Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions

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Green Gecko
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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Mon Oct 19, 2020 4:36 pm

kerr9000 wrote:
Green Gecko wrote:One in five adult males likely have autistic traits, or are diagnosable, is a widely acknowledged figure via the national autistic society. It's less common in women for some reason, likely due to chromosome and inheritance stuff as it does have a genetic basis. If you have father or grandfathers with autistic traits you probably have them too. Both of my grandparents were quite odd (and extremely talented), for example they struggled in "normal" jobs/society and were unique in their ways, their abilities, and ended up self employed for long periods, or purposefully isolated. They were also highly dependent on their wives to carry out things outside of their particular interests, relating to other people, managing emotions, I.e. Were hopeless on their own.

So the connection doesn't surprise me at all; that said, they both had lifelong marriages and functional lives. I have high functioning autism generally characterised as Asperger's; it's much less likely to be diagnosed outside of the near "savant" types (which itself is actually a different form of autism often known as "savant syndrome" where there are very marked impacts on daily functioning but exceptional talents in others I.e. Human calculator, photographic memory etc etc). It's a spectrum condition and so there will be a huge part of the population, most likely millions, who struggle with many of the same areas of life.

It's important to remember that autism is not to be characterised as a disease, sometimes it's called a "disorder" but really it is a condition or neurological difference, and it's a part of a larger movement in neurodiversity that includes things like dyslexia, dyscalcula, dyspraxia, ADD/ADHD, OCD, bipolar, borderline personality, depression and many other types of mind that are extremely common in the general population but are suppressed in school and mainstream society as "wrong" in some way. This is simply not true.


My Dad's normal as anything, great at talking to people so we're my grandparents and brothers but I tend to be the odd sheep of the family , I'm the families first epileptic so maybe the first autistic as well, my dad's been bloody fab with all my issues during life though which really helps, strangely my daughter's far more normal than me as well it's weird how stuff seems to pass on or not pass on .

My dad lacks empathy but honestly I think is just more selfish and potentially sociopathic than autistic. I find autistic people to be very energetic (this may be expressed in non-verbal or private ways such as writing or art) and passionate and very much want to give whereas my father never really seemed to want to give anything without a transaction or a qualifier of some kind i.e. what could he get out of the situation or how did it make him feel about it. I suppose an autistic person could slide in that direction but as he has managed to climb the ranks of academia and deceive individuals I think he is too emotionally intelligent in the wrong way (i.e. masterminding and manipulating) to be classically autistic or HFA.

His father however and my grandfather on the other side certainly had some of the traits. So it may skip a generation or three, or it may not occur at all and then randomly mutate, this is literally just nature in action and it's very interesting from the perspective of neuroscience and darwinism why this might happen and what it is useful for as well as not so useful. But really we should be looking deeply to understand each individual, to understand their strengths and weakness and how they can participate, enjoy and contribute to what society has to offer rather than resigning to a particular area or discipline for example art, computer science or factory work, or not work and stay at home reading for life or whatever (I don't think autistics are able to really stop learning or stop seeking information, sensory seeking and a huge thirst for information is definitely a feature of autistics).

Polymathematicism (the ability to be an expert in a multitude of closely or loosely related subjects, or even completely unrelated subjects) is also more common because the autistic brain tends to have a profound capacity for storing lots of information, but not necessarily have the ability to act so much on that information. So autistic people might make good lecturers (like my dad) or teachers or consultants, there is a space in the professional services sector too. For example characters like Leonardo Da Vinci might have been autistic or in the more specific areas, Einstein or I think I have read of Darwin as well (interestingly these are all men, well patriarchy aside autism as a fact occurs more in men). But these individuals were also remote, closed off and struggled greatly either in their interactions with others from time to time, and/or actually executing on their ideas, organising their lives, coming out of their shell and truly exercising their talents. They depended on patronage, tenures, professorships etc. for longer term economic security. This is a really big problem for most autistic people because it is a disorder of social communication that is a requirement to succeed by most measures in our world, although I would encourage it is 100% ok to "just be" as well; I myself really struggle with the constant notion that I must be doing this or that or achieving this or that or I am failing in some way (this is a near constant cause of my depression, my urge to achieve things while not always having the day to day ability to do those things). Some autistics never really find their groove and that is very sad, nonetheless there is a niche for everyone and autistic people are excellent at learning lots of details about a specific area should the want or need arise (or they may have absolutely no interest in anything else except playing cards or trains or maths or video games or music or whatever, it could literally be any one of or multiple special interests).

