Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x

Yeah, that is a bit harsh, but I don't think anything's hyperbolic. I also see so much of my younger self in that post it's unreal and wish now someone could have shaken me out of that passive-aggressive gooseberry fool as it 1) gets you nowhere 2) increases frustration and victim complex reasoning.

The girl owes him nothing. He needs to get over it and move on. And maybe stop seeing her, full stop.

Yeah Curls, if this is the same girl we've seen you talk about for, what, years now you've got to let this go. Just for your own peace of mind. You clearly still like this girl if you're getting upset she has a boyfriend. Not for one to just cut people out of your life but you're never going to move on if you keep this slight hope that you two will hook up one day. These feelings will not disappear until you move on yourself and meet someone new.

I had a serious hang up on a girl for years, just had to bite the bullet and cut her out of my life. Best decision I ever made to be honest, getting that bit of distance helped me move on and see how much of a jackass I was being.

Sorry Curls but I am with everyone else. It doesn’t sound like she led you on in any way, she thinks you’re a friend and is probably confused as to why you left without leaving.

It sucks, but you have to move on, it doesn’t sound like anything is ever going to happen there and it will do nobody any good to keep acting like that. If you can’t handle just being friends with her, then you’re going to need to stay away.

Curls wrote:Had a rough time on Saturday night.

I went to stay with a friend whom I have some history with, she's known i was coming for weeks and invited me to her bbq. Anyway to sum up, I asked her out a few years back, it didn't work out, but we've remained friends and had many ups and downs, and recently we've been getting along well.

Anyway, so I rock up at her house for the BBQ, we start chatting and putting some drinks in the fridge, when she suddenly mentions she has a new boyfriend...who is currently upstairs... I was pretty shocked, but decided to play the cool card and be friendly and nice.
I then had to spend the whole night getting to know her boyfriend and her other friends whilst not wanting to be there at all. To end off the lovely experience she puts me in the spare room whilst they're in the room next door, I fortunately didn't hear any sex but god I couldn't sleep a wink.

I then decided to strawberry float off our plans the next morning and left before they woke up. We were meant to get lunch together, but I knew the new boyfriend would be coming too.

Am I being over sensitive here? I knew our friendship wouldn't lead anywhere romantically but it still hit me hard and I just wanted to have a nice catch up with her. I don't think I found out anything new about her life except about this fella she's met and all about him, yay...

I think I'm going to give her a wide berth for some time, I feel completely taken advantage of...she could have just told me she had a boyfriend and that he'd be at the BBQ and let me make my own decision on whether to attend; rather than leaving me stranded in that situation.

And yet somehow she's managed to make me feel bad for leaving the next morning by saying it was odd that i left and she was looking forward to brunch?? Pah...

I'm going to go down a different tact,

You are friends, and it's made you a bit sore to see this which bro, I feel for you. But clearly there's something that you haven't accepted and still feel for her in someway, so really you need to workout, if I can't be okay with this, do I want to be friends with her?

Cut her off if not, agree to part ways, it'll free you up and not kill your mind. Otherwise if you stay and don't get over it, it'll just hurt you and get you more worked up. Every girl/guy has been there, where you are. And most of the time, it doesn't work out being friends, so they cut ties.

Moggy wrote:Sorry Curls but I am with everyone else. It doesn’t sound like she led you on in any way, she thinks you’re a friend and is probably confused as to why you left without leaving.

I'd be confused if someone did that.

Trelliz wrote:
Moggy wrote:Sorry Curls but I am with everyone else. It doesn’t sound like she led you on in any way, she thinks you’re a friend and is probably confused as to why you left without leaving.

I'd be confused if someone did that.

they could die on premise.

khaleesi pls

Trelliz wrote:
Moggy wrote:Sorry Curls but I am with everyone else. It doesn’t sound like she led you on in any way, she thinks you’re a friend and is probably confused as to why you left without leaving.

I'd be confused if someone did that.

