The moan about your neighbours thread - Stool Bloke returns...

[Buffalo]

Same A bloody van, man.

[Victor Mildew]

Hey, how else are the kids supposed to get free sweets?

[Jenuall]

We've had some interesting neighbours over the years we've lived in our current house.

It's a new build semi built fairly recently, we met the couple who were moving into the adjoining house before we had even moved in and they seemed nice enough. Both worked as dentists locally and they were about to have their first child just like we were, so that felt like a nice coincidence, hopefully the kids would play and be friends we thought. Then soon after we moved in we started to hear arguments between the pair of them, nothing too major at first just a bit of shouting, but after not too long they started to get really loud and the arguments would be accompanied by loud bangs, stomping etc. So as this was getting worse and more frequent we started reporting them to the police, my wife used to work with victims of domestic abuse and by this point we were pretty certain that was what was going on in this case, however despite my wife's experience and knowledge on the subject it was difficult to get the police to take things seriously as we live in a decent area of town and these were two nice middle-class dentists - surely there couldn't be anything bad happening really? Eventually after enough harassment the police properly got involved and yep - it turned out he was beating the crap out of her and generally being a complete dick - not to mention creating a pretty horrible environment for a baby to be brought up. In the end he got removed, she stayed and has managed to get her life back together thankfully, so happy ending - but not necessarily the scenario anyone dreams of living next door to!

The house on the other side of us, we share a fence but not a wall, used to be owned by what seemed like a nice couple in their early fifties. Both were friendly and active, we would see them going out to play tennis together regularly etc. After talking to them some more it turned out that he was an ex semi-pro tennis player/coach and she was one of his students and they had both left their previous partners after having an affair during their lessons together!

Eventually the tennis couple moved out and they sold the house to a group of girls who had just left university (I assume one of them had rich parents and bought the house for them to share), sadly the only window we had visibility of from our house was onto their stairs and in the three years they had been there I can report no noteworthy displays of exhibitionism!

[Moggy]

Because the van is parked on that one

Burst out laughing at this then realised the post wasn't a joke.

[Rightey]

My upstairs neighbours were gooseberry fool but it seems they moved now. They caused water damage in my apartment twice over the course of about 3 months. Once their toilet leaked, no idea if it was from the pipes going in or out and they somehow let it flood literly their whole unit and I had water coming from my ceiling in three different rooms. Then they imporoperly installed a window airconditioner and the water it made leaked into my bedroom.

Seems they left after that as they probably got slapped with a fine. Bastards.

My other neighbours are good but my unit is next to the elevators, not really a problem since I have two bedrooms. I told my wife the bedroom not next to the elevators was the place we should sleep in but she ignored me because that one is about 5ft smaller

So now she complains constantly about the noise, from the cables creaking and such, I actually find it kind of relaxing as it's this muffled whirring machine sound but she is bugging me to move all the furniture around so we will be in the bedroom I told her we should be in.

[Victor Mildew]

... apart from when they're floating and then she makes these hilariously ott "hmmmmmmm *5 second wait* HMMMMMMMMMM" noises It's the same every single time, usually ending with her loudly and in an American accent going, "HMMMMMMM.......strawberry float YEAH!" We burst out laughing the first time she did that, they must have heard us.

They're at it right now

HMMMMMMMMMMM *slap slap slap*

Fuuuuck YEAH!

[Rapidly-Greying]

... apart from when they're floating and then she makes these hilariously ott "hmmmmmmm *5 second wait* HMMMMMMMMMM" noises It's the same every single time, usually ending with her loudly and in an American accent going, "HMMMMMMM.......strawberry float YEAH!" We burst out laughing the first time she did that, they must have heard us.

They're at it right now

HMMMMMMMMMMM *slap slap slap*

Fuuuuck YEAH!

You need to record that and post it online. Much hilarity.

[jawafour]

Got home earlier this evening and, for the three hours since, neighbour-bloke has been blasting out music. I'm just turning up my tv louder and louder to drown it out. Don't really know where this is gonna go.

