Relationship Thread V4

[DarkRula]

That sounds absolutely rough, Chalmers. You need to be well shot of her, but I can understand that wanting to see your kid makes that harder. Hopefully once in the new year, she doesn't start moving goalposts and being further being manipulative and let's the divorce go through without a word.

[Memento Mori]

Yeah it seems unlikely she'll decide she wants an amicable divorce in the new year. If you've got shared bank accounts, start moving your money out of those. And start documenting her unreasonable behaviour.

[Dual]

I would get a solicitor on board now and start recording all of these interactions.

[Octoroc]

I would get a solicitor on board now and start recording all of these interactions.

Yes, he needs to be very careful. Can he even prove her infidelity to a court?

She already seems to be weaponising the child which is about as low as any parent can sink.

A really gooseberry fool situation.

[JChalmers]

Cheers for the advice gents, touch wood since that outburst she's been ok and not done anything else. Personally I don't think she'd take him full-time, she's struggled throughout the years with mental health issues etc and personally I don't think she'd manage having him full time anyway.

[aayl1]

What a dispicable way to act in front of your child. If I was in your shoes and had any doubt about leaving at all, that would seal it for me. No way back from that.

All the best Chalmers, you may be the short term bad guy but taking the high road will do your kid a world of good down the line. gooseberry fool's tough man. X

[Parksey]

I'd echo Mori and Dual's comments. I would start preparing for the divorce, if you view it as inevitable, and getting evidence of her behaviour and her actions.

She's been very vague asking to check again how you feel "in a while". I'd try and get a specific time on that otherwise she's going to try and kick the can down the road again later.

It's abhorrent she's brought your child into it. It doesn't need to be a fight with a "winner", and it doesn't need to be made into her versus you in the child's eyes.

[Squinty]

Bloody hell. Saying that to the kid could be so damaging and she didn't give a gooseberry fool.

[Fade]

I really hope things go as smooth as they can for you Chalmers, sounds like a shitty situation <3

This is probably reaching, but that behaviour reminds me of the borderline personality disorder my ex almost certainly had.

She would keep little trinkets and mementos of our days out in this little box (even stuff like train tickets) and when she would get upset she would break stuff that reminded her of me.

[Robbo-92]

She’s bang out of order acting like that in front of your kid, hope outbursts like that are kept to a minimum (ideally no more) from her in the future, he definitely doesn’t need that stress in his life at such a young age.

I’d definitely echo what others are saying, keep a diary almost of events such as the above for if it does go to the courts. Sound advice too about bank accounts, if you have a shared one, definitely say to her about each getting your own and literally using the shared one for bills, or just get your own account and put what’s needed into the shared account each month.

Really hope the next few weeks and months go as smoothly as they can do considering.

[JChalmers]

Cheers guys, I'll start keeping a diary just incase. Thankfully the joint account is only used for all of our bills so we literally put in enough each month to cover bills and the rest we earn we keep separately.

I'm sure I'll be fine, got the mancave to chill in for the evenings and play on the consoles/pc or paint warhammer. Also made a full list of jobs that need doing around the house in regards to getting it sell-ready so going to get through them over the next few weeks as well.

[Andrew Mills]

So quick update, two weeks ago I went to mums with little man for the weekend, chatted all things moving etc. When we came back on the Sunday the wife said she didn't want a divorce and that I was rushing things. Told her I wasn't rushing it's what I want. She then proceeded to throw out all the pictures and things of us and ripped up scrap books of all the things she’s kept through the relationship all while little man was in the lounge. This obviously upset him as he didn’t know what was going on. She told him to ask me about it, obviously I didn’t want to tell him until after Christmas but she was adamant and when I refused and said it wasn’t time she then proceeded to tell him and said it was all my decision and that I was the one that was making the decision on the divorce.

Obviously I’m not going to tell my 6 year old that it was her having an affair etc, so year I was made to look like a mug. Here’s the kicker though, once he went to sleep and she calmed down a bit, a couple of hours later she’s again saying she’s not wanting a divorce and wants to fix things (something I’m not willing to do that ship has sailed a long time ago) saying if I put in the divorce now she’ll refuse to sign it and fight through the courts and fight to take him. She asked me to take time and see if we can fix it and if I still feel the same after a while then she’ll then do it amicably. So I’m now playing a waiting game until the new year, knowing I want a divorce, all just so I don’t have to go through the courts just to see my kid etc. You've got to laugh otherwise I'm pretty sure I'd lose it.

