GRcade

Posted: **Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:21 pm**

If she's your friend why can't she be happy for you and let you see someone else? That's not friendship. That's controlling.

Posted: **Mon Feb 02, 2015 5:51 pm**

Because she obviously likes him and is finding it hard to move on. She couldn't be going about it the worse possible way, mind. The going through the phone business is a complete violation of privacy and memorising pin codes? Crazy stuff.

Seriously, the whole living situation is only going to get worse.

Posted: **Mon Feb 02, 2015 6:31 pm**

Bitches be crazy

Posted: **Mon Feb 02, 2015 8:55 pm**

Being that obsessed with a person is not healthy. has she had many relationships before? because how she's acting would suggest she hasn't.

Posted: **Mon Feb 02, 2015 10:05 pm**

Nope. Nailed it Fade. She's had one major relationship before which was with her best friend's long term boyfriend.

Posted: **Mon Feb 02, 2015 10:27 pm**

I spent a while on Monday trying to organise counseling for her. The problem is, like most medical stuff here it's super expensive. There are some free options so I hooked her up with some of those.

It was just a horrible situation, and I know it's not over. Assuming she manages to successfully stay out of contact into after her holiday, what then? Apparently there's a room that frees up for her in April so hopefully she'll take that I suppose.

Posted: **Mon Feb 02, 2015 10:31 pm**

Tafdolphin wrote:Nope. Nailed it Fade. She's had one major relationship before which was with her best friend's long term boyfriend.

I only said that because I freaked the strawberry float out when my only 'proper' girlfriend broke up with me :slol:

Another girl I know also did something similar and ended up in hospital when her second boyfriend broke up with her.

I don't know if you already have. But you need to explain to her that she needs to be happy on her own before she can be happy with someone else. You can't be that reliant on somebody else for happiness. It's dangerous.

I think not speaking to her for a few weeks would be a good idea. It really helped me stop being so obsessed with my girlfriend, and now we still talk every so often and watch shows together.

Posted: **Mon Feb 02, 2015 10:39 pm**

Tafdolphin wrote:Just spoke to my dad. He's a criminal solicitor and basically told me I was recounting a textbook battered-wife situation, with me rather embarrassingly playing the wife.

I don't know. Right now I know my friend is literally crying herself sick somewhere which makes me feel so bad I sort of feel sick myself. On the other hand, I know I can't take responsibility for that. Basically I want it all, the dating and the friend and that's simply not going to happen.

You know what you need to do. This is just not healthy. Sever ties.

Posted: **Mon Feb 02, 2015 10:44 pm**

Definitely sever ties. Even if it's for a few weeks or months.

Posted: **Tue Feb 03, 2015 3:51 am**

Yeah, that's what's happening I think.

Like I say, thanks guys. This really was helpful.

Posted: **Tue Feb 03, 2015 6:43 am**

Tafdolphin wrote:Just spoke to my dad. He's a criminal solicitor and basically told me I was recounting a textbook battered-wife situation, with me rather embarrassingly playing the wife.

I don't know. Right now I know my friend is literally crying herself sick somewhere which makes me feel so bad I sort of feel sick myself. On the other hand, I know I can't take responsibility for that. Basically I want it all, the dating and the friend and that's simply not going to happen.

What your dad said is exactly what came to my mind while reading your story. I'm really sorry this is happening to you, Taf, but from everything you've said it really isn't your fault. If you take a step back from the emotion of it all, your friend's behaviour is dangerously irrational, and if you're being affected by it so much that you consider yourself in the wrong for simply acting normally, then battered wife syndrome is indeed what's going on here, IMO.

Posted: **Tue Feb 03, 2015 7:43 am**

Tafdolphin wrote:Yeah, that's what's happening I think.

Like I say, thanks guys. This really was helpful.

Despite being a bunch of arseholes we can be of help sometimes.

With things like this I think you need to take a step back and look at it with less emotion. Imagine that one of us had posted about it and what advice you would give. It's pretty clear that although she is your friend, the relationship isn't very healthy for either of you and it sounds like it would end very badly for her.

Maybe a break of a few months will sort her out and you can be friends again, but you definately need to sever ties ASAP.

Posted: **Tue Feb 03, 2015 11:36 am**

The ex wife is being nice for a change.

