Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!

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Blue Eyes
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Blue Eyes » Fri Jul 05, 2019 12:52 pm

Woman walks down the street and past a pet shop. As she walks past she hears a voice say "Oi". She turns and sees a parrot in a cage.
"What?"
"You're a fat ugly bastard"
The woman is very offended by this and walks into the shop to talk to the owner.
"Your parrot just verbally assaulted me!" she said, tears streaming down her face.
"Really? I'm so sorry about that. It's very strange as I've never heard the parrot talk before"
"Well you better make sure it doesn't insult me again or I'll report you to the police"
"I assure you he won't do it again".

Next day the woman walks past the pet shop and sees the parrot in there. As she walks past she hears "Oi" again. She nervously looks at it and says "what?"

"you strawberry floating know what"

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IAmTheSaladMan
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by IAmTheSaladMan » Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:09 pm

A guy walks into a shop and says to the lady on the counter "Could I have a kit kat chunky?"

So she hands him one and says "That'll be 60p please"

He threw it back at her angrily saying "I wanted a regular kit kat you fat bitch".

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Blue Eyes
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Blue Eyes » Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:10 pm

IAmTheSaladMan wrote:A guy walks into a shop and says to the lady on the counter "Could I have a kit kat chunky?"

So she hands him one and says "That'll be 60p please"

He threw it back at her angrily saying "I wanted a regular kit kat you fat bitch".

Best joke ever.

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Kezzer
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Kezzer » Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:31 pm

A man who took an airline to court for losing his baggage has lost his case

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Preezy
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Preezy » Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:42 pm

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Kezzer
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Kezzer » Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:43 pm

went to the Dr's and told him "I've got 5 penis's"

he said "Well how'd your trousers fit?"

I said "Like a glove thanks"

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Corazon de Leon
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Corazon de Leon » Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:45 pm

Kezzer wrote:Man walks into a funeral and asks the widow if he might say a word.

By all means, she says.

He stands up and says "bargain", and sits back down.

Thanks, says the widow. That means a great deal.


:lol:

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Jenuall
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Jenuall » Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:47 pm

Q: How do Italian plumbers talk to the dead?

A: They use a Luigi board.

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Oblomov Boblomov
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Oblomov Boblomov » Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:47 pm

Gandalf would surely have a tear in his eye if he could see that his legacy lives on :wub:.

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Kezzer
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Kezzer » Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:50 pm

How do you make a plumber cry?

kill his family

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Jenuall
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Jenuall » Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:53 pm

Hey Elton John, I'm having trouble getting my baby to sleep, have you got any tips?

Yeah - Rock it, man!

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Moggy
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Moggy » Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:53 pm

Michael Jackson was feeling bored and called his butler in.

“How may I help sir?”

“I’m bored, can you get me a video?”

“Shall I get Aladdin?”

“No thanks, I am in enough trouble already”

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Jenuall
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Jenuall » Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:55 pm

I'd just like to apologise for taking credit for making Michael Jackson's 7th album.

My Bad.

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Kezzer
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Kezzer » Fri Jul 05, 2019 1:55 pm

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

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Moggy
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Moggy » Fri Jul 05, 2019 2:01 pm

What do Princess Diana and a bottle of perfume have in common?

They both left France in a box.

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Kezzer
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Kezzer » Fri Jul 05, 2019 2:07 pm

What’s made of leather, is about a foot long and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.

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IAmTheSaladMan
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by IAmTheSaladMan » Fri Jul 05, 2019 2:09 pm

Two women working the tills at a supermarket are gossiping while it's quiet.

One says to the other "I've been observing people over the years I've worked here and I think I've developed a system for telling single customers apart from those in a couple".

Her colleague replies "Really? I don't believe you"

The first says "Alright I'll show, watch this guy coming over now"

A guy comes to the till with his shopping basket containing one egg, one rasher of bacon, one sausage, one potato, one bread roll and a small tin of beans so the lady says "Excuse me, are you single by any chance?"

The guy blushes a little and replies "Yeah, how'd you guess?"

The lady says "Because you’re an ugly banana split"

Last edited by IAmTheSaladMan on Fri Jul 05, 2019 10:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Moggy
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Moggy » Fri Jul 05, 2019 2:11 pm

Kezzer wrote:What’s made of leather, is about a foot long and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.


That's simultaneously the best and worst joke in this thread. :lol:

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IAmTheSaladMan
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Location: Sunderland

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by IAmTheSaladMan » Fri Jul 05, 2019 2:13 pm

Whats brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr Dre

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Kezzer
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PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Kezzer » Fri Jul 05, 2019 2:14 pm

In the 1980s, a freight plane full of car parts exploded over Japan. It rained Datsun cogs!

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