Are you religious?

PostRe: Are you religious? by **Atreyu** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:51 pm

chalkitdown wrote:Wafer's crumble? Surely they just break or snap?

Rowan Atkinson wrote:The Devil

(Rowan Atkinson, on stage in Belfast, wearing a devil costume.)

Hello, nice to see you all again.

Now, as the more perceptive of you have probably realised by now, this is Hell, and I am the Devil. Good evening. You can call me Toby, if you like - we try and keep things informal here, as well as infernal. That's just a little joke.

Now, you're all here for eternity, which I hardly need tell you is a sod of a long time, so you get to know everyone pretty well by the end, but for now I'm going to have to split you up into groups. Are there any questions? Yes?

Um, no, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets... if you'd read your Bible you would have seen that it was damnation without relief. So, if you didn't go before you came then I'm afraid you're not going to enjoy yourself very much... but then, I believe that's the idea.

Right, let's split you up then.

Can you all hear me still?
CAN YOU HEAR ME AT THE RACK?

All right, off we go...

Murderers, over here. Looters and pillagers - over there please, thieves if you could join them, and bank managers...

Fornicators, if you could step forward - my God there are a lot of you. Could I split you up into adulterers and the rest? Adulterers if you could just form a line in front of that small guillotine there.

Okay...

Americans, are you here? Look, I'm sorry about this, apparently God had some fracas with your founding fathers and damned the entire race into perpetuity. He sends particular condolences to the Mormons who He realises put in a lot of work. That's the way the wafer crumbles. The Iranians, I'm afraid, can't be with us - someone's been holding them in purgatory for about nine months.

Sodomites, over there against the wall.

Atheists! Atheists? Over here please. You must be feeling a right bunch of charlies.

Okay, and Christians! Christians? Ah yes, I'm sorry, I'm afraid the Jews were right.

Okay, Moonies, maniacs, marmite eaters, male models, masochists, mass murderers and masseurs, if you could take a pew at the back - with the Methodists that is.

Now, you're the lot who used to kill whales, is that right? Ah, yes, I must remember - I've got some strips to tear off you bastards later.

Everyone who saw Monty Python's "Life of Brian" - I'm afraid He can't take a joke after all.

Alright now, one final thing. We're trying to implement some kind of exchange scheme with the Lord God Almighty, or Cliff as we know him. Some of you will travel up and have a decade in heaven and we're having some angels down here. Now, I hardly need tell you that in heaven you will be expected to behave in an exemplary manner, so I hope you will do the exact opposite - tear off their wings, use their haloes for Frisbee practice, that sort of thing.

Well, I have to go now, unfortunately, but Beelzebub here will show you the ropes ... and the chains, and electrodes.

I'd just like to leave you with a favourite joke of mine, if I may. Quite apt in the circumstances, I think. It goes something like this:

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Death.

Death wh...!

PostRe: Are you religious? by **chalkitdown** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:55 pm

Bah, what does he know.....

PostRe: Are you religious? by **mic** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 2:53 pm

Corazon wrote:… I'm (indirectly) being called an idiot, a fool, weak minded and all the rest of it for believing in God. Read my posts in other threads, get to know my opinions on matters that don't involve religion, meet me in real life, and then call me that. Then I won't have an answer for you, no reply. Don't make an assumption based on one facet of my personality and belief system please, it makes you come across as badly as those on my side of the camp who would do the same to you…

Actually, I think that was very eloquently put and is something I’ve been (unsuccessfully) trying to say for a while now. All this “You’re crazy!” stuff has got to stop… unless a proven link can be demonstrated between atheism and mental health?

Octoroc wrote:
Atreyu wrote:
mic wrote:One more thing – I can only imagine that shocking ignorance is the cause of this thread frequently reiterating that Catholics are Christians. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME AT ALL.

Afternoon, all.

For hard-of-thinking who've turned up late to the porch-party, could you talk me through this one, mic?

Catholics are icon worshipping pagans in the thrall of the Antichrist (or Pope if you like).

Something like that, but I would have (less offensively, perhaps?) said that a Christian should have their faith in the atoning sacrifice of Jesus, which once and for all paid the penalty for their sin and after the realisation of which, they go on to obey God’s Law.

Catholics, on the other hand, believe in a system of sacraments designed to enable them to work their own way into Heaven by various means, such as penance, confession or the buying of indulgences, but ultimately via Purgatory. Further examples could be made of the Virgin Mary, Transubstantiation, ex cathedra Infallibility, the belief in life-after-death or indeed icon-worship, but the former point should suffice.

If Catholics are Christians then Muslims might as well be lumped in also.

But then, Atreyu, you already knew all of that…

Corazon de Leon · PostRe: Are you religious? by **Corazon de Leon** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 2:56 pm

Actually, I think that was very eloquently put and is something I’ve been (unsuccessfully) trying to say for a while now

Oh. High fives all round then?

Regardless of what people think about my post though, I think it's something that needed to be said in the context of where this thread's been going. I think I'll leave my contribution there though, since I only have limited knowledge of the aspects of the subject we're moving into. Enjoy the debate, all.

PostRe: Are you religious? by **Hexx** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 3:00 pm

Ooo. I hadn't spotted we'd moved on to Catholics Vs Christians. It's an argument that's been around for donkers years - mics actually right.

Basically what it comes down to in the simplest terms is that the Roman Catholic Church is too self important/arrogant to accept being just a "denomination" of Christianity, and refused to be one "sect" under the big banner of Christianity.

