So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...

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Yubel
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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Yubel » Fri Aug 03, 2018 10:53 pm

PatSharpsMullet wrote:I have twice walked in the toilets at work and found that someone has shat on the floor next to the toilet. The second time it happened they had managed to get it on the seat and the walls too. They had also stepped in it and left a trail of shitty footprints. Later on I went to the customer toilets instead and found that someone had shat on the cubicle in there too.


Could it be Joaquin Phoenix preparing for his Joker role?

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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Robbo-92 » Fri Aug 03, 2018 11:02 pm

I can't actually believe non wipers are a thing, it's bad enough when someone walks out without washing their hands but this, coupled with the fact the person in question also didn't wash their hands is just wrong :dread:

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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Somebody Else's Problem » Fri Aug 03, 2018 11:05 pm

Robbo-92 wrote:I can't actually believe non wipers are a thing, it's bad enough when someone walks out without washing their hands but this, coupled with the fact the person in question also didn't wash their hands is just wrong :dread:


To be fair, their hands didn't go anywhere near their arsehole...

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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Robbo-92 » Fri Aug 03, 2018 11:13 pm

Somebody Else's Problem wrote:
Robbo-92 wrote:I can't actually believe non wipers are a thing, it's bad enough when someone walks out without washing their hands but this, coupled with the fact the person in question also didn't wash their hands is just wrong :dread:


To be fair, their hands didn't go anywhere near their arsehole...


No not in this instance!

But there will be plenty of stuff in there with plenty of germs on that washing your hands is a nesecity. I mean stall lock and seat will have germs on and they'll have touched at least one of those unless they just pushed the door to. Unless the cleaners are obsessive and rush in and throw bleach everywhere after each person leaves the toilet in which case you might just be able to get away with in this circumstance.

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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Karl » Fri Aug 03, 2018 11:21 pm

I was in lectures once, and the professor divided us up into pairs to work through a software testing exercise he was trying to teach us. The person I was paired up with was doing it on his laptop while I listened to and relayed the instructions, but he wasn't a native speaker and was having a bit of trouble with my accent. I offered to help by typing something in, and in that moment I thought he looked a bit embarrassed, but I figured it was down to the language barrier stuff. He handed me his laptop and I started typing, and little bits of white started kind of flicking up from underneath the chiclet keys, and after a moment I realised with crawling horror that it was almost certainly a whole lot of dried jizz. I handed the laptop back without making eye contact and sat in stunned, disgusted silence until the end of the class.

Afterwards I headed straight to the loo to wash my hands and upon entering the bathroom I was immediately overwhelmed by this absolutely awful stench of decay and death. I noticed a cubicle door had been propped open by a "Warning: Wet Floor" sign. There was no way I could hold my breath long enough to thoroughly wash my hands - I resolved to head to the disabled toilets down the corridor - but something in my brain kind of snapped, I guess. I already knew I would be telling this story to people, and I didn't want it to end with "...and then I ran out of the bathroom haha". I needed to know what was actually causing this absolutely rancid stink. What could produce this?

Breath still held, eyes watering a bit, I poked my head round and saw that the toilet was filled to the brim with what must have been several litres of gooseberry fool and blood.

To this day I sometimes wonder about what happened to the person that filled that bowl. What was wrong with them? Did they manage to get medical assistance in time? Are they still alive? Was it them that propped the door open with the little janitor sign on the way out, presumably a bit confused and light-headed after losing well over a pint of blood?

Anyway, I went to the disabled toilet and near scalded my hands washing them so thoroughly. The next time I walked past, the main loos had an "out of order" sign on them, and it stayed like that for the best part of a month.

A week or two later I was back in the same department and needed to have a quick poo. It was a little loo next to the computer lab that only had two stalls. I opened the first cubicle and it was like someone had stood two feet in front of the toilet, bent over, and had explosive diarrhoea in the general direction of the bowl. It was everywhere. I kind of sighed, but you've got to understand that I'd been on this course for six months at that point, and I was basically used to it. But what was in the next cubicle really stuck with me.

