Page 13 of 13

Re: Bad Joke Thread | Jokes on you, these are great!

Posted: Sat Oct 14, 2023 10:21 am
by Dowbocop
Daniel Radcliffe was in the news today for rescuing a supermarket delivery driver who had been robbed by a gang and locked in the back of his vehicle.

It was Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Asda Van.

Re: Bad Joke Thread | Jokes on you, these are great!

Posted: Sun Oct 15, 2023 3:44 am
by Cumberdanes
John Travolta and Nicholas Cage walk into a bar. The barman asks ‘Hey, why the wrong face?’.

Re: Bad Joke Thread | Jokes on you, these are great!

Posted: Mon Oct 16, 2023 2:49 pm
by Dowbocop
I used to work as a programmer for autocorrect software.

They fried me for no raisin.

Re: Bad Joke Thread | Jokes on you, these are great!

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2023 7:39 am
by Preezy
What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense?

Wait, there's myrrh!

Re: Bad Joke Thread | Jokes on you, these are great!

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2023 8:34 am
by SEP
I lost my mood ring yesterday. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Re: Bad Joke Thread | Jokes on you, these are great!

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2023 8:41 am
by Prototype
new manager at the office decides he's going to immediately get rid of any dead weight

sees a guy standing about doing nothing and asks him what he's doing

bloke replies, "just waiting to get paid"

shocked, the new boss asks him what he earns a week and the guy says "£300"

new boss writes him a cheque for 4 weeks pay, £1,200, and tells him not to come back

random bloke in the back pipes up... "hey, that's a generous tip for the pizza guy!"

Re: Bad Joke Thread | Jokes on you, these are great!

Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2023 8:47 am
by Dowbocop
Prototype wrote:new manager at the office decides he's going to immediately get rid of any dead weight

sees a guy standing about doing nothing and asks him what he's doing

bloke replies, "just waiting to get paid"

shocked, the new boss asks him what he earns a week and the guy says "£300"

new boss writes him a cheque for 4 weeks pay, £1,200, and tells him not to come back

random bloke in the back pipes up... "hey, that's a generous tip for the pizza guy!"

According to a Private Eye podcast Robert Maxwell did this or something similar.

Re: Bad Joke Thread | Jokes on you, these are great!

Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2024 7:13 pm
by Dowbocop
A cowboy visits a town and wants a drink. He hitches up his horse and enters a saloon.

The locals in this saloon don't like visitors, so while he's drinking his beer they steal his horse from outside.

The cowboy goes to leave, sees his horse is gone, and says threateningly "Which one of you varmints stole my horse?"

Silence.

"The hard way, huh? Alright, I'm gonna order myself another beer. If my horse isn't back outside by the time I'm finished this beer, I'm gonna do what I did back in Texas - and I DON'T wanna do what I did back in Texas..."

With that, his hand reaches to his gun. Within a second, he has drawn, spun the gun around his finger, deadeyed six bottles of whiskey above the bar and holstered. He then sits back at the bar and orders a drink.

There's a muffled commotion in the saloon. A few people leave and return. When the cowboy has nearly finished his beer, he sees through the saloon doors that his horse is calmly drinking some water from the trough by the hitch post.

The barman speaks: "Mighty impressive mister! But I gotta ask, what did you do in Texas?!"

"I walked home."

Re: Bad Joke Thread | Jokes on you, these are great!

Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2024 8:13 pm
by Moggy
A priest walks up to a street prostitute and says "excuse me young lady, what would your mother say if she saw you stood here?"

The prostitute replied "oh she'd kill me! This is her corner".