Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!

Fed up talking videogames? Why?
User avatar
Tafdolphin
Member
Member
Joined in 2008

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Tafdolphin » Fri Jul 05, 2019 3:08 pm

Cora reminded me of one of my favourite jokes to tell, especially to people you don't really know that well.

A truck driver had been driving for 3 days straight across country and continents with an extremely important cargo. He was due to deliver it in less than a day when he pulled off the motorway into a tiny little village. Although he only had a scant few hours to hit his next milestone in order to make the delivery, his craving for a cool pint had gotten the best of him. "What's the harm?" he thought to himself. "It's just one beer." [insert as much elaboration here as your listeners can bare.]

He pulls over into the first pub he sees. Now, the car park here is pretty small but not tiny. It takes some manoeuvring to get his truck in, but he manages it after about 5 minutes. Satisfied, he jumps down from his cab, shuts his door behind him and goes quickly to check his cargo. He pulls on the doors, tightens the straps that lashes it to the bed [again, elaborate here if needed].

Happy that all is well, he wanders into the pub. It's a fairly [insert long, winding description of the place here]. Anyway, he goes to the barman, sits himself down and asks for a pint of best.

"Can't do that sir."

The truck driver looks at the array of taps before him and asks if everything is out.

"No sir."

Then why, he asks, can't the man serve him a beer.

"Can't give you a beer sir because if I do, the Meanies'll get you."

The truck driver laughs out loud. When he's done chortling he asks again.

"I'm very sorry sir, but...I can't."

The smile drops from the driver's face. He asks if the barman is serious.

"I am sir. Very."

Silence descends for a few moments as the driver stares at the man behind the bar. Seeing no inch of jocularity behind his eyes, he snorts and wanders out, shaking his head.

He gets back into his truck and manoeuvres out of the car park. About a minute down the road is another pub, this time with a much smaller car park. He's set in his mission now however, and [insert tale of driver struggling to park then checking his cargo again].

He finally enters the pub [another long description here] and walks over to the bar. The barmaid smiles to him as he sits down.

"Not sure what the guy at the last place was on about, but I certainly hope you lot aren't drinking the same water as he was!" says the driver to the woman. She smiles.

"A lovely pint of bitter please."

"I'm sorry sir, I can't do that."

[long reaction description here]

"Why not?

"The Meanies'll get you."

[long description of disbelief and him leaving, struggling to get out of the tiny carpark and continuing on]

Eventually he comes to the last pub in the town. Behind it he can see the motorway stretching out into the distance. This place is the smallest of the three with a carpark the size of a small paddling pool. Still, [another longer description of parking and checking].

Finally, finally, he storms into the pub, slams himself down at the bar and demands a beer.

"I can't do that sir..."

"Yes yes, the Meanies'll get me I don't give a flying strawberry float give me a strawberry floating beer right now or I swear I'll drive my fuck-off truck through this piss-poor excuse for a pub and I won't even be strawberry floating sorry."

The barman looks the driver up. He looks the driver down. He notes the absolute seriousness of the threat behind the driver's eyes. Slowly, regretfully, the man pours the driver a beer.

"strawberry floating thank you." says the driver, handing the barman a fiver. "Keep the change."

He grasps the cool glass and makes his way to the back of the pub [description of him preparing to drink the beer].

At last he raises the glass to his lips, his mission finally accomplished.

The Meanies got him.

Gemini73 wrote:You really are just an obnoxious little toad.

Night Call: a game what I worked on. Out now!
t: @Tafdolphin | Twitch: Tafdolphin
User avatar
LightWanderer
Member
Joined in 2018
AKA: AnOpenCasket
Location: Earth

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by LightWanderer » Fri Jul 05, 2019 3:13 pm

Atheists are a lot like vampires

When they see the light they cease to exist

Image
User avatar
Miguel007
Member
Joined in 2008

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Miguel007 » Fri Jul 05, 2019 3:18 pm

I spiked my friends Viagra with a laxative; he didn't know if he was coming or going...