I went in and everything seemed clean enough. The lid was down which is usually a good sign. I raised it, and in the bowl was, I swear, a perfect cube of gooseberry fool, about 6 inches across on all sides, leaning at a slight angle but basically sitting upright in the bowl like some kind of sci-fi monolith.

I stood there nervously laughing for a few seconds, then decided I would just give up and poo when I got home.

Computer scientists are gross.

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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Somebody Else's Problem » Fri Aug 03, 2018 11:42 pm

Karl wrote: I raised it, and in the bowl was, I swear, a perfect cube of gooseberry fool, about 6 inches across on all sides, leaning at a slight angle but basically sitting upright in the bowl like some kind of sci-fi monolith.



Should have had the building checked for a giant wombat.

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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Rocsteady » Sat Aug 04, 2018 2:10 am

Karl wrote:I was in lectures once, and the professor divided us up into pairs to work through a software testing exercise he was trying to teach us. The person I was paired up with was doing it on his laptop while I listened to and relayed the instructions, but he wasn't a native speaker and was having a bit of trouble with my accent. I offered to help by typing something in, and in that moment I thought he looked a bit embarrassed, but I figured it was down to the language barrier stuff. He handed me his laptop and I started typing, and little bits of white started kind of flicking up from underneath the chiclet keys, and after a moment I realised with crawling horror that it was almost certainly a whole lot of dried jizz. I handed the laptop back without making eye contact and sat in stunned, disgusted silence until the end of the class.

Afterwards I headed straight to the loo to wash my hands and upon entering the bathroom I was immediately overwhelmed by this absolutely awful stench of decay and death. I noticed a cubicle door had been propped open by a "Warning: Wet Floor" sign. There was no way I could hold my breath long enough to thoroughly wash my hands - I resolved to head to the disabled toilets down the corridor - but something in my brain kind of snapped, I guess. I already knew I would be telling this story to people, and I didn't want it to end with "...and then I ran out of the bathroom haha". I needed to know what was actually causing this absolutely rancid stink. What could produce this?

Breath still held, eyes watering a bit, I poked my head round and saw that the toilet was filled to the brim with what must have been several litres of gooseberry fool and blood.

To this day I sometimes wonder about what happened to the person that filled that bowl. What was wrong with them? Did they manage to get medical assistance in time? Are they still alive? Was it them that propped the door open with the little janitor sign on the way out, presumably a bit confused and light-headed after losing well over a pint of blood?

Anyway, I went to the disabled toilet and near scalded my hands washing them so thoroughly. The next time I walked past, the main loos had an "out of order" sign on them, and it stayed like that for the best part of a month.

A week or two later I was back in the same department and needed to have a quick poo. It was a little loo next to the computer lab that only had two stalls. I opened the first cubicle and it was like someone had stood two feet in front of the toilet, bent over, and had explosive diarrhoea in the general direction of the bowl. It was everywhere. I kind of sighed, but you've got to understand that I'd been on this course for six months at that point, and I was basically used to it. But what was in the next cubicle really stuck with me.

I went in and everything seemed clean enough. The lid was down which is usually a good sign. I raised it, and in the bowl was, I swear, a perfect cube of gooseberry fool, about 6 inches across on all sides, leaning at a slight angle but basically sitting upright in the bowl like some kind of sci-fi monolith.

I stood there nervously laughing for a few seconds, then decided I would just give up and poo when I got home.

Computer scientists are gross.

:lol:

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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Preezy » Sat Aug 04, 2018 7:13 am

I read Karl's post while eating my breakfast :lol:

Feel like I should wash my hands now :dread:

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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Vermilion » Sat Aug 04, 2018 7:33 am

PatSharpsMullet wrote:I have twice walked in the toilets at work and found that someone has shat on the floor next to the toilet. The second time it happened they had managed to get it on the seat and the walls too. They had also stepped in it and left a trail of shitty footprints. Later on I went to the customer toilets instead and found that someone had shat on the cubicle in there too.


