JChalmers wrote:So quick update, two weeks ago I went to mums with little man for the weekend, chatted all things moving etc. When we came back on the Sunday the wife said she didn't want a divorce and that I was rushing things. Told her I wasn't rushing it's what I want. She then proceeded to throw out all the pictures and things of us and ripped up scrap books of all the things she’s kept through the relationship all while little man was in the lounge. This obviously upset him as he didn’t know what was going on. She told him to ask me about it, obviously I didn’t want to tell him until after Christmas but she was adamant and when I refused and said it wasn’t time she then proceeded to tell him and said it was all my decision and that I was the one that was making the decision on the divorce.
Obviously I’m not going to tell my 6 year old that it was her having an affair etc, so year I was made to look like a mug. Here’s the kicker though, once he went to sleep and she calmed down a bit, a couple of hours later she’s again saying she’s not wanting a divorce and wants to fix things (something I’m not willing to do that ship has sailed a long time ago) saying if I put in the divorce now she’ll refuse to sign it and fight through the courts and fight to take him.
She asked me to take time and see if we can fix it and if I still feel the same after a while then she’ll then do it amicably. So I’m now playing a waiting game until the new year, knowing I want a divorce, all just so I don’t have to go through the courts just to see my kid etc.
You've got to laugh otherwise I'm pretty sure I'd lose it.
The joys of real life and adulting right…..
I'm genuinely sorry to hear that. As someone who's not long out of a protracted and "less than amicable" divorce himself, I
strongly urge you to square yourself off with a solid solicitor - and
fast. One truism that stuck with me throughout my messy divorce (which involved two young kids), is: "The person you marry, isn't the person you divorce". You're going to see a side of her you never knew existed.
I will also caution you that if CAFCASS get involved (which is by default if child arrangements go through the family courts in the UK), then be extra careful as they are NOT friendly towards fathers - at all. I managed to keep the kids out of court by being exceptionally creative (and spending close to £45k in legal fees by the end of it all - no, that's not a typo).
If you ever have any questions, or need advice on the best ways to document contemporaneous notes, please reach out (and that goes for anyone on here who's either going through a divorce, or is potentially planning one).
Be ready for the emotional rollercoaster of your life. Take every threat she's issuing seriously (you can't afford not to) and GET A SOLICITOR YOU CAN TRUST! If they're not a good fit, change (I changed my first solicitor - to my benefit).