Your dump routine

Jam-Master Jay wrote:DS with Tetris and an iPod.

and no hands free to wipe! how long do you spend in there?

A couple of wipes is obviously the ideal conclusion to the poo experience, but after a particularly pleasurable shite, I kinda like it being a bit messy afterwards. Y'know, when that last little nugget won't drop off despite all the shoogling and shaking, and you have to gently remove it before commencing full wipes, only to realise that quite a bit more than you intended was left on there, and the brown goes on to bum cheek flesh.

All part of the fun. As Frank Hovis from Absolutely once said: 'Awful mess. Had to have a bath. Then had to have a shower after that."

Does anyone else fill the bowl with toilet paper before they start?

I don't mean fill the bowl, but I put enough paper in there before I begin so that there are no unfortunate splashes of cold liquid to give my bottom goosebumps.

Jaxley wrote:

Oh Teh Noes wrote:Phone and book.

That's all I need. I poo quickly sometimes.

I hope you don't ring anyone up while you're splashing.

Occasionally, yes. Only if it's urgent though.

I poo like the SAS.

Quick, efficiently and with very little mess.

JiggerJay wrote:

Jam-Master Jay wrote:DS with Tetris and an iPod.

and no hands free to wipe! how long do you spend in there?

Could spend ages. Peace and Quiet away from it all. And with the amount of prescription drugs I'm on, well lets just say it's had a negative effect on me.

Oh, and my iPod gets rested on the radiator.

Latest issue of 360 or whatever book im reading at the time. No one hassles you when your sitting on the bog so it's the perfect time. I remember when i was about 13, i got through a whole Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles magazine sitting on the bog.

FishFingers wrote:Does anyone else fill the bowl with toilet paper before they start?

I don't mean fill the bowl, but I put enough paper in there before I begin so that there are no unfortunate splashes of cold liquid to give my bottom goosebumps.

Only girls and fags do this.

Depends on the situation. Sometimes I take a magazine/paper in with me, sometimes I just use the time to have a good ponder about a few things. The wipe routine is always the same though, provided the sink is within reach of the throne. One dry wipe, one wet wipe, one dry wipe and then you have a perfectly clean bumhole.

Steve wrote:Magazines? PSP/DS? Phone? What essentials do you take in to the dump station?

Squat and surf baby. Squat and surf.

(sometimes...usually I just take a dump.)

It's probably the most relaxing place in the house. It's man time. No one should disturb you during your man time.

At work: Tetris on my mobile phone.
At home: any magazine/newspaper that happens to be lying about.

Book or magazine if Im not reading a book or Tetris DS if I have no reading material.

I tried this toilet reading thing earlier today, just to see what all the fuss was about. I walked in with my literature of choice, and immediately faced problem number one: where do I put the book while I undo my trousers? I eventually got around this by tucking the book under my arm, but it was a very cumbersome method. Kecks finally round my ankes, I got down to business. Problem number two: I'd barely read two lines of my book before the kids were all happily swimming in the pool, and I needed to progress to phase three, wiping. Again, problem number one resurfaced, but it was even trickier this time, as I needed both hands to get the toilet paper, fold it, and wipe. I eventually balanced my book on the towel rail, freeing my hands for the job at hand. I washed my hands and left, lighter in weight, but sadly not heavier in booksmarts. There's a time and a place for reading, but for me it's not on the toilet during a crap...

I find going for a dump is the perfect time for cleaning out your inbox/outbox.

You've gotta have a bit of reading material in there with you. Our bog's not big enough to hold a prepared amount of material in a rack or something so when I can tell it's going to take a while (because, you just know) there's usually an agonising few minutes where I'm scanning the bookshelves frantically for a book or graphic novel I can take in with me while pacing on the spot with poo-pain.

My girlfriend finds this behaviour funny and mystifying in equal amounts.