User avatar
IAmTheSaladMan
Member
Joined in 2011
Location: Sunderland

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by IAmTheSaladMan » Fri Jul 05, 2019 3:22 pm

AnOpenCasket wrote:What did Mario say when he fell in love with the giant eel in Jolly Roger Bay?

That's a moray

What did Lemmy call Bowser Jr to make him cry?

A son of a Peach

What did Link say when he saved Hyrule?



I dunno, what did he say?

Image
User avatar
LightWanderer
Member
Joined in 2018
AKA: AnOpenCasket
Location: Earth

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by LightWanderer » Fri Jul 05, 2019 3:24 pm

IAmTheSaladMan wrote:
AnOpenCasket wrote:What did Mario say when he fell in love with the giant eel in Jolly Roger Bay?

That's a moray

What did Lemmy call Bowser Jr to make him cry?

A son of a Peach

What did Link say when he saved Hyrule?



I dunno, what did he say?


Nothing.
He's a silent protagonist.

Image
User avatar
IAmTheSaladMan
Member
Joined in 2011
Location: Sunderland

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by IAmTheSaladMan » Fri Jul 05, 2019 3:25 pm

AnOpenCasket wrote:
IAmTheSaladMan wrote:
AnOpenCasket wrote:What did Mario say when he fell in love with the giant eel in Jolly Roger Bay?

That's a moray

What did Lemmy call Bowser Jr to make him cry?

A son of a Peach

What did Link say when he saved Hyrule?



I dunno, what did he say?


Nothing.
He's a silent protagonist.


Ooh, I like it!

Image
User avatar
Miguel007
Member
Joined in 2008

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Miguel007 » Fri Jul 05, 2019 3:36 pm

IAmTheSaladMan wrote:
AnOpenCasket wrote:What did Mario say when he fell in love with the giant eel in Jolly Roger Bay?

That's a moray

What did Lemmy call Bowser Jr to make him cry?

A son of a Peach

What did Link say when he saved Hyrule?



I dunno, what did he say?


I'm Ganon Home... #sorry

User avatar
IAmTheSaladMan
Member
Joined in 2011
Location: Sunderland

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by IAmTheSaladMan » Fri Jul 05, 2019 3:37 pm

Miguel007 wrote:
IAmTheSaladMan wrote:
AnOpenCasket wrote:What did Mario say when he fell in love with the giant eel in Jolly Roger Bay?

That's a moray

What did Lemmy call Bowser Jr to make him cry?

A son of a Peach

What did Link say when he saved Hyrule?



I dunno, what did he say?


I'm Ganon Home... #sorry


I was thinking Zelda says, "Anyone fancy a pint?" Link replies "Aye gan on"

Image
User avatar
OrangeRKN
SONM & Cake Sec.
SONM & Cake Sec.
Joined in 2015
Location: Reading, UK
Contact:

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by OrangeRKN » Fri Jul 05, 2019 3:41 pm

Miguel007 wrote:I'm Ganon Home


Hope he doesn't have Vaati walk

Witty biological-political hybrid jokes are the reason this place fails to cater to a wide audience
Image
Image
Web - RedBubble - @OrangeRakoon - GOTY 2018
User avatar
IAmTheSaladMan
Member
Joined in 2011
Location: Sunderland

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by IAmTheSaladMan » Fri Jul 05, 2019 3:43 pm

OrangeRKN wrote:
Miguel007 wrote:I'm Ganon Home


Hope he doesn't have Vaati walk


Tatl do if you don't mind!

Image
User avatar
OrangeRKN
SONM & Cake Sec.
SONM & Cake Sec.
Joined in 2015
Location: Reading, UK
Contact:

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by OrangeRKN » Fri Jul 05, 2019 3:44 pm

Sorry I'm just worried, it's a Tetra-ous route to Navi gate

Witty biological-political hybrid jokes are the reason this place fails to cater to a wide audience
Image
Image
Web - RedBubble - @OrangeRakoon - GOTY 2018
User avatar
LightWanderer
Member
Joined in 2018
AKA: AnOpenCasket
Location: Earth

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by LightWanderer » Fri Jul 05, 2019 3:47 pm

These puns are making me Tingle

Image
User avatar
IAmTheSaladMan
Member
Joined in 2011
Location: Sunderland

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by IAmTheSaladMan » Fri Jul 05, 2019 3:47 pm

You're a real Aryll of laughs!

