Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x

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Ad7
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Ad7 » Sun Oct 15, 2017 10:17 pm

pjbetman wrote:
Gently-Parted Ringpiece wrote:I wouldnt latch on to definitions like love languages and love types or whatever. Some people just want different things. Women are often trained to expect constant and lavish displays of affection thanks to the last however many centuries of romantic media. The bird has reminded me more than once that she expects to be told and shown that shes wonderful to me regularly. The excuse that I must care because I put up with her constant gooseberry fool doesnt hold a lot of water.

In the end you just have to decide if its worth the trade off. Do you want her around enough that you are willing to indulge these romantic fantasies? If yes then keep it up, if no then do your own thing and sure enough she'll erupt and leave you alone.


Yes, the media have a lot to answer for in many relationship problems.

My bird is always going on to me that I don't give her enough affection, to be fair, I cant be arsed, so she has a point, but the reason I'm indifferent to her is that she can't stop strawberry floatin moaning about EVERYTHING - I drink too much (20-30 units per week? nah), I leave food in the plug hole, my room is a mess (I have my own bedroom because she cant shut the strawberry float up and has 3 cats running round the bedroom at 11pm), I play golf too much, I don't help her round the house (I give her £500 per month, partly as housekeeping) but Im working full time and she only works 25 hours (like strawberry float am I cleaning the house on top of that) etc etc. Oh yeah, I'm apparently autistic, and im addicted to porn. How does she know this? Because she watches morning TV and gets her ideas from this. Where are the 'men' programmes complaining about bitches complaining all the strawberry floatin time? There's no equality in this day and age, and everything 'bad' that a man does is highlighted to the extreme and now bitches think it's normal to be a spoilt, pampered needy bitch!

There, I said it!


You sound amazing to live with, don't know what her problem is. Also going on your profile pic she's probably punching above her weight tbh
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Gently-Parted Ringpiece » Sun Oct 15, 2017 11:01 pm

LADS LADS LADS

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Curls
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Curls » Sun Oct 15, 2017 11:02 pm

That post didn't come accross in the best of light for you.

I've done the same, I often come across as somewhat as a dumb arse around here when I have an IQ of at least 60.

You should try to find compromise? You don't like her moaning, try to fix some of the things she's moaning about, the ones that annoy her the most? You CAN and should help out around the house, no matter if she works less hours. This was a constant gripe among my parents, my dad worked 60 hours a week and my mum did EVERYTHING else including raising 3 boys, they're now happily divorced. Don't leave food in the strawberry floating plug hole. scrape your plate before you rinse it. Then at least if she leaves her long hair in the shower plug you got gooseberry fool to complain about back. (although you shouldn't complain so much anyway if you're happy together). Just show her you're trying to make an effort.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by pjbetman » Sun Oct 15, 2017 11:05 pm

Rocsteady wrote:To be fair you should still help round the house (if not quite as much as her if you're working more), and leaving food in the sink is rank.

I wish i had my own bedroom, have always slept terribly if someone else is next to me.



I do help round the house. I do all the DIY stuff too - I'm talking loads of things I've fixed and made etc. I ain't no slob like. She leaves just as much food in the plug hole as me but i don't bitch about it every 5 minutes.

What I'm saying is that she has plenty of faults, but i don't beat her with them every half an hour. You know, i just accept them. The issue is that it's the bitching about my faults that is the problem in the relationship.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by pjbetman » Sun Oct 15, 2017 11:15 pm

Curls wrote:That post didn't come accross in the best of light for you.

I've done the same, I often come across as somewhat as a dumb arse around here when I have an IQ of at least 60.

You should try to find compromise? You don't like her moaning, try to fix some of the things she's moaning about, the ones that annoy her the most? You CAN and should help out around the house, no matter if she works less hours. This was a constant gripe among my parents, my dad worked 60 hours a week and my mum did EVERYTHING else including raising 3 boys, they're now happily divorced. Don't leave food in the strawberry floating plug hole. scrape your plate before you rinse it. Then at least if she leaves her long hair in the shower plug you got gooseberry fool to complain about back. (although you shouldn't complain so much anyway if you're happy together). Just show her you're trying to make an effort.


You missed the point. I made a list of things that she THINKS i do/dont do and then complains about them. I could make a list longer than that of all the equivalent things that she does and complain about them, but i don't because I've accepted them, and i can't be arsed arguing about them. Why would i complain about hair in the plug hole? What's that gonna achieve?

Do you think i should suggest i take less hours At work? Maybe bring it down to 4 days, and give her £200 per month less, and spend that 5th day cleaning the house? That would suit me fine, and i would do that, no problem. She doesn't want me to do that though - coz she wants to shout at me every half an hour instead. This is the way the relationship is - i work full time and give her extra money, she works part time and does the cleaning and she gets more money. There's no reason for her to not work full time.

