Relationships Thread

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Gently-Parted Ringpiece
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by Gently-Parted Ringpiece » Mon Feb 02, 2015 3:49 pm

You travelling folk are weird
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by bigcheez2k3 » Mon Feb 02, 2015 4:09 pm

Falsey wrote:You travelling folk are weird


Surely he could just move the caravan while she's gone.
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by degoose » Mon Feb 02, 2015 4:12 pm

Tafdolphin wrote:Ha! I never thought I'd say it but I miss him too.

I care about this friend so much that I was willing to essentially neuter myself for 4 months. But it wasn't enough. And when I do date, she becomes wreckless with her own life (I think it was more a cry for attention than a straight up suicide attempt but an extremely dangerous one). I miss her already, and the thought of her trying anything like that again is horrible. But even the small distance I've gotten this evening is giving me perspective. I still don't know what to do though.

Thanks for the replies though guys. They've genuinely helped.

Hope we can help as we can be pretty blunt with responses but maybe that's a good thing. In regards to what to do though i would be tough on the situation and just say that we she did was out of order and not what a friend would do. I would also be quite to the point that she pretended to be fine with everything for months so how were you to know how she would feel ( for some stranmge reason women seem to want guys to be psychic about everything) Going forward if this is the way she acts though when she doesn't get what she wants relationship wise then maybe she should get some help. Her actions really don't sound like the actions of a stable and sane person.
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by Tafdolphin » Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:15 pm

Just spoke to my dad. He's a criminal solicitor and basically told me I was recounting a textbook battered-wife situation, with me rather embarrassingly playing the wife.

I don't know. Right now I know my friend is literally crying herself sick somewhere which makes me feel so bad I sort of feel sick myself. On the other hand, I know I can't take responsibility for that. Basically I want it all, the dating and the friend and that's simply not going to happen.
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by That's not a growth » Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:21 pm

If she's your friend why can't she be happy for you and let you see someone else? That's not friendship. That's controlling.
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by Floex » Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:51 pm

Because she obviously likes him and is finding it hard to move on. She couldn't be going about it the worse possible way, mind. The going through the phone business is a complete violation of privacy and memorising pin codes? Crazy stuff.

Seriously, the whole living situation is only going to get worse.
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by Ad7 » Mon Feb 02, 2015 6:31 pm

Bitches be crazy
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by Fade » Mon Feb 02, 2015 8:55 pm

Being that obsessed with a person is not healthy. has she had many relationships before? because how she's acting would suggest she hasn't.
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by Tafdolphin » Mon Feb 02, 2015 10:05 pm

Nope. Nailed it Fade. She's had one major relationship before which was with her best friend's long term boyfriend.
Goat wrote:Guy probably decided not to show up because he heard Taffy was a Cow-exploding fantasist mentalist.

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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by 1>3>4>2 » Mon Feb 02, 2015 10:19 pm

She sounds like she needs a medical intervention/a damn good sectioning.
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by Tafdolphin » Mon Feb 02, 2015 10:27 pm

I spent a while on Monday trying to organise counseling for her. The problem is, like most medical stuff here it's super expensive. There are some free options so I hooked her up with some of those.

It was just a horrible situation, and I know it's not over. Assuming she manages to successfully stay out of contact into after her holiday, what then? Apparently there's a room that frees up for her in April so hopefully she'll take that I suppose.
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by Fade » Mon Feb 02, 2015 10:31 pm

Tafdolphin wrote:Nope. Nailed it Fade. She's had one major relationship before which was with her best friend's long term boyfriend.

I only said that because I freaked the strawberry float out when my only 'proper' girlfriend broke up with me :slol:

Another girl I know also did something similar and ended up in hospital when her second boyfriend broke up with her.

I don't know if you already have. But you need to explain to her that she needs to be happy on her own before she can be happy with someone else. You can't be that reliant on somebody else for happiness. It's dangerous.