It's easy, you just move into a cottage just outside the kingdom

Walking Dead reference

Thanks guys. Don't worry I'm not hurt by your comments (except for maybe being 12) and I wrote the initial post when I was quite upset and tipsy last night.

I was in no way grumpy or horrid during the BBQ, it all really came over me when I was in bed afterwards, I couldn't sleep so decided to leave in the morning... I'm going to try not to regret that, as there isn't any point, it was what i needed to do at that precise moment in time. Plus I wrote a nice enough note.

You're all right, she owes me nothing, shes already given me a lot by having so much patience with me and I should have been more appreciative of the fact she still wants to be friends and have me round, I've been a poor friend and let my feelings get in the way yet again.

I'll leave her be now, she doesn't deserve to be nagged by some needy guy, I have to for the sake of my own sanity. Just need to figure my life out and try to see other girls.

But please: Having your message broken down and highlighted like that can be quite grilling, some stern advice was probably needed Taf, but I'd appreciate to not receive the same punishment again with this post.

Is she a good mate of yours? As in, how difficult is it gonna be to cut ties? You have a few others, I'm guessing.

Buffalo wrote:Is she a good mate of yours? As in, how difficult is it gonna be to cut ties? You have a few others, I'm guessing.

Very good friend, but also a long distance friend, I don't need to see her every day. We work for the same company but not in the same office, so we may occasionally cross paths, also we have quite a few mutual friends, but I think I'll just have to scope out any social occasions and avoid if shes there...

I never wanted it to come to this, but I've tried doing it the other way for too long, it hasn't worked.

Now the only question is do I give her the courtesy of telling her, I probably should but I'll need to think it over some more. I think I'll leave it a while as she'll be busy with her own life. I don't think she'll have any reason to contact me for quite some time if I don't contact her.

I'm working abroad at the moment, and fly back out there tomorrow, that'll probably be the best way to get over this.

Edit number 3 :

Buffalo wrote:You have a few others, I'm guessing.

Not sure if you mean, other friends or other ties to her?

Tafdolphin wrote:
Curls wrote: I feel completely taken advantage of...she could have just told me she had a boyfriend and that he'd be at the BBQ

Dude. No. Let's break this down:

I went to stay with a friend whom I have some history with, she's known i was coming for weeks and invited me to her bbq. Anyway to sum up, I asked her out a few years back, it didn't work out, but we've remained friends and had many ups and downs, and recently we've been getting along well.

Friend. Years ago. Didn't work out (I assume that means she said no). Ok.

Anyway, so I rock up at her house for the BBQ, we start chatting and putting some drinks in the fridge, when she suddenly mentions she has a new boyfriend...who is currently upstairs... I was pretty shocked, but decided to play the cool card and be friendly and nice.

She "suddenly" announced it? Did she jump out from behind a door and scream "BOYFRIEND!"? And you decided to not be a complete dick. Great. So do we all. Every day.

I then had to spend the whole night getting to know her boyfriend and her other friends whilst not wanting to be there at all. To end off the lovely experience she puts me in the spare room whilst they're in the room next door, I fortunately didn't hear any sex but god I couldn't sleep a wink.

No, you didn't have to do anything. You could have said a pleasant goodbye and left. And, oh no, she gives you a room to yourself. When I sleep at my mates' places I'm lucky to get a strawberry floating pillow and an unbuffered spot on the floor.

I then decided to strawberry float off our plans the next morning and left before they woke up. We were meant to get lunch together, but I knew the new boyfriend would be coming too.

I did this sort of gooseberry fool when I was 12. I actually did. It felt good at the time; "I showed them!" I thought. Only no. I showed them something, but that something was that I was still crushing on the girl and jelly of her boyfriend. So, well done for getting that out there I suppose?

Am I being over sensitive here? I knew our friendship wouldn't lead anywhere romantically but it still hit me hard and I just wanted to have a nice catch up with her. I don't think I found out anything new about her life except about this fella she's met and all about him, yay...