If this is in Brighton as your profile suggests, then that's pretty normal for the town.

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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Trelliz » Sat Aug 04, 2018 9:38 am

What boggles my strawberry floating mind is people who seem to be trying to break the world record for how much loo roll they can fit in the bowl, and then gooseberry fool ON TOP of that. Why? What is the agenda here? Do they do that at home? I just don't get it.

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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Ad7 » Sat Aug 04, 2018 9:49 am

Karl wrote:I was in lectures once, and the professor divided us up into pairs to work through a software testing exercise he was trying to teach us. The person I was paired up with was doing it on his laptop while I listened to and relayed the instructions, but he wasn't a native speaker and was having a bit of trouble with my accent. I offered to help by typing something in, and in that moment I thought he looked a bit embarrassed, but I figured it was down to the language barrier stuff. He handed me his laptop and I started typing, and little bits of white started kind of flicking up from underneath the chiclet keys, and after a moment I realised with crawling horror that it was almost certainly a whole lot of dried jizz. I handed the laptop back without making eye contact and sat in stunned, disgusted silence until the end of the class.

Afterwards I headed straight to the loo to wash my hands and upon entering the bathroom I was immediately overwhelmed by this absolutely awful stench of decay and death. I noticed a cubicle door had been propped open by a "Warning: Wet Floor" sign. There was no way I could hold my breath long enough to thoroughly wash my hands - I resolved to head to the disabled toilets down the corridor - but something in my brain kind of snapped, I guess. I already knew I would be telling this story to people, and I didn't want it to end with "...and then I ran out of the bathroom haha". I needed to know what was actually causing this absolutely rancid stink. What could produce this?

Breath still held, eyes watering a bit, I poked my head round and saw that the toilet was filled to the brim with what must have been several litres of gooseberry fool and blood.

To this day I sometimes wonder about what happened to the person that filled that bowl. What was wrong with them? Did they manage to get medical assistance in time? Are they still alive? Was it them that propped the door open with the little janitor sign on the way out, presumably a bit confused and light-headed after losing well over a pint of blood?

Anyway, I went to the disabled toilet and near scalded my hands washing them so thoroughly. The next time I walked past, the main loos had an "out of order" sign on them, and it stayed like that for the best part of a month.

A week or two later I was back in the same department and needed to have a quick poo. It was a little loo next to the computer lab that only had two stalls. I opened the first cubicle and it was like someone had stood two feet in front of the toilet, bent over, and had explosive diarrhoea in the general direction of the bowl. It was everywhere. I kind of sighed, but you've got to understand that I'd been on this course for six months at that point, and I was basically used to it. But what was in the next cubicle really stuck with me.

I went in and everything seemed clean enough. The lid was down which is usually a good sign. I raised it, and in the bowl was, I swear, a perfect cube of gooseberry fool, about 6 inches across on all sides, leaning at a slight angle but basically sitting upright in the bowl like some kind of sci-fi monolith.

I stood there nervously laughing for a few seconds, then decided I would just give up and poo when I got home.

Computer scientists are gross.


Karl :lol:

You should do the next podcast an audio book of you just reading stories from this course.

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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Trelliz » Sat Aug 04, 2018 10:14 am

Karl wrote:I stood there nervously laughing for a few seconds, then decided I would just give up and poo when I got home.


Should have gone to Paul's.

Tragic Magic wrote:I'm giving esteem a name of crafty Fu mining pinitz strawberry float me I live roasted ponuts

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PatSharpsMullet
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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by PatSharpsMullet » Sat Aug 04, 2018 10:33 am

Vermilion wrote:
PatSharpsMullet wrote:I have twice walked in the toilets at work and found that someone has shat on the floor next to the toilet. The second time it happened they had managed to get it on the seat and the walls too. They had also stepped in it and left a trail of shitty footprints. Later on I went to the customer toilets instead and found that someone had shat on the cubicle in there too.


