round the bedroom at 11pm), I play golf too much, I don't help her round the house (I give her £500 per month, partly as housekeeping) but Im working full time and she only works 25 hours (like strawberry float am I cleaning the house on top of that) etc etc. Oh yeah, I'm apparently autistic, and im addicted to porn. How does she know this? Because she watches morning TV and gets her ideas from this. Where are the 'men' programmes complaining about bitches complaining all the strawberry floatin time? There's no equality in this day and age, and everything 'bad' that a man does is highlighted to the extreme and now bitches think it's normal to be a spoilt, pampered needy bitch!

There, I said it!


I just can’t imagine why she’d be pissed off at you. You sound like a wonderful boyfriend.


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