No, I don't think you did/do.

Except from when writing this post.

I do agree with the general sentiment of taf and others though, that's really not cool behaviour. I'd just be confused as strawberry float if one of my female friends did this :lol:

Cut contact - which will be easy as gooseberry fool as probably she's pretty over trying to be friends after this anyway - and move onto someone new. Get on tinder again or pick up a new hobby where you'll meet lasses or something.

You don't need to tell her anything, to be honest. You're giving her far too much thought compared how much thought she's giving you. You needn't be so dramatic by announcing it or whatever. Just let go. Get on Tinder or Badoo or something, get laid.

Yeah agreed. If you don't want to seem a weirdo and will defo see her again tell her you had the gooseberry fools - 'my stomach really hurt with cramps s wanted to get home quickly'

Rocsteady wrote:
Tafdolphin wrote:
Curls wrote: I feel completely taken advantage of...she could have just told me she had a boyfriend and that he'd be at the BBQ

Dude. No. Let's break this down:

I went to stay with a friend whom I have some history with, she's known i was coming for weeks and invited me to her bbq. Anyway to sum up, I asked her out a few years back, it didn't work out, but we've remained friends and had many ups and downs, and recently we've been getting along well.

Friend. Years ago. Didn't work out (I assume that means she said no). Ok.

Anyway, so I rock up at her house for the BBQ, we start chatting and putting some drinks in the fridge, when she suddenly mentions she has a new boyfriend...who is currently upstairs... I was pretty shocked, but decided to play the cool card and be friendly and nice.

She "suddenly" announced it? Did she jump out from behind a door and scream "BOYFRIEND!"? And you decided to not be a complete dick. Great. So do we all. Every day.

I then had to spend the whole night getting to know her boyfriend and her other friends whilst not wanting to be there at all. To end off the lovely experience she puts me in the spare room whilst they're in the room next door, I fortunately didn't hear any sex but god I couldn't sleep a wink.

No, you didn't have to do anything. You could have said a pleasant goodbye and left. And, oh no, she gives you a room to yourself. When I sleep at my mates' places I'm lucky to get a strawberry floating pillow and an unbuffered spot on the floor.

I then decided to strawberry float off our plans the next morning and left before they woke up. We were meant to get lunch together, but I knew the new boyfriend would be coming too.

I did this sort of gooseberry fool when I was 12. I actually did. It felt good at the time; "I showed them!" I thought. Only no. I showed them something, but that something was that I was still crushing on the girl and jelly of her boyfriend. So, well done for getting that out there I suppose?

Am I being over sensitive here? I knew our friendship wouldn't lead anywhere romantically but it still hit me hard and I just wanted to have a nice catch up with her. I don't think I found out anything new about her life except about this fella she's met and all about him, yay...

No, I don't think you did/do.

Except from when writing this post.

Like I say, I saw an awful lot of my younger self in that post and it irked the gooseberry fool out of me, especially the "I feel taken advantage of" bit. Fair play, Curls has admitted that was bobbins and that he was tipsy when he wrote it but still, nothing I said was wrong I don't think. Harsh yes, but not wrong.

In curls defence, I do think the girl could have forewarned him about the boyfriend situation considering the history the two of them have had.

I know I would have done if it was my friend coming over and I knew she had a soft spot for me.

But apart from that, I think he either needs to get over her or cut all ties. Most likely the latter considering the length of time this has gone on for.

I find it a little odd she's never brought up the boyfriend in general conversion before.

That's not a growth wrote:I find it a little odd she's never brought up the boyfriend in general conversion before.

WHS. If she's a really close friend it's something that you would know about.

I've been out of the country for a few months and we'd been planning this weekend meet up for some time over the past few weeks. Anyway, it doesn't matter now, I'm leaving again so live and let live. It's gone on for too long , I'm going to cut ties. Work and social events may bring us to meet again in the future, but I'll try my best to avoid that for a good year or two. Or maybe ten considering how I've acted so far.

Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x

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