Re: Bad Joke Friday | Jokes on you, these are great!
Posted: Fri Jul 05, 2019 3:08 pm
Cora reminded me of one of my favourite jokes to tell, especially to people you don't really know that well.
A truck driver had been driving for 3 days straight across country and continents with an extremely important cargo. He was due to deliver it in less than a day when he pulled off the motorway into a tiny little village. Although he only had a scant few hours to hit his next milestone in order to make the delivery, his craving for a cool pint had gotten the best of him. "What's the harm?" he thought to himself. "It's just one beer." [insert as much elaboration here as your listeners can bare.]
He pulls over into the first pub he sees. Now, the car park here is pretty small but not tiny. It takes some manoeuvring to get his truck in, but he manages it after about 5 minutes. Satisfied, he jumps down from his cab, shuts his door behind him and goes quickly to check his cargo. He pulls on the doors, tightens the straps that lashes it to the bed [again, elaborate here if needed].
Happy that all is well, he wanders into the pub. It's a fairly [insert long, winding description of the place here]. Anyway, he goes to the barman, sits himself down and asks for a pint of best.
"Can't do that sir."
The truck driver looks at the array of taps before him and asks if everything is out.
"No sir."
Then why, he asks, can't the man serve him a beer.
"Can't give you a beer sir because if I do, the Meanies'll get you."
The truck driver laughs out loud. When he's done chortling he asks again.
"I'm very sorry sir, but...I can't."
The smile drops from the driver's face. He asks if the barman is serious.
"I am sir. Very."
Silence descends for a few moments as the driver stares at the man behind the bar. Seeing no inch of jocularity behind his eyes, he snorts and wanders out, shaking his head.
He gets back into his truck and manoeuvres out of the car park. About a minute down the road is another pub, this time with a much smaller car park. He's set in his mission now however, and [insert tale of driver struggling to park then checking his cargo again].
He finally enters the pub [another long description here] and walks over to the bar. The barmaid smiles to him as he sits down.
"Not sure what the guy at the last place was on about, but I certainly hope you lot aren't drinking the same water as he was!" says the driver to the woman. She smiles.
"A lovely pint of bitter please."
"I'm sorry sir, I can't do that."
[long reaction description here]
"Why not?
"The Meanies'll get you."
[long description of disbelief and him leaving, struggling to get out of the tiny carpark and continuing on]
Eventually he comes to the last pub in the town. Behind it he can see the motorway stretching out into the distance. This place is the smallest of the three with a carpark the size of a small paddling pool. Still, [another longer description of parking and checking].
Finally, finally, he storms into the pub, slams himself down at the bar and demands a beer.
"I can't do that sir..."
"Yes yes, the Meanies'll get me I don't give a flying strawberry float give me a strawberry floating beer right now or I swear I'll drive my fuck-off truck through this piss-poor excuse for a pub and I won't even be strawberry floating sorry."
The barman looks the driver up. He looks the driver down. He notes the absolute seriousness of the threat behind the driver's eyes. Slowly, regretfully, the man pours the driver a beer.
"strawberry floating thank you." says the driver, handing the barman a fiver. "Keep the change."
He grasps the cool glass and makes his way to the back of the pub [description of him preparing to drink the beer].
At last he raises the glass to his lips, his mission finally accomplished.
The Meanies got him.
A truck driver had been driving for 3 days straight across country and continents with an extremely important cargo. He was due to deliver it in less than a day when he pulled off the motorway into a tiny little village. Although he only had a scant few hours to hit his next milestone in order to make the delivery, his craving for a cool pint had gotten the best of him. "What's the harm?" he thought to himself. "It's just one beer." [insert as much elaboration here as your listeners can bare.]
He pulls over into the first pub he sees. Now, the car park here is pretty small but not tiny. It takes some manoeuvring to get his truck in, but he manages it after about 5 minutes. Satisfied, he jumps down from his cab, shuts his door behind him and goes quickly to check his cargo. He pulls on the doors, tightens the straps that lashes it to the bed [again, elaborate here if needed].
Happy that all is well, he wanders into the pub. It's a fairly [insert long, winding description of the place here]. Anyway, he goes to the barman, sits himself down and asks for a pint of best.
"Can't do that sir."
The truck driver looks at the array of taps before him and asks if everything is out.
"No sir."
Then why, he asks, can't the man serve him a beer.
"Can't give you a beer sir because if I do, the Meanies'll get you."
The truck driver laughs out loud. When he's done chortling he asks again.
"I'm very sorry sir, but...I can't."
The smile drops from the driver's face. He asks if the barman is serious.
"I am sir. Very."
Silence descends for a few moments as the driver stares at the man behind the bar. Seeing no inch of jocularity behind his eyes, he snorts and wanders out, shaking his head.
He gets back into his truck and manoeuvres out of the car park. About a minute down the road is another pub, this time with a much smaller car park. He's set in his mission now however, and [insert tale of driver struggling to park then checking his cargo again].
He finally enters the pub [another long description here] and walks over to the bar. The barmaid smiles to him as he sits down.
"Not sure what the guy at the last place was on about, but I certainly hope you lot aren't drinking the same water as he was!" says the driver to the woman. She smiles.
"A lovely pint of bitter please."
"I'm sorry sir, I can't do that."
[long reaction description here]
"Why not?
"The Meanies'll get you."
[long description of disbelief and him leaving, struggling to get out of the tiny carpark and continuing on]
Eventually he comes to the last pub in the town. Behind it he can see the motorway stretching out into the distance. This place is the smallest of the three with a carpark the size of a small paddling pool. Still, [another longer description of parking and checking].
Finally, finally, he storms into the pub, slams himself down at the bar and demands a beer.
"I can't do that sir..."
"Yes yes, the Meanies'll get me I don't give a flying strawberry float give me a strawberry floating beer right now or I swear I'll drive my fuck-off truck through this piss-poor excuse for a pub and I won't even be strawberry floating sorry."
The barman looks the driver up. He looks the driver down. He notes the absolute seriousness of the threat behind the driver's eyes. Slowly, regretfully, the man pours the driver a beer.
"strawberry floating thank you." says the driver, handing the barman a fiver. "Keep the change."
He grasps the cool glass and makes his way to the back of the pub [description of him preparing to drink the beer].
At last he raises the glass to his lips, his mission finally accomplished.
The Meanies got him.