While everything to do with poisoning or vaccines has no scientific consensus (or even credible evidence) it's a combination of both environmental and genetic factors, besides that it's really poorly understood. The healthiest and most accurate way of looking at it (as accurate as this sort of thing can be) is simply that brains don't all magically develop in some kind of perfect alignment; brains are markedly different, not only in how different areas of the brain are activated or stimulated, but also in how they are connected up. This kind of thing only started to gain scientific credibility with the advent of deeper scans of the brain while functioning (i.e. not just cutting up dead brains) and also psychology in general. This (the brain) is just different in autistic people or any other neurodivergence. The entire nervous system (that is of course your "trunk" of signalling that is connected to the stem of your brain) is also implicated and in some conditions that's involving the biochemical/hormonal regulation in the body too (for example serotonin is a neurotransmitter hormone that aids in the normal distribution of electrical signals from nerves to the brain and back again). So the nervous system is also different in autistic people because these are roots and the leaves that branch out of the brain, so of course it is more than just a "brain developmental disorder".

I learnt from the programme "Good Doctor" (the original Korean version which is better in my opinion) that in Korea autism (or "savant syndrome" in this case, although honestly it is closer to a HFA as depicted) is considered a disorder of the nervous system. I like this idea because it doesn't consider the brain this ridiculous floating entity that is totally apart from the rest of our system. Autism implicates the full nervous system in a rich variety of ways, such as this is the reason hypersensitivity to noise, bright lights, lots of voices talking at once etc is often overstimulating. Of course it is our nervous system and senses that detect these things; the brain is simply processing (or over- or under-processing) them. This can result in a range of talents but also make it difficult to cope in busy environments we have today, and because of that not being the deliberate efforts of any individual but a consequence of industrialised and tightly communal society, it is society's role to help people adapt or cope with this environment as nobody can do that completely alone, just as much as they aren't expected to learn to read and write on their own or to do maths on their own, or even learn to walk on their own, or gooseberry fool in a toilet on their own. If they are excluded and not able (or enabled) to operate as part of this society then their life will suffer as a result, which is a core observation of our equality rights.

It's really good to seek and get a diagnosis if you want one because while it is by no means easy to get help these days, unfortunately, you will probably qualify for benefit and be protected under employment rights and the disability act to get help with certain everyday or professional activities, whether that's charity or direct from the government (e.g. Access to Work) and it also on a more personal level may help you understand yourself better and generally feel more responsible and less confused about feeling different or "just awkward or wrong" in various situations. By knowing you are empowering yourself to act and get the help you may qualify for rather than potentially beating yourself up about it in those situations where you struggle and everyone else seems to find these things a piece of cake.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Qikz » Tue Oct 20, 2020 2:14 pm

I'm so burnt out from work - the smallest little thing is making me very angry and it's making it so hard to work. Thankfully I've finally got a week off next week, but I get the horrible feeling within a day of being back I'll feel like this again. :/

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Wed Oct 21, 2020 4:27 am

Insomnia sucks. My brain has been on fire all day and I keep obsessing and getting pissed off about obsessing over one customer who is not worth it at all.

My sabbatical started Tuesday, I still have one single thing to ship out but I don't want it to take weeks to turn some of these circuits off.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by False » Wed Oct 21, 2020 8:36 pm

lol guess who

Do you ever consider the insignificance of it all, putting a bullet in your head (assuming you had one of course) on the scale of the human experience

One moment and forgotten for all eternity

I keep on rocking for the novelty of unique experience- feeling new things I’ve never felt before, but is that ‘worth’ more than the freedoms of never experiencing again?

