Relationship Thread V4

[Knoyleo]

Wait, Taf's married?

[Tafdolphin]

This woman knew what she wanted, a baby with a foreigner, and she's got one.

Well, you know what those people are like.

This is a constant problem for us. We're dealing with gross stereotypes here and so every time we make an conclusion we sit and check ourselves and figure out if we're acting on cliche or simply according to the situation. It's strawberry floating tough when it's a situation with so many preexisting cliches.

But like I said...she was pregnant within a week of meeting him. They didn't use a condom because she told him she was sterile (her rationale for this was because she'd earlier tried for a baby with her Aussie husband, but we only found this out later).

Taking away the possible racism, it is also quite misogynistic to be blaming the sneaky plotting woman and just writing the man off as a “man child”.

Again this is true and it's something we're struggling with.

I hope everyone, you especially, knows my position on equality and women's rights. My wife is ten times more adamant than I am on this subject. She is a regular speaker at conferences across France championing women in tech and the push for equality. We don't take the conclusions we're coming to lightly.

For us, having considered everything and especially for me having been in a similar situation involving manipulation and deceit, this is the only way we can see this. We believe there was an ulterior motive on her part.

Wait, Taf's married?

I did post about it at the time, but it went unanswered. I quelled the pain with alcohol and dropped it.

[Moggy]

We believe there was an ulterior motive on her part.

Conniving foreign women. All they want is a baby so that they can get their claws in! They just want a passport and a meal ticket!

[Tafdolphin]

We believe there was an ulterior motive on her part.

Conniving foreign women. All they want is a baby so that they can get their claws in! They just want a passport and a meal ticket!

I've explained our rationale. So, ha ha? I guess?

[Moggy]

We believe there was an ulterior motive on her part.

Conniving foreign women. All they want is a baby so that they can get their claws in! They just want a passport and a meal ticket!

I've explained our rationale. So, ha ha? I guess?

I am 90% winding you up, it was nice to turn the racist/sexist thing back on you.

I am 10% serious though, as I said yesterday I have experience of this sort of thing from my own family. My great uncle heard all the stories about Filipinos just wanting a passport. That they just get pregnant and then they’ve got their claws in. Etc.

I am not accusing you of being sexist/racist and I know you well enough to know that you are not like that in any way. But your posts do seem to write him off as a manchild while making her out to be an arch manipulator. And that may well be the case, but it’s not worth causing a family split over. Your wife’s preparation to “cut him from her life” sound like a pretty horrific way of dealing with having a niece/nephew on the way.

[Tafdolphin]

We believe there was an ulterior motive on her part.

Conniving foreign women. All they want is a baby so that they can get their claws in! They just want a passport and a meal ticket!

I've explained our rationale. So, ha ha? I guess?

I am 90% winding you up, it was nice to turn the racist/sexist thing back on you.

I am 10% serious though, as I said yesterday I have experience of this sort of thing from my own family. My great uncle heard all the stories about Filipinos just wanting a passport. That they just get pregnant and then they’ve got their claws in. Etc.

I am not accusing you of being sexist/racist and I know you well enough to know that you are not like that in any way. But your posts do seem to write him off as a manchild while making her out to be an arch manipulator. And that may well be the case, but it’s not worth causing a family split over. Your wife’s preparation to “cut him from her life” sound like a pretty horrific way of dealing with having a niece/nephew on the way.

I can definitely see your point of view here. As complex as the wee story I jotted out was it is obviously much more complicated in real life. There are deep family issues to deal with as well as the aforementioned depression my wife suffered from. This is also the latest in a long line of her brother's attempts to find quick fixes to deep seated issues he refuses to face.

My wife's rational is that this is the breaking point. She loves her brother, I've always been a bit jealous of their relationship as me and my brother are so estranged, but this is a step too far. He struggles to look after himself, let alone a new wife and child and she cannot and does not want to carry that burden for him as she inevitably does when his latest scheme backfires. His friends are of a similar mind.

Who know, this might all change in a few years and she may become a doting aunt. But right now she needs to separate herself from it all.

[<]:^D]

this might be the sobering moment of real life that he needs to turn his life around!