[Buffalo]

Up, I’m guessing.

[jawafour]

I think they must be having a party; the music has got louder and it sounds like there are lots of people jumping around now.

In a "normal" world you'd shrug your shoulders and go "yeah, everyone has a party now and again"... chill, jawa. But, no. These guys are constantly anti-social, selfish gooseberry fools. He is now drunkenly yelling .

[Dual]

Join in the party!

[jawafour]

Join in the party!

.

Their baby was crying and yelling just now and everything went quiet for a few minutes. Then the music started up again, he's singing and - surprise! - baby is crying again.

If past events are anything to go by, the bloke and the girl will drunkenly row at around 01:20.

[Vermilion]

The neighbours kids have been kicking off all day today, it's not just the moron next door's brats either, several other houses in the cul de sac also have feral little bastards and they've been raising merry hell right outside my window once again (these people have back gardens, yet instead prefer to throw their kids out into the street so that they can annoy everyone else).

Not only that, but they (and the adults) are incapable of closing doors properly (no one seems to have told them what handles are for), which means all day long it's been SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM!!!

[Alvin Flummux]

... apart from when they're floating and then she makes these hilariously ott "hmmmmmmm *5 second wait* HMMMMMMMMMM" noises It's the same every single time, usually ending with her loudly and in an American accent going, "HMMMMMMM.......strawberry float YEAH!" We burst out laughing the first time she did that, they must have heard us.

They're at it right now

HMMMMMMMMMMM *slap slap slap*

Fuuuuck YEAH!

In all seriousness, it's quite possible that she does the comical porny sound effects because she knows her man loves the porno, and she's desperate to be as sexy as it so that she can keep his attention.

Or maybe she aspires to become a pornstress.

We'll never know.

[Errkal]

... apart from when they're floating and then she makes these hilariously ott "hmmmmmmm *5 second wait* HMMMMMMMMMM" noises It's the same every single time, usually ending with her loudly and in an American accent going, "HMMMMMMM.......strawberry float YEAH!" We burst out laughing the first time she did that, they must have heard us.

They're at it right now

HMMMMMMMMMMM *slap slap slap*

Fuuuuck YEAH!

In all seriousness, it's quite possible that she does the comical porny sound effects because she knows her man loves the porno, and she's desperate to be as sexy as it so that she can keep his attention.

Or maybe she aspires to become a pornstress.

We'll never know.

Or, As can arrange a three or foursome with her and find out for sure do that's the case. You know for science.

[Vermilion]

One of the feral kids in my cul de sac has now been going around my garden with a pair of scissors cutting off my flowers.

I'd go out there and give them a bollocking, but in this street there is such a clique, that in doing so i'd be taking on 3 or 4 separate houses.

[Errkal]

One of the feral kids in my cul de sac has now been going around my garden with a pair of scissors cutting off my flowers.

I'd go out there and give them a bollocking, but in this street there is such a clique, that in doing so i'd be taking on 3 or 4 separate houses.

Torch their houses?

[Vermilion]

One of the feral kids in my cul de sac has now been going around my garden with a pair of scissors cutting off my flowers.

I'd go out there and give them a bollocking, but in this street there is such a clique, that in doing so i'd be taking on 3 or 4 separate houses.

Torch their houses?

They're not worth going to jail for.

[Errkal]

One of the feral kids in my cul de sac has now been going around my garden with a pair of scissors cutting off my flowers.

I'd go out there and give them a bollocking, but in this street there is such a clique, that in doing so i'd be taking on 3 or 4 separate houses.

Torch their houses?

They're not worth going to jail for.

Frame someone else?

[Vermilion]

One of the feral kids in my cul de sac has now been going around my garden with a pair of scissors cutting off my flowers.

I'd go out there and give them a bollocking, but in this street there is such a clique, that in doing so i'd be taking on 3 or 4 separate houses.

Torch their houses?

They're not worth going to jail for.

Frame someone else?

That is harder than it sounds.