Childfree

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Oblomov Boblomov
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PostRe: Childfree
by Oblomov Boblomov » Mon Nov 05, 2018 6:02 pm

There are far too many people having children who shouldn't because they're awful and totally unsuited to being parents.

Can't say I've ever know people get grief for not choosing to have children. What exactly is their reasoning?

I've not had them yet and I'm in my 30s (okay, I turned 30 this year) but I plan to get on with it pretty soon. The main issue is that I like being rich and don't want to not be rich any more :slol:.

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Jenuall
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PostRe: Childfree
by Jenuall » Mon Nov 05, 2018 6:10 pm

Oblomov Boblomov wrote:There are far too many people having children who shouldn't because they're awful and totally unsuited to being parents.

Can't say I've ever know people get grief for not choosing to have children. What exactly is their reasoning?

I've not had them yet and I'm in my 30s (okay, I turned 30 this year) but I plan to get on with it pretty soon. The main issue is that I like being rich and don't want to not be rich any more :slol:.


Having kids just makes you rich in a different way!

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Pedz
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PostRe: Childfree
by Pedz » Mon Nov 05, 2018 6:13 pm

Having kids is great, you get to buy loads of ace gooseberry fool and rub it in their faces.

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Bunni
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PostRe: Childfree
by Bunni » Mon Nov 05, 2018 6:28 pm

As a female (and newly married) I’m strawberry floating sick of this gooseberry fool. I said at 21 that I didn’t want kids and got told I’d grow out of it. Here I am approaching 30 and feel even more solid in my decision. It’s not happening. I feel no motherly desires. The only thing that makes my ovaries hurt is my darling cat Spaghetti and various dogs I know in the hood.

If you get knocked up at 15, or choose to have kids sometime after that (but while still ‘young’) you’re deemed sound to make that decision. The decision to bring another strawberry floating life into the world and raise it and be responsible and accountable for it for years and years. But decide that you don’t want kids at that age, and nobody respects your decision. “You’ll change your mind. You don’t know what you want. You’re too young to know for sure.” How can these be a sensible response when the risk factors are so unbalanced. If I decide to have a kid at 19 and strawberry float it up, I could ruin things for myself and a child. No harm in deciding it’s a no go at 19, nobody to get hurt and there’s always time to change your mind. Something very much frowned upon when you’re already a mother. You can’t really hand in your 7 year old because you’ve decided you don’t want it any more. (Which is another thing completely - why is adoption seen as second best for those who are infertile or single? “There’s always adoption!” Bollocks. Why not just adopt in the first place and save your vagina getting beat?)

Folk have said that me not having children is selfish. Can someone please explain this? Surely if I don’t have that desire to be a good parent then it would be entirely irresponsible and neglectful to have a child out of peer pressure. What kid wants to her that anyway. Did mummy and daddy get married and love each other very much and want a baby, or did mum just get nagged in the office until she was guilted into delivering something she is now forced into raising?

I’ve also been told that ‘Hormones after birth will make you fall in love with you child and want to nurture it’ That’s grand. Have you ever tried smack? I hear the highs are unbelievable. It’s an expensive habit, fairly time consuming and will leave you sleep deprived but the rewards are good and keep you going back through all the awfulness to get the next high. Again, imagine finding out you’re the product of peer pressure, that your parents didn’t actually want you and were entirely reliant on the hope that hormones would be released to love you. Horrific.

I want to live my life. I’m not done experiencing things that can’t be done with a child in tow. I don’t have financial stability to pay for childcare. I have no desire to get up early every strawberry floating day for night feeds. I deal with enough poo and nappies at work I don’t want them in my home life. I don’t want to upset my pet. I can’t afford a bigger house. Both sides have mental illness running rife and I couldn’t bring that onto a child. I’d prefer to have nice things in my clean house. But my reasons are irrelevant. I dont have to justify my answer. I don’t want kids and neither does Anung. We’re very happy with what we’ve got planned for the next 20 years without crotch spawn.

