Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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Drumstick
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Drumstick » Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:11 am

When you say she's "just" gone through a breakup, how recently did they actually break up?

Without that knowledge, in your situation I would be as understanding as possible and try to reassure her that time really is a great healer and in due time she'll be able to move past her current funk. Spend as much time with friends as possible.

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Photek
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Photek » Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:27 am

Drumstick wrote:When you say she's "just" gone through a breakup, how recently did they actually break up?

Without that knowledge, in your situation I would be as understanding as possible and try to reassure her that time really is a great healer and in due time she'll be able to move past her current funk. Spend as much time with friends as possible.


They broke up at Christmas, and that's just it, she has no friends, they all moved back home or the ones here haven't talked in years.

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Wed Mar 06, 2019 4:34 am

That's probably what would happen to me if we broke up. She needs to make friends, which is really, really hard in the situation she is in. I find it difficult to suggest anything without knowing the person but at least she has regular contact with people at work, and the fact that you or anyone are speaking to her will help her feel less isolated. She could go to her GP and get on the list for counselling but it would take strawberry floating ages for a common thing like a breakup, unfortunately they're unlikely to take it seriously unless she's suicidal.

This website has volunteers for random strangers to talk to if they are feeling depressed and lonely, you could try suggesting that? https://www.7cups.com/

It's nerve-wracking but there are also clubs and things on meetup.com, are there any clubs organised at work?

I think people do in some cases get more isolated within a relationship than out of one because they depend on their partner for emotional support and any kind of socialising. It'll take her a long time to remember who she was without them and how to interact with others again but those skills won't be totally lost forever.

The best thing you can do is ask her how she is doing because it's likely hardly anybody else is even doing that.

In some cases couples don't even need to talk that much because there isn't much left to say (for better or worse) so you can become more introverted in a relationship than without one.

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Outrunner
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Outrunner » Fri Mar 08, 2019 6:06 pm

Photek wrote:This is more about advice.

I work beside a girl here who's under a year with us, anyway she's just gone through a break up with her bf of 10years and unknown to the rest of the office she's crying to herself nearly every day. She's Polish and she's confided a lot to me that she's been depressed for the past 2 years which prompted the break up but she has no one to turn to. I've told her she can contact me anytime but of course there's only so much I can do.

I'm genuinely worried about her as she seems to be getting worse. I can't really talk to her in depth about her situation in the office but she's now living alone and says she hates going home and the weekends. She's still in love with her ex so I've kinda told her to rekindle that side or at least get closure but, yeah, should I ignore her or is there any other way to help her as she's genuinely a nice person?


A few things I tried with varying degrees of success when I went through my breakup a few years ago:

See a doctor. If she's crying at work and depressed they should give her some medication (if she's not already on it) or alter her medication to something more suitable.

Counselling. This was the big one for me, I was suicidal so things got taken very seriously but all the counselling I got (crisis team, "ordinary" counselling, sex therapy, finally being assigned a mental health nurse for a year) was a god send. Even if she isn't "that bad" she may get referred to counselling. Someone I work with has just gone through a bad breakup and found being referred pretty easy. Self-referral may be a way to go too. If she goes this route definitely mention the 2 years of depression.

She needs to find stuff to occupy her time. Try making friends, join a social group. I was gooseberry fool at this but used to go to the cinema on my own a lot. Yes I was alone but for those few hours I didn't have to think or pretend to anyone that I was doing better than I was. I could just lose myself in a film. I also did volunteer dog walking at the weekends I hated being alone for the whole weekend so this helped.

I was totally in love with my ex when we split (we split for a variety of reasons, my mental health being a factor) and the hardest thing for me was making that final split. We tried staying in touch but I had to finally say enough was enough and cut all contact. Which I managed for 9 month until we started divorce proceedings. I did finally get closure but it was very unorthodox and particular to our situation. It was really rough but it needed to be done. We're now friends and see each other occasionally but that's a story for another time. It's hard to comment because I don't know her and how likely it is she'll get back together with her boyfriend but zero contact really helped me.