Dowbocop wrote:I tried this toilet reading thing earlier today, just to see what all the fuss was about. I walked in with my literature of choice, and immediately faced problem number one: where do I put the book while I undo my trousers? I eventually got around this by tucking the book under my arm, but it was a very cumbersome method. Kecks finally round my ankes, I got down to business. Problem number two: I'd barely read two lines of my book before the kids were all happily swimming in the pool, and I needed to progress to phase three, wiping. Again, problem number one resurfaced, but it was even trickier this time, as I needed both hands to get the toilet paper, fold it, and wipe. I eventually balanced my book on the towel rail, freeing my hands for the job at hand. I washed my hands and left, lighter in weight, but sadly not heavier in booksmarts. There's a time and a place for reading, but for me it's not on the toilet during a crap...

1) Top of the tank!
2) You either poo to fast, or read to slow.
3) You don't wipe instantly...you relax and make sure you've got it all out and enjoy the breeze...

Used to be GBASp/DS...now it's a book/magazine whatever I'm reading at the time.

Hexx wrote:

Dowbocop wrote:I tried this toilet reading thing earlier today, just to see what all the fuss was about. I walked in with my literature of choice, and immediately faced problem number one: where do I put the book while I undo my trousers? I eventually got around this by tucking the book under my arm, but it was a very cumbersome method. Kecks finally round my ankes, I got down to business. Problem number two: I'd barely read two lines of my book before the kids were all happily swimming in the pool, and I needed to progress to phase three, wiping. Again, problem number one resurfaced, but it was even trickier this time, as I needed both hands to get the toilet paper, fold it, and wipe. I eventually balanced my book on the towel rail, freeing my hands for the job at hand. I washed my hands and left, lighter in weight, but sadly not heavier in booksmarts. There's a time and a place for reading, but for me it's not on the toilet during a crap...

1) Top of the tank!
2) You either poo to fast, or read to slow.
3) You don't wipe instantly...you relax and make sure you've got it all out and enjoy the breeze...

Used to be GBASp/DS...now it's a book/magazine whatever I'm reading at the time.

Erm if it's your own bathroom what's wrong with putting the book on the floor when u need to use both hands?

He wasn't in Borders at the time was he?

I have OPM2 magazines from 2005/6. I read the previews of all the lovely games that are coming out when the PS3 and how super duper it is going to be when comes out in november 06 and I piss myself laughing.

Then I realise I bought one for loads of money on release day bundled with blu rays I didn't want and that helps loosen my bowels.

Return_of_the_STAR wrote:

Hexx wrote:

Dowbocop wrote:I tried this toilet reading thing earlier today, just to see what all the fuss was about. I walked in with my literature of choice, and immediately faced problem number one: where do I put the book while I undo my trousers? I eventually got around this by tucking the book under my arm, but it was a very cumbersome method. Kecks finally round my ankes, I got down to business. Problem number two: I'd barely read two lines of my book before the kids were all happily swimming in the pool, and I needed to progress to phase three, wiping. Again, problem number one resurfaced, but it was even trickier this time, as I needed both hands to get the toilet paper, fold it, and wipe. I eventually balanced my book on the towel rail, freeing my hands for the job at hand. I washed my hands and left, lighter in weight, but sadly not heavier in booksmarts. There's a time and a place for reading, but for me it's not on the toilet during a crap...

1) Top of the tank!
2) You either poo to fast, or read to slow.
3) You don't wipe instantly...you relax and make sure you've got it all out and enjoy the breeze...

Used to be GBASp/DS...now it's a book/magazine whatever I'm reading at the time.

Erm if it's your own bathroom what's wrong with putting the book on the floor when u need to use both hands?

Hexx -

1) I have stuff on top of the tank
2) Holding it in defeats the purpose of taking a dump in the first place
3) Maybe I'm too uptight with the stress of doing nothing but watch the Olympics and drink tea, and this high intensity pooing will drive me even faster in to an early grave...

Star - the floor has water from the shower, so the book will be ruined. When people ask me why it's ruined, I'll say I had to put it down while I wiped my arse, and people's opinions of me will invariably drop.