[Garth]

But like I said...she was pregnant within a week of meeting him. They didn't use a condom because she told him she was sterile (her rationale for this was because she'd earlier tried for a baby with her Aussie husband, but we only found this out later).

Jesus. Sounds like a case for Jeremy Kyle. Is he positive she's pregnant, and how can he be sure it's his baby?

[Tafdolphin]

this might be the sobering moment of real life that he needs to turn his life around!

This is true! We have considered the fact that this might actually be good for him. Our problem accepting this comes down to the practical aspects. He works in a badly paid shift-based job he has had since he left school with very few qualifications. He took a sabbatical in 2016 to go and live with his wife* in Australia but that all fell through and he returned to the job earlier this year. His boss hates him for leaving so refuses to give him shifts. He is living hand to mouth and has had to sell a lot of stuff/rely on his parents for enough money to survive.

His wife to be does not speak French and they live in a rural village in the middle of nowhere. For the next two years at least, he will likely be the sole breadwinner for a family of three.

Knowing him as we do, we cannot see any way this ends well.

But like I said...she was pregnant within a week of meeting him. They didn't use a condom because she told him she was sterile (her rationale for this was because she'd earlier tried for a baby with her Aussie husband, but we only found this out later).

Jesus. Sounds like a case for Jeremy Kyle. Is he positive she's pregnant, and how can he be sure it's his baby?

We're positive she's up the duff as they found out while she was over, we cannot guarantee it is his. He has not thought to question her on this, nor has he considered a paternity test. He is besotted with her, and each time we've suggested he gets such a test he shuts down and repeats that he trusts her.

*He does not know if he is still married. He has never bothered to check since she kicked him out.

[Lotus]

Hang on, they're engaged? I thought she was already married to somebody else? Or are they both just ignoring that...

You can tell him to 'snap out of it' all you like, which I guess would solve any impending wedding (if he listens to you) but there's not much he can do about the pregnancy. Sounds like an utter clusterfuck.

And I like how Moggy had to explain that his overreactions were 90% a wind-up. Impossible to tell on this place.

[Parksey]

It's hard to know who to blame without knowing what went on behind closed doors. Does she genuinely believe she's sterile? If so she's not necessarily manipulative in not using protection, merely an idiot for believjng she was without any real evidence.

It's hard to determine if all a big plan to get a visa or if she's just an idiot. And if he's just an idiot for being accepting of everything. We don't know how forceful she's been in getting him to agree, or if she's been asking him and he's been agreeing to it willfully.

As always, the Filipina stereotype is lazy whilst simultaneously being true in some cases. My experience, having known a few as friends and having hooked up with a few when I was Tindering over here back in the day, is that some are genuinely looking for love and marriage online. They are in to being quite full on from the off and looking for marriage. And yeah, I guess some think that it means improving their lot in life if they marry a foreigner and get to live elsewhere. Or there could be a sub culture which find foreigners attractive. I mean, here in Japan, it's not a prevelant belief but there are some who want to date a foreign guy. They aren't necessarily plotting things, just that's what they look for.

Likewise, I found quite a few of them online to be quite naive about things, especially sex. Quite naive and inexperienced and it was off-putting, especially as some are quite religious (it's fairly strict Catholicism over there I think). Those things don't mix together well at times. It could also have contributed to not using a condom maybe.

And that's all it is, using pre-existing stereotypes to try and second guess some stuff. A bunch of maybes. So it's hard to tell if one or both of them has had this planned or are just ridiculously naive.

[Corazon de Leon]

Only thing I’d say is to be careful you and your wife don’t say anything that can’t be taken back at a later date - once that closeness between your wife and her brother is gone, there’s nothing that can bring it back.

[Tafdolphin]

Hang on, they're engaged? I thought she was already married to somebody else? Or are they both just ignoring that...

You can tell him to 'snap out of it' all you like, which I guess would solve any impending wedding (if he listens to you) but there's not much he can do about the pregnancy. Sounds like an utter clusterfuck.

We don't strawberry floating know. Like I said above, there's a possibility he's still married too as he never bothered to check on his divorce. They are engaged. That's all we've got from him.