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Sandy
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PostRe: Childfree
by Sandy » Mon Nov 05, 2018 6:47 pm

Outrunner wrote:
Albear wrote:
Or am I just unlucky enough to work with people or seemingly think have kids should be compulsory?


I think that. I don't have kids and don't plan to (unless the GF insists) but beyond some jovial prodding about it I don't think I've ever had to justify it.

what did they get angry about?


Apparently I'm being selfish by not having kids. But most of their anger seemed to be the fact that they couldn't change my mind. I don't know what I'm talking and literally every reason I gave for not wanting kids is wrong.


No one asks to be born, what happens if you have a kid that doesn't like that you forced them to be alive? Who's selfish then?

If anything having children is selfish, you're doing it to make your life better without knowing how it'll effect the other party. That's the definition of selfish.

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Outrunner
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PostRe: Childfree
by Outrunner » Mon Nov 05, 2018 6:56 pm

This is a lot of what I got in the discussion and have had over the years:

I don't feel comfortable around kids, working with children has only served to to make this worse. "Oh you'd feel different if it was your own child"

But aside from my nephew and niece I don't feel comfortable around the kids in my extended family "Ah, so you do feel ok around some kids, see it'd be different with your own"

Well yeah, but I see my nephew and niece for a few hours tops, I'm not actually having to parent them. Plus, when my depression kicks in I hate cutting off from them. Imagine if I had kids and they had to deal with my mental health issues "It'd be different. They'd be your own kids and they'd probably help with your issues"

Probably is a long shot and it's a hell of a risk to take on the off chance it might all work out. That's a lot of responsibility for a baby to take as well "Oh you know what I mean, focusing on a baby and the unconditional love would help"

....I'm pretty sure you don't have the qualifications to make that call but ok. And if I want unconditional love I'll get a dog.

I genuinely have nothing against people having kids. When family and friends have had babies I've been really happy for them. I just don't feel the same. I'd be a lousy dad, I have no paternal instincts and love travelling too much. I'd much rather have a pet and miss having one in the house.

Moggy wrote:These are people you work with? Tell them to strawberry float off!


For the most part they're actually a pretty chilled group and have been super supportive over the years. I mean there's one guy who you have to justify everything to but then so does everyone else. This is why such a strong reaction from so many of them took me off guard, it was so out of character and pretty unexpected

Please do not post this in the "No Context" thread
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PostRe: Childfree
by NickSCFC » Mon Nov 05, 2018 7:00 pm

To me the only time I have thought to having children was either when my friend all had children within the space of 3 years leaving me feeling a little left out, and during the odd bout of nostalgia where I was reminiscing about memories with my parents such as Christmas and holidays.

However when I think more logically about cost, feeding them, doctor's appointments, parents evenings, discipline and bullies it just doesn't appeal to me.

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Moggy
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PostRe: Childfree
by Moggy » Mon Nov 05, 2018 7:07 pm

Sandy wrote:
Outrunner wrote:
Albear wrote:
Or am I just unlucky enough to work with people or seemingly think have kids should be compulsory?


I think that. I don't have kids and don't plan to (unless the GF insists) but beyond some jovial prodding about it I don't think I've ever had to justify it.

what did they get angry about?


Apparently I'm being selfish by not having kids. But most of their anger seemed to be the fact that they couldn't change my mind. I don't know what I'm talking and literally every reason I gave for not wanting kids is wrong.


No one asks to be born, what happens if you have a kid that doesn't like that you forced them to be alive? Who's selfish then?

If anything having children is selfish, you're doing it to make your life better without knowing how it'll effect the other party. That's the definition of selfish.


Hi Lucien!

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Wrathy
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PostRe: Childfree
by Wrathy » Mon Nov 05, 2018 7:41 pm

I don't want kids, which fundamentally is quite handy as I can't have them anyway. I'd be a terrible parent in any case, were I to adopt or whatever. I enjoy my life and my freedom to do whatever I want a lot as it is. The ability to just strawberry float off to America and play Pokemon cards or take a daytrip in the car because I had nothing better to do. It's great. In the past 3 years I've lived in five different places. (Birmingham, Northern Ireland, Glasgow, Reading, Southampton), and I'm not closed to the idea of relocating again depending on how Brexit shakes out. Hell, I've been so carefree about where I live / what I do for a living that I haven't even considered a relationship all that much. Effectively forcing myself to settle down even further with kids is something that isn't on the radar at all.