I think not speaking to her for a few weeks would be a good idea. It really helped me stop being so obsessed with my girlfriend, and now we still talk every so often and watch shows together.
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by Squinty » Mon Feb 02, 2015 10:39 pm

Tafdolphin wrote:Just spoke to my dad. He's a criminal solicitor and basically told me I was recounting a textbook battered-wife situation, with me rather embarrassingly playing the wife.

I don't know. Right now I know my friend is literally crying herself sick somewhere which makes me feel so bad I sort of feel sick myself. On the other hand, I know I can't take responsibility for that. Basically I want it all, the dating and the friend and that's simply not going to happen.


You know what you need to do. This is just not healthy. Sever ties.
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by Fade » Mon Feb 02, 2015 10:44 pm

Definitely sever ties. Even if it's for a few weeks or months.
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by Tafdolphin » Tue Feb 03, 2015 3:51 am

Yeah, that's what's happening I think.

Like I say, thanks guys. This really was helpful.
Goat wrote:Guy probably decided not to show up because he heard Taffy was a Cow-exploding fantasist mentalist.

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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by Eighthours » Tue Feb 03, 2015 6:43 am

Tafdolphin wrote:Just spoke to my dad. He's a criminal solicitor and basically told me I was recounting a textbook battered-wife situation, with me rather embarrassingly playing the wife.

I don't know. Right now I know my friend is literally crying herself sick somewhere which makes me feel so bad I sort of feel sick myself. On the other hand, I know I can't take responsibility for that. Basically I want it all, the dating and the friend and that's simply not going to happen.


What your dad said is exactly what came to my mind while reading your story. I'm really sorry this is happening to you, Taf, but from everything you've said it really isn't your fault. If you take a step back from the emotion of it all, your friend's behaviour is dangerously irrational, and if you're being affected by it so much that you consider yourself in the wrong for simply acting normally, then battered wife syndrome is indeed what's going on here, IMO.
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by Moggy » Tue Feb 03, 2015 7:43 am

Tafdolphin wrote:Yeah, that's what's happening I think.

Like I say, thanks guys. This really was helpful.


Despite being a bunch of arseholes we can be of help sometimes. ;)

With things like this I think you need to take a step back and look at it with less emotion. Imagine that one of us had posted about it and what advice you would give. It's pretty clear that although she is your friend, the relationship isn't very healthy for either of you and it sounds like it would end very badly for her.

Maybe a break of a few months will sort her out and you can be friends again, but you definately need to sever ties ASAP.
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by Wedgie » Tue Feb 03, 2015 11:36 am

The ex wife is being nice for a change.

Perhaps too nice.

Somehow we texted each other and mentioned that I hope I don't get a property until June or later as I wouldn't have enough money to get the furniture I desire for the property.

She said to stop paying her money for the kids every month and that should help. I said "are you serious?"

She said yeah. I said thanks but if she need any money, just let me know and she said it's fine.

I was like goofy from that awful Dolan webcomics... "Wait a minute what are you up to, dolan?" in my head when she's all "gooby pls." :lol:

My mum and mates think it's a trap. She could scutter off to CSA and say that I haven't been paying, but I kinda doubt that as I could always prove it to CSA that she gave the okay for it as it's in texts. And I've been using their CSA calculator and i'm paying just £30 more than they would take so it can't just because of wanting more money?

Oh well. I'm saving up the money and if CSA came calling, at least the money will be there in the bank.
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by Gently-Parted Ringpiece » Tue Feb 03, 2015 11:45 am

Yeah sounds like a trap. She wants to do you for not paying for them and then she'll get a mad payback or custody gooseberry fool.
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PostRe: Relationships Thread
by Poser » Tue Feb 03, 2015 11:47 am

I'd definitely assume it was a trap, too. But you've covered your ass just in case, so I guess just see how it goes. And definitely don't delete those texts.


What I would say (and I apologise in advance) is that it shouldn't actually be her call to stop the payments: that the money is for the wellbeing of your children, not for furniture.
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