Your Last Break Up!!

Fatal Exception wrote:In fact worse for me, I was closer to my ex than any member of my family. I've never been that close to anyone, never trusted anyone enough to talk about things. I literally would have done anything for her if she'd asked (which I realised after was probably part of the problem).

To me it make sense. You've gone past being friends into an area where you shared significant emotions, how do you all of the sudden say, "Well, that's over, let's just be friends now." You just can't in my opinion. Sure, you can act friendly and keep up the appearance, but the truth is you still have feelings (good and bad) more than friendship because you've done more then be friends. You've gone past the line of no return as far as friendship goes.

MCN wrote:

JV wrote:Perhaps she has other problems in her life right now that you are not privvy too, and just doesn't have the time or the frame of mind to reply?

Given the wording of the Facebook message, I'd suggest that this was the case.

Even so, if that were the case she could've just... not replied, she didn't need to set it as her Facebook status publicly like that. Seems a bit bizarre to me.

Oi, Raze. I'm still waiting on that video of you Ghost Riding the Whip.

aygov wrote:

Fatal Exception wrote:In fact worse for me, I was closer to my ex than any member of my family. I've never been that close to anyone, never trusted anyone enough to talk about things. I literally would have done anything for her if she'd asked (which I realised after was probably part of the problem).

To me it make sense. You've gone past being friends into an area where you shared significant emotions, how do you all of the sudden say, "Well, that's over, let's just be friends now." You just can't in my opinion. Sure, you can act friendly and keep up the appearance, but the truth is you still have feelings (good and bad) more than friendship because you've done more then be friends. You've gone past the line of no return as far as friendship goes.

^^^

This.

It's the best thing to do in a break up situation. That's not to say it's easy - of course it's incredibly tempting to pick up the phone and attempt to drop a friendly text, but in many situations, not only does it go on to hurt you both more, it can also just prolong the misery.

FE, I haven't read much about your situation (would I be right in thinking it was discussed a lot in TCRT?), but, though I don't know you personally, it seems like you need to try and stop holding onto this idea that you can't be happy anymore. A negative outlook won't let you be happy. I know it's easier to say than to do, but it's something that many people go through. You'll share that connection with someone else in the future - there's more than one person for everyone in this world, it's just about whether you want to look for them (obviously, if you love one person, you're less likely to want to, or if you're hung up on someone, you may not believe that they're there and not look). For now, you need to try your best to let yourself be happy.

It sounds to me (and this is a bit cliché, as well as potentially misinformed), that you need to attempt to like yourself and your own surroundings/situation more. As the saying goes "You need to love yourself before you can love someone else". You need try your best to be as happy as you can with yourself before entering a relationship. Being in a state where you can only feel happy when you're with someone else can make a relationship quite pressured for the other person, which often leads to inevitable break-ups. Simple things like being with friends as much as possible, finding activities you can really enjoy, buying new clothes to make yourself look good etc are all things you can do to help you towards this.

I hope it's not come across as patronising or offensive, it's just something I've seen be the case many times.

Raze wrote:

MCN wrote:

JV wrote:Perhaps she has other problems in her life right now that you are not privvy too, and just doesn't have the time or the frame of mind to reply?

Given the wording of the Facebook message, I'd suggest that this was the case.

Even so, if that were the case she could've just... not replied, she didn't need to set it as her Facebook status publicly like that. Seems a bit bizarre to me.

Women tend to do that a lot on Facebook it would seem. Crap like "I'm so fukin angry" (Spelling mistakes included) or "Ive messed up big time" followed five seconds later by "Is so in love with her man"

It's because they like attention.

JV wrote:Oi, Raze. I'm still waiting on that video of you Ghost Riding the Whip.

I posted it ages ago. Did you seriously miss it? Shame. It was the best ghost riding video ever. Sadly I deleted the video and Youtube later banned it for copyright infringement (they refused to believe it wasn't a scene from a Hollywood blockbuster) so there's no record of it ever existing. Sorry.

I kept a copy.

Broke up with most recent girlfriend about 6 weeks ago. We were together for about 5 months, and we'd been introduced to each other through friends, I met her on my mares birthday. It was a case of 'severe attraction at first sight', and we hit it off straight away.

She was exactly what I wanted in a girl. When we were together she helped me through a very serious operation and several hospital visits. She got me through a tough time. We were going to travel to Australia for a year in September, and spoke about moving in together when we got back. She told her family that she thought I was the one, and she saw herself settling down with me. She thought we were soul mates, meant for each other, and that we were 'forever'.

