Bad Joke Thread | Jokes on you, these are great!

Yeah but how do you tell a tree to get over it?

Put it behind yew.

Prototype wrote:Yeah but how do you tell a tree to get over it?

Put it behind yew.

If a yew falls in an empty wood, does it make the sound of the pope shitting?

Moggy wrote:
Prototype wrote:
Moggy wrote:
Pedz wrote:Seriously though, if making a joke about the Irish and drink is being a xenophobic banana split then would someone also be a xenophobic banana split when making sheep shagging jokes about myself or other Welsh people?

Depends who makes the jokes and the context in which they were made.

If a random bloke came up to you and screamed “SHEEP SHAGGER” into your face and then walked away laughing saying “haha the sheep shagger didn’t seem to like my joke”, then I’d say that was different to your best mate greeting you as a sheep shagger.

An Irish joke can be ok, depending on who is making it and why. It can get a reaction though if a nationalist who has expressed support for recolonising Africa comes onto the forum to make a xenophobic Irish joke straight out of the Bernard Manning jokebook.

If Richard ”let’s sort out the African’s” UK can make edgy jokes, then I see no reason not to make edgy jokes back at him.

Richard told a joke in a thread called jokes and you called him a name.

Yet he is the problem?

Did I say he was the problem?

He made an anti-Irish joke (after previous imperialistic posts) and I made a nasty joke back. The thread then moved on until you brought it back up.

We could keep arguing about this for the whole weekend or we could just move on.

This is not the "your plans for the weekend thread"

Swedish comedian Olaf Falafel has won Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe" award with the niche culinary pun.

He took the title with the gag: "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

Jesus

Most of the other nominees are better I think:

◾"Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott

◾"What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones

◾"A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert

◾"A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith

◾"Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith

◾"I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff

◾"After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford

◾"To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons

◾"I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham

That antidepressants one is decent but the rest can get in the bin.

Hexx wrote:
Swedish comedian Olaf Falafel has won Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe" award with the niche culinary pun.

He took the title with the gag: "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

Jesus

That is dreadful.

(Stolen from Ricky Gervais)

Solomon, a Holocaust survivor, finally dies aged 93 and goes up to Heaven. When he meets God, he asks if he can tell him a joke. God says "go on then", so Solomon tells him a Holocaust joke. "That wasn't funny", said God.

Solomon shrugs his shoulders and says "I guess you had to be there."

Nvm, solo tired right now.

That antidepressant joke is old.

Vermilion wrote:
Hexx wrote:
Swedish comedian Olaf Falafel has won Dave's "Funniest Joke of The Fringe" award with the niche culinary pun.

He took the title with the gag: "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

Jesus

That is dreadful.

sort of the point

Some folk weren't happy with the Tourette's joke: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-49395718

I might have Alzheimer’s but at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.

How many Super Saiyans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one but it takes 17 episodes and Krillin dies

What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it!

Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.

Why are there no unwanted pregnancies at Hogwarts?

Foetus Deletus, the morning after charm

when is a car not a car?

when it turns into a corner

IAmTheSaladMan wrote:Why are there no unwanted pregnancies at Hogwarts?

Foetus Deletus, the morning after charm

4/5

When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar.

Top jokes, lads, well done everybody.

Dowbocop wrote:What do you get if you cross Prince Andrew and Donald Trump?

Found unresponsive in your cell.

Best joke on here!

Bad Joke Thread | Jokes on you, these are great!

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