I went on a date tonight and really - connected - with someone

But all I feel after is is there really any point at all?

Why does that feel good with her? So I can feel love? Feel sex? Feel what? I dunno I feel like I’ve felt it before.

What is there that’s novel? Different love? Surely that’s just a genetic imperative to breed? I don’t want that. I don’t want a kid to feel this. So why?

No reason.

One bullet. One painful track of a blade across an artery. That’s all it takes, and then elevation away from any experience ever again.

I’ve been trying it all, and whilst there are lots of experiences out there, I remain unconvinced that there are any there weigh up to the freedom from any experience et al.

Well.

Have a good night.

I’ll keep looking until I find that one experience that makes it worth it or I stop experiencing.

Look after yourselves.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Thu Oct 22, 2020 7:54 am

Sorry to hear your struggling dude. I'll just put a poem I wrote when I was 14 dealing with depression and feeling similar then adapted into a song I've never actually forgotten and still play

I know what I'm looking for
I'm trying what's been done before
I'm searching for a perfect moment, person, place
A time where I'm alive

I think I have found that person, but then you have moments with that person, you are always situated in whatever now is, we do pretty much exist to live another day and see what comes of it. There's a lot I'm not even close to at peace with. And so I persist.

If life is that search, surely it is worth living? Most of us exist looking for something in our lives. I know it's always hard to look at what we have, those material possessions, those transient relationships... But perhaps the living part is that these things can change. We often need to initiate that change, or take advantage of it when it occurs. But never is there truly a scenario in which we cannot change anything, to keep looking for peace in our lives.

Yes, I've thought about the futility of a single existence amongst coming close to ten billion. And all the other creatures on this earth. But only an individual can live individually. Only an individual can seek and determine their own unique worth, their own sense of compassion for the things they enjoy. Other people generally simply reflect this.

Second night in a row barely slept at all. Studio closed for 30 days as of Tuesday. Spent £150 on art materials, epoxy resin, gooseberry fool load of clay, an easel. I'vee gone back through my first year of fine art at college (some 15 years ago). Some pretty violent mark making on insignificant objects, like candles being lit by my or someone else's hand. Going to get painting again with all those brushes that sit around untainted, and knifes/blades.

You should try random painting Falsey, it might help you explore some of these things. Take some implement, literally anything, a spoon, a cocktail stick, a knife. Put some paint on it. Destroy the canvas if you want. Tear the paper up. Write words on it. See what happens. This is for you, and only you.

Here's a similar activity I did when I was pretty much going psychotic in halls at art uni. I have never typed this up or shared the text before. So here I will, because it seems relevant. I took a beer carton, ripped it up with my bare hands, taped it to the bottom inside of my door I was sick of staring at because I was agoraphobic and not going to classes, collaged masking tape to it, slashed at it with willow charcoal, grabbed a bulllet point marker and wrote:

STOP ANSWERING YOUR OWN QUESTIONS
[symbol for musical natural]
[symbol for musical flat]
CAN
FIND A SPACE AND KILL IT
[BE] PART OF THE SPACE

I was talking about empty space, it wants to be filled. Find a space and initialise something; anything. This is one way to live.

I'm NEVER up at 8 in the morning but I'm looking at it now, this is my unique response to you.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by aayl1 » Thu Oct 22, 2020 11:56 am

False wrote:Do you ever consider the insignificance of it all


Oh all the time dude. I've tried to turn this into a comforting thought though - that nothing I do matters, stop holding myself to a standard that barely anyone is going to meet and try to make the most of it. Very sorry to hear you're having a tough time of "making the most of it"

I think GG had some great advice for you from someone that's been there. I've never felt as bad as you do now so I'm going to spoiler my next bit as it's just random musings from my dabble feeling low. Please don't read it if you just want to be heard right now - know that I hear you and am genuinely wishing you the best. x

You probably don't want to hear this but I can guarantee you you won't find the one experience that makes it all worthwhile from the external world. It's so strawberry floating tough because that world taunts you with fleeting pleasures - getting high, having a nice date - but these brief glimpses of happiness from "things" (and the reinforcement from practically every aspect of our culture) tricks you into thinking there's going to be that one, permanent experience or thing that will grant you happiness.