Everything was great, she said she couldn't be without me. Two weeks later, after ignoring me, and acting cold, we were over. She told me a few days before she ended it that she thought that I wouldn't bother trying to win her back if we finished, and that I wouldn't be bothered. Reasons for ending it included: her not being ready, us being too young and if we were older it's be fine, us just being friends, that we were too different, that I was too quiet, that i didnt open up to her, blah blah blah. Bullshit reasons. I'm not too quiet, I've just been recovering from near death. She would complain when I didn't say goodbye to her Dad when I went past his home office as I left in the morning. I simply didn't want to bother him and didn't see it as an issue. She (and her dad) took it to mean that I didn't like her dad. Yet she would hide in my room so she didn't have to speak to my family when she rarely stayed round mine.

To be honest, I could go on and on, but I've said it all before. She took a complete u-turn on her feelings in the space of a few weeks.

Since then, I've seen her once, and spoke to her a few times. The time that I saw her, she blanked me for five minutes despite being stood right near me. Me and a mate went to a bar that her and her mate were in. I walked past her as I went in, and she text me 5 minutes later asking if I ignored her, and that she was leaving. Another text said that she was gonna say hi. 20 minutes later they came back to the bar and her mate spoke to my mate. She joined in their conversation, and blanked me, before saying goodbye, briefly.

We've spent a couple of nights of texting since then, 4 nights in a row spent texting till bout 1:30am a couple of weeks back. She asked me if I was seeing anyone else yet, and if I wanted to meet up soon. I last spoke to her two weeks ago Thursday, when she asked me if I'd deleted her off Facebook, a week after I'd done it. Ha!

She still has loads of my DVDs, a hoody of mine that she sleeps in (actually, don't want that back), and one or two other bits, so I need to ring/text her at some point to get those back. Part of me doesn't want to, because as soon as I get those back, then that's it. As it stands, I have a reason for speaking to her. Weird.

Vesp, definitely keep yourself busy. It's difficult for me as I'm currently unemployed, so have a lot of free time to think. It's gotten easier over the last few weeks as well. At first I wanted to be friends.. Apparently her feelings for me hadn't changed, so I thought I could spend time with her as a friend and maybe get something back, but I've realized that it probably won't happen. She is now off to Australia with her friend in less that 5 months.

Going out with mates, getting drunk, dancing and meeting new peeps also helps. I often wonder what she is up to, and whether she still thinks about me. I know that for the first few weeks it's all she spoke about to her best mate. However, I do find that when I am by myself, or not out in town, I get extra depressed because I wonder if she is out in town..

Blah blah.. Time heals all. I went out last friday and bumped into two of her best mates. The gay guy friend told me how lucky I was to get rid of her, and that not only was she a banana split to me, but she was a banana split to them as well. He said this at the top of his voice in a packed street. Was funny. Shame she wasn't there as well.

Might text her tomorrow about my DVDs.

Raze wrote:

JV wrote:Oi, Raze. I'm still waiting on that video of you Ghost Riding the Whip.

I posted it ages ago. Did you seriously miss it? Shame. It was the best ghost riding video ever. Sadly I deleted the video and Youtube later banned it for copyright infringement (they refused to believe it wasn't a scene from a Hollywood blockbuster) so there's no record of it ever existing. Sorry.

Lies!

MCN wrote:

JV wrote:Perhaps she has other problems in her life right now that you are not privvy too, and just doesn't have the time or the frame of mind to reply?

Given the wording of the Facebook message, I'd suggest that this was the case.

Yeah, apparently she's ill and is at the end of the semester, with a million assessment deadlines looming. So, understandable. But what I can't work out is why she wouldn't text me back, even if it's just to say she can't talk to me right now.

I can't believe she would find it hurtful anymore, or painful to think about. She broke it off. But then again, if she was completely over it, why wouldn't she just text back?

Maybe it's a little selfish, but I feel that with everything I've gone through in the last few months, I can't imagine her having anywhere near as harder time as I've had. And as easy as it is to say, "yeah, women are bitches", I knew this person.

I knew she was sincere when she said she wanted to be friends. She has a few unresolved and quite serious personal issues, so when I read her status update I get concerned. Which again, is unfair of her to text me back, because now I worry. Anyway, I know. It's not my job to care anymore, but it's hard.

Wasn't gonna post this but not really got anything to lose..

Basically I was in Bristol a while back and met this amazing girl, we were so much like each other it was crazy, we really did fall in love, problem was I had to return home, and she already had a long term boyfriend, but she wasn't happy with him.

She split with her boyfriend a few days ago, and I was to goto Bristol again on Tuesday, but she's had a heart to heart with her boyfriend and decided to give it another shot with him, saying they've been together for so long that, as it all got so real, she just couldn't go ahead with it.

Now I feel like ****, missing her texts/calls, and I just dunno what to do, keep thinking maybe I should try change her mind, but doubt theres much point.

This boy is hurting folks. lets give him some advice/support. He needs it.

Where the strawberry float are Igor and FE when you need them?

FirstSecond wrote:Wasn't gonna post this but not really got anything to lose..