Be there as a friend to her. It may not seem like a lot but just asking how she's doing will help. It helped me. I had a few close friends but even colleagues that I'm not particularly close to checked in on me and it meant the world. The guys on this forum even tracked me down to check if I was OK after I talked about suicide. It was unexpected but really appreciated :wub:

I'm not sure how much help this is but hopefully there's something in there that's of some use

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by cocacola » Fri Mar 08, 2019 7:30 pm

Just wanted to pop in here and mention that I have had a read through, and I think this is a great thread and you lot don't get enough credit. I think it's great you have a place to talk about important matters such as mental health.

Gemini73

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Gemini73 » Fri Mar 08, 2019 10:27 pm

cocacola wrote:Just wanted to pop in here and mention that I have had a read through, and I think this is a great thread and you lot don't get enough credit. I think it's great you have a place to talk about important matters such as mental health.


We're all mad here.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Gemini73 » Fri Mar 08, 2019 10:48 pm

On a more serious note I'm once again battling with my own mood given my recent falling out with my parents. Seems just as I get one thing back on track something else goes pear shaped. I'm incredibly anxious about the apologetic letter I'd sent them and the for a response I receive, if at all. That said, I am a bit pissed off that they didn't post a card or even call their grand daughter on her birthday. If they wish to shut me out (I won't be the first relation they've shut out in my parents blameless lives), then so be it, but it's not any fault of my kids.

So yes. Anxious, angry, annoyed and fighting off the depression I can feel looming in the background. My daily nightmares have gone into overdrive as well. Some really mental stuff.

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Fri Mar 08, 2019 11:57 pm

I've been seeing a counsellor which is helpful, however I saw them on Wednesday and yesterday for my 30th I saw my dad which was incredibly painful at times because less than 24hrs previously I was talking about horrible stuff he did. In the end I had my head in my hands and was wiping away tears walking down the street, because we had obviously not talked about anything bad that needs to be talked about after 25 years and I was having to ignore all of that in my brain the entire time we were eating lunch. He asked that if he was making me sad he can disappear, I told him "that was your first mistake" (as he left when I was 5 years old). I also explained that I have learnt not to believe that anyone can "make" you feel anything and to take responsibility for your emotions, as that is one way to survive. Maybe I taught him something rather than running away from your problems, I have no idea. Of course it's very convenient to offer to "disappear" if someone is upset because it means not helping that person deal with their problems or taking any responsibility for their experiences. He is a coward.

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cocacola
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by cocacola » Sat Mar 09, 2019 12:01 am

Gemini73 wrote:
cocacola wrote:Just wanted to pop in here and mention that I have had a read through, and I think this is a great thread and you lot don't get enough credit. I think it's great you have a place to talk about important matters such as mental health.


We're all mad here.



I think we're all mad in our own way, and we're all facing our own demons in our own head. That's why I tend not to judge people straight away, or take the p*ss out of someone, because you don't know what they are going through or thinking...

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Sat Mar 09, 2019 12:02 am

I do that and I end up making friends with individuals that nobody else understands why I am friends with, or even merely talking to, them.

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cocacola
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by cocacola » Sat Mar 09, 2019 12:03 am

cocacola wrote:
Gemini73 wrote:
cocacola wrote:Just wanted to pop in here and mention that I have had a read through, and I think this is a great thread and you lot don't get enough credit. I think it's great you have a place to talk about important matters such as mental health.


We're all mad here.



I think we're all mad in our own way, and we're all facing our own demons in our own head. That's why I tend not to judge people straight away, or take the p*ss out of someone, because you don't know what they are going through or thinking...


Sorry for the double post, but has anyone found counselling useful for anxiety? Over the last few years, I have had a few bad things happen which has caused me a lot of distress, I won't delve in to it, but would counselling be a sufficient way to get over things, and make me calm and happy?