It won't. Everything ends. Everything fades away. The trick is to train yourself to stop clinging and remind yourself that everything ends, whether it's good or bad.

Your thought spirals are stopping this from happening, even in retrospect. For example you had a genuinely lovely date. But once it ended you focused on the fact it ended, the fact it reminds you of the futility of everything. That date (or rather the memory of it, and your focus of it) is causing you far more suffering now than it caused pleasure at the time.

Again, I don't really know what I'm on about so could be completely wrong here, but how you go about solving this (if you even do) is going to be very personal to you. Medication is obviously a big help, but you're probably not going to be surprised by me constantly recommending meditating again.

You said you're going to keep trying for new experiences until you find the one or give up. Well try this one for me before the bullet: meditate an hour every day for a month. It's a strawberry floating lot. You don't have time to do it. It's boring and uncomfortable. Just do it anyway.

Also if you fancy it give "The Power of Now" a read. It dips its toe into spiritual mumbo jumbo now and then, but has been a genuinely useful resource for helping me get to grips with the futility and transience of it all.

Understand that practical advice can be very annoying in these moments so please tell me to strawberry float off if needed.


Good luck on your journey Falsey - hit me up whenever you want.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Prototype » Thu Oct 22, 2020 7:15 pm

Qikz wrote:I'm so burnt out from work - the smallest little thing is making me very angry and it's making it so hard to work. Thankfully I've finally got a week off next week, but I get the horrible feeling within a day of being back I'll feel like this again. :/


Organise your holidays so they're booked in well ahead of time.

I found that id work and work and work until I was burnt out and then book them. If I have them organised at the beginning of the year it helps me count down to getting away for a bit.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Lagamorph » Fri Oct 23, 2020 5:32 pm

My Depression and Anxiety has been officially reclassified as Non-Clinical and I have been discharged from therapy :toot:

I'm still on Sertraline for the foreseeable future, but from what I understand it's normal to be on it for around 6 months even after you feel back to normal.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by jawa » Sat Oct 24, 2020 2:34 pm

Lagamorph wrote:My Depression and Anxiety has been officially reclassified as Non-Clinical and I have been discharged from therapy :toot: ...

Congratulations, Laga! I hope that you continue to feel better each day as you complete the supporting medicines over the next few months :-) .

- - - - - - - - - -

I never really click "suggested links" on the internet but Google just popped one up about "de-stressing from the news". This one struck a bell with me as I personally am trying to reduce my attention to the news; not ignoring it but limiting it. It feels like news media companies can often be focused on promoting bad news as that's what people click on! Anyway, the link provided some ideas that may help folk manage their personal approach to de-stressing so here it is.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by gaminglegend » Tue Oct 27, 2020 12:58 pm

I don’t really know where else to post this and if it was just a long month/day but..

The owner of the company I manage text me the other day just saying he didn’t know if he’d said anything before but .. then proceeded to praise me for my work over the past few months and how it’s been putting him back into motivation mode for it which he’d lost.

I read it, tried to explain it to my partner and burst into tears. :slol:

I don’t know why, then I tried to show it to someone else and did the same. I’m not really emotive as person and not sure if I’m just not used to getting positive feedback :fp:

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Green Gecko » Tue Oct 27, 2020 1:03 pm

Sounds like someone got a pep talk for appreciating the things they do have in life; the people that support them, etc. I think we all ocassionally have these epiphanies, even if we're depressed a lot of the time. It's certainly nice to be on the receiving end of that.

