GRcade

Looking for some GR advice

Been officially single for a few weeks now after breaking up with my fiancée, feels really weird at the moment Been out the last few weekends so it's kept my mind busy but I've had a quiet one this weekend and it's sort of made me reflect on things.

Ultimately the break up was the best thing for both of us but it's been years since I was single.......I don't really know what to do next.

That sucks man. I guess just keep yourself busy with mates and gooseberry fool whenever possible till you're ready to get back into the game.

Gently-Parted Ringpiece wrote:I wouldnt latch on to definitions like love languages and love types or whatever. Some people just want different things. Women are often trained to expect constant and lavish displays of affection thanks to the last however many centuries of romantic media. The bird has reminded me more than once that she expects to be told and shown that shes wonderful to me regularly. The excuse that I must care because I put up with her constant gooseberry fool doesnt hold a lot of water.

In the end you just have to decide if its worth the trade off. Do you want her around enough that you are willing to indulge these romantic fantasies? If yes then keep it up, if no then do your own thing and sure enough she'll erupt and leave you alone.

Yes, the media have a lot to answer for in many relationship problems.

My bird is always going on to me that I don't give her enough affection, to be fair, I cant be arsed, so she has a point, but the reason I'm indifferent to her is that she can't stop strawberry floatin moaning about EVERYTHING - I drink too much (20-30 units per week? nah), I leave food in the plug hole, my room is a mess (I have my own bedroom because she cant shut the strawberry float up and has 3 cats running round the bedroom at 11pm), I play golf too much, I don't help her round the house (I give her £500 per month, partly as housekeeping) but Im working full time and she only works 25 hours (like strawberry float am I cleaning the house on top of that) etc etc. Oh yeah, I'm apparently autistic, and im addicted to porn. How does she know this? Because she watches morning TV and gets her ideas from this. Where are the 'men' programmes complaining about bitches complaining all the strawberry floatin time? There's no equality in this day and age, and everything 'bad' that a man does is highlighted to the extreme and now bitches think it's normal to be a spoilt, pampered needy bitch!

There, I said it!

To be fair you should still help round the house (if not quite as much as her if you're working more), and leaving food in the sink is rank.

I wish i had my own bedroom, have always slept terribly if someone else is next to me.

pjbetman wrote:

Gently-Parted Ringpiece wrote:I wouldnt latch on to definitions like love languages and love types or whatever. Some people just want different things. Women are often trained to expect constant and lavish displays of affection thanks to the last however many centuries of romantic media. The bird has reminded me more than once that she expects to be told and shown that shes wonderful to me regularly. The excuse that I must care because I put up with her constant gooseberry fool doesnt hold a lot of water.

In the end you just have to decide if its worth the trade off. Do you want her around enough that you are willing to indulge these romantic fantasies? If yes then keep it up, if no then do your own thing and sure enough she'll erupt and leave you alone.

Yes, the media have a lot to answer for in many relationship problems.

My bird is always going on to me that I don't give her enough affection, to be fair, I cant be arsed, so she has a point, but the reason I'm indifferent to her is that she can't stop strawberry floatin moaning about EVERYTHING - I drink too much (20-30 units per week? nah), I leave food in the plug hole, my room is a mess (I have my own bedroom because she cant shut the strawberry float up and has 3 cats running round the bedroom at 11pm), I play golf too much, I don't help her round the house (I give her £500 per month, partly as housekeeping) but Im working full time and she only works 25 hours (like strawberry float am I cleaning the house on top of that) etc etc. Oh yeah, I'm apparently autistic, and im addicted to porn. How does she know this? Because she watches morning TV and gets her ideas from this. Where are the 'men' programmes complaining about bitches complaining all the strawberry floatin time? There's no equality in this day and age, and everything 'bad' that a man does is highlighted to the extreme and now bitches think it's normal to be a spoilt, pampered needy bitch!

There, I said it!

I just can’t imagine why she’d be pissed off at you. You sound like a wonderful boyfriend.

pjbetman wrote:

Gently-Parted Ringpiece wrote:I wouldnt latch on to definitions like love languages and love types or whatever. Some people just want different things. Women are often trained to expect constant and lavish displays of affection thanks to the last however many centuries of romantic media. The bird has reminded me more than once that she expects to be told and shown that shes wonderful to me regularly. The excuse that I must care because I put up with her constant gooseberry fool doesnt hold a lot of water.