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PostRe: Childfree
by pjbetman » Mon Nov 05, 2018 8:47 pm

Outrunner wrote:
Albear wrote:
Or am I just unlucky enough to work with people or seemingly think have kids should be compulsory?


I think that. I don't have kids and don't plan to (unless the GF insists) but beyond some jovial prodding about it I don't think I've ever had to justify it.

what did they get angry about?


Apparently I'm being selfish by not having kids. But most of their anger seemed to be the fact that they couldn't change my mind. I don't know what I'm talking and literally every reason I gave for not wanting kids is wrong.

I could have understood it if I'd said "having children is wrong, you're all horrible people for having kids and all your children are horrible too". But all I said was I, personally, would never have kids. Maybe dropping in that I'd rather have a dog didn't help. What started out as a casual conversation with a friend at work escalated into an inquisition. I'm not even upset about it, just bemused by the entire situation


They sound like a-holes to be honest.

I worked in an office a few years ago - a predominantly female staff office - and out of about 12 of them, only 3 or 4 had kids. These were mostly middle aged women too, not some young ones who hadn't made the decision to have kids yet. Nobody brought the topic up in conversation, but I did notice it quite soon. I'd never realised that so many women didn't want to have kids - opened my eyes a bit, and made me feel more normal for not wanting kids. The 'pressure' of having kids completely subsided after that point, and Im happier for that.

One thing I have noticed which pisses me off, is people getting promotions because they have kids. People who have been pretty lazy and ineffective at their jobs have been promoted over much more capable, but child-less staff (I'm not just talking about me, btw).

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Minoru
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PostRe: Childfree
by Minoru » Mon Nov 05, 2018 10:38 pm

I want kids some time. I understand people who don't want them and I kind of wish I didn't either, but I do and I worry about it a lot. My mental health is not so great and I worry I'd make a terrible parent, I worry there's no way I'd ever be approved to adopt, I worry my chances of ever finding a woman who can put up with me and who wants children are slim to none. All that aside, my whole life is pretty much a mess and I don't see children being a realistic possibility any time soon. I feel sad about it quite a lot lately. I wonder if the idea of having children is something I'll have to learn to let go of.

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PostRe: Childfree
by Corazon de Leon » Mon Nov 05, 2018 11:15 pm

Wrathy wrote:In the past 3 years I've lived in five different places. (Birmingham, Northern Ireland, Glasgow, Reading, Southampton)


I'm so sorry. :(

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Dowbocop
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PostRe: Childfree
by Dowbocop » Mon Nov 05, 2018 11:37 pm

It's entirely reasonable to choose not to have kids in this day and age, and people have to accept that you can't have everything in life, so live the life you want. I'd never go off on someone about it because their lives and fertility are none of my business. The worst we do is tease a younger colleague with baby shite and vom catastrophes and then ask him when he's having one :twisted:. There are people in my team without kids for a variety of reasons, and one who says she wouldn't have them if she had her time again - it was very helpful her telling me this when my wife was already up the duff! I fundamentally disagree that choosing to have kids is selfish just on the off-chance they're a suicidal nihilist though.