Good for you mate :)

Not quite related but I had to push back regarding a friend who pretty much constantly hassles me for help fixing computer etc unaware of my own struggles and got the tone changed, now I have psychological space to respond in my own time and arrange time to help others. It's very easy to put yourself forward and volunteer to help someone who isn't really capable of upholding that help or learning from it, so come to you again and again to solve their problems. Can become a real negative sum after a while as they simply forget what you're doing for them.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Lagamorph » Thu Nov 05, 2020 9:48 am

These last few days I've finally started to feel actually normal again, certainly the closest to it I've felt in months.

Just want to say a big thank you to everyone here. All the advice and comments were massively appreciated and really did help me to get to this point.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Drumstick » Thu Nov 05, 2020 9:51 am

Lagamorph wrote:These last few days I've finally started to feel actually normal again, certainly the closest to it I've felt in months.

Just want to say a big thank you to everyone here. All the advice and comments were massively appreciated and really did help me to get to this point.

Nice one, glad to hear it.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by jawa » Thu Nov 05, 2020 10:02 am

Lagamorph wrote:These last few days I've finally started to feel actually normal again, certainly the closest to it I've felt in months...

This is great, Laga. When you're in the midst of a downturn it can be hard to see a way forward but it's lovely when you do feel in yourself that a situation has really improved :-).

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by LewisD » Thu Nov 05, 2020 11:43 am

I reached out to Falsey last night.
His last post in here was pretty scary and he hadn't been online since.

He replied this morning, he's ok!
Just taking some time away from 'cade.

We love you J-Bomb if you see his :wub: :wub:

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by jawa » Thu Nov 05, 2020 12:53 pm

LewisD wrote:I reached out to Falsey last night.
His last post in here was pretty scary and he hadn't been online since.

He replied this morning, he's ok! ...

Nice stuff, Lewis. I hadn't seen False's post but I just read it and I'm glad he's doing, at least, alright. False popped into one of my Souls streams maybe a week ago and I was surprised and pleased; I don't know the guy that well and it was kind of him to pop by. So thanks, False!

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Corazon de Leon » Thu Nov 05, 2020 1:10 pm

Good on you Lew. He pops in on streams from time to time, and I know a couple of other members are in regular contact with him. False is a good dude and hopefully he'll get through his current issues but it's a tough road. We're all here to listen and help where we can.

Been getting more regular anxiety attacks myself over the past few weeks, and had quite a bad one this morning. Really missing social interaction at this point*, I've barely even been able to see the dog for the last wee while because he's hurt his paw and I can't go into my brother's flat, but he can't come outside for any length of time in the crappy weather we've had. Streaming and watching others' stuff actually helps in a weird way, but it's no substitution really. I can't imagine how tough living alone must be.

*I get anxious when I can't be social, but then I get anxious when I have to be social. Brain just doesn't work properly. :lol:

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Vermilion » Fri Nov 06, 2020 9:57 am

Been struggling to sleep lately, keep waking up with my mind racing and replaying things and possible scenarios over and over, it's left me drained and exhausted, i know for a fact that everything at the moment is getting on top of me, and i've not been coping very well.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Tsunade » Fri Nov 06, 2020 10:36 am

Vermilion wrote:Been struggling to sleep lately, keep waking up with my mind racing and replaying things and possible scenarios over and over, it's left me drained and exhausted, i know for a fact that everything at the moment is getting on top of me, and i've not been coping very well.


You can't be sure if those scenarios youre thinking of will happen or not, and it's probably best not to dwell on them, but it might be a good call to give your doctor a ring to see if they can get you to talk to a counsellor or something along those sort of lines to get all of this off your chest and see if that helps you.

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PostRe: Depression, Anxiety, or other Mental Health Conditions
by Vermilion » Tue Nov 10, 2020 7:52 am

My mental health has pretty much completely collapsed over the weekend, i'm trying to sort out a counsellor but it's a work in progress.

Because of everything, you probably won't see me posting much here for a bit.


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