In the end you just have to decide if its worth the trade off. Do you want her around enough that you are willing to indulge these romantic fantasies? If yes then keep it up, if no then do your own thing and sure enough she'll erupt and leave you alone.

Yes, the media have a lot to answer for in many relationship problems.

My bird is always going on to me that I don't give her enough affection, to be fair, I cant be arsed, so she has a point, but the reason I'm indifferent to her is that she can't stop strawberry floatin moaning about EVERYTHING - I drink too much (20-30 units per week? nah), I leave food in the plug hole, my room is a mess (I have my own bedroom because she cant shut the strawberry float up and has 3 cats running round the bedroom at 11pm), I play golf too much, I don't help her round the house (I give her £500 per month, partly as housekeeping) but Im working full time and she only works 25 hours (like strawberry float am I cleaning the house on top of that) etc etc. Oh yeah, I'm apparently autistic, and im addicted to porn. How does she know this? Because she watches morning TV and gets her ideas from this. Where are the 'men' programmes complaining about bitches complaining all the strawberry floatin time? There's no equality in this day and age, and everything 'bad' that a man does is highlighted to the extreme and now bitches think it's normal to be a spoilt, pampered needy bitch!

There, I said it!

You sound amazing to live with, don't know what her problem is. Also going on your profile pic she's probably punching above her weight tbh

LADS LADS LADS

That post didn't come accross in the best of light for you.

I've done the same, I often come across as somewhat as a dumb arse around here when I have an IQ of at least 60.

You should try to find compromise? You don't like her moaning, try to fix some of the things she's moaning about, the ones that annoy her the most? You CAN and should help out around the house, no matter if she works less hours. This was a constant gripe among my parents, my dad worked 60 hours a week and my mum did EVERYTHING else including raising 3 boys, they're now happily divorced. Don't leave food in the strawberry floating plug hole. scrape your plate before you rinse it. Then at least if she leaves her long hair in the shower plug you got gooseberry fool to complain about back. (although you shouldn't complain so much anyway if you're happy together). Just show her you're trying to make an effort.

Rocsteady wrote:To be fair you should still help round the house (if not quite as much as her if you're working more), and leaving food in the sink is rank.

I wish i had my own bedroom, have always slept terribly if someone else is next to me.

I do help round the house. I do all the DIY stuff too - I'm talking loads of things I've fixed and made etc. I ain't no slob like. She leaves just as much food in the plug hole as me but i don't bitch about it every 5 minutes.

What I'm saying is that she has plenty of faults, but i don't beat her with them every half an hour. You know, i just accept them. The issue is that it's the bitching about my faults that is the problem in the relationship.

Curls wrote:That post didn't come accross in the best of light for you.

I've done the same, I often come across as somewhat as a dumb arse around here when I have an IQ of at least 60.

You should try to find compromise? You don't like her moaning, try to fix some of the things she's moaning about, the ones that annoy her the most? You CAN and should help out around the house, no matter if she works less hours. This was a constant gripe among my parents, my dad worked 60 hours a week and my mum did EVERYTHING else including raising 3 boys, they're now happily divorced. Don't leave food in the strawberry floating plug hole. scrape your plate before you rinse it. Then at least if she leaves her long hair in the shower plug you got gooseberry fool to complain about back. (although you shouldn't complain so much anyway if you're happy together). Just show her you're trying to make an effort.

You missed the point. I made a list of things that she THINKS i do/dont do and then complains about them. I could make a list longer than that of all the equivalent things that she does and complain about them, but i don't because I've accepted them, and i can't be arsed arguing about them. Why would i complain about hair in the plug hole? What's that gonna achieve?

Do you think i should suggest i take less hours At work? Maybe bring it down to 4 days, and give her £200 per month less, and spend that 5th day cleaning the house? That would suit me fine, and i would do that, no problem. She doesn't want me to do that though - coz she wants to shout at me every half an hour instead. This is the way the relationship is - i work full time and give her extra money, she works part time and does the cleaning and she gets more money. There's no reason for her to not work full time.

Btw, your dad worked 60 hours per week. Was your mum staying at home looking after the kids? What did she want him to do as well?

Yeah it sounds like she has a point to be fair.

