Buying a house (and renting)

No:1 Final Fantasy Fan wrote:Is it normal for a flatmate to let their other half stay over for 1-2 weeks or more at a time even though they are sharing the same room?
This is happening to me once. Every 6-8weeks.

Do you rent the flat together or do you rent your room? Are bills included in the rent or do you split them? Is it impacting your ability to live in the flat?

If it's not impacting you, don't worry about it. If it is, in the first instance talk to your flatmate about it. If you are renting together or split the bills between you it might be worth talking it out to make sure everything is fair. It sounds like this is what you have done so that's all good. As a last resort HMOs usually have a rule about how long people can have friends/partners stay but I wouldn't think about getting a landlord/agency involved unless you'd tried and failed to reach an agreement with your flatmate and are being seriously and unfairly impacted.

I used to live in a house share and people would have partners stay for varying amounts of time. One guy practically became a housemate, but we all got on with him great and it was a HMO with bills included so there wasn't really much impact other than the business of the shared living areas.

I don't think it's too unusual for someone in a flatshare/houseshare to have their partner around a lot. People's relationships evolve, maybe they are getting more serious and its a precursor to moving in together.

No:1 Final Fantasy Fan wrote:She also just told me he plans to visit over Christmas from 20th Dec to 4th Jan. Although I'll be home up north for most this time it still actually annoys me that she thinks it's ok to let him stay for that long.
I am considering asking her to make the stay shorter because it isn't normal imo.

You're not even going to be there, let them spend Christmas and New Year together. If you split the bills maybe just ask your flatmate to cover a bit more.

No:1 Final Fantasy Fan wrote:

Ecno wrote:

Tomous wrote:

No:1 Final Fantasy Fan wrote:Is it normal for a flatmate to let their other half stay over for 1-2 weeks or more at a time even though they are sharing the same room?
This is happening to me once. Every 6-8weeks.

It's poor form not to discuss this with you beforehand and if they're staying over for that long they really should be contributing to bills at the very least.

Is your housemate over at their other half's for 1-2 weeks at a time as well?

Never due to her work she can never go away for that long so only he comes down. He lives in Newscastle so he comes down to London say once every 6-8weeks and usually stays for over a week but she always tells me it's for a few days.
She also just told me he plans to visit over Christmas from 20th Dec to 4th Jan. Although I'll be home up north for most this time it still actually annoys me that she thinks it's ok to let him stay for that long.
I am considering asking her to make the stay shorter because it isn't normal imo.

I think you're being really unfair if your issue is purely "this isn't normal". You're not going to be there at Christmas so it doesnt really impact you. If she's telling you in advance and he's contributing to the bills, it sounds fair enough to me.

Ecno wrote:

Tomous wrote:The worst thing about that situation is the guy will almost definitely not get his house back, and instead will likely get compensation from the Land Registry. Legally, whoever's name is on the property at Land Registry, owns it, no matter how it got there.

Given that the house was sold under value, I suspect the buyer might have been on it too.

On a related note, the Gov has an alert system where you can register to get alerts anytime there is significant activity in relation to your property: https://www.gov.uk/guidance/property-alert

I imagine if you're trying to fraudulently sell a house you want to do it quickly before anyone realises rather than get market value for it, so I doubt the buyer was in on it.

Absolutely horrific case though.

I'm in agreement with Tomous, this type of scam seems more plausible if the "owner" is selling to an accomplice rather than a complete stranger. Possibly also involving an estate agent in on the scam to help make the sale appear more legitimate than a private sale. Wouldn't be surprised if the buyer's solicitor was involved too and only the seller's solicitor is the one who got tricked (his indemnity insurance is going to go through the roof).

Even for Luton, a 2 bed house being sold at £130,000 should raise red flags. It's too cheap and only really plausible if the owner is selling to someone like a family member or friend.

Part of why the scam worked is that the home was unencumbered (mortgage-free) and bought in 1990 (before Land Registry online records became a thing).

I expect the buyer probably bought it mortgage-free too. The You and Yours episode I linked to had one of the journalists saying they believe it's not the only property the scammer is trying this on with and they should have further info to reveal shortly.

The Land Registry has paid out 2 million in the last few years for similar situations but in recent years this has increased to 3.5 million per year.

Looks like there's a valuation on the house I'm trying to buy tomorrow. Hopefully this can get sorted, there's no issues, and then it's not long until I get my mortgage offer and get this sorted.

>Guy is new to house sharing

>Thinks he knows what is or is not normal in house sharing

ok lol

Thank you for the replies much appreciated. I am glad I asked in here first before I fired a message to her.
Reading the responses above is a huge eye opener for me.
I find it quite difficult to accept that is the norm out of respect for your fellow flatmates.
At the end of the day if you don't pay rent then you shouldn't be living there for any extended periods of time end off. Unless you are renting as a couple and splitting the bills.
I certainly would never dream of letting anyone stay over for an extended period of time let alone for a week or two. To me i feel it's very cheeky and rude.