Btw, your dad worked 60 hours per week. Was your mum staying at home looking after the kids? What did she want him to do as well?

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Errkal
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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Errkal » Mon Oct 16, 2017 8:39 am

Yeah it sounds like she has a point to be fair.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by pjbetman » Mon Oct 16, 2017 11:44 am

Errkal wrote:Yeah it sounds like she has a point to be fair.



Fair enough. We'll agree to disagree.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by OrangeRakoon » Mon Oct 16, 2017 12:54 pm

pjbetman wrote:Where are the 'men' programmes complaining about bitches complaining all the strawberry floatin time?


We're all sad Top Gear got cancelled

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Gently-Parted Ringpiece » Mon Oct 16, 2017 2:00 pm

Tbf, I can empathise with the one way complaint street, but the delivery needs some work. I was cleaning the house today, I dropped my friend off at the station for 4.30am so I have a day off work, Ive tidied and hoovered and cleaned every room, done all the dishes and tidied the cupboards. Im taking a short break before I take all the clean clothes from baskets and Ill have them stacked and folded but I dont know where she likes to put them so Ill leave them next to the cupboards. I was planning to do the garden but she has the extension lead in the car (I think). Then Im going to pick Mia from school.

Ive honestly tried really hard, and I am just dreading when she comes home and tells me off because the garden isnt done and the clothes are wrong and I missed one of the corners of the floor. If I say that all of the cleaning was after her and Mia, she'll lose her mind. She has acknowledged that she is an extremely messy person (where I am generally not), but if I mention it, its guns out.

She gets very angry when I do things not the way she does it - but I have yet to succesfully to complete the argument that if she wants me to do the things then Ill be doing them the way that makes sense to me. If you have someone else cleaning up for you, you cant complain about how they do it, can you? I would never dream about complaining about anything she does.

Ah well.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Karl » Mon Oct 16, 2017 2:09 pm

Gently-Parted Ringpiece wrote:Ive honestly tried really hard, and I am just dreading when she comes home and tells me off because the garden isnt done and the clothes are wrong and I missed one of the corners of the floor.


Like, have you tried saying this bit, without the bit about it being her and Mia's mess? Just like "I am genuinely trying hard for you, it makes me sad when you come home and say it isn't good enough" except maybe phrased in a bit less of a lame way.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Karl » Mon Oct 16, 2017 2:15 pm

Not trying to be condescending btw, just wondering if it's maybe a matter of getting the phrasing right so she understands without feeling like you're having a go.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Gently-Parted Ringpiece » Mon Oct 16, 2017 3:17 pm

Yeah but the problem is if you say apropos of nothing you tried hard she'll be like, yes as you should. If you say you tried hard when she is already complaining it's, you obviously didn't try enough. She is a snowball rager so it's best to let her burn out and pick it up later.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Ad7 » Mon Oct 16, 2017 3:21 pm

More like Mama Mia amirite

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Curls » Mon Oct 16, 2017 5:36 pm

pjbetman wrote:
Curls wrote:
Btw, your dad worked 60 hours per week. Was your mum staying at home looking after the kids? What did she want him to do as well?


My dad worked 9-5 in the week and then quite often did long days on weekend, he works for a bus company and used to do coaches down to london on weekends to bring in extra. My mum used to work 3 days a week and do pretty much everything else. On weekdays my dad would come home, crack open a beer and then go take a bath, 3 nights a week he'd go to the pub from about 8-11.

They're relationship when I write it out like this seems like it was an awful one. But yet we had a very happy childhood. You don't realise the sacrfices people make for a family, both parents did, and they eventually divorced due to that.

My dad worked very hard outside of the house, my mum worked hard at home and in work but worked less hours. He also burnt 50 quid a week in the pub, which was a lot of money for a working class family

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Trelliz » Mon Oct 16, 2017 5:57 pm

Gently-Parted Ringpiece wrote:Yeah but the problem is if you say apropos of nothing you tried hard she'll be like, yes as you should. If you say you tried hard when she is already complaining it's, you obviously didn't try enough. She is a snowball rager so it's best to let her burn out and pick it up later.


Falsey all this sounds like me circa 6 years ago. After getting out and several months of therapy i came to identify it as a straight-up abusive relationship, several times during which i genuinely contemplated just getting on a train and not coming back. I took all the blame for everything and to this day, over half a decade later still have pretty low self-worth from time to time; not doing things "the right way" and second guessing myself all the time as a result. I'm not saying broom her, but as someone with similar experience it can be hard to see where things are at the time.

