Relationship Thread V4

Amazing story. Congratulations to both of you!

I'm too new to the forum to know you but congrats!

Verti-Forma (tape edit) wrote:congrats bunnung

Anunni.

Last edited by Tafdolphin on Tue Aug 21, 2018 3:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

About 4 months ago my brother in law started chatting to a girl in the Philippines on OKCupid. We didn't really think too much about it, but then things started getting more serious. Super serious. We were worried he was going to start sending her money.

Of course, he starts sending her money. Half the cost of her flight over (around 1500 euros). Because of this, he has to reply on handouts from his parents to eat. She arrives and they spend a month together. He takes her on a trip to Rome and Barcelona. He runs out of money to put petrol in his car.

Then he announces...he's getting married and she's moving over. This obviously comes as something of a shock as, as I hope I made clear, he has zero money but also because she can't speak a word of French (they communicate in English, and neither of them are fluent) which means she won't be able to get a job in the shithole village he lives in, and of course because they've known each other for less than a month in real life.

My wife refuses to be a witness at the wedding in the kindest way she can, and expresses to her brother that this may not be the best idea.

Yesterday though...gooseberry fool really hit the fan.

...

Turns out this girl is pregnant with his child.

Pregnant...and already married to another guy. In Australia.

Apparently she got pregnant within a week of arriving in France. We got the news yesterday from my mother-in-law as the brother was too scared to tell us after we went cold on the wedding news. My wife is still in a state of shock and doesn't really know what to do. A friend of her and her brother rang him up this morning and gave him both barrels, told him how stupid he was being, told him about her uncle who had been in exactly the same situation, told him that he should not under any circumstances marry this woman. He rejected everything outright, stating the girl was the partner of his dreams.

It's strawberry floating crazy. All his friends are devastated, my wife is heartbroken. Her strawberry floating parents are the only ones not destroyed by the news as they're desperate for a grandkid.

It's a clusterfuck.

EDIT: Reading this gooseberry fool back it really does sound like an mid-season B plot of a cheap soap opera.

Tafdolphin wrote:Turns out this girl is pregnant with my his child.

Yours or his?

Good spot

I didn't even realised Taf now had a wife. Must have missed that.

My friend's brother also met a Filipina on the Internet, she came over and, last time I heard, they were engaged after about a month, saying similar stuff about being the love of each others' lives. This was basically his first real girlfriend and he was a shut-in before then.

I don't see my friend so often as he moved away (back home to Australia funnily enough), but might go do some.good old fashioned Facebook stalking to see if they are still together.

Would be quite a twist if it was the same girl.

A more serious answer.

While you and his friends and family can see the pitfalls, there’s not a lot you can do about it. It’s his life and it’s his choice. It’s worrying that they are having a kid and getting married after barely meeting each other, but that’s their call.

My great uncle met a girl in the Philippines and got married to her pretty quickly. The whole family was outraged. 30 years later they are still happily married. It’s not always bad.

I don't think it's necessarily the rushed marriage aspect, though that's always startling after such a short period of time. Indeed, that quick Facebook stalker seems to suggest my friend's brother and that girl are still together.

I think it's more the pregnancy and on-going marriage to another guy.

Presumably she's had a similar whirlwind romance with him over in Australia. It's not a great advertisement for being open, transparent and trustworthy. Yet obviously you can't just say broom her as now there's an unborn child, and the brother says he loves her. He's so blinded by that he can't see sense.

What does he expect her to do, get a divorce? Has she left the Australian guy but just remained married? Is it actually over? Does he know what she's doing in France?

Just an absolute mess really, with no easy way out of it for anyone now. Not sure how receptive the brother is going to be if he's just seeing everything through those tinted goggles he's got on. If it turns into family versus the girl, if he's that biased it could drive a massive wedge between them all.

He's been such a strawberry floating sap.

lol just lol

Sounds like he's down under the thumb.

Are you sure the baby is his?

Give love a chance.

sounds like a sticky situation

We're now building up to the idea of...not an intervention but just for our own sakes some sort of sit down. We know he won't listen, and to be honest it's not like he has a choice as the woman is having the child (apparently she was overjoyed at the news) but we need to tell him we think this is wrong.

He doesn't want a child. He's never expressed any interest in having a child. He is besotted with her and will do anything to be with her. This is no way at all to bring a life into the world.

People are right, it's his life and we have no right to really tell him how to live it. But for our own sense of integrity we're going to tell him we think this is strawberry floated up. My wife is preparing to cut him from her life because she can't deal with it. She still suffers with depressive episodes and has managed to crawl out of that hole. She's spent the last few years rebuilding her life from the ground up and neither she nor I are willing to risk a backwards slide because of this.

Personally, I think the guy has been taken for an absolute ride. This woman knew what she wanted, a baby with a foreigner, and she's got one. He's wrapped around her little finger and she's not letting go. I've been there, in an abusive relationship with a manipulative partner, and I see in him my actions back then.

In short, unless we can somehow snap him out of it, I genuinely think he's strawberry floated.

EDIT: I really can't get across how much a man-child he is. Like, the best microcosm of an example I can think of was when he invited a bunch of us to his house for the evening. He lives 2 hours away from the city by car, so my wife and I and a bunch of others drove out there. When we were 10 minutes out we rang to check what sort of spread he'd put on, and the thought of providing anything for his plethora of guests had not even crossed his mind. He had no beer, no food, no juice...nothing. After we rang he went out and bought Lidl chicken nuggets and breaded chicken, neither of which my wife, his sister, could eat due to her gluten intolerance. I ate one breaded fillet and was sick for the rest of the night as he hadn't cooked it properly. He bought 4 beers for 9 people.

Tafdolphin wrote:He bought 4 beers for 9 people.

I want to know how you divided them up

Tafdolphin wrote: This woman knew what she wanted, a baby with a foreigner, and she's got one.

Well, you know what those people are like.

OrangeRakoon wrote:
Tafdolphin wrote:He bought 4 beers for 9 people.

I want to know how you divided them up

Ha! Funnily enough, we weren't man/women children and had brought some of our own. That's why we were ringing him; we were off to get food and wanted to know how much he had already.

He got in a strop with us and...yeah. Bought chicken and the cheapest beer he could find.

Moggy wrote:
Tafdolphin wrote: This woman knew what she wanted, a baby with a foreigner, and she's got one.

Well, you know what those people are like.

This is a constant problem for us. We're dealing with gross stereotypes here and so every time we make an conclusion we sit and check ourselves and figure out if we're acting on cliche or simply according to the situation. It's strawberry floating tough when it's a situation with so many preexisting cliches.

But like I said...she was pregnant within a week of meeting him. They didn't use a condom because she told him she was sterile (her rationale for this was because she'd earlier tried for a baby with her Aussie husband, but we only found this out later).

Tafdolphin wrote:
Moggy wrote:
Tafdolphin wrote: This woman knew what she wanted, a baby with a foreigner, and she's got one.

Well, you know what those people are like.

This is a constant problem for us. We're dealing with gross stereotypes here and so every time we make an conclusion we sit and check ourselves and figure out if we're acting on cliche or simply according to the situation. It's strawberry floating tough when it's a situation with so many preexisting cliches.

But like I said...she was pregnant within a week of meeting him. They didn't use a condom because she told him she was sterile (her rationale for this was because she'd earlier tried for a baby with her Aussie husband, but we only found this out later).

Taking away the possible racism, it is also quite misogynistic to be blaming the sneaky plotting woman and just writing the man off as a “man child”.

Relationship Thread V4

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