Alec Baldwin: Um, does anybody know where this came from?
Homer: Oh, there's that movie script I wrote! Where did you find it?
Alec: On my pillow.
Homer: The important thing is, it's got the perfect part for you. Either one of you! It's about a killer robot driving instructor who travels back in time for some reason. Ron Howard's attached to direct!
Ron Howard: I am not!
Homer: Well, he expressed an interest.
Ron: No I didn't!
Homer: Did too!
Ron: I did not!
Homer: You lie!
Alec: Yeah, Homer, um, most movie scripts are 120 pages. This is only seventeen. And several of the pages are just drawings of the time machine.
<holds up one of Homer's drawings; it appears to be a chair with a beach umbrella attached to the back and an alarm clock wired to the side>
Homer: So you're saying you don't want to star in my movie.
Alec: I'm sorry, Homer.
Homer: Well, if Alec is out, I'm out too. You're on your own, Potsie.
-
Kim Basinger: Oh, look. Wasn't that a fun weekend?
Alec: Yeah. Homer was a pretty good guy. And we just tossed him out like a Golden Globe award. I've got to admit, I miss the way he used to tuck us in and kiss us on the forehead.
Kim: Forehead?
Alec: Aw, maybe I should've made his movie.
Kim: Yeah, it wasn't that bad. I mean the script might even work
if you got rid of the talking pie.
Alec: What, are you crazy? It's a buddy picture. Without the pie,
it would just be me on screen for two hours.
Kim: Oh, yeah, and you'd hate that.
Ron: No, no, no, you can't lose the pie! The pie's your heart.
Kim: Okay, okay, keep the damn pie. The point is, we weren't fair
to Homer. He screwed up, but he deserves another chance.
Alec: Yeah, everyone makes mistakes. I mean, we'd want another
chance if one of us ever made a bad film, right?
[the three of them sit in conspicuous silence]
-
<One month later, at the 20th Century Fox Film Studios, Ron Howard pitches a movie to a film executive, who sits at his desk>
Ron: [emotionally] And it grows, to a powerful, emotional
climax when the father has to choose which one of his
children will live ... and which one ... will die.
Executive: Pass.
[Ron lets out a sigh]
What else you got?
Ron: Well, well, there is this one thing. It's about a killer robot driving instructor that travels back in time for some reason.
Executive: I'm listening.
Ron: Okay, okay, well, you see ... this robot, he's got a heartbreaking decision to make about whether his best friend lives ... or dies.
Executive: Eh.
Ron: His best friend's a talking pie!
Executive: Sold! Howard, you've done it again!
<he hands Ron two large bags of money; Ron holds them up
and smiles, as the closing line from the "Happy Days"
theme plays>
http://www.snpp.com/episodes/5F19