Relationship Thread V.2 - Canyonero! :x

[Rocsteady]

Well, you can play the long game, I'll give you that.

[Shadow]

What time does Comic-con start? I'd suggest you grab breakfast somewhere first, cons can be really loud and bustly, might not be the best place for your first face-to-face conversations.

[Fade]

yeah probably will. Door open at 11 so there's plenty of time in the morning.

[bandwagon]

Is it the MCM one? If so would recommend the priority entry tickets otherwise you can be queuing for ages to get in.

[Fade]

Oops, I just got the normal ones. Although going on the Friday so it shouldn't be too bad right?

[bandwagon]

Should be the quietest day but would still expect it to be busy.

[Fade]

It'll be fine, gives me more time to pull my moves.

[Joer]

Just remember not to disconnect when things aren't going your way.

[Fade]

[Corazon de Leon]

Was chatting on facetime with the girlfriend there, she's not enjoying her new job and is looking for a new one. She's a bit scunnered with it and was being quite quiet. She said that she thought everyone's life was a bit shitty but that now she thinks some people don't have anything shitty about their lives. I asked her who she meant by that and she said me, and that, "You don't seem to have struggled with anything in your life."

When I reminded her that we've been going out for two months and she has no idea what's happened in my life, she told me that I obviously didn't know how lucky I was to be in my current situation (I live rent free at the moment because me and my flatmate are flat sitting for his mum and her brothers and sisters while they get the flat ready to sell). I told her not to make a presumption about me or my life because we haven't known each other long enough for her to know everything about me. She was quiet for a few more minutes and then we said our goodbyes and ended the chat.

I wanted to explain about the whole being forced to move to Scotland because my dad was accused of a robbery and couldn't find work in England, the struggles we had for money etc when we first moved here, the bullying at school, the numerous affairs and booze problems my dad had that impacted the lives of all the people around him(e.g. my having to separate my parents from a fistfight in the middle of a crowded restaurant), the mental health issues I've had in the last five-ten years, the problems I've had at uni in the last eighteen months and all the other gooseberry fool I've had to put up with, but I was so pissed off at the assumptions being made about me and my character that I couldn't get the words out.

My question is, am I wrong to be so utterly furious? She's made a few assumptions without any kind of basis that I can see. I'm actually shaking with anger.

[That's not a growth]

It's a difficult one, I'd imagine I would react the same, but I also hate how I always seem to think certain parts of my life were difficult, and how these are moments I think define me. I find myself almost wanting people to be aware of what hardships I've overcome, and to use that context when they see my life the way it is now. But if something isn't an active struggle at that moment I find myself thinking this is a selfish feeling, almost like someone who keeps talking about past achievements.

It fully depends on the context on how she made this assumption, but don't confuse for malice what can be described by stupidity.

[Corazon de Leon]

It's a difficult one, I'd imagine I would react the same, but I also hate how I always seem to think certain parts of my life were difficult, and how these are moments I think define me. I find myself almost wanting people to be aware of what hardships I've overcome, and to use that context when they see my life the way it is now. But if something isn't an active struggle at that moment I find myself thinking this is a selfish feeling, almost like someone who keeps talking about past achievements.

It fully depends on the context on how she made this assumption, but don't confuse for malice what can be described by stupidity.

Just for a bit more info, I don't go into great detail the gooseberry fool I've been through because it's no-one's business but my own(y'know, apart from that off-the-top-of-my-head list I just fury posted up there ), but I resent the implication that I've had an easy, middle-class run of life. I've never wanted for anything materially, but that absolutely doesn't mean I haven't had to graft to get where I am. She keeps making pointed references to the fact that I work part time(24 hours a week), but she doesn't take into the account that this is to accommodate and pay for a PhD which takes me easily past the full time hours threshold, especially writing it all up in the final year.

I definitely get the impression that she thinks she works harder than me, somehow because this isn't the first time it's come up. It's infuriating. The fact that I'm feeling like this two months into the relationship isn't filling me with confidence.

[KK]

Even if you have had an easy or successful 'middle class' life I don't see what it's got to do with her, or why it should be an issue. If she has had a tough life, I would certainly love to hear about it and understand what she's gone through, but don't start guilt tripping me over it. For this to be happening 2 months in is quite frankly ridiculous.

[Tomous]

You're right to be furious, her assumptions are offensive and she comes across as extremely self-centred.

[Floex]

You're definitely right to be angry at that, Cora. For her to say that after only 2 months is completely out of order.

[Moggy]

Nothing shitty in your life? Haven't you told her yet that you support Blackburn?

I don't think you're wrong to be angry. She might be going through a crap time but that doesn't mean you don't have your own problems.

[Skarjo]

You could be furious, and you'd be justified in it. However, if you want advice, take a deep breath and take a step back. She's wrong to make assumptions and the assumptions she made were wrong, and you'll definitely have to explain that to her at some point. But right now she's obviously struggling with her circumstances and she sees you as someone as has their gooseberry fool together and needs your support.

She sounds like she's maybe a bit immature, but she's crying out for support. You can either add to her problems by allowing her to get your back up, or be supportive and then pick a better time to explain that she was wrong and that she shouldn't make assumptions like that.

[Skarjo]

Oh in other news I now have to drive to my ex's parents place to pick up a box of my stuff before 'Flareon becomes a real life fire Pokémon with the rest of your stuff'.

#greatsourceofadvice.

[Banjo]

I wouldn't take it to heart, dude. More likely explanation is her lashing out as a means of dealing with her own frustrations. If it persists then it might become genuinely problematic but for now it's probably her having a bit of a sulk (as patronising as I've phrased that).

[Drumstick]

You could be furious, and you'd be justified in it. However, if you want advice, take a deep breath and take a step back. She's wrong to make assumptions and the assumptions she made were wrong, and you'll definitely have to explain that to her at some point. But right now she's obviously struggling with her circumstances and she sees you as someone as has their gooseberry fool together and needs your support.

She sounds like she's maybe a bit immature, but she's crying out for support. You can either add to her problems by allowing her to get your back up, or be supportive and then pick a better time to explain that she was wrong and that she shouldn't make assumptions like that.

Agreed. Just talk to her in person and allow her to get whatever is bothering her off her chest and maybe offer some advice if you can think of anything positive.

But I would make a point, in a gentle manner, that you haven't had this cushy, easy life that she is apparently imagining just because you're in a good place at the moment. It's quite an outrageous assumption to make.