The joys of real life and adulting right…..

I'm genuinely sorry to hear that. As someone who's not long out of a protracted and "less than amicable" divorce himself, I strongly urge you to square yourself off with a solid solicitor - and fast. One truism that stuck with me throughout my messy divorce (which involved two young kids), is: "The person you marry, isn't the person you divorce". You're going to see a side of her you never knew existed.

I will also caution you that if CAFCASS get involved (which is by default if child arrangements go through the family courts in the UK), then be extra careful as they are NOT friendly towards fathers - at all. I managed to keep the kids out of court by being exceptionally creative (and spending close to £45k in legal fees by the end of it all - no, that's not a typo).

If you ever have any questions, or need advice on the best ways to document contemporaneous notes, please reach out (and that goes for anyone on here who's either going through a divorce, or is potentially planning one).

Be ready for the emotional rollercoaster of your life. Take every threat she's issuing seriously (you can't afford not to) and GET A SOLICITOR YOU CAN TRUST! If they're not a good fit, change (I changed my first solicitor - to my benefit).

[Fade]

Genuine question?

Dating apps are the gooseberry fools, what's the best way to meet like minded single people (outside of work) you guys have personally found?

[Andrew Mills]

Genuine question?

Dating apps are the gooseberry fools, what's the best way to meet like minded single people (outside of work) you guys have personally found?

Doing something where you're "in your element". For me, that's been clubbing again. I'm there enjoying the music, dancing, and giving off a fun vibe. What sort of hobbies/passions do you have that you're really good at and also passionate about?

[Fade]

Genuine question?

Dating apps are the gooseberry fools, what's the best way to meet like minded single people (outside of work) you guys have personally found?

Doing something where you're "in your element". For me, that's been clubbing again. I'm there enjoying the music, dancing, and giving off a fun vibe. What sort of hobbies/passions do you have that you're really good at and also passionate about?

not much

Games, maybe jogging again in a few months. I go to a night course but most people there are married/not the least bit interested.

[Andrew Mills]

Genuine question?

Dating apps are the gooseberry fools, what's the best way to meet like minded single people (outside of work) you guys have personally found?

Doing something where you're "in your element". For me, that's been clubbing again. I'm there enjoying the music, dancing, and giving off a fun vibe. What sort of hobbies/passions do you have that you're really good at and also passionate about?

not much

Games, maybe jogging again in a few months. I go to a night course but most people there are married/not the least bit interested.

Got any interests that you wanted to try out (but have yet to do so)? I've begun to learn Salsa dancing, which has been great fun, social, and I've yet to be refused a dance from a lady (although, there's never a guarantee of a second dance... ).

I've found women are most attracted to you when you're doing your own thing (and doing it well). I found I had at least one proposition when in the middle of my endurance events (including being chatted up during an Ultra Marathon ).

[Rocsteady]

My recommendation would be to get into yoga. It's amazing, and 99% of participants are women. Plus they're generally hot.

[Andrew Mills]

My recommendation would be to get into yoga. It's amazing, and 99% of participants are women. Plus they're generally hot.

Thanks for the - solid - reminder. Operation "Touch your toes you inflexible b**tard" shall begin...

[Wedgie]

As many of you may know I had (and still do) have problems with my ex wife over my children.

It turns out that the guy she married 6 months ago have split up, citing the same issues that my eldest did to me, but to him. The exwife exploded and ended things and he realised that I am telling the truth. The eldest child have twisted and lied pretty much the same story as she spinned to the ex wife, social workers and the police.

The exwife may know its all bullshit but carry on with it. Either that or she's mentally unstable or stupid to realise it.

The husband is now drinking himself to oblivion, drink driving again and trying to shag anyone that moves and got a headbutt to the nose for his cheek by someone else.

Karma is truly on my side at last.

[Octoroc]

Genuine question?

Dating apps are the gooseberry fools, what's the best way to meet like minded single people (outside of work) you guys have personally found?

Have you considered drinking yourself to oblivion, drink driving and trying to shag anyone that moves?

Or do your weekly shop at 9:00 PM on Saturday night - only the damned and the lonely walk the aisles then.

*sigh*