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Sat Mar 09, 2019 12:08 am

Counselling is intended to help you figure out a focus point for you to move forward in your own way by talking though issues with someone non-judgemental or biased about you in a certain way (e.g. friends/parents) and as they're typically paid or interested in psychotherapy have a vested interest in understanding you better. But they're not really meant to "make" you better. If you want to actually intervene with your personal biochemistry and increase for example serotonin or regulate dopamine production or have help with heather/more sleep then you need to see a psychiatrist to prescribe medication or try exercise or meditation. I find it helpful to talk through gooseberry fool I very rarely talk about or stuff that other people are unwilling or fed up with listening to and have no practical suggestions for dealing with the problems. And they can help refer you to other forms of therapy or groups that might be of benefit.

At the moment I'm focusing on family problems with my councillor (it took an age to get to one without having to pay as I am on low income) which while has of course come up in previous sessions with mental health care practitioners has never really been a focal point of discussion since, well, ever. I just turned 30 and I can't be strawberry floated dealing with those repeated traumas and sadnesses over and over again anymore, although ultimately I know it won't go away until I confront the person responsible. The trouble there is that sometimes confrontation can be more disruptive to your daily life and wellbeing than talking to a therapist because it could just end up creating new trauma, especially if there is violence or further emotional abuse likely to happen because the person that caused the trauma to begin with is basically a banana split. I have had mental health team people say not to do that even when I felt it was absolutely the necessary thing to do because I was too ill to do it and would probably just come off worse.

I've asked for family counselling but my father won't do it even when I presented an ultimatum to ever see me again. Sometimes there's really just no point confronting someone who won't change or even admit that they ever did anything wrong or even apologise, you will just end up more frustrated if a person is in any way responsible for mental trauma like bullying, abuse etc.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Gemini73 » Sat Mar 09, 2019 9:04 am

I tried councilling a few times, but found it very uncomfortable and for a number of reasons. Haven't returned since. I'm more comfortable to be open on here as it happens.

That's not to say someone else might not find councilling beneficial.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Mon Mar 11, 2019 12:35 am

I'm naturally verbose and so rabbit on about all kinds of gooseberry fool.

As everyone else will know of course :lol:

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Gemini73 » Mon Mar 11, 2019 11:42 am

So it seems my letter to my parents got through. I won't go into details, but there were a few tears shed on both sides. It was nice to wake up this morning in the knowledge that in spite of everything my parents do deeply care for me as care I for them.

We cannot change the past and I doubt I'll ever truly be free of my own demons, but things are looking a lot brighter. My head certainly feels a lot clearer today.

My mum and dad called my daughter to wish her happy birthday, (which excited her as she now has her first mobile phone), and we're popping by my parents next Sunday so she can have her presents. Actually it's worked out quite well for my daughter as she gets to celebrate her birthday twice!

The following Wednesday I'm going for a curry with dad in Tewkesbury where they live. Interestingly dad has said he'll join me in not drinking, (I quit you see). I said it's fine if he wants a pint, but he insisted.

As for my marriage, well that's definitely on the mend. The wife and I are doing a lot more things together and are both working hard to reel in our day-to-day stresses and not lash out at each other.

Onwards and upwards I guess.

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jawafour
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by jawafour » Mon Mar 11, 2019 11:47 am

Gemini73 wrote:...Onwards and upwards I guess.

This sounds like great progress on a number of fronts, Gemini... almost like something for the Things That Make You Smile thread! Well played!

Gemini73

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Gemini73 » Mon Mar 11, 2019 11:49 am

Cheers, dude.

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mic
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by mic » Mon Mar 11, 2019 6:35 pm

Gemini73 wrote:...Onwards and upwards I guess.


Well done for writing that letter, and for sorting things out with the wife.

Gemini73

PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Gemini73 » Mon Mar 11, 2019 6:44 pm

Again, cheers. After the mania of working in A&E today I was glad for a clear mindset.

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Tue Mar 12, 2019 5:06 pm

I typically follow up these kinds of excursions with letters or usually emails. Sometimes they aren't acknowledged and othertimes its at least a possibility it was heard. I'm very glad it worked out for you.

I'm 30 now and I probably need to do the same thing with my dad. I will still see him but it can be very painful.

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