Image
User avatar
andretmzt
Member
Joined in 2008
Location: Lincolnshire

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by andretmzt » Fri Jul 05, 2019 3:57 pm

Photek wrote:
Blue Eyes wrote:
Photek wrote:
andretmzt wrote:What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night?

A new last name

Debating whether to send this to my polish work colleague...

EDIT: She's not impressed.

I think you just xenophobically abused her.

Ah she’s chill just didn’t think it was funny.


Goal achieved.

HSH28 wrote:No Last Guardian.
No new exclusive PS4 games.
No longer free MP for PS4.

Microsoft win E3.
User avatar
Cheeky Devlin
Member
Joined in 2008
Location: The Dark And Lonely Regions, Where Nobody Goes.
Contact:

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by Cheeky Devlin » Fri Jul 05, 2019 6:31 pm

Corazon de Leon wrote:
Blue Eyes wrote:https://natethesnake.com/

:lol:

+1 for this.

:lol: :lol:

Check out some of our stuff!
Image Image Image

JOIN OUR MINECRAFT REALM HERE!
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/ ... sp=sharing
JediDragon05
Member
Joined in 2010
Location: The Grcade asylum

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by JediDragon05 » Fri Jul 05, 2019 9:21 pm

Why did the chicken cross the road?.

Because the vegans were approaching



What do you call a three legged donkey?.

Wonky

Come fight death with me
User avatar
<]:^D
Member
Joined in 2008

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by <]:^D » Fri Jul 05, 2019 10:09 pm

Kezzer wrote:Man walks into a funeral and asks the widow if he might say a word.

By all means, she says.

He stands up and says "bargain", and sits back down.

Thanks, says the widow. That means a great deal.


strawberry float i had to read this twice and still laughed :lol:

User avatar
<]:^D
Member
Joined in 2008

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by <]:^D » Fri Jul 05, 2019 10:10 pm

Kezzer wrote:A man who took an airline to court for losing his baggage has lost his case

:lol:

User avatar
<]:^D
Member
Joined in 2008

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by <]:^D » Fri Jul 05, 2019 10:13 pm

IAmTheSaladMan wrote:Two women working the tills at a supermarket are gossiping while it's quiet.

One says to the other "I've been observing people over the years I've worked here and I think I've developed a system for telling single customers apart from those in a couple".

Her colleague replies "Really? I don't believe you"

The first says "Alright I'll show, watch this guy coming over now"

A guy comes to the till with his shopping basket containing one egg, one rasher of bacon, one sausage, one potato, one bread roll and a small tin of beans so the lady says "Excuse me, are you single by any chance?"

The guy blushes a little and replies "Yeah, how'd you guess?"

The lady says "Because your an ugly banana split"

Image

User avatar
IAmTheSaladMan
Member
Joined in 2011
Location: Sunderland

PostRe: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
by IAmTheSaladMan » Fri Jul 05, 2019 10:36 pm

<]:^D wrote:
IAmTheSaladMan wrote:Two women working the tills at a supermarket are gossiping while it's quiet.

One says to the other "I've been observing people over the years I've worked here and I think I've developed a system for telling single customers apart from those in a couple".

Her colleague replies "Really? I don't believe you"

The first says "Alright I'll show, watch this guy coming over now"

A guy comes to the till with his shopping basket containing one egg, one rasher of bacon, one sausage, one potato, one bread roll and a small tin of beans so the lady says "Excuse me, are you single by any chance?"

The guy blushes a little and replies "Yeah, how'd you guess?"

The lady says "Because your an ugly banana split"

Image


Damnit :fp:

Image

Return to “Stuff”