Hu hu hu, welcome to my review of Christmas. As today is 1st December, I thought it would be a good idea to get in the festive spirit. I opened the first door on my Advent calendar, but it was just a picture of Santa watching Gavin and Stacey. It wasn't even the Christmas Special...
On with the review. I decided to buy my tickets online, as it saves time later. It also saves the facial structure of the annoying teens who work behind the ticket counter. I don't have a credit card of any kind, I use cash to buy things online. How? I'll tell you how, but not right not. Let's just say it involves a scanner, a solar-powered fishtank, and some 3D glasses. I sent my money (£6.00, someone is having a laugh at my expense, but I'll have the last laugh, at their expense, when I kidnap their family), and printed my tickets. I don't have a printer, but I manage. Let's just say it involves an appliance, an obscure item, and some other third thing.
My method of transport this time was to be a car, but not my car. I stuck out my thumb so I could go in someone else's car. I wasn't hitchhiking, my thumb is strong enough to grab a passing smart car by the wing-mirror-ear-hole and bring it to a screeching halt. The driver wasn't so smart, he started calling the police. "Be more like your car" I declared, before stuffing him down an open manhole. I used the manhole cover to hold my pizza, purchased earlier from Dominos (£8, what a rip, I think my basement family is going to double in size).
I finally got to the cinema after parking my smart car on the roof. I took Stairwell B down to the cinema, but there was some mob of people there as well. "No, just me, all out". They wouldn't listen, so I got out my knives and made some idle threats, which turned out to be quite un-idle. After the paramedics took them all away, I slashed the ambulance's tires. That siren winds me right up. Ahh, I had the place to myself, and the movie was about to start.