And I like how Moggy had to explain that his overreactions were 90% a wind-up. Impossible to tell on this place.

I am the strawberry floating worst at this. Everything is an ATTACK ON MY INTEGRITY!!!!! oh wait no its a joke soz I guess.

[Tafdolphin]

It's hard to know who to blame without knowing what went on behind closed doors. Does she genuinely believe she's sterile? If so she's not necessarily manipulative in not using protection, merely an idiot for believjng she was without any real evidence.

It's hard to determine if all a big plan to get a visa or if she's just an idiot. And if he's just an idiot for being accepting of everything. We don't know how forceful she's been in getting him to agree, or if she's been asking him and he's been agreeing to it willfully.

Nail head etc. It's either a shocking show of stupidity from both of them or a ruse. But her reaction to the child, and the fact that she was buying pregnancy tests after unprotected sex whilst she was claiming to be sterile sets all the strawberry floating alarm bells ringing.

[Parksey]

It's hard to know who to blame without knowing what went on behind closed doors. Does she genuinely believe she's sterile? If so she's not necessarily manipulative in not using protection, merely an idiot for believjng she was without any real evidence.

It's hard to determine if all a big plan to get a visa or if she's just an idiot. And if he's just an idiot for being accepting of everything. We don't know how forceful she's been in getting him to agree, or if she's been asking him and he's been agreeing to it willfully.

Nail head etc. It's either a shocking show of stupidity from both of them or a ruse. But her reaction to the child, and the fact that she was buying pregnancy tests after unprotected sex whilst she was claiming to be sterile sets all the strawberry floating alarm bells ringing.

Yeah that's pretty bad.

If you're convinced from anecdotal evidence (your own anecdotal evidence) that you're sterile, then I'm wondering why you are buying pregnancy tests. I guess if you give the benefit of the doubt, you could say she has second doubts after doing it or wants to make sure, but also then why not make sure by getting your fertility checked. Though like I said, my stereotypical opinion also suggests to me that the combination of perhaps poor sex ed over there, combined with their general religiousness makes their views on sex quite naive and rigid.

And then there's the problem with, if she's religious, she must bloody know getting married twice is wrong. But what are the circumstances there? It's all just massively puzzling now both of them have acted. It defies believe.

Of course, he's still an idiot regardless. And if she is just hopeless stupid and naive, that doesn't make her blameless either. Being strawberry floating ignorant or ignorant followingly something isnt a defense on either side.

[Knoyleo]

Wait, Taf's married?

I did post about it at the time, but it went unanswered. I quelled the pain with alcohol and dropped it.

Sorry, I don't really visit this thread that much. I'm surprised I didn't see you tweet more about it. Belated congratulations!

Out of interest, how long were you and your wife together before getting engaged?

[Moggy]

Wait, Taf's married?

I did post about it at the time, but it went unanswered. I quelled the pain with alcohol and dropped it.

Sorry, I don't really visit this thread that much. I'm surprised I didn't see you tweet more about it. Belated congratulations!

Out of interest, how long were you and your wife together before getting engaged?

He got her pregnant within a week of meeting her, they married a few days after that.

mnightshyamalan.jpg

[Rex Kramer]

Wait, Taf's married?

I did post about it at the time, but it went unanswered. I quelled the pain with alcohol and dropped it.

Sorry, I don't really visit this thread that much. I'm surprised I didn't see you tweet more about it. Belated congratulations!

Out of interest, how long were you and your wife together before getting engaged?

He got her pregnant within a week of meeting her, they married a few days after that.

mnightshyamalan.jpg

And Taf's only doing it for that sweet, sweet EU passport.

[Tafdolphin]

Busted!

Yeah it was a very low key affair. We intentionally didn't invite anyone but our parents and a witness, and the whole thing was done on the cheap. Think we spent €450 in total, and that was for the marriage license. Everything else was gratis (I wore a smoking jacket I'd bought as part of a Gomez Addams halloween costume!)

[Bunni]

Same. Holiday was $$$ but actual wedding was the cost of a translator and some balls at the batting cage after. Granted we celebrated a couple days later in a fancy ass hotel and lobster for dinner. But aye, low key shindig.