Basically I was in Bristol a while back and met this amazing girl, we were so much like each other it was crazy, we really did fall in love, problem was I had to return home, and she already had a long term boyfriend, but she wasn't happy with him.

She split with her boyfriend a few days ago, and I was to goto Bristol again on Tuesday, but she's had a heart to heart with her boyfriend and decided to give it another shot with him, saying they've been together for so long that, as it all got so real, she just couldn't go ahead with it.

Now I feel like ****, missing her texts/calls, and I just dunno what to do, keep thinking maybe I should try change her mind, but doubt theres much point.

I wouldn't waste your time, fella. Going on past experiences here, but I imagine she'll keep you on the backburner as long as it suites her and you'll end up looking like a grade-A plank.

Cut your losses now and spare yourself from what could be a very miserable experience!

Mr Yoshi wrote:Yeah, apparently she's ill and is at the end of the semester, with a million assessment deadlines looming. So, understandable. But what I can't work out is why she wouldn't text me back, even if it's just to say she can't talk to me right now.

I can't believe she would find it hurtful anymore, or painful to think about. She broke it off. But then again, if she was completely over it, why wouldn't she just text back?

Maybe it's a little selfish, but I feel that with everything I've gone through in the last few months, I can't imagine her having anywhere near as harder time as I've had. And as easy as it is to say, "yeah, women are bitches", I knew this person.

I knew she was sincere when she said she wanted to be friends. She has a few unresolved and quite serious personal issues, so when I read her status update I get concerned. Which again, is unfair of her to text me back, because now I worry. Anyway, I know. It's not my job to care anymore, but it's hard.

Mate, she's under a lot of pressure at the moment. And even if she did break it off, maybe she is still hurting because she still cares about you. Also, look at it this way, she'll ill, has a ton of deadlines, unresolved and serious personal issues, and you can't imagine she's had a worse time than you? Unless you've been diagnosed with 17 terminal illnesses at the same time, you're being very selfish in saying that.

Give her some breathing space. You've obviously not picked the best time to get back in touch, as she has a lot on her plate. Wait until the semester is over, at least.

Thanks for the advice.

It's the little things I'm missing the most, the noise of my phone beeping when I'm expecting a text from her, hearing her voice etc, she did say she wanted to be friends but right now it's too painful, maybe a clean break is whats needed...

Denster wrote:This boy is hurting folks. lets give him some advice/support. He needs it.

Where the strawberry float are Igor and FE when you need them?

I got here as fast as I could!

FirstSecond, don't forget about it. My ex took just over 6 weeks to get from ...'you're the love of my life, I think we're soulmates and I couldn't live without you. Me and you are forever, I want to settle down with you and have my children with you. You must come to Australia with me in September, I'll even lend you the money. I couldn't go without you. You're as important to me as my family'... to her new boyfriend.

Yep, she absolutely said all of those things. Then she absolutely broke it off for no apparent (to me) reason, and she is now with someone else. It quite literally took 6 weeks from saying/feeling the above, to breaking up, to the new guy. Unfortunately I've grown quite bitter over the whole affair. Like I said in my previous post, and in many posts in TCRT, her reasons were bullshit. 'Oh, you're not the person I thought you were, you look at other girls all the time, you said my cousin was fit, we're too different, I can't deal with a boyfriend right now, we're too young, blah blah blah'. But if I thought there was any point in going after her, I would have.

You feel gooseberry fool right now, but no more gooseberry fool than you'll feel if you go after her and she says no again. In fact, you'll feel better as you'll have that closure. See if she'll meet you for a coffee on Tuesday.. Tell her how you feel. I dunno, but try and do something. I would have, if I'd thought it'd do some good.

And you're dead right about the texts/calls. It feels weird when you suddenly stop texting/calling someone that you used to text/call all the time. Like, I'd always wake up to find a text from her that she'd sent when she woke up, and to suddenly stop getting them was weird.

What most upsets me about my situation is how we seem to be with each other now. We always said that no matter what, we'd be in each others lives/would always stay in touch. But I honestly don't see that happening now. When she first decided to go to Australia, we discussed breaking up, and remaining close friends. We quickly realised that we couldn't do that. And it won't happen now. When I get my stuff back from her on Tuesday, I think that'll be it. Which is a shame.

EDIT: Just seen your post. You won't remain friends. Trust me.

Thanks Igor, she said she's 100% sure she wants to be with the one she just broke up with, so theres no point in even asking her to meet up.

It was literally last nignt when she sent me an audio message saying she loved me etc, dinner time today and all this happens, really can't understand it.

Snakes with tits.

You were obviously her back up plan. Got to move on.

Well a friend of mine who moved to Leicester years ago said I can go there for abit, sleeping on the floor though lol, think it's a good idea? will get me out of this place for abit I guess.