We've got a fifteen month old and one of my most commonly asked questions is "when are you having another one?" I don't really get grilled about it but I am a bit sick of having to explain it. Basically my wife only ever wanted one child, she needed an emergency section, and he needed resuscitation at birth. Fortunately they're both still here, and despite being a huge amount of work, as all babies are (and wives! Eh, amirite fellas!), he is good natured, sleeps incredibly well, and is basically about as easy to deal with as babies get. I originally thought two children might be nice, but now I really don't want to roll the dice again. Firstly I don't want to have eight feeds/meals a day again, or start the final nappy countdown again, or have to deal with a screaming baby and a narky toddler at the same time. Secondly, I really think we have been incredibly lucky with our son's temperament, and I may fire dickhead seeds next time :lol:

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Wrathy
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PostRe: Childfree
by Wrathy » Tue Nov 06, 2018 12:14 am

Corazon de Leon wrote:
Wrathy wrote:In the past 3 years I've lived in five different places. (Birmingham, Northern Ireland, Glasgow, Reading, Southampton)


I'm so sorry. :(


I’d have been more than happy to never leave Glasgow! Returning to England when I thought I’d escaped was a real kick in the teeth. :(

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Moggy
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PostRe: Childfree
by Moggy » Tue Nov 06, 2018 8:00 am

Dowbocop wrote:It's entirely reasonable to choose not to have kids in this day and age, and people have to accept that you can't have everything in life, so live the life you want. I'd never go off on someone about it because their lives and fertility are none of my business. The worst we do is tease a younger colleague with baby shite and vom catastrophes and then ask him when he's having one :twisted:. There are people in my team without kids for a variety of reasons, and one who says she wouldn't have them if she had her time again - it was very helpful her telling me this when my wife was already up the duff! I fundamentally disagree that choosing to have kids is selfish just on the off-chance they're a suicidal nihilist though.

We've got a fifteen month old and one of my most commonly asked questions is "when are you having another one?" I don't really get grilled about it but I am a bit sick of having to explain it. Basically my wife only ever wanted one child, she needed an emergency section, and he needed resuscitation at birth. Fortunately they're both still here, and despite being a huge amount of work, as all babies are (and wives! Eh, amirite fellas!), he is good natured, sleeps incredibly well, and is basically about as easy to deal with as babies get. I originally thought two children might be nice, but now I really don't want to roll the dice again. Firstly I don't want to have eight feeds/meals a day again, or start the final nappy countdown again, or have to deal with a screaming baby and a narky toddler at the same time. Secondly, I really think we have been incredibly lucky with our son's temperament, and I may fire dickhead seeds next time :lol:


We always thought we would have two, but my wife currently has health issues and we are not getting any younger so it seems unlikely.

My son is wonderful though (well 99% of the time ;) ) so I am not too bothered by the thought of not having any more.

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Squinty
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PostRe: Childfree
by Squinty » Tue Nov 06, 2018 8:07 am

Oblomov Boblomov wrote:There are far too many people having children who shouldn't because they're awful and totally unsuited to being parents.


Truth.

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PostRe: Childfree
by Gemini73 » Tue Nov 06, 2018 10:59 am

Prior to getting married I had no plans to have children, but wasn't opposed to the idea. My wife always wanted children so I knew it would be a thing in our relationship at some point. I was 33 when our first daughter was born. Just under three years later her sister arrived.

Being a parent is damn hard work, even infuriating at times, but balanced out by so much good stuff. It's not for everyone though, so why anyone would feel the need to berate someone who doesn't want kids is baffling to me.

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Hexx
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PostRe: Childfree
by Hexx » Tue Nov 06, 2018 11:00 am

Jenuall wrote:
Oblomov Boblomov wrote:There are far too many people having children who shouldn't because they're awful and totally unsuited to being parents.

Can't say I've ever know people get grief for not choosing to have children. What exactly is their reasoning?

I've not had them yet and I'm in my 30s (okay, I turned 30 this year) but I plan to get on with it pretty soon. The main issue is that I like being rich and don't want to not be rich any more :slol:.


Having kids just makes you rich in a different way!


A really really really poor way,

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PostRe: Childfree
by RichardUK » Wed Nov 07, 2018 1:37 am

Having niceces and a nephew is enough for me, I couldn’t really imagine anything worse than having children, it would completely change and ruin my life and realistically I am not mature enough and I don’t ever intend to be

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Childfree
by Green Gecko » Wed Nov 07, 2018 2:59 am

If you don't feel you can be a good parent, don't have kids, simple as.

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