Relationship Thread V4

Sorry to hear that

Not sure where to put this but I summed everything up in here previously so: things have come to a head with my wife's brother. Long story short, he met a girl from Bali online, they texted for 2 months, she came over for a month and within the first week had gotten pregnant and now they're trying to get her back over/married.

The initial plan on his end was for her to come over for Christmas on a 6 month 'carer' visa (he's just had brain surgery), they'd get married and she'd be here permanently. Except her visa was denied as she didn't have the £6000 the government reckoned she'd need. He now wants to go to Bali despite, as I say, being in the early stages of recovery from strawberry floating brain surgery (2 in fact). His friends and his sister, the wife, have now started to despair as he dives further beyond reason or forethought. Not only does he now live in a la la land where his doctor is going to write him a letter to the airlines stating he can fly, but he shoehorns this woman into every single conversation he has and his entire existence seems to be based around her. Love is one thing, but I know obsession when I see it.

His best friend snapped a few nights ago and wrote a, given the circumstances, extremely measured and well thought out letter explaining his concerns. The brother wrote back immediately, claiming the friend was jealous. My wife then sent her own email, equally thoughtful, explaining that he needed to come back to reality and face some harsh truths.

This in turn made him snap, and he wrote a completely scathing response criticising everyone in his life apart from his girlfriend. Even I got a kicking for some reason. Any attempt to reason with him leads to him either cutting the conversation off or a tirade. His attitude is genuinely scary, and incredibly familiar to me, someone who's been in a toxic relationship and seen firsthand the damage this sort of single-mindedness can cause.

He doesn't want a child, he wants her. We caught him complaining to another friend that he hates kids, he is unemployed and living with his parents and the soon to be mother of his child neither speaks French nor has any transferable skills.

It's...strawberry floated up.

He's completely strawberry floated and is going to learn that the very hard way.

Yuuuuuup. I do feel sorry for the guy, but he's put himself into a shitty scenario and is actively fighting against those trying to pull him out. It's only going to get worse before it gets better.

100%. The wife (I must stop referring to her like that!) is obviously having a hard time accepting that he's made his choice. She wrote him a super lengthy email a few days after, explaining as clearly as she could that she was just worried about him and her family in general as the golden rule has always been "Don't talk about your feelings." He wrote her back and I got so enraged at him I was shouting down the phone. He told her that her letter sounded like "psychiatrist nonsense" and that she was always trying to use big words to make them feel inferior.

Every time she has a big conference speech coming up, my mum will send her a text of encouragement whereas her own mother, who Marie will explicitly inform, never sends anything. In his letter his brother recounted a time when Marie send her mum a clip of a speech and she apparently watched around 20 seconds before bursting into tears and moaning about how her daughter is always trying to make her feel stupid. The brother then went on the specifically demand that Marie talk stupid to them because none of them like the way she speaks.

I was strawberry floating livid. Her parents have always been simpletons who don't understand her, and now her brother has actively thrown his lot in with them. I told her that when I ring on Christmas Day I don't want to speak to them.

Rudolphin wrote:100%. The wife (I must stop referring to her like that!) is obviously having a hard time accepting that he's made his choice. She wrote him a super lengthy email a few days after, explaining as clearly as she could that she was just worried about him and her family in general as the golden rule has always been "Don't talk about your feelings." He wrote her back and I got so enraged at him I was shouting down the phone. He told her that her letter sounded like "psychiatrist nonsense" and that she was always trying to use big words to make them feel inferior.

Every time she has a big conference speech coming up, my mum will send her a text of encouragement whereas her own mother, who Marie will explicitly inform, never sends anything. In his letter his brother recounted a time when Marie send her mum a clip of a speech and she apparently watched around 20 seconds before bursting into tears and moaning about how her daughter is always trying to make her feel stupid. The brother then went on the specifically demand that Marie talk stupid to them because none of them like the way she speaks.

I was strawberry floating livid. Her parents have always been simpletons who don't understand her, and now her brother has actively thrown his lot in with them. I told her that when I ring on Christmas Day I don't want to speak to them.

There is nothing more infuriating than stupid people who either revel in being stupid, or blame everyone else from them not understanding gooseberry fool. Idiots like that are how we got Brexit.

Somebody Else's Presents wrote:
Rudolphin wrote: Marie send her mum a clip of a speech and she apparently watched around 20 seconds before bursting into tears and moaning about how her daughter is always trying to make her feel stupid. The brother then went on the specifically demand that Marie talk stupid to them because none of them like the way she speaks.

I was strawberry floating livid. Her parents have always been simpletons who don't understand her, and now her brother has actively thrown his lot in with them. I told her that when I ring on Christmas Day I don't want to speak to them.

There is nothing more infuriating than stupid people who either revel in being stupid, or blame everyone else from them not understanding gooseberry fool. Idiots like that are how we got Brexit.

I would have responded like this:

But wow, it sounds like deep down/unconsciously he knows he's completely screwed but has had to buy in and blame others or face the truth.

But yeah, i have no time for people with Crab mentality.

Gemini73

Well as soft as this may sound Christmas has played its part in steering my marriage back on course.

We've kept talking this last week. A lot. Getting our feelings out in the open etc

Anyway, I'm at home with my wife and girls and the feeling is one of genuine happiness. We're about to settle down for Christmas dinner.

I only hope we can continue to moved forward.

Merry Christmas, folks.

thread resurrection

off on a date, first one for about 3 years now.. woah

gf is more nervous about me going than I am lol

Wasn't expecting the third line. But I guess I should have checked who was posting it.

date was alright, nice person but no action

On the other end of the relationship spectrum I got married last Tuesday.

Totally forgot this thread existed, so thanks for the reminder False!

Cheeky Devlin wrote:...I got married last Tuesday. ...

Hadn't realised the big day was cropping up so soon! Congrats, Mr and Mrs Devlin!

Cheeky Devlin wrote:On the other end of the relationship spectrum I got married last Tuesday.

Totally forgot this thread existed, so thanks for the reminder False!

Cngrts bbz x

Cheeky Devlin wrote:On the other end of the relationship spectrum I got married last Tuesday.

Totally forgot this thread existed, so thanks for the reminder False!

Cheeky Devlin wrote:On the other end of the relationship spectrum I got married last Tuesday.

Totally forgot this thread existed, so thanks for the reminder False!

Congrats Devlin mate. My wedding day was the best day of my life.

My wedding day consisted of a 30 minute silent ceremony (as the registry office's sound system wasn't USB compatible and the music I prepared was unplayable), my father in law playing us out on a hunting horn, a trip to a nearby restaurant to eat the French equivalent of haggis and an argument between my new wife and her mother after the latter wouldn't stop being racist.

It was good.

Donuts, Godzilla and a batting cage for us. Brilliant day.

grats dev

Thanks guys!

So far I'm agreeing with Drummy. Easily the best day of my life and for someone who is normally so indifferent, I've genuinely never felt as happy as I did when I saw her walk down that aisle. :wub:

Had a fantastic day, with amazing weather and a great party.
Utterly flew by and I can't believe it's almost a week ago now and I'm back at work.

Relationship Thread V4

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