It is not the the problem of the housemates that are single if someone is in a relationship. They should get their own place and stop being such cheapskates imo. If they can't afford it then they should work it out to see each other less and go by their means. Other housemates shouldn't suffer because of their selfishness.

Also it seems like a two sided story. Some landlords explicitly maintain that house guest are not permitted.

No:1 Final Fantasy Fan wrote:Thank you for the replies much appreciated. I am glad I asked in here first before I fired a message to her.
Reading the responses above is a huge eye opener for me.
I find it quite difficult to accept that is the norm out of respect for your fellow flatmates.
At the end of the day if you don't pay rent then you shouldn't be living there for any extended periods of time end off. Unless you are renting as a couple and splitting the bills.
I certainly would never dream of letting anyone stay over for an extended period of time let alone for a week or two. To me i feel it's very cheeky and rude.

It is not the the problem of the housemates that are single if someone is in a relationship. They should get their own place and stop being such cheapskates imo. If they can't afford it then they should work it out to see each other less and go by their means. Other housemates shouldn't suffer because of their selfishness.

Also it seems like a two sided story. Some landlords explicitly maintain that house guest are not permitted.

I wouldn't use what some landlords do as a barometer for anything.

You haven't really explained how you're suffering? And moving in together permanently is a big step in a relationship, it doesn't mean that they're cheapskates.

No:1 Final Fantasy Fan wrote:Thank you for the replies much appreciated. I am glad I asked in here first before I fired a message to her.
Reading the responses above is a huge eye opener for me.
I find it quite difficult to accept that is the norm out of respect for your fellow flatmates.
At the end of the day if you don't pay rent then you shouldn't be living there for any extended periods of time end off. Unless you are renting as a couple and splitting the bills.
I certainly would never dream of letting anyone stay over for an extended period of time let alone for a week or two. To me i feel it's very cheeky and rude.

It is not the the problem of the housemates that are single if someone is in a relationship. They should get their own place and stop being such cheapskates imo. If they can't afford it then they should work it out to see each other less and go by their means. Other housemates shouldn't suffer because of their selfishness.

Also it seems like a two sided story. Some landlords explicitly maintain that house guest are not permitted.

Wtf

Landlords in Brussels did that a lot. Made it a nightmare getting a place cos strawberry float abiding by that rule.

Tomous wrote:

No:1 Final Fantasy Fan wrote:Thank you for the replies much appreciated. I am glad I asked in here first before I fired a message to her.
Reading the responses above is a huge eye opener for me.
I find it quite difficult to accept that is the norm out of respect for your fellow flatmates.
At the end of the day if you don't pay rent then you shouldn't be living there for any extended periods of time end off. Unless you are renting as a couple and splitting the bills.
I certainly would never dream of letting anyone stay over for an extended period of time let alone for a week or two. To me i feel it's very cheeky and rude.

It is not the the problem of the housemates that are single if someone is in a relationship. They should get their own place and stop being such cheapskates imo. If they can't afford it then they should work it out to see each other less and go by their means. Other housemates shouldn't suffer because of their selfishness.

Also it seems like a two sided story. Some landlords explicitly maintain that house guest are not permitted.

I wouldn't use what some landlords do as a barometer for anything.

You haven't really explained how you're suffering? And moving in together permanently is a big step in a relationship, it doesn't mean that they're cheapskates.

It's nothing personal against my flatmate or her bf. He's actually surprisingly a nice houseguest and doesn't cause any living issues. He's quiet tidy polite etc.
But it's the principals of it that angers me. Because I wouldn't ever dare intrude my flatmate by
inviting people to stay over for so long it just seems like she's taking the liberty.

Are they always taking up the living room or something? If they're always in the bedroom what's the problem?

No:1 Final Fantasy Fan wrote:

Tomous wrote:

No:1 Final Fantasy Fan wrote:Thank you for the replies much appreciated. I am glad I asked in here first before I fired a message to her.
Reading the responses above is a huge eye opener for me.
I find it quite difficult to accept that is the norm out of respect for your fellow flatmates.
At the end of the day if you don't pay rent then you shouldn't be living there for any extended periods of time end off. Unless you are renting as a couple and splitting the bills.
I certainly would never dream of letting anyone stay over for an extended period of time let alone for a week or two. To me i feel it's very cheeky and rude.

It is not the the problem of the housemates that are single if someone is in a relationship. They should get their own place and stop being such cheapskates imo. If they can't afford it then they should work it out to see each other less and go by their means. Other housemates shouldn't suffer because of their selfishness.

Also it seems like a two sided story. Some landlords explicitly maintain that house guest are not permitted.

I wouldn't use what some landlords do as a barometer for anything.

You haven't really explained how you're suffering? And moving in together permanently is a big step in a relationship, it doesn't mean that they're cheapskates.

It's nothing personal against my flatmate or her bf. He's actually surprisingly a nice houseguest and doesn't cause any living issues. He's quiet tidy polite etc.
But it's the principals of it that angers me. Because I wouldn't ever dare intrude my flatmate by
inviting people to stay over for so long it just seems like she's taking the liberty.

You need to take a step back and ask yourself if this is an issue. Its not causing you discomfort so don't make it an issue.