If this is in Brighton as your profile suggests, then that's pretty normal for the town.

Just outside of Brighton. Some travellers had pitched up in the car park so my guess is that it was one of them.

Last edited by PatSharpsMullet on Sat Aug 04, 2018 4:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Moggy » Sat Aug 04, 2018 11:10 am

Karl wrote:I was in lectures once, and the professor divided us up into pairs to work through a software testing exercise he was trying to teach us. The person I was paired up with was doing it on his laptop while I listened to and relayed the instructions, but he wasn't a native speaker and was having a bit of trouble with my accent. I offered to help by typing something in, and in that moment I thought he looked a bit embarrassed, but I figured it was down to the language barrier stuff. He handed me his laptop and I started typing, and little bits of white started kind of flicking up from underneath the chiclet keys, and after a moment I realised with crawling horror that it was almost certainly a whole lot of dried jizz. I handed the laptop back without making eye contact and sat in stunned, disgusted silence until the end of the class.

Afterwards I headed straight to the loo to wash my hands and upon entering the bathroom I was immediately overwhelmed by this absolutely awful stench of decay and death. I noticed a cubicle door had been propped open by a "Warning: Wet Floor" sign. There was no way I could hold my breath long enough to thoroughly wash my hands - I resolved to head to the disabled toilets down the corridor - but something in my brain kind of snapped, I guess. I already knew I would be telling this story to people, and I didn't want it to end with "...and then I ran out of the bathroom haha". I needed to know what was actually causing this absolutely rancid stink. What could produce this?

Breath still held, eyes watering a bit, I poked my head round and saw that the toilet was filled to the brim with what must have been several litres of gooseberry fool and blood.

To this day I sometimes wonder about what happened to the person that filled that bowl. What was wrong with them? Did they manage to get medical assistance in time? Are they still alive? Was it them that propped the door open with the little janitor sign on the way out, presumably a bit confused and light-headed after losing well over a pint of blood?

Anyway, I went to the disabled toilet and near scalded my hands washing them so thoroughly. The next time I walked past, the main loos had an "out of order" sign on them, and it stayed like that for the best part of a month.

A week or two later I was back in the same department and needed to have a quick poo. It was a little loo next to the computer lab that only had two stalls. I opened the first cubicle and it was like someone had stood two feet in front of the toilet, bent over, and had explosive diarrhoea in the general direction of the bowl. It was everywhere. I kind of sighed, but you've got to understand that I'd been on this course for six months at that point, and I was basically used to it. But what was in the next cubicle really stuck with me.

I went in and everything seemed clean enough. The lid was down which is usually a good sign. I raised it, and in the bowl was, I swear, a perfect cube of gooseberry fool, about 6 inches across on all sides, leaning at a slight angle but basically sitting upright in the bowl like some kind of sci-fi monolith.

I stood there nervously laughing for a few seconds, then decided I would just give up and poo when I got home.

Computer scientists are gross.


Oxford :dread:

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Karl
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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Karl » Sat Aug 04, 2018 11:36 am

Moggy wrote:Oxford :dread:

:lol: Oxford is gross in other ways. This was my MSc at Swansea.

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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Moggy » Sat Aug 04, 2018 11:45 am

Karl wrote:
Moggy wrote:Oxford :dread:

:lol: Oxford is gross in other ways. This was my MSc at Swansea.


Wales :dread:

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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Ironhide » Sat Aug 04, 2018 3:49 pm

Karl wrote:I was in lectures once, and the professor divided us up into pairs to work through a software testing exercise he was trying to teach us. The person I was paired up with was doing it on his laptop while I listened to and relayed the instructions, but he wasn't a native speaker and was having a bit of trouble with my accent. I offered to help by typing something in, and in that moment I thought he looked a bit embarrassed, but I figured it was down to the language barrier stuff. He handed me his laptop and I started typing, and little bits of white started kind of flicking up from underneath the chiclet keys, and after a moment I realised with crawling horror that it was almost certainly a whole lot of dried jizz. I handed the laptop back without making eye contact and sat in stunned, disgusted silence until the end of the class.