Perhaps too nice.

Somehow we texted each other and mentioned that I hope I don't get a property until June or later as I wouldn't have enough money to get the furniture I desire for the property.

She said to stop paying her money for the kids every month and that should help. I said "are you serious?"

She said yeah. I said thanks but if she need any money, just let me know and she said it's fine.

I was like goofy from that awful Dolan webcomics... "Wait a minute what are you up to, dolan?" in my head when she's all "gooby pls." :lol:

My mum and mates think it's a trap. She could scutter off to CSA and say that I haven't been paying, but I kinda doubt that as I could always prove it to CSA that she gave the okay for it as it's in texts. And I've been using their CSA calculator and i'm paying just £30 more than they would take so it can't just because of wanting more money?

Oh well. I'm saving up the money and if CSA came calling, at least the money will be there in the bank.

Posted: **Tue Feb 03, 2015 11:45 am**

Yeah sounds like a trap. She wants to do you for not paying for them and then she'll get a mad payback or custody gooseberry fool.

Posted: **Tue Feb 03, 2015 11:47 am**

I'd definitely assume it was a trap, too. But you've covered your ass just in case, so I guess just see how it goes. And definitely don't delete those texts.

What I would say (and I apologise in advance) is that it shouldn't actually be her call to stop the payments: that the money is for the wellbeing of your children, not for furniture.

Posted: **Tue Feb 03, 2015 11:54 am**

You know the one thing this thread proves and not just in this last few pages but just in life generally that i've experienced is that there are a lot of over emotional people who just aren't that content with their own company but also so stupidly dependant emotionally on others. I have emotions and love my wife very much but hey she is my wife and deciding to marry someone was a big decision for me as with my past relationships i never felt that urge to get married but it seems others out in the big wide world act like if you break up with one person then it's the end of the world and that having a relationship is the only thing. It's really not and their is so many other things in the world that can make you happy.

I just don't get how people can be that dependant on others for everything, i guess i just like that independence and i try and keep a from of independence even in marriage.

Posted: **Tue Feb 03, 2015 12:05 pm**

Wedgie wrote:The ex wife is being nice for a change.

Perhaps too nice.

Somehow we texted each other and mentioned that I hope I don't get a property until June or later as I wouldn't have enough money to get the furniture I desire for the property.

She said to stop paying her money for the kids every month and that should help. I said "are you serious?"

She said yeah. I said thanks but if she need any money, just let me know and she said it's fine.

I was like goofy from that awful Dolan webcomics... "Wait a minute what are you up to, dolan?" in my head when she's all "gooby pls."

My mum and mates think it's a trap. She could scutter off to CSA and say that I haven't been paying, but I kinda doubt that as I could always prove it to CSA that she gave the okay for it as it's in texts. And I've been using their CSA calculator and i'm paying just £30 more than they would take so it can't just because of wanting more money?

Oh well. I'm saving up the money and if CSA came calling, at least the money will be there in the bank.

Posted: **Tue Feb 03, 2015 12:07 pm**

Poser wrote:I'd definitely assume it was a trap, too. But you've covered your ass just in case, so I guess just see how it goes. And definitely don't delete those texts.

What I would say (and I apologise in advance) is that it shouldn't actually be her call to stop the payments: that the money is for the wellbeing of your children, not for furniture.

Yeah, pretty much it.

The money will be staying in the bank and see how it goes. I wouldn't be able to buy any furniture at the moment anyway until I get a housing offer, which should be offered to me in 4-5 months time. Of course I'm not expecting I will definitely get a housing offer... wouldn't be suprised if it's longer.

The money will be there in my bank. If she decides to claim all the money back, I'll withdraw it all in 1p coins. Mwahahahahaha!

Posted: **Tue Feb 03, 2015 12:20 pm**

Wedgie wrote:
Somehow we texted each other

Can you expand on this?

Posted: **Tue Feb 03, 2015 12:32 pm**

Dual wrote:
Wedgie wrote:
Somehow we texted each other

Can you expand on this?

We have kids so it's natural that we texted each other talking about kids, and end up chatting about things.

It's been relatively quiet on the battlefront for a while, which is bit of a relief as I could feel the stress levels in me going down.

GRcade

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