Errkal wrote:Yeah it sounds like she has a point to be fair.

Fair enough. We'll agree to disagree.

pjbetman wrote:Where are the 'men' programmes complaining about bitches complaining all the strawberry floatin time?

We're all sad Top Gear got cancelled

Tbf, I can empathise with the one way complaint street, but the delivery needs some work. I was cleaning the house today, I dropped my friend off at the station for 4.30am so I have a day off work, Ive tidied and hoovered and cleaned every room, done all the dishes and tidied the cupboards. Im taking a short break before I take all the clean clothes from baskets and Ill have them stacked and folded but I dont know where she likes to put them so Ill leave them next to the cupboards. I was planning to do the garden but she has the extension lead in the car (I think). Then Im going to pick Mia from school.

Ive honestly tried really hard, and I am just dreading when she comes home and tells me off because the garden isnt done and the clothes are wrong and I missed one of the corners of the floor. If I say that all of the cleaning was after her and Mia, she'll lose her mind. She has acknowledged that she is an extremely messy person (where I am generally not), but if I mention it, its guns out.

She gets very angry when I do things not the way she does it - but I have yet to succesfully to complete the argument that if she wants me to do the things then Ill be doing them the way that makes sense to me. If you have someone else cleaning up for you, you cant complain about how they do it, can you? I would never dream about complaining about anything she does.

Ah well.

Gently-Parted Ringpiece wrote:Ive honestly tried really hard, and I am just dreading when she comes home and tells me off because the garden isnt done and the clothes are wrong and I missed one of the corners of the floor.

Like, have you tried saying this bit, without the bit about it being her and Mia's mess? Just like "I am genuinely trying hard for you, it makes me sad when you come home and say it isn't good enough" except maybe phrased in a bit less of a lame way.

Not trying to be condescending btw, just wondering if it's maybe a matter of getting the phrasing right so she understands without feeling like you're having a go.

Yeah but the problem is if you say apropos of nothing you tried hard she'll be like, yes as you should. If you say you tried hard when she is already complaining it's, you obviously didn't try enough. She is a snowball rager so it's best to let her burn out and pick it up later.

More like Mama Mia amirite

pjbetman wrote:

Curls wrote:
Btw, your dad worked 60 hours per week. Was your mum staying at home looking after the kids? What did she want him to do as well?

My dad worked 9-5 in the week and then quite often did long days on weekend, he works for a bus company and used to do coaches down to london on weekends to bring in extra. My mum used to work 3 days a week and do pretty much everything else. On weekdays my dad would come home, crack open a beer and then go take a bath, 3 nights a week he'd go to the pub from about 8-11.

They're relationship when I write it out like this seems like it was an awful one. But yet we had a very happy childhood. You don't realise the sacrfices people make for a family, both parents did, and they eventually divorced due to that.

My dad worked very hard outside of the house, my mum worked hard at home and in work but worked less hours. He also burnt 50 quid a week in the pub, which was a lot of money for a working class family

Gently-Parted Ringpiece wrote:Yeah but the problem is if you say apropos of nothing you tried hard she'll be like, yes as you should. If you say you tried hard when she is already complaining it's, you obviously didn't try enough. She is a snowball rager so it's best to let her burn out and pick it up later.

Falsey all this sounds like me circa 6 years ago. After getting out and several months of therapy i came to identify it as a straight-up abusive relationship, several times during which i genuinely contemplated just getting on a train and not coming back. I took all the blame for everything and to this day, over half a decade later still have pretty low self-worth from time to time; not doing things "the right way" and second guessing myself all the time as a result. I'm not saying broom her, but as someone with similar experience it can be hard to see where things are at the time.

My ex was a snowball rager and i came to recognise her as a petulant child in an adults body crossed with a totally unreasonable bitch. My most profound memory is her yelling at me for what seemed like ages because i couldn't find the tv remote, or getting annoyed that i hadn't told her that i couldn't find something, despite the fact that doing so would have detracted from actually looking. Of course if whatever it was was misplaced because of her it was no issue.

I almost booked a doctors appointment because i had convinced myself i had add or a hearing problem, when actually i had essentially emotionally and cognitively shut down as a defence mechanism, knowing that whatever answer or reason wouldn't be good enough.

Actually strawberry float what i said earlier, get the strawberry float out.