My ex was a snowball rager and i came to recognise her as a petulant child in an adults body crossed with a totally unreasonable bitch. My most profound memory is her yelling at me for what seemed like ages because i couldn't find the tv remote, or getting annoyed that i hadn't told her that i couldn't find something, despite the fact that doing so would have detracted from actually looking. Of course if whatever it was was misplaced because of her it was no issue.

I almost booked a doctors appointment because i had convinced myself i had add or a hearing problem, when actually i had essentially emotionally and cognitively shut down as a defence mechanism, knowing that whatever answer or reason wouldn't be good enough.

Actually strawberry float what i said earlier, get the strawberry float out.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Tomous » Mon Oct 16, 2017 10:53 pm

I had a relationship once where I was constantly walking on eggshells the whole time and worrying about doing the wrong thing and set her off.

In retrospect, and since learning about it, I'm sure she had misophonia which didn't help but apart from that there seemed to be this very real belief that everything she did was right, and even if it was wrong there was perfectly valid reasons for her being wrong or even better, it was my fault she'd done the wrong thing....and whenever I did something wrong it was because I was literally worse than Hitler and should have this explained to me through screaming. It's no way to live.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Errkal » Tue Oct 17, 2017 7:05 am

Most of the people at work seem to be in that situation and just accept it as "well that's how it is".

They can't get the idea it would be anything else so when I'm like "yeah went to the pub" or "wife is off to a family thing, didn't want to go so am playing xbox," they are confused and think the wife is some special saint.

We argue like but it shouldn't be your fault and crap you should be able to do your thing and then theirs and it hit a sort of balance.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Squinty » Tue Oct 17, 2017 7:43 am

Sounds like pjbetman and Falsey should get the strawberry float out.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Hime » Tue Oct 17, 2017 8:06 am

:D
Trelliz wrote:
Gently-Parted Ringpiece wrote:Yeah but the problem is if you say apropos of nothing you tried hard she'll be like, yes as you should. If you say you tried hard when she is already complaining it's, you obviously didn't try enough. She is a snowball rager so it's best to let her burn out and pick it up later.


Falsey all this sounds like me circa 6 years ago. After getting out and several months of therapy i came to identify it as a straight-up abusive relationship, several times during which i genuinely contemplated just getting on a train and not coming back. I took all the blame for everything and to this day, over half a decade later still have pretty low self-worth from time to time; not doing things "the right way" and second guessing myself all the time as a result. I'm not saying broom her, but as someone with similar experience it can be hard to see where things are at the time.

My ex was a snowball rager and i came to recognise her as a petulant child in an adults body crossed with a totally unreasonable bitch. My most profound memory is her yelling at me for what seemed like ages because i couldn't find the tv remote, or getting annoyed that i hadn't told her that i couldn't find something, despite the fact that doing so would have detracted from actually looking. Of course if whatever it was was misplaced because of her it was no issue.

I almost booked a doctors appointment because i had convinced myself i had add or a hearing problem, when actually i had essentially emotionally and cognitively shut down as a defence mechanism, knowing that whatever answer or reason wouldn't be good enough.

Actually strawberry float what i said earlier, get the strawberry float out.

I had something similar, a horrendous relationship that I'm still dealing with 4 years later. In some ways it's worse now than it was then and there is a lot of effort, guilt and embarrassment in hiding things from my current girlfriend, family and friends.

All breakups are tough but nobody is worth putting yourself through mental torture every day.

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PostRe: Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x
by Gently-Parted Ringpiece » Tue Oct 17, 2017 8:56 am

Oh boy.

I should probably clarify a few things. My bird is a very lovely person 95% of the time. She has this habit of storing every worry and concern and stress up until she becomes this insane wreck for a week or two, blows up at me constantly, realises what shes done, apologises and resets. Im obviously not a saint, either, but I think I do try. She isnt the kind of hair trigger where losing the remote is going to put me close to death, and she isnt really a huge shouter. She just tells me to strawberry float off and sort my life out a lot.

I was speaking to her last night and I said I dont want to be on eggshells in my own house and she said she knows and feels like she is on eggshells too because she is trying not to trigger herself. She has health problems (kidneys) which make her ill from time to time and she says she has been sick for a few weeks now, so I just insisted she gets herself to the doctors to get it sorted. She has this aversion to anything prescribed by the doctors because 'it makes her feel worse' but is usually happy to self medicate with stuff she gets herself, so that battle is to come Im sure.

Im not going to walk away from her because she is an angry maniac, Id rather she just tried to drop the angry bit and keep hold of 50% of the maniac part. Also she has a really good arse.

(If she is reading this I love you please dont kill me in my sleep)


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