Looking at it another way, you don't need to feel guilty about having anyone to stay over so now you have that option.

That's not a growth wrote:Are they always taking up the living room or something? If they're always in the bedroom what's the problem?

Well he uses the living room during the day to work from home. When I do wfh then I only use my own room for that anyway.
In the evening they only use the living room to eat their dinner then they go back to their room.

I just think it's very wrong like why do we both pay rent yet all of a sudden we have to share the bathroom, kitchen etc with an additional person? It's like stealing imo. I just can't get myself over that thought.
If we wanted the flat to be a three person flat then we would have made the living room into a room right? Or rented out her room to a couple if we wanted a couple.

But you are right perhaps I need to take a step back and not let it be an issue of it isn't an issue.

No:1 Final Fantasy Fan wrote:

That's not a growth wrote:Are they always taking up the living room or something? If they're always in the bedroom what's the problem?

Well he uses the living room during the day to work from home. When I do wfh then I only use my own room for that anyway.
In the evening they only use the living room to eat their dinner then they go back to their room.

I just think it's very wrong like why do we both pay rent yet all of a sudden we have to share the bathroom, kitchen etc with an additional person? It's like stealing imo. I just can't get myself over that thought.
If we wanted the flat to be a three person flat then we would have made the living room into a room right? Or rented out her room to a couple if we wanted a couple.

But you are right perhaps I need to take a step back and not let it be an issue of it isn't an issue.

So they are mostly in the room that your flatmate pays for?

Why do you care?

It's one of those things where if it bothers you then it bothers you. In my experience it's very difficult to change how you perceive something when the very principal of it is the opposite of what you would do.

If it's going to eat away at you then you need to broach the subject and find a solution.

Moggy wrote:

No:1 Final Fantasy Fan wrote:

That's not a growth wrote:Are they always taking up the living room or something? If they're always in the bedroom what's the problem?

Well he uses the living room during the day to work from home. When I do wfh then I only use my own room for that anyway.
In the evening they only use the living room to eat their dinner then they go back to their room.

I just think it's very wrong like why do we both pay rent yet all of a sudden we have to share the bathroom, kitchen etc with an additional person? It's like stealing imo. I just can't get myself over that thought.
If we wanted the flat to be a three person flat then we would have made the living room into a room right? Or rented out her room to a couple if we wanted a couple.

But you are right perhaps I need to take a step back and not let it be an issue of it isn't an issue.

So they are mostly in the room that your flatmate pays for?

Why do you care?

hmmm I think I care because I always had it in my mind that only the person who pays the rent shall be the one spending any time under the roof. I had no idea it was apparently normal and fine to let people stay over whenever they wanted. So just getting that idea out of my head is maybe what I need to do. Another thing I've noticed is how many landlords state "no couples".

Imrahil wrote:It's one of those things where if it bothers you then it bothers you. In my experience it's very difficult to change how you perceive something when the very principal of it is the opposite of what you would do.

If it's going to eat away at you then you need to broach the subject and find a solution.

Well her contract is up for renewal at the end of this month and now it's been changed to state that there is a limitation to duration of stays to "1 week over a period of two months maximum". She has been given notice of this change to the contract...
Now am doubting myself and I don't know if it was the right thing to have done after reading all the replies here. Also I've been talking to other people and they told me their landlords don't allow even sleepovers for one night.

No:1 Final Fantasy Fan wrote:it's the principals of it that angers me

That is your problem and not his. He is entitled to a private life in the home that he is paying for. If you think he's taking the piss with the amount of time he's having his gf stay over then take it up with him directly.

It sounds like you already did and he gave you £50? I dunno what percentage of your bills this is, but £50 seems not a bad sweetener? He gets laid and you get more final fantasy games.

No:1 Final Fantasy Fan wrote:

Moggy wrote:

No:1 Final Fantasy Fan wrote:

That's not a growth wrote:Are they always taking up the living room or something? If they're always in the bedroom what's the problem?

Well he uses the living room during the day to work from home. When I do wfh then I only use my own room for that anyway.
In the evening they only use the living room to eat their dinner then they go back to their room.

I just think it's very wrong like why do we both pay rent yet all of a sudden we have to share the bathroom, kitchen etc with an additional person? It's like stealing imo. I just can't get myself over that thought.
If we wanted the flat to be a three person flat then we would have made the living room into a room right? Or rented out her room to a couple if we wanted a couple.

But you are right perhaps I need to take a step back and not let it be an issue of it isn't an issue.

So they are mostly in the room that your flatmate pays for?

Why do you care?

hmmm I think I care because I always had it in my mind that only the person who pays the rent shall be the one spending any time under the roof. I had no idea it was apparently normal and fine to let people stay over whenever they wanted. So just getting that idea out of my head is maybe what I need to do. Another thing I've noticed is how many landlords state "no couples".

I think you need to live on your own.

I agree.

Oops the contract has been updated now. Regardless I guess we could work it out between us to allow for her bf to stay longer sometimes regardless of what the contract says. It's just a formality to use against her if she takes the piss and lets him stay permanently.