Afterwards I headed straight to the loo to wash my hands and upon entering the bathroom I was immediately overwhelmed by this absolutely awful stench of decay and death. I noticed a cubicle door had been propped open by a "Warning: Wet Floor" sign. There was no way I could hold my breath long enough to thoroughly wash my hands - I resolved to head to the disabled toilets down the corridor - but something in my brain kind of snapped, I guess. I already knew I would be telling this story to people, and I didn't want it to end with "...and then I ran out of the bathroom haha". I needed to know what was actually causing this absolutely rancid stink. What could produce this?

Breath still held, eyes watering a bit, I poked my head round and saw that the toilet was filled to the brim with what must have been several litres of gooseberry fool and blood.

To this day I sometimes wonder about what happened to the person that filled that bowl. What was wrong with them? Did they manage to get medical assistance in time? Are they still alive? Was it them that propped the door open with the little janitor sign on the way out, presumably a bit confused and light-headed after losing well over a pint of blood?

Anyway, I went to the disabled toilet and near scalded my hands washing them so thoroughly. The next time I walked past, the main loos had an "out of order" sign on them, and it stayed like that for the best part of a month.

A week or two later I was back in the same department and needed to have a quick poo. It was a little loo next to the computer lab that only had two stalls. I opened the first cubicle and it was like someone had stood two feet in front of the toilet, bent over, and had explosive diarrhoea in the general direction of the bowl. It was everywhere. I kind of sighed, but you've got to understand that I'd been on this course for six months at that point, and I was basically used to it. But what was in the next cubicle really stuck with me.

I went in and everything seemed clean enough. The lid was down which is usually a good sign. I raised it, and in the bowl was, I swear, a perfect cube of gooseberry fool, about 6 inches across on all sides, leaning at a slight angle but basically sitting upright in the bowl like some kind of sci-fi monolith.

I stood there nervously laughing for a few seconds, then decided I would just give up and poo when I got home.

Computer scientists are gross.


I'm genuinely crying with laughter at that :lol:

Even quoting your post is taking a massive effort as I keep cracking up at the wods perfect cube of gooseberry fool.

People are strawberry floating disgusting.

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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Alvin Flummux » Sat Aug 04, 2018 4:14 pm

I hear tales here in the States of scatter gun gooseberry fool all up the walls behind toilets. It seems commonplace.

Why is it that people are such shitty shitters?

Edit: Karl, bravo, that was one of the greatest things I've ever read on here. :lol:

Last edited by Alvin Flummux on Sat Aug 04, 2018 4:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by Errkal » Sat Aug 04, 2018 4:20 pm

There was a guy I used to work with who was a properly unhealthy strawberry floater. Like dinner would regularly be a huge ass box of chicken wings kind of unhealthy. He would regularly drop a load in the loos and it would stink so bad it would stink out the hall over the whole floor and cause the people in the offices near the loos to leave.

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PostRe: So I think I encountered a non-wiper today...
by floydfreak » Sat Aug 04, 2018 5:09 pm

PatSharpsMullet wrote:I have twice walked in the toilets at work and found that someone has shat on the floor next to the toilet. The second time it happened they had managed to get it on the seat and the walls too. They had also stepped in it and left a trail of shitty footprints. Later on I went to the customer toilets instead and found that someone had shat on the floor in the cubicle in there too.


I have seen the same in my place of work toilets :dread: The other week went to one of the cubicles and someone had shat against the wall. Its one of those moments were are walking open it and turn away straight away :dread:.

More so what goes thru a persons mind to do that in the first place makes you wonder the state of their bog at home :dread:

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