Also, as mics just said, it gives itself far more power than most other "Christian" denominations. (i.e. you can't just believe in Jesus, you need the Chruch and it's sacraments (e.g. confession) to get into Heaven), as well as leaving out several other areas of the Bible.

:lol:

PostRe: Are you religious? by **mic** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 3:17 pm

Hexx wrote:...mics actually right...

Try not to sound so surprised, Hexx...

PostRe: Are you religious? by **Igor** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 3:31 pm

mic wrote:YES! They do indeed have to follow that part as well – if they are Jewish and live in Israel about 2000 years ago! Is that cherry picking? Not at all! You have to acknowledge the specific society for which those laws were created – a nation living in the very presence of God (manifested in the temple Shekinah).

Even then, there is no record at all in any Jewish records or literature of anyone being put to death for mano el mano anal sex. In biblical times, Jewish law stipulated that the following conditions be met:

Two males, consenting anal sex
Two witnesses to said sex
Both witnesses must confirm what males are doing
Both witnesses must warn males engaging in sex that what they are doing is capital offense
Both males must acknowledge warning
Both males must continue anyway

As you can imagine, conviction was very hard to achieve. The most that ever occurred was lashing. To be honest though, I don't know as much as I should.

PostRe: Are you religious? by **Hexx** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 3:33 pm

mic wrote:
Hexx wrote:...mics actually right...

Try not to sound so surprised, Hexx...

I wasn't meaning to. :lol:

Paranoid?

PostRe: Are you religious? by **mic** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 3:35 pm

Igor wrote:...To be honest though, I don't know as much as I should.

... because... you're Jewish?

PostRe: Are you religious? by **Mockmaster** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 3:52 pm

mic wrote:
Igor wrote:...To be honest though, I don't know as much as I should.

... because... you're Jewish?

One of the 3 on the forum apparently.

PostRe: Are you religious? by **Igor** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 4:03 pm

mic wrote:
Igor wrote:...To be honest though, I don't know as much as I should.

... because... you're Jewish?

Uh huh. Shalom.

PostRe: Are you religious? by **Superking** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 4:15 pm

Corazon wrote:
Your post typifies what I think most religious people would interpret as faith. Faith is just putting your beleif and hope more than anything else in there being something more to the Universe and insisting that the Universe is more than just a coincidence.

I'm not a particularly religious person, mind. I go to Mass on a Sunday and I believe that God exists, but I don't shout it from the rooftops and I won't get into a theological argument about it because I have my beliefs and I've seen this thread in countless iterations so I know that no-one on this board who disagrees will listen to anything I have to say and regardless, there are those on here who can put my points across so much more eloquently than I ever could. I just feel that I have to say something in these thread were I'm (indirectly) being called an idiot, a fool, weak minded and all the rest of it for believing in God. Read my posts in other threads, get to know my opinions on matters that don't involve religion, meet me in real life, and then call me that. Then I won't have an answer for you, no reply. Don't make an assumption based on one facet of my personality and belief system please, it makes you come across as badly as those on my side of the camp who would do the same to you.

Welcome to Philosophy of Religion

Ah.

I can see why someone like you would generally avoid these kind of threads especially considering how one sided they often are and how vociferous some people get. Its always ultimately a pointless circular disscussion anyway which is why I avoid them normally too. Seriously studying this gooseberry fool makes you hate it even more.

PostRe: Are you religious? by **Octoroc** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 4:15 pm

I have actually read the Bible...

That Onan was a w@nker wasn't he?

PostRe: Are you religious? by **NGE** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 4:18 pm

Octoroc wrote:I have actually read the Bible...

That Onan was a w@nker wasn't he?

I think you'll find it's pronounced 'Jeebus'.

PostRe: Are you religious? by **Hexx** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 4:19 pm

NGE wrote:
Octoroc wrote:I have actually read the Bible...

That Onan was a w@nker wasn't he?

I think you'll find it's pronounced 'Jeebus'.

Are you gonna tell us how you saw God during you early week "activities"?

PostRe: Are you religious? by **NGE** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 4:33 pm

Hexx wrote:
NGE wrote:
Octoroc wrote:I have actually read the Bible...

That Onan was a w@nker wasn't he?

I think you'll find it's pronounced 'Jeebus'.

Are you gonna tell us how you saw God during you early week "activities"?

You're such a perv! :lol:

And no, although next weekend (as alluded to in the 'weekend' thread) promises to be even better.

PostRe: Are you religious? by **Carlos** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 4:33 pm

I have a confession to make: Ive been hiding my secret pagan beliefs for over a deacde now and its time I told the world who the true saviour is:

http://www.flamingmayo.com/firstchurchofpacman/

"And behold, a golden pixellated circle did appear upon the darkened screen; and unto the circle a mouth was given. And the circle did speak unto the world, saying wakka wakka wakka and partaking in dot and fruit until none remained"

"Rejoice, Brethren of the Man of Pac. The pellet appearest before thee once again, and turnest thine enemies blue. The Prophesied upteenth coming is upon us"

O Pac-Man, glutton divine,
Thy roundness is exceeded only by thy yellowness.
Thou takest away the barriers in the maze of life,
Thou makest fruit to appear before me,
Thou turnest my enemies blue.
I humbly offer this quarter unto thee
As a symbol of my sacrifice,
And stuff.

PostRe: Are you religious? by **Hexx** » Fri Sep 12, 2008 4:34 pm

NGE wrote:You're such a perv!

And no, although next weekend (as alluded to in the 'weekend' thread) promises to be even better.

I just it when people are happy

**Scampers off to weekend thread to read**

Are you religious?

Are you religious and if